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Connecting with the Higher Plane
Book Five Understanding Who I Am

A Promise Of Salvation

  I stared at the title of the new chapter in my notebook in front of me.

God said, "Have faith that God will provide."

I responded, "Yes, but God is my higher self."


"Are you saying that my God-self, or my higher self will provide for my lower self?"

"Yes, your God-self always provides exactly the environment which your lower self needs. It is the same for all, regardless of the environment which each is experiencing."

I again began to wonder if I had simply invented everything, including the convenient explanations. However, if I had invented all that I had experienced, I could not explain how people like Sue had known exactly what I had invented.

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"Consider what is happening around you, and still you do not blame me. Surely you truly are a master."

"Whatever. I find it amazing that I have nothing left and that I have withdrawn to seek an answer to my current problem, but I do not worry about what will occur."

"Not worrying is the way of a master. Worrying would achieve nothing."

"What is the will of God?"

"The will of God is the will of your higher self. Following your instinct will lead you to what you need to experience. To experience what is needed, is the will of God."

I hoped that I would not be required to lose everything, but I knew that if I did lose everything, I would continue my writing, which was my teaching. I knew that whatever it was that I needed to experience I would experience, but my experiences no matter how unpleasant would not change the reality of our existence.

"Consider your current environment. You do not worry, you do not despair. You accept and flow. Surely your path is now easier than your path was, when you did not flow?"

I did know that I had created my own environment, and that I had created my environment to experience. Maybe I needed to experience, to feel that I had nothing left. Maybe I needed to experience giving everything that I had within me to complete my journey, and experience that even when I had nothing left, I did not give up.

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I reflected on my feelings at this time. I realised that I was curious as to how events would run their course. As I sat quietly reviewing my books that morning, an angel descended and stood on the other side of my table. She had long black hair and stunning blue eyes. Her name was Sue-Ellen.

Sue-Ellen looked at me and said, "Master, do not worry, do not be concerned."

I asked, "Why are you here?"

Sue-Ellen replied, "I am with you to provide support."

It was a beautiful day. I reflected that the beauty of the world continued to increase as more and more of the light shined from within me.

I did not dwell on my problems. A solution to my problems presented itself. The solution was temporary and in many ways impractical, but the solution was a solution.

Every time that I had entered the spirit plane, during the previous two days I had been inundated with images. I had seen an alternative solution come into being, but I knew from experience that solutions encountered on the spirit plane, did not necessarily mean anything.

As I went about my business that day, I was accompanied by Sue-Ellen and by Katerina's spirit. Sue-Ellen was the angel whom Sue had told me was watching over Katerina.

God said, "Your problems will be solved suddenly and quickly."

However, I had been told this before and I knew better than to cling to God's words. I could and I would flow with events, and I would accept whatever was to occur.

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That morning, Anne rang and delivered a message for me from an old source which had been extremely reliable in the past. The most significant aspect of this event, was that it had been several months since Anne had delivered a message from this particular source.

Later that day I was given another unexpected potential solution to solve some of my financial problems. I did not feel that the solution which I was given was to be a part of the solution, or even if the potential solution would eventuate, but the timing of the potential solution was interesting.

Another coincidence during this period was that I was talking with Katerina more frequently than usual. Whenever I spoke with Katerina, I felt my spirit lift and I drew strength from my soulmate.

Unless a solution to my financial difficulties was presented soon, I would not even be able to talk to with Katerina on the telephone. I was not happy that I could not spend time with Katerina, and the prospect of not being able to talk with Katerina either did not fill me with joy.

God said, "Do not worry. I will provide you with all of the resources that you need. Soon you will have your burden, and your need to balance removed. We have one last point to demonstrate, and our example will be complete."

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I did not have a clue what that particular statement meant, but I hoped that God's words meant what I wanted God's words to mean.

"My words mean, what you want my words to mean."

"We will see."

"You will indeed."

When I arrived home that night, there were no developments. I thought; 'What the hell am I going to do?'

God said, "As hell is an illusion, I doubt that you will receive any assistance from hell."

I ignored God's comments.

"May I suggest that you do what I have told you? Do nothing for one week, or from now, six days."

God's advice sounded very nice, but I had been led to experience rather than salvation far too often, to embrace God's words.

"Be patient for a little while longer, and trust me."

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The following morning I became a little concerned that I was holding on to God's vague promise of one week, and that I would again be disappointed at being led to an experience which I did not want.

"Consider all that I have told you would happen, and all that has happened."

I did as I was instructed, but I could also recall many things which had not happened.

"There are two things which I have told you would happen, that have not happened, yet. There have been times when I have led you to an experience that you needed. Mostly your concern is a result of the two things that I have told you will occur, that have not occurred, yet.

"Firstly, let us consider timing. I have led you to believe that timing would be other than timing has been because you needed a 'carrot' to keep you going. I provided the 'carrot' which you needed and in so doing I fulfilled your needs. Your path would have been much easier if you had not needed the 'carrot', but if you had not needed the 'carrot' you would not have experienced what you needed to experience.

"For example; we will consider a third item which has not occurred yet. I told you that Katerina would obtain her visa, and that you would be together. Katerina will obtain her visa, and you will be together. That Katerina did not obtain her visa when you wanted Katerina to obtain her visa, or when I led you to believe that Katerina would obtain her visa, has been necessary for many reasons. Consider your example. How could we demonstrate that when it is time to be with your soulmate all obstacles are overcome, if you had no obstacles to overcome?

"I could give you many more examples of the timing aspect, but we have illustrated our point.

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"Secondly, the other aspect is that the solutions which I have provided have seldom been as you expected, or as I led you to believe that they would be. This was also a necessary aspect of the example which you needed to experience. How do we demonstrate that solutions are not always as one anticipates if you do not also experience that solutions are not always as you anticipated?

