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In our many efforts to understand and experience True Love, it seems our culture has found itself in the midst of a co-dependency scare. We've traded in our butterfly stomachs, rose-colored glasses, and stardust in favour of Co-Dependents Anonymous, self-esteem books and workshops to help us re-build our boundaries. We want 'the real thing' so much, poor old infatuation has gotten a bad rap. It's not surprising that so many relationships end painfully before they've ever had the opportunity to mature. Many people have become so afraid of being co-dependent that they no longer trust signs of infatuation as being positive signs. The slightest hint of need or attachment in a relationship now sends many people running in fear. All too often, a person will awaken from infatuation and decide that since 'that special feeling' didn't last, it was 'only' infatuation. Then disappointed, they walk away from something that could have been wonderful. But there is no such thing as 'only' infatuation. |
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This is a very important issue because romantic relationships were originally meant to be one of the greatest spiritual opportunities in life. And it's not fair to our true Selves if we shut out such opportunities just because of a misunderstanding. The misunderstanding goes something like this: 'You have to be a spiritual master to experience real, true love. If you are wise, you will give up the 'fairy-tale fantasy', because you know the difference between loving and being 'in love'. And if you are spiritually mature, or enlightened, you won't become infatuated, because you see through the illusions of this life.' The fact is, there are all kinds of illusions in our lives and just because they are illusions does not mean they are without value. If you think about it, it could be said that this whole world is an illusion, because it is true that when we die, we really do wake up. |
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The word 'illusion' has so many negative connotations in our world. Yet, illusion is not our enemy. Like most of life, it is here to serve us if we will embrace it with love. Illusion serves us on the physical plane by giving us a canvas on which to paint our creations. Stardust, the stuff of poets and painters, that romantic, twitter-pated feeling we get when we are infatuated, may be an illusion, but that doesn't necessarily mean it is a counterfeit love. Think of a painting you have seen depicting something beautiful; a person, a lake, a tree. Now, everyone knows the painting is not the real thing. But just because a painting is not the real thing, does that mean painting is meaningless and should be avoided? Of course not. And we don't have to throw out our stardust, either. |
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True love does not require that we abandon the wonder and romance of infatuation. Infatuation has a purpose. It is a very important stage of an intimate love relationship, a cornerstone in the foundation. When real love is present, it doesn't mean infatuation can no longer be present, only that it has become a smaller part of something that has grown much larger. If we want fulfilment in love, we need to allow ourselves open up and let a little stardust in. We tend to fear what we don't understand. And since most people are not really striving to attain infatuation, some fear of it is going to be natural. But for most people, fear is the thing that stands in the way of real love growing and flourishing. |
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So let’s take a look at what infatuation really is. Simply put, it is the act of looking up at someone in childlike admiration. The act of putting aside the other person’s flaws in such a way that you can only see the good in them. The dictionary says the word infatuation means: 1: to cause to be foolish: deprive of sound judgment. 2: to inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration. What could be the good of such a thing? Why would any decent relationship begin with foolishness, or loss of sound judgment? |
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First, let’s not forget that in the Tarot, the Fool is known as the blessed one. The Fool is the first card in the deck, the one who walks the Tarot Path, or the path to enlightenment. The Fool is the one who, with his face to the sky and arms open wide, takes the great, faithful leap into the void of the unknown. Likewise, the so-called foolishness of infatuation is the first step toward one of life’s most powerfully enlightening experiences; that of love. There’s more to infatuation than being a fool, though. We could think of it this way; infatuation is to a love relationship what a seed is to a garden. Love is like the flower that blooms after the seed has come into its fullness. You can hold that seed in your hand and admire it (which will not give it life), or you can take loving action to bring it into life. You can plant the seed in rich soil where the sun can shine on it, nurture it with water it when there is no rain, protect it by covering it when there is frost and harvest it when it bears fruit. This is how real love is cultivated from the seed of infatuation. |
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The seed of infatuation; stardust, is obviously not a whole relationship, but it can definitely be a starting point; a foundation, or a stepping stone toward love. It's that needed magic ingredient that draws two people together in the first place. In the process of that growth, there are learning experiences that truly would make most people run the other way if they knew what was ahead. Infatuation serves to keep two people together long enough to learn those most critical, first lessons. It gives us a glimmer of hope, inspires within us the courage to step out of our comfort zones, to take a risk and leap off that precipice into the unknown. It gives us an optimistic view of our love interest, encouraging us to let our walls down and open to trust, so that love can have an opportunity to grow. |
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When the thrill of infatuation begins to fade into the background of the larger, more mature love, infatuation's memories can carry us through the rough times, reminding us of the joy and wonder that drew us to our beloved. Remember, it's okay to relax, open up and be willing to go with the flow. In the long run, it is the reason, or the motive behind the relationship that is what's most important. When you focus on integrity in your personal intentions, you will be most happy, no matter what stage your relationship is in. |
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You have permission to reprint what you just read. Use it in your e-zine, at your website or in your newsletter. The only requirement is that you include this footer... Article by Avalon De Witt. Visit http://www.askavalon.com/ for more original content like this. Reprint permission granted with this footer included. |
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