Journey's End?


	The day that I returned to the business was an easy day with everything going smoothly and easily. However, later in the day I received a very difficult telephone call. I was told what a bad person I was and that I was selfish. I was told that I used people, and that I hurt people. I was told that I did not care about anybody or anything other than myself, and that I was cold and uncaring. The comments were made by a person whom I cared about. I wondered what was going on, I wondered what the experience was about, and I wondered why the experience had occurred. God said, "The experience is not about you." I wondered what I should do. How could I stand by and allow people whom I cared about to hurt? How could I take the hurt away? I could not take the hurt away, and I knew that I could not take the hurt away, but I still wanted to take the hurt away. I wanted to explain the reality of our existence, but I could not explain the reality of our existence. I had attempted to explain the reality of our existence on a number of occasions, but if somebody was not ready to understand the reality of our existence, they could not understand the reality of our existence. God said, "Do nothing, the experience is not about you." I sat quietly and listened, there was nothing else that I could do.

	All that afternoon I'd had a headache, which combined with sudden tiredness had driven me to return home. My headache which had not been helped by the abusive phone call, persisted even after a short sleep only to disappear as soon as Katerina rang me. I reflected that I seldom had a headache when I was with Katerina. That day I had also forgotten Nancy's birthday, and I did not know why. I wondered how I could have forgotten Nancy's birthday. Once again God said, "The experience is not about you." I cannot say that I was delighted with God's explanation, but it was the explanation that I was given nevertheless. I was told to tell Nancy that 'she knew why I had forgotten her birthday, and that she needed to look within for the answer'. I knew that the guidance which I was given for Nancy was correct, but the guidance which I was given for Nancy sounded pretty lame to me. During my final review I saw that the need to forget Nancy's birthday, was why I had developed such a severe headache. I reflected on the day's events. I cannot say that I was overly happy with the two events which were 'not about me'. I knew that God's explanation was correct, but I did not want to be used to assist others to endure negative experiences. Seeing people hurting was something which I particularly did not like. God said, "You have assisted those souls to experience what they needed to experience."

	I cannot say that God's explanation made me enjoy what had occurred, nor did I feel very good about what had transpired. "What better birthday present could you give someone than to assist them to receive an opportunity to break a circle, which they have been repeating for such a long time?" I continued to question all that had occurred that evening, and I continued to struggle with the concept of seeing people hurt, and doing nothing. "There is nothing that you can do. Others must do for themselves. You know the truth. Do not allow your compassion get in the way of doing what is in another's best interest. Taking another's pain away would not help them. It is the desire to take another's pain away, even through compassion which is selfish." I knew that what God had said was right, and I knew that all that had occurred was that an illusion had been created to allow appropriate and necessary learning environments to be created, but this truth sounded cold to me. On reflection, I could see that my response, and the response of most to view this truth as cold was a product of the mirror effect of the earth plane. We view reality in reverse. I again found myself wondering about all that I had experienced, and all that I had learned. I wondered if my experiences were nothing more than an illusion to justify the acts of a selfish man. God said, "If you were selfish, you would not care."

	I knew that God was right, but I wondered how watching others hurt could be the way of a master. Surely I should be able to remove other people's hurt by just a look or a word. Surely I should at least be able to remember a birthday. "You are becoming caught up in the myth surrounding those known as masters. Your example is to dispel the myth of a master." I again knew that God was right, which did not stop me from continuing to question. "Your friend's birthday was removed from your mind to allow you to assist her in what she needed to experience, which was also convenient in respect of your example." I thought, 'of course'. I wondered if my journey was ever going to be over, if my story would ever end. At times I had more to balance in my life than I could cope with.



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	There was an occasional moment when I wondered if I was not simply insane after all. God said, "Do not worry. You will allow yourself to be who you are, when it is time to be who you are." Some said that what I explained to them was only philosophy and did not apply in real life, but I knew that my philosophy did apply to life, because I applied my philosophy to my life. Nevertheless, it was almost impossible to explain what had been described as 'my philosophy' to those who were not ready to understand. Katerina's role during this time together was very clear. Katerina was testing my ability to flow and apply my awareness, which was very necessary for me, and a part of my preparation. I needed to understand the futility of attempting to explain to those who were not ready to understand within a controlled environment, which I could not attain anywhere else at that time. In effect, Katerina had not become aware to allow me this opportunity to experience. However, Katerina's awareness was such that when Katerina recognised the key which I had given her, Katerina's awareness would come flooding back to her. As I reflected all that had transpired since I had arrived in Russia, it was apparent that much of my experience had been contrived to demonstrate specific points. There was far more substance to these few simple observations than I realised at that time. However, there would come a time when the reality of my observations was clearly demonstrated to me.

	As I sat quietly meditating in our hotel room in Moscow, I was surprised to remember a time, when I was around 12 years old, that I had created a Russian version of my name. I had used this Russian variant to refer to myself for several months. I had no idea of why I had used a Russian variant to refer to myself as a boy, and I had forgotten about the experience, until Katerina had used the very same variant for my name, which triggered the memory. The day before I was to leave Russia, I was walking through the metro system in Moscow with Katerina when God said, "Your journey is finished." I questioned God's statement. "Your journey is finished, but you do not know that your journey is finished yet." Later that day, I was sitting quietly in our hotel room meditating and reflecting on Katerina. God said, "You are correct. You know everything about Katerina, your spirit is one. "Katerina is afraid, and Katerina punishes herself. Katerina does not believe in herself, and Katerina is afraid to believe in you. In time Katerina will change, and you will be together. Everything you see for your future together is correct."