"Consider the example of your marriage. I told you that you would go to Russia and marry Katerina and I told you when you would go to Russia and marry Katerina. You did not have the resources to go to Russia to marry Katerina, until you needed the resources to go to Russia to marry Katerina. When the resources were provided, the resources came from sources which you had not expected, and could not conceive. That you received the resources that you needed to go to Russia to marry Katerina was a part of the example, and that the resources were temporary solutions allowed the pressure to mount, until you could not continue, which was also a part of the example.

"Let us consider more aspects of this particular example. You knew that if you were meant to be with Katerina, I would provide the resources that you needed to go to Russia to marry Katerina, which is what occurred.

"Sue told you that I would provide the resources that you needed to go to Russia to marry Katerina and this occurred. The resources that you needed were provided by a combination of three unrelated sources, conveniently demonstrating our point once more.

"Consider each of your trips to Europe which were all a necessary part of your journey for many reasons. Each time that you needed to travel to Europe, the resources that you required to embark on the trips were provided, by a combination of unrelated sources.

"Consider your trip to the island which was very costly and yet your method of payment increased your frequent flyer points, as did your choice of island. The combination of your choice of island and the cost which you questioned at the time, because you could have gone to an island which was less costly, increased your frequent flyer points to the extent that you could use your frequent flyer points to pay for your first trip to Europe. If you recall, you wondered 'why this island'."

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I began to wonder if I should take the opportunity to earn a little additional money which had presented itself the previous day, and relieve some financial pressure.

"No, the opportunity will not eventuate. The opportunity was provided to give you something to think about. It is now time for the permanent solution to your difficulties which you must and will experience. Have I not maintained that the solution to your difficulties will happen 'suddenly and quickly'?"

I could not help but reflect on all of the times when dialogue from God had simply been used to keep me going. I wanted to embrace God's words, but I prevented myself from embracing God's words. I would flow, and I would accept whatever happened.

"Cast your mind back to your trip to Paris, and all that occurred at that time. Did I not tell you to advise creditors and others when they would receive their money, and did they not receive their money exactly when I said. This is no different."

All of the examples which God had presented to me were fact, and all of the examples applied to my current circumstances. I was not concerned about what would occur, nor did I embrace God's promise. I could not see how a permanent solution to my financial difficulties would eventuate, other than in ways that I had incorrectly imagined previously, and I would not embrace my imagination again.

"If I recall you could not see how a solution to your difficulties would eventuate previously, prior to your trip to Paris. In fact, you used that particular environment to experience that even after being pushed to breaking point, you would not give up your journey."

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I reflected that because someone was right did not mean that we wanted to hear what they had to say, even if that someone was God. I had found a literary agent whom I believed would represent me, but I did not have the resources to finalise the contract.

"Do not be concerned. The resources which will be provided will be more than sufficient to finalise the contract in respect of all of your books. The completion of the review of Seeking The Knowledge Within will coincide with the resources that you will receive.

"In addition to the books which you have already written, you will write other books as you know. Most of the books which you will write will be for me, but you will also write the book for yourself which you have foreseen.

"You will assist many others to have their work published, and in their other endeavours as you have foreseen. You know that you are already assisting some to experience what they need to experience, but what you have done is only the tip of the iceberg compared to your role in the future.

"There is not one thing that you need to concern yourself with, your difficult period is all but over, as are the difficulties of those who have assisted you on your journey.

"As I have said on a number of occasions, who would choose to follow your path if they did not see the reward at the end of the journey."

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I wondered about this statement which implied physical rewards. What is physical is an illusion and as such physical rewards are an illusion.

"Let us consider your concerns for a moment. The joy of returning to the higher plane must be experienced. Experiences must be felt, or experiences are not experienced. The only way that experiences can be felt is on the physical plane, which is the reason for the existence of the physical plane. So the joy, or the reward must be experienced on the physical plane.

"You are confusing yourself because of the myth and dogma which have been created on the earth plane. Souls exist on the earth plane and the earth plane seems real by necessity. Are you suggesting that souls must endure hardship on the earth plane to experience joy on the higher plane when they die? Remember that death seems real to those on the earth plane. As I have said before, who would choose to experience difficulties with only the vague promise of some sort of reward after they die? It is true that some will blindly cling to this vague promise, but most have turned away from such dogma.

"Who would follow your path if there was no reward at the end of your path? Can you really see people lining up to experience the difficulties which you have endured, to experience being pushed to breaking point, to experience having all of their inner strength drained from them? Can you imagine any choosing to endure what you have endured, if there was nothing at the end of the journey which made the journey worthwhile? Many consider you crazy for embarking on your journey anyway.

"Your journey has been necessarily difficult because most will choose a difficult journey. The example which we have provided, the example you have endured demonstrates that if a soul does not give up even when their journey is difficult, even when they reach a dead end, even when they stumble and struggle to regain their path because of their load. If a soul falls into a hole or stumbles into a chasm and climbs back out again. If a soul continues their journey regardless of what obstacles they must overcome, they will experience the joy and fulfilment of the higher plane, or if you prefer, their reward.

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"Consider what I have just said, and alter the end of the demonstration so that the soul will receive no reward at the end of the journey. Who would travel the journey? What if we demonstrated that you received a reward which you could not touch, a reward which you could not feel, a reward which you could not experience. What if at the end of your journey you and Katerina simply died and went off to claim your reward on the higher plane?

"Consider someone who reads your work and sees of your difficulties and sees that if they follow your path and endure all of your difficulties they too can die and be happy. Can you see thousands of souls lining up at the foot of the mountain to follow in your steps? You could even turn your story into a religion so only the chosen few are entitled to endure difficulties and despair whilst they are 'alive' so they could 'die' and be happy. Can't you just see them throwing your book down and crying; 'Beauty, where is the line?'

