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Ahhh... love. It's what we all seek. Even those who already
have it are continually seeking ways to keep it. But what is love, really?
How can we know that what we're feeling is not infatuation? What's the
difference?
If you are currently in a relationship or if you hope
to be in one, this is a very important question. Distinguishing this
difference can be very challenging since we can't see love, we can't
weigh or measure it to see how great or small it is. And if you are
highly psychic, making the distinction can be even more challenging
because you may naturally feel as though you 'know' the person. But
if we want to have a happy, healthy relationships, we need to identify
our feelings accurately.
Infatuation is like a drug, or a form of madness. You
are taken over by a whirlwind, you are consumed by thoughts of the other
person and nothing else matters. Your life suddenly revolves around
this person and you want to spend every waking moment with him or her.
You are in a dream, dizzy with bliss. True love, on the other hand,
is more a sense of friendship and respect.
The surest way to distinguish love from infatuation is to give your
relationship the test of time. But while you are waiting for time to
tell, there are things you can watch for. |
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- Can you be open and honest with your partner without
fear of rejection? Are you able to be yourself? Or do you hide your
weaknesses and try only to show your strengths? When you truly love
another, you don’t concern yourself with impressing your beloved.
Rather, you are more interested in serving your lover and you know
that is easier to do when you are honest.
- Can you accept the ways in which your partner is different
from you? Infatuation is self-centered, thinking primarily of how
the other person makes you feel. With infatuation, you see the other
person through ‘rose-colored glasses’. But real love is
rooted in reality and acknowledges the imperfections of another without
judgment. It has a deep respect for the other's individuality. When
you truly love another, you want to know what makes that person tick,
why they do what they do, why they think what they think. With love,
faults and weaknesses of the other person are recognized and accepted.
- Are you able and willing to discuss your differences
with your partner? If you are your own person with your own thoughts,
you will experience differences. Can you communicate about your disagreements
lovingly? Can you ‘fight fair?’ Love can step out of its
comfort zone in order to address the differences in a relationship
without harming it. Some of us have been taught that if you love someone
you'll never disagree, never be angry or argue. Real love encompasses
all the emotions. The opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference.
And it's possible to be angry with, and even hate someone that you
love. A healthy love relationship will allow you to express anger.
- Do you care about the other person’s, dreams
goals and plans? Do you desire his or her success? To love is to be
actively involved with a person's spiritual purpose. It is the choice
to give support, nurturing and encouragement to your beloved's spiritual
growth and attainment. Real love seeks what is best for others and
makes us want to encourage them to grow. It considers the other person's
happiness and well-being. With true love, your partner's well-being
is just as important to you as your own and you take actions to nurture
that sense of well-being.
- Can you see yourself going through the mundane motions
of life and growing old with your partner? Infatuation is attraction,
admiration, adoration... and is mainly based on physical, or chemical
connection, while real love is based on spiritual connection; a common
spiritual understanding and shared purpose. It wouldn’t matter
if your lover lost a leg, gained 300 lbs. or got burned in a fire.
With true love, you are attracted to much more than just the physical.
You are attracted to the soul of the person. You want to see into
your beloved’s heart as much as you want to touch him or her
physically.
- Do you feel good about yourself without your partner’s
validation? Infatuation depends on others for validation. When you
truly love someone, you have a genuine sense of security, confidence,
self-reliance and self-respect. Life is complete with or without your
beloved. You’re aware that you and your partner have different
gifts. You approve of yourself just as much as you approve of your
partner. You take responsibility for your own life and you allow your
partner to take responsibility for his or her own life. You can feel
complete without your partner.
- Are you able to give as well as receive? True love
makes giving of yourself to the other person as easy and as fulfilling
as getting something back. The relationship is much more than what
you are getting out of it. The give and take are shared. Infatuation
is want, need, but real love is abundant and fulfilling. When we are
fulfilled, we find it easy to give. We can give even as we are receiving,
by utilizing what the other has to offer for our own spiritual growth.
This is a most powerful form of giving for it gives meaning to the
other person’s gifts.
- Do you have a life of your own? With real love, you
don’t live for the other person completely. You still have your
own direction in life. You’re not afraid to ‘take your
space’ or to give some to your partner. You allow enough space
to let the winds of heaven dance between you. Other relationships,
activities and interests continue to be important to you. You see
the goodness in all people, not just your partner. Time and space
can’t separate you. It’s impossible to feel unfulfilled
when you are truly in love because you can always feel your beloved’s
presence, therein lies the fulfilment.
- How would you feel if your love was unrequited? Could
you love the other person enough to respect his or her choices, even
if those choices exclude you? Real love needs nothing in order to
live. It is not dependent on being loved in return. With true love,
you are more focused on the ‘now moments’ of the relationship
than on the future or outcome of it. Whether or not your love is returned
is of no consequence when you truly love another. You may feel sad
if your beloved doesn’t love you back, it won’t stop you
from loving.
- Does your love endure? If love is true, the relationship
will remain strong under the strains of life. The relationship is
more than just joy and happiness. You can cry together, suffer together
and even be angry together. But whatever your experience, the love
will always remain. It is eternal. Infatuation is temporary while
true love is eternal. Infatuation will either develop into true love
or it will die.
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