	I left Moscow and began my journey home to complete my work, and await Katerina's arrival in several months. I cannot say that I was happy with the prospect of our separation. I missed Katerina. Katerina was my fun and my joy. In many ways Katerina was a frightened child trying to make sense of an adult world which she did not understand, but was trying hard to convince herself she did. Our spirits were reconnecting a little more each day. I knew that Katerina was aware that something was happening, but Katerina did not know what was happening. Sometimes Katerina would pull me towards her, only to push me away, afraid of something which she did not quite understand, and could not identify. My soulmate was my wife, and when it was time we would be together. For now, my journey appeared to be finished. I had returned to the higher plane and married Katerina. Despite this, I remained attached to the earth plane, and I knew that although the story of my return to the higher plane was almost finished, my lifetime was not yet complete. However, I did not understand what 'completing this lifetime' meant. I would rest and await the time when my teaching would begin. What I did not know was that God had much more planned for me to experience. The words of God echoed in my head. "It is time to accept your destiny, and not to allow your destiny to frighten you."

	God said, "You will have no more problems as long as you allow everything to be. Flow with whatever happens. You know that you must allow everything to be, and you must flow with life. You must allow everything to be with and for yourself, at all times. Allow everything to be and your problems will cease entirely. You will now allow everything to be. It is time to allow everything to be." My hands now tingled with my contact with the very fabric of our existence, all of the time. I also felt Katerina with me at all times. Katerina and I were now rejoined on the spirit level, as well as the higher level. I had much that I wanted to do, and I wanted to do everything at once. God said, "Brian, relax. Allow everything to happen. There is no hurry." Katerina's spirit continued to be with me and I was never alone. However, from the perspective of the lower plane I did miss Katerina greatly. As the events in my life continued to unfold, I was able to review each event and I was able to see that I had often known that certain events were going to transpire, sometimes years prior to the actual event.

	On my return home, I saw a picture of a house in Queensland that was identical to the house that I had been taken to, and which would certainly explain the discrepancies about where I would live. However, I knew that discovering the house in Queensland, could be to remind me to be flexible. As I looked at the inside of the house, I was taken aback. The house was, in almost every respect, the very house which I had seen in my mind, many times. In fact, I had partially described the house to Katerina a week earlier. The house was situated on the water's edge as I knew that the house would be, but even allowing for my visions of the future, I had experienced far too much to see the house as more than an interesting possibility. In some respects, I continued to attempt to direct events instead of allowing events to occur. I felt that to allow everything to occur at all times, was the final experience of my journey. In fact, to allow everything to occur at all times was to be the final experience of my journey, but I did not understand my own knowledge at this point in time. God said, "Do not have concern, you will have all that you need." I wondered about God's comment, because I had been told that my journey was complete. "Your journey is complete. Experience allowing everything to be, whilst you complete the review." I thought I understood what God meant by the time of the review, but I did not know that I would continue to relive and review events over and over again, each time seeing more depth and clarity.



	Journey's End?
	The day after my wedding, Natasha mentioned that whenever she saw me or even read my letters she felt lifted as if energy transferred itself from me to her. What really surprised me about Natasha's observation was that I said nothing of my journey to Natasha. I had not mentioned the concepts of energy or drawing strength from the fabric of existence. I had said nothing. That day, Katerina's spirit came to me once again and said, "Do not worry, I am in control." Whenever I flowed with events and allowed life to occur around me, I had no difficulties. I needed to accept whatever happened, and I needed to allow everything to be, which is the only secret to a happy and joyful existence. In the days following my marriage, I found it amazing that Katerina was repeatedly used to demonstrate one point or another to me. Now that Katerina and I were relaxed and without the pressures of our marriage ceremony to contend with, life was 'heaven on earth'. Katerina allowed her spirit to surface. The kind, tender, loving and fun person which I knew was beneath Katerina's façade came to the surface. Katerina's façade was still apparent, but I knew that in time Katerina would discover her true self, and Katerina would allow herself to become her true self. I sat quietly meditating in a hotel room outside Moscow, soaking in the beauty of the surrounding countryside.

	I reflected that if I had met Katerina under different circumstances, I would not have picked Katerina as my soulmate. Despite this, and despite our difficulties I knew exactly who and what Katerina was. I still had difficulty understanding Katerina at times. Katerina's actions were mostly based on her spirit, but Katerina's words were often fuelled by her insecurities. When we allowed ourselves to be, life was full of joy, when we did not allow everything to be, we struggled to communicate. Nevertheless, Katerina continued to amaze me with the depth of her spiritual awareness, especially as Katerina was totally unaware of her awareness. For the first time since I had come to Russia, I found that I could not sleep. I sat quietly in the early hours of the morning, looking at the city lights. I reflected that even at this point on my journey there was always something to keep me grounded. Something which reminded me of my humanity, and the problems which were faced everyday by all people. I could see a time in the future when I allowed myself to be who I am, but at this point in time I continued to find ways to keep myself grounded.