"Those who choose could follow your path, knowing that if they 'get it wrong' they can do it all again in the next lifetime. Imagine lifetime after lifetime of enduring difficulties, of not experiencing joy of any description, so that the soul could die and do it all again. Do you not think that lifetime after lifetime of enduring difficulties sounds appealing? No? Well lifetime after lifetime of enduring difficulties is precisely what many souls do.

"Why are you a little surprised that our dialogue is once more continuing a fast pace. Did Sue not tell you that you were being given a rest? Did I not tell you that our dialogue would recommence after you were rested?"

"We have demonstrated a difficult path, but the path does not need to be difficult."

"You are correct, but for most the path will be difficult. Many are 'stuck' on an experience that is who they are not, which is what makes the journey difficult. However, each can break their circle and move on despite their difficulties, if they choose. We are demonstrating that each has the choice to break their circle.

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"Do not be concerned about losing your home. Losing your home was only temporary, you know this. You knew that Katerina would never live in that home. It is time to move on, and you know that it is time to move on, although you are struggling through lack of resources. The resources will soon be available, and you cannot stall any longer. Much that is to occur, will occur quicker than you think. If you recall, Sue also told you this."

Unexpectedly, I received a flash of memory. The king from my lifetime in the royal house was Katerina's mother in this lifetime. Katerina's grandmother had also been present in that lifetime. Katerina's grandmother was the king's personal body guard. Two more mysteries for me had now been solved. I knew the identity of the king, and I was aware of one incarnation where I 'knew' both Katerina's mother and grandmother from, and why my connection with those two ladies had been both strong and immediate.

It was apparent that the opportunity for the house which I had seen when I returned from Russia was past. I reflected on the house, and that I had seen in my vision of that house previously. I had no doubt that my vision was of the same house.

God said, "Your vision of that house was both convenient and necessary. Another 'carrot'."

I did not like carrots.

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I found myself wondering about Nancy's role in all that I had experienced.

God said, "Your paths have crossed many times during your existence. You have shared many more lifetimes than you remember."

I was sitting on my horse, about to commence my ill fated race in America. I looked into the crowd. A woman was watching me. The woman was my sister. The woman was also Nancy.

I was the young South American Indian again. I looked at my friend, who had been Graeme, as I lay dying. There was a woman, my mother crouched next to him. My mother was also Nancy.

I was in England, I am not sure when. I was working in the fields. It was summer and it was a very hot day. I was crouched in the shadows of a tree. I could feel the sweat running down my face.

A young woman approached. She was a friend, another peasant. It was a lifetime in which I was married to Marie. The woman handed me a roughly made clay goblet and I drank the water. She then lifted my scarf and wiped the sweat from my face. She smiled, turned and walked away without a word. I remained crouched and watched her go. The woman was Nancy.

I felt the weight of my body transfer to my wrists as the cross was raised. I looked into the crowd. A woman caught my eye. Tears of despair were streaming down her face. The woman was Martha/Nancy.

"This is the first time that you have really allowed Nancy to help you. It is through helping you that Nancy will be able to break her circle, and Nancy will be able to experience that Nancy is not, who Nancy is experiencing, that she is."

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Later that day, my wrists began to itch as a result of my memories from my Judas lifetime. My left wrist in particular was red from where my wrists had been bound to the cross. The redness on my wrists only lasted for a short time.

When I returned home that evening, Sue-Ellen and Evelyn were both waiting for me. As usual the two Angels simply watched. In addition to the two angels, my home was so full of spirits that I was nearly overwhelmed.

In fact, there were so many spirits around me that it was difficult for me to ignore the spirits' presence as I usually did, and I had learned to do through necessity. I was not surprised that sleep did not come easily that night. The spirits which were surrounding me did not annoy me, but they certainly did distract me.

I looked at a large man and I asked, "Why are you here?"

He smiled and said, "We have come to witness and share what you are to experience."

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  I sat hunched in a corner of a windowless room. I heard scraping as the door was opened. Two men pulled me to my feet and dragged me from my room. They took me down a hallway and up a short flight of stairs which had been cut from the rock and earth. The stairs were worn with use. I was dragged across a large room and out of a large doorway into the bright sunlight of the day. I closed my eyes tightly, because the sudden brightness hurt my eyes.

I was taken up some more stairs and then dragged to the top of a small hill. I could hear the crowd, but I was unable to open my eyes to look around me because the sunlight was far too bright.

The two men let go of me, and I was dropped to the ground. I felt rather than heard a third man approach. He simply said, "It is time."

The two men picked me up again and forced me to walk a few more metres. I felt my eyes adjusting to the sunlight and I opened them slightly. I looked to my right as I passed a man who seemed to be surrounded by other men. A man moved and I saw my friend. I tried to avert my eyes but his eyes seemed to lock onto mine. He spoke to me. I could only make out some of the words. "…you did what you had to do … I understand … go in peace my friend."

I closed my eyes again. I allowed myself to be taken another three or four metres where I was laid on a roughly made cross. I felt the splinters from the rough wood cut into my back. A man took my left arm and began to tie it to the cross. I did not resist. I deserved my fate. I felt myself being overcome by a great despair. Despair at what I had done and despair at the eternal damnation which I would surely face.

I opened my eyes and stared into the sun. I said, "What have I done? God if you truly are love, forgive me."

God answered me later with the words of forgiveness which my friend uttered, or more accurately mouthed, because I did not really hear him. Unfortunately, I did not understand the truth behind the words of forgiveness.

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  I was on my knees. I felt the tears on my cheeks. I again stared up into the sun. I was screaming. "Great Spirit, why did you forsake me?" My friend approached me and put his hand on my shoulder. I turned to look up at him.

He said, "We will have our revenge my friend, I promise you. Be strong." I stared at him and replied, "No revenge will take away this pain. It is my fault I have offended the Great Spirit."

