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| By El Collie. |
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| “At times I feel like a living experiment, an alchemist’s vessel in which a marvellous, although sometimes painful, mystery is unfolding.” Richard Moss, The I That Is We | |||
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A series of synchronicities led me to Kundalini literature. I'd serendipitously flipped open one of my astrology books and opened to a passage stating that outer planet transits could release Kundalini. A few Kundalini manifestations were described, all of which mirrored my symptoms. I began rifling through our home library in search of any additional Kundalini information I could find and I asked Carl to keep an eye peeled for Kundalini titles at bookstores. Shortly thereafter, he came upon Lee Sannella's The Kundalini Experience and Bonnie Greenwell's then newly published Energies of Transformation; two of the most comprehensive Western texts yet written on the subject. I devoured both books like a pauper at a banquet. They were describing in detail exactly what I was experiencing. By the time I was ready to believe that my Kundalini had risen, I spotted an ad for a spiritual emergence support group in a local alternative newspaper. This same ad ran for four consecutive weeks. I had never before and have not since seen one like it in that or any other publication. When I called the listed number, the therapist who was facilitating the group told me that she was also involved in a spontaneous Kundalini process, but her experiences had been less drastic than mine. She put me in touch with the one other person she knew who was undergoing Kundalini awakening, and it turned out to be someone whose Kundalini symptoms were remarkably similar to mine at the time. The therapist also gave me the new phone number for the Spiritual Emergence Network. I had tried to call SEN previously, but they had changed location and I had been unable to reach them. The therapist had acquired their new number just days before I contacted her. |
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My awakening process has been what the late Swami Muktananda would have called "dynamic". In six months time, I'd been hurled from the grief and terror of thinking my life was unravelling through some devastating illness to being thrown into the equally stunning realization that I was experiencing a monumental spiritual process. My mind ricocheted from fear to relief; from hopelessness to amazement. Although I had been sensitive all my life, this was psychically expanding me by quantum leaps. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I was being pushed to the limit on a continual basis. For all its intensity, I knew a Kundalini awakening was considered a great gift which ultimately led to a profoundly enriched level of awareness. I spent most of my days in prayer, meditation and deference to this new central power in my life. To a friend, I wrote, "My mind is overwhelmed. My body is sometimes in pain, but it seems to be getting stronger and more able to be a vehicle for this incredible surging energy. My heart is so full." |
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It's easier to describe the physical symptoms than the complex mental, emotional and spiritual permutations of the awakening process. So much has happened within me, such upheaval, struggle, pain, beauty, soul-searching, and regeneration. Where this will eventually take me, I have no idea. Each day has become more mysterious to me as this unfolds. Even when nothing particularly spectacular or extraordinary occurs, I feel more wonder and faith than ever before. Kundalini certainly has not been lenient or gentle with me, but when the pain lessens, I find myself willing to go deeper, to search further, and to do more of whatever is required of me to complete this metamorphosis. There is a myth that those who greet Kundalini or life in general with open arms and a glad heart do not suffer serious pain or difficulties. Do not believe it. When I understood Kundalini had risen in me, I could not have been more awed if I had opened my door to find the streets filled with angels announcing the Second Coming. Although I have in many ways had my world turned inside out by this ferocious goddess, I am grateful that Kundalini has come alive in me. During the peak of my Kundalini experiences, a thought rang out in my mind; 'We have underestimated ourselves so terribly'. The wonders of this process have renewed my faith that the universe is far more magical and amazing than we have dared to imagine... and we are unimaginably magical and amazing too. |
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