Sitting Crow responded, "No my friend, we should have protected the village."

I replied, "No, it is revenge against me which is sought."

Sitting Crow said, "What revenge? What are you talking about?"

I was silent for some time. I stood and looked my friend in the eye. I said, "I do not know, but I know that there is something that I have done." I turned and mounted my horse. I rode as fast as I could ride. When I left the village, I did not know that I was heading for the chasm. I only knew that I needed to do something, anything to take my pain away.

As I approached the chasm, I knew what I must do. My horse baulked slightly but I forced him to go on. He was loyal and our bond was strong.

I felt myself falling as we leapt from the cliff but I did not feel my pain when my body landed. My soul had already left my body and I started to float as I looked at the crumpled mess which had once been my body.

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I felt the knife in my back as I looked at Marie's face while the life passed from my body. I looked past Marie at nothing in particular. I heard myself say, "God, when will this end?" I did not know what I meant, my life was ended..

I saw flashes of lifetime after lifetime end. Many violently and each time I heard myself ask for an end to my torture. Strangely, even though I had asked the same question each time that I died, I had not known what I had meant.

God said, "It was you, not me, who would not allow your torture to end. All that you ever needed to do, was to remember why you were torturing yourself, but you refused to release your memories.

"You refused to release your memories, because you believed that you should be punished. You allowed yourself to reincarnate lifetime after lifetime into circumstances where you would allow yourself to be punished. This was your hell. Your hell was self-imposed and once you allowed yourself to remember, you would also remember that you had done nothing to be punished for. You have begged me to remove your punishment, without knowing why you were being punished. Nor did you understand that I could not release you from your self-imposed punishment. Only you could release yourself from your torture, by allowing yourself to remember the truth.".

My wrists itched again. Sitting Crow and Jesus stood in the doorway watching me. I caught their eyes and they smiled..

I finally slept as dawn arrived.

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The following morning I was able to review a little of Seeking The Knowledge Within. I began to wonder if I should have done more to assist others, if I should have reached out to more people.

God said, "Be patient. You will teach many when it is time to teach. You will not need to reach out to people, they will reach out to you."

I began to wonder about some of the personal difficulties, that I was facing.

"Do not worry, your difficulties will soon be removed. What are perceived as difficulties are no longer required, after the 'difficulties' have provided the necessary experience."

As I went about my business, as if my financial and balancing pressures had not overwhelmed me, I thought of the expression; 'Nero fiddled whilst Rome burned'. I could not help but wonder if I was 'fiddling whilst my life burned'.

"Nero experienced what Nero needed to experience, which is not what you need to experience."

I knew one thing for certain. Regardless of what occurred, I would not discontinue either my journey, or my task.

My wrists itched from where my wrists had been bound to the cross.

I began to wonder about the way I had spent some of my money. Particularly that which I had spent on others.

God said, "What is a little money considering that what you buy for other people gives them joy, if only for a short time. Do not be concerned."

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A little later God said, "That is a very powerful fountain that you have put together, the energy that the fountain generates is enormous. You no longer need the candle holder. It has fulfilled it's purpose. You know what to do with the candle holder."

I looked at some damage to my table.

"You can buy a new table."

I thought that I should perhaps start arranging my move of home, even though I did not know where I would be moving to.

"Do nothing until I tell you."

I cannot say that I liked my situation very much or at all, but I seemed to have no choice other than to flow with whatever occurred. I refused to embrace what I was being told, but strangely as time was slowly running out for me, I did not worry.

My wrists periodically continued to itch from where my wrists had been bound to the cross.

I found myself thinking about what may occur, but I could not move passed the fact that there was no time left. I needed to vacate my home within in two weeks, but I was told not to do anything yet. I did not have the funds to do anything, anyway.

I recommenced my review. The first words I read were, 'that is what you are being told'. The parallels between what I was experiencing, and what I was reviewing were astonishing.

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The following morning my wrists periodically continued to itch from where my wrists had been bound to the cross, and I could feel the numbness surrounding the places where my legs had been broken.

I wondered how it was that God would provide for me.

God said, "I do not really 'provide', if I were to 'provide' it would be interference and you know that I cannot interfere. When it is said that 'God will provide', what is really meant is that I will lead you to where you need to be, and assist you to create the environment that you need.

"Consider an example, I knew when you were going to complete your recorded journey and as such I led you to circumstances over many years which culminated in the environment which you needed to complete your task. You have assisted those who were your partners in your business many times over a number of years, and in return they have supported you financially during your period of 'stress'.

"Do you think that helping these particular people was an accident? Do you think that I did not know that you would need their financial support. Do you think that it is an accident that throughout your recorded journey you have been able to do exactly what has been required to maintain your income? The circumstances of all are the same, although the detail is different. Remember your's has been a concentrated journey to allow you to experience all that was necessary, and record your experiences as a part of the example.

"Theoretically, we could have delayed your journey until after the events of this week which would have made your journey very easy. However, if we had delayed your journey you would not have provided the required example. It was essential that your journey be completed from within the 'everyday' environment, and with all the difficulties that are associated with an average 'everyday' environment.

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"The events which you will experience this week will reflect the principles of a 'reward' for completing your journey, but as with most of your journey, the events which you will experience this week, will effectively be concentrated.

"We have well established that if a solution to your difficulties had presented itself during your journey, others would expect such a solution to their difficulties, and therefore the solution to your difficulties, or your salvation could only be presented after your journey was complete, because this is also a part of your example.

"Those who have chosen to follow your journey to this point, will understand that your salvation could only be presented after your journey was complete, and if they do not understand that your salvation could only be presented after your journey was complete, they will have missed the point of your example. If souls miss the point of your example there is nothing that either you, or I can do to assist them, other than suggest that they re-read your example, knowing that they have missed the point of your example previously

Despite God's words I continued to not allow myself to embrace God's alleged solution to my problems which could occur that week. However, I was not concerned about my problems either.

I recalled that I had once wondered if I would ever be able to stop worrying when I had so many things to worry about. At the time, I had not believed that ceasing to worry could be done, but once again my belief was irrelevant. In many ways I had more to worry about now than I'd had to worry about when I did not believe that it was possible not to worry. I now knew that it was possible not to worry, because I was not worried.

God said, "Four more days."

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I reflected on God's statement, it would either be four more days before I received salvation from the pressures which overwhelmed me, or four more days until I experienced that I could absorb even more pressure without breaking. I wanted the outcome in four days to be the former option, because I already knew the answer to the later option. Now that I had sat at the side of my path and rested for a while, I could continue my journey, even with my increased load.

I was given a vision which clearly demonstrated that time was not necessarily relevant in respect of my current environment. I did not necessarily believe that the vision would come to fruition, but I did receive the intended message to keep my mind open as to the options which would, or could develop.

A little later, I realised that I retained my feeling that I would return to the island. I had felt that I would return to the island, almost since the moment that I had left the island, but I had not returned to the island since. However, the feeling that I would return to the island remained with me. I had the feeling that whilst on the island I would write another book. A book which expanded the depth of all that I had learned, which initially surprise me.

I was soon to realise that not only would I write a fifth book expanding the depth of my awareness, but that I had already commenced writing my fifth book; Understanding Who I Am. As I was not on the island, it was apparent that I would not need to travel to the island to write, Understanding Who I Am.

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I knew that how my burden was to be removed was not relevant to anyone other than myself. It was the fact that my burden would be removed at the end of my journey which was the important aspect, in the terms of the example.

As I was completing my final review, I saw that I knew that my burden would not be removed, until I had completed my journey. I had not understood that reliving my journey was a necessary part of completing my journey. I needed to become fully aware of my journey, before I could fully complete my journey. What I did not know at this point, was what completing my journey meant.

Throughout the day, I considered the prospect of writing Understanding Who I Am the fifth book in the Full Circle series. Writing Understanding Who I Am did make sense, however I cannot say that the prospect of writing another book particularly delighted me at that point in time, even if I had commenced writing Understanding Who I Am.

As I further considered the possibility of writing Understanding Who I Am, I realised that much of my concern was that I had very little strength. However, I had noticed, that day in particular, that I was energising myself from all that was around me. I could feel myself drawing on every natural source of energy that I encountered.

As my strength returned, I found the prospect of experiencing the reality of our existence from a position of strength and without the need to balance between two worlds and endure a burden, very exciting indeed.

In fact, I found that I was quite looking forward to the prospect of experiencing the reality of our existence from a position of strength, but first I needed to await my apparent 'salvation'.

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I did not even consider that I would have completed writing Understanding Who I Am before my burden was removed, or that I would write Understanding Who I Am as my world was effectively falling apart around me. I did not know that I would be able to write Understanding Who I Am when most days I was struggling to find enough strength to continue. However, this was precisely what I did.

As I looked over the crowd from my cross, my eyes left Martha/Nancy and settled on a priest who stood towards the front of the crowd watching proceedings. I recognised this priest, it was Graeme.

Katerina and I swam naked in the river near the waterfall which I had recalled standing under once before. We were happy and seemed to laugh all of the time. We left the river and sat together on the river bank to dry ourselves in the sun.

I heard somebody approaching, and I looked around to see who was coming. Neither of us bothered to hide our nakedness. The woman knelt beside us and gave us a basket of berries which she had picked. I knew this woman. Her role in that lifetime was the same as her role in this lifetime. It was Katerina's mother.

I was back on the cross again. Still looking at the crowd. An old roman soldier stood on the edge of the crowd feigning disinterest. His face was heavily lined from the sun and his eyes contained a resigned wisdom which was the product of many years as a soldier. I knew this man as well. It was Katerina's grandmother.

As I sat in the sun that afternoon a bird, a crow, landed in a tree beside me. We watched each other for a little time. As we looked each other in the eye, I ceased to see the crow. I saw the face of a young Native American man. He had been my friend. We had often hunted together. After this moment of recognition I saw the crow once more. The crow winked an eye and flew away.

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I was dying of a disease which I did not know. I was young to be dying from a disease, maybe twenty two, I could not recall and it was unimportant. I lived in a small city in eastern Europe. I was unsure when, but I felt that it was the fifteenth century.

I had been a carpenter. My wife was by my side. I reached out and touched her arm as gently as I could with my callused carpenters hands. I felt the life draining from me. I had been happy in that lifetime and I felt that I was being robbed, I felt that my happiness was being stolen by the death which had firmly grasped me. As I felt the life drain from my body I looked up to see my wife's face one more time. The face I saw was that of Katerina's mother.

It was a cold evening. I sat by the fire and I threw some vegetables into the pot, over the fire which contained the rabbit which I had skinned a little earlier. I was a Gipsy and I seemed to be the head of my little group of wanderers. I seldom did any cooking, but now and again I did cook because I enjoyed cooking. This was one of those occasions. My two daughters ran up to me and sat beside me next to the fire. Their mother had sent them to stay warm. They were very playful and seemed like happy children of around eight or nine. I looked first at one and then the other. The souls which I saw were Marie and Katerina.

My father had been cleaning the rabbit skin, and after stretching it out to dry he came to sit by the fire. He was now an old man, but when I looked into his eyes as he sat watching his grand daughters, I knew that I had seen that mischievous youthful spark in those aging eyes before. It was once more Katerina's grandmother.

I was absolutely fascinated that these memories of previous lifetimes where flooding in, and tying people from this lifetime to me over and over again.

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  I closed my eyes and I saw the faces of people whom I had encountered in this lifetime. I watched with fascination as their faces changed time and time again as I recalled each of them as I had known them in previous lifetimes. As I sorted through those faces from my existence, a man's face caught my eye.

He stood over me. I sat on a roughly made bench. It was four or maybe five hundred years earlier. I had decided to leave home and become a soldier at the lord's castle. He knew that he would seldom see me and he knew that if there were any problems I would enforce the lordship's will over my own village, regardless of the effect it would have on my family. He was desperately trying to convince me to change my mind and work in the fields with him, but I sensed that he knew his efforts were futile. My father was Nancy. I glanced at my two friends who were setting on the ground a discreet distance away. We were going to be soldiers together. I recognised my two friends, one was my business partner and one was Felix, a friend who lived in Melbourne.

I was fascinated by this development with my past life memories. I selected another face which caught my eye.

It was a hot day. It was Egypt, maybe three or four thousand years into the past. I was a young girl, maybe twelve years old. I was walking with my friend who was nearly fifteen. We knew that we would spend very little time together, if any, in the future because she was soon to be mated. We both felt the impending loss of our separation, but neither of us seemed to have the courage to mention it. Instead we held each other's hand and communicated what we were feeling by touch. My friend was Sally.

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I seemed to be able to select any of the faces in my mind, and recall a memory from that particular lifetime.

It is the same lifetime in Egypt. I am walking down that same road two years later alone. My head is bowed and I am dragging my feet. I am desperately unhappy. I can feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. I have just met the man I am to be married to. He has a hardness about him which frightens me, and I know that he is not happy about our union. He considers me unattractive, but he will not oppose his family's wishes. He will mate with me, but he does not have to like it. I recall his face. It is Marie.

I now knew that I had known Marie longer than I had realised. Until this point, she had only appeared in my lifetimes after the Jesus lifetime.

It is the same lifetime. Two years later. I am sitting in the corner, cowering in the corner is probably a better description. I am hoping that the walls will somehow swallow me. I am terrified that he will beat me again.

I am standing on my balcony watching the red sun, which gives my planet life, set. I enjoy the sunsets of my world and will often stand for hours watching them. I feel a light touch on my shoulder and I turn to lightly kiss my wife who stands beside me. I strangely feel that I do not quite belong on this world, but I do feel that I very much belong with my wife. It seems that each time I look at her, I fall in love again. My wife is now my wife, Katerina.

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  I was sure that it was not a coincidence that these memories were being released to me now.

That morning my vision returned, and I allowed the vision to play itself out. I also allowed myself to recognise the vision. It was a vision which I'd had many times in the past, and for many years. I had written the vision off as 'daydreaming' many times in the past. However, as I reflected on my vision, I saw that the vision had been too consistent for a very long period of time, for the vision to be a simple daydream.

It was a vision which came to me without thought, or even desire. As I reflected, I knew that the vision was just 'there' and the vision had been 'there' and consistent more times and for far longer, than I could remember.

There was also an amount of money which I 'knew' that I would receive. Again the specific amount of money, which was an unusual amount of money, had been consistent for more years than I could remember. It was as if I had always known that I would receive the specific amount of money. I had attempted to determine many times and without success, exactly how I would receive the specific amount of money.

I had been loathe to mention my vision of receiving a large sum of money within my writing, until now, and I had put the scenario of receiving a large sum of money down to 'wishful thinking', despite the sureness with which I had felt that I would receive the specific sum of money. In fact, I had mentioned that I would receive the specific sum of money with confidence to Sally, on the first occasion that we had dinner.

Why I had mentioned my vision of receiving a large sum of money in my notes now, I did not know, but I was hopeful that my vision of receiving a large sum of money would become reality, soon. I am human and I did need relief from my financial pressures. However, I was well aware that I had been given visions in the past, which had the sole purpose of leading me in a direction, in which I needed to be led.

My wrists continued to itch periodically.

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  As I reflected on my journey, and as I continued my review, I reflected on how each time that I had mastered the concept of not worrying, the pressures would mount so that I would start to worry again. I began to wonder if I was perhaps meant to worry, after all.

God said, "No, you are not meant to worry. That you worried was convenient in the terms of your example, and that you worried was also convenient to allow you to really feel some of the experiences, that you needed to experience. The concept of worry is a very useful tool in respect of gaining experience, and when one is told not to worry, ceasing to worry is not that simple, as you well know.

"Consider all of the times during your lifetime when you have been told not to worry. Even when you knew that you should not worry, you continued to worry. It is the same with all."

That morning, I had another conversation with Katerina's spirit. I now had conversations with Katerina's spirit on a regular basis, although I had recorded very few of my conversations with Katerina's spirit within my notes. As with much of what I had experienced, after having established the existence of a particular concept as reality, I felt no need to continually mention my experiences with the specific concept. My experiences with each concept became a natural part of my existence.

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God continued, "Ceasing to worry is not as easy as some would have us believe. Consider our example. Each time that you overcame worry, the pressure would mount, until you worried again. Each time that you began to worry again, it would require an ever increasing amount of pressure, to cause you to worry. However, you did continue to worry as the pressure mounted, despite all that you had experienced.

"As I have said, overcoming worry is not a simple process, and overcoming worry can only be achieved one step at a time, as we have now demonstrated. If one continues to worry, they have not failed, because worry is a useful tool to assist all to feel their experiences, as we have also demonstrated.

"Consider your current environment. You must leave your home in slightly less than two weeks. You have no resources for a bond or deposit on a home to rent, and no funds to purchase a home. You know that you can stay with Nancy, but you are still faced with the pressure of having to move and store your furniture, and you do not have the funds to have your furniture moved or stored. Your creditors are increasing the pressure upon you, and in a few days you will have both your gas supply, and your telephone disconnected, unless a solution to your financial difficulties is found.

"All you have to give you any hope of salvation, is a few words from me and a vision which has been with you almost throughout your lifetime. However, both of these reassurances have been utilised to keep you on your correct path on more than one occasion in the past. You know that the reassurances may be used to keep you on your correct path again. The only other possible solution to your financial difficulties is from the sale of your books, but you do not have the resources to finalise the contract with your literary agent, so the sale of your books will not happen at this time.

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"You are not worried, despite having reason to worry, because you know that worrying will not assist your situation. Consider all of the things that have built upon each other, and how we have created an environment which will very conveniently demonstrate, what you will now experience.

"Do not be concerned. Despite your fear, even if you do not receive the promised salvation, you will not worry. Can you not see that this experience has already been felt? You have not received salvation, and you do not worry.

"You wonder what will occur if you reach the point of no return, but you have already reached the point of no return, have you not? You have already reached the point of no return, and you have no way out of your current situation, other than the promised solution.

"Consider what I have said. If there is another solution to your current difficulties, I would like to hear it."

I certainly could not think of another solution to my current difficulties.

"Neither can I. Other than the solution which you have considered would remove all of your problems, but it is not time to cease this lifetime, in any circumstances.

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"You still wonder if I am assisting you to create an experience, which of course I am, but not the experience of losing everything. If I was assisting you to create an experience of losing everything, you know that I would say that I was not assisting you to create such an experience, otherwise I would not be assisting you to create such an experience. No my friend, all that you can do is wait a few days more, and experience whatever will transpire.

"As I have said, if you are to lose everything as a part of this example which is your life, it would surely not be an experience which others would choose to follow.

"The loss of your physical possessions carries no meaning to you. We have already established that the loss of your physical possessions carries no meaning to you, by creating an environment in which you have sold or attempted to sell your possessions. Even now, you consider that if there is no salvation you will sell all of your possessions.

"You are correct in that we could be creating an environment to demonstrate that your possessions are unimportant to you, but we have already created an environment to demonstrate that your possessions are unimportant to you.

"Your main concern, as we have established a number of times, is not for yourself, but for those who depend on you for financial support. As we have also established, those who depend on you have not been affected by your journey and your financial problems, which is amazing in itself, or so you have said.

"Let us consider one possible scenario. You do not salvation. You sell your possessions, and you live with Nancy whilst you slowly repay your debts. Problem solved. You would not be concerned, because you would know that in the future you would have resources to re-acquire possessions.

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"If this one possible scenario was to occur, we would achieve nothing but the loss of your possessions. Your possessions are unimportant to you, and if you were to lose your possessions simply to prove that your possessions are unimportant, it would mean nothing. Firstly, who would you prove that your possessions are unimportant to? You know that you cannot prove anything to anybody.

"Okay. The other aspect of this coin is that we would demonstrate that you will follow your path, by following your instinct and that your instinct will not lead you to any harm.

"You could experience that you would continue to 'live on a promise' as you have termed it, which would demonstrate that you could continue to 'live on a promise', but you have been 'living on a promise' for so long now that if we have not established that you could continue to 'live on a promise', we never will.

"Are we not effectively suggesting that all should live on God's promise whilst they follow their path? If God's promise is never delivered, why would any follow your example?

"Maybe we are demonstrating that even if you lost everything you would continue your journey, but we have already established that even if you lost everything you would continue your journey. Possessions are nothing without a dream, a goal, a reason to exist. It is true that the reason why all exist on the earth plane is for experience, but existing on the earth plane is for experience is not enough for those on the earth plane, because the earth plane must feel real to be experienced. It is a person's goal, a person's dream, a person's rainbow that all need to work towards, which provides the experience that all need. The dream, which is relative to the individual environment, must seem real and feel real so that the dream is truly experienced.

"To a homeless person living in a cardboard box, a 'clothing bin' to reside in would be such a dream, a goal, a rainbow.

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"You have already lost your dream, you have already lost all that gave you a reason to continue, but you did continue, so we have established that even if you lost everything you would continue your journey within our example."

What would you have us say? If you lose your dream, your rainbow, your pot of gold, your reason for existing, do not give up. Spend more than a year enduring difficult experiences where you have an ever increasing load to carry whilst you are balancing between two worlds, and when you have experienced this, and when the load becomes too great for you to carry whilst balancing, you can lose everything again."

Such an example would certainly inspire people to follow your path. Surely people would be crazy not to follow your path."

Yes my friend, you are correct we have truly come Full Circle. We have demonstrated that the earth plane is artificial. We have demonstrated that the earth plane is an illusion and that most are consumed by artificial fulfilment. We are now establishing that the artificial earth plane feels real, because the earth plane is necessary for experience."

There is however one very important distinction. We have established The Truth Of Reality, and our purpose for existing. We have established that the illusion which is the earth plane is very necessary for our reason for existence. However, we have also established that the earth plane is not the reason for existence."

There are some who say that the earth plane is of no importance, this is another myth which we have dispelled. The earth plane is important. Consider your journey, and the levels of awareness at each point. Do not these levels of awareness reflect the awareness levels of many religions and many of the so called new age concepts? What we have effectively done is travelled each of these levels of awareness, and come Full Circle.

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"Consider the range of concepts which we have explored from instinct, to God in my various perceived forms, to fortune telling and physic abilities, to spirits, spirit guides and clairvoyants. We have considered the concepts of religion, the alleged messiah, reincarnation and karma. We have demonstrated astral travels and soul contact on the spirit plane, past life memories and the reality of angels. We have viewed coincidence and delivery of messages to each other. We have shown how God provides, and we have recalled memories from past lives. We have demonstrated that events lifetime after lifetime and within lifetimes are repeated. We have explored the reality of pure love, and we have demonstrated the ability to talk with God. We have dispelled myths in relation to those known as masters and we have demonstrated the reality and true nature of soulmates. We have shown that nothing is by accident and that all is by design. We have shown that energy can be drawn from others and from many natural sources such as crystals and we have demonstrated the healing power of crystals. We have removed the myth that the joys of the earth plane should be avoided and we have shown that choice cannot be removed from any. We have demonstrated that spirituality exists all around, because the spirituality of existence is within all that is. We have shown that there is a reason for everything that occurs and everything that is experienced, even if that reason is not known.

"We have demonstrated that existence truly is circular, and that the truth is contained within all that is. We could go on. We have taken each piece of the puzzle, each fragment of truth and we have put them back together.

"In fact, we have done exactly what I said that we would do, and in so doing you have now completed your task.

"Do you remember your words? 'Perhaps this is the destiny I must fulfil before I am rewarded.' These are the words that you wrote to your friend Sally on the very day you first put pen to paper and began writing your insights."

Once more God had given me something to think about.

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However, I found myself thinking about Anne, who had now made her decision and had changed the direction of her life. However, aspects of Anne's life from prior to Anne's change of direction, were reaching out to her. Anne had done something stupid whilst drunk, and was being charged by the police. I wanted to help Anne, but I did not know what I could do, other than to offer Anne my support and some guidance.

God said, "In this lifetime, Anne faces the real prospect of jail as a consequence for her actions, which is an experience that Anne did not face in her previous lifetime, despite her actions in that lifetime.

"Rest now my friend."

I wanted to believe that I would receive my apparent reward, but I would not allow myself to do so.

"What you believe, does not affect reality."

I began to wonder whether I had in fact fulfilled my destiny. If I had fulfilled my destiny, why did I feel that there would be more questions in the future?

"Your future questions can be included in your future writing. I have not said that you will not write, after you have fulfilled your destiny."

What God had said was correct, although at this stage I was not fully aware that I had in fact already began writing Understanding Who I Am.

I did want the pressure to be removed, and I did want to be able to continue my work, without the need to balance between two worlds.

God said, "I have not said that you must not want. I have said that you will not want, and you will not want."

I wondered about God's comment. I wondered if I would receive another 'temporary' solution.

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"You want peace, you want to be able to continue your work without balancing between two worlds and carrying a financial burden, and you want to be with your soulmate. You shall have all that you want and more, and therefore you will not want.

"As we have established, I have made a promise to all, and who would accept my promise to all, if I did not keep my promise to you?"

I sat on a rock watching Moses work. It was hot in the sun. Moses was carving words into stone.

I said, "But they are not God's words, they are your words. Even now I watch you carve the words into stone."

Moses replied, "They are God's words. I may be carving these words, but they do not come from me."

I asked, "Are you saying that this is what we must do to find God?"

Moses replied, "No, this is God's promise to all. This is what we will receive when we find God."

I said, "Oh, okay." But I did not understand.

I sat watching Moses for some time.

I asked, "Why stone? Why not just write on a parchment?"

Moses replied, "So that all will see that God's promise is written in stone."

It was the early hours of the morning, and again I had no sleep within me. I did not know why. I was not worried nor was I concerned, but I needed to attend the office the following day. I felt that not sleeping was inconvenient.

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  I thought about my regressions, or past life memories.

I asked God, "Why do I recall my past life conversations in English?"

God replied, "You recall your past life conversations, and automatically translate your past life conversations into modern English so that you will easily understand what has been said."

"Why would I not recall the exact language from my past life, and repeat that language from my memory?"

"Who would understand what you have written?"

"I could translate."

"You are translating automatically."

"If I recalled the original language, and I wrote the original language down, my past life memories would be more authentic."

"Interesting. To what end?"

"Maybe my past life memories would be more believable."

"For whom?"

"For those who read my books."

"Oh, when did we ask any to believe a word of what you have written?"

"We did not ask any to believe what I have written."

"No, as I have said often, belief has no effect on reality. Quite frankly it does not matter whether any believe what you have written or not. As we have established, believing can be a greater barrier, than not believing."

"Yes, we have established that believing can be a greater barrier, than not believing."

"All we are saying is that these are your experiences, and what you have recorded are what you have experienced, are they not?"

"Yes, I have recorded my experiences. However, in all honesty I sometimes have difficulty believing my own experiences."

"Yes, we have established that you sometimes have difficulty believing your own experiences. However, all we are saying throughout our text is, 'look within'. It matters not whether another believes your words.

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"I am God and I say to all who read this text; 'Look within, because you will find the truth within, and only within'."

I could feel my strength returning as I drew energy from all things around me and from my connection with the higher plane. This energy of existence, or the power of the spirit once more began to surge through my body, and my hands again tingled with this energy.

A few days earlier, I had talked with some plants, mainly I suspect to remind myself that I could talk with plants.

I reflected on the previous afternoon and evening. I'd had a headache most of the day which had only lifted after I had made a decision to remain at home. I recalled the fluttering which I had felt throughout my body the previous afternoon and evening. I had recognised the sensation, but I had not quite been able to place what I was feeling. Now I remembered that my vibrational rate had been adjusting and I was coming back into phase, back in unison, which was why I could again feel my connection with the higher plane, and why I could reach out and touch the fabric of existence.

I wondered what would happen.

God said, "One more day."

I considered all of the spirits who were around me, and I wondered why the spirits did not learn from the higher plane, or even from the spirit plane, if the spirits wanted to learn.

"The spirits cannot reach the higher plane, yet. The spirits are between lifetimes, using this time to witness a master come Full Circle."

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  I could not allow myself to become excited by God's promise. I was open to the possibility of God's promise, but that was all.

"That is exactly how it should be. Allow yourself to be open to all possibilities and accept that which occurs. Accept whatever occurs, and flow with whatever occurs."

I saw a little into the future, where I saw myself acquire a dog. When Katerina had first suggested that we obtain a dog, Katerina had also suggested a name. It was not a name that I would have chosen. In fact it had been my father's name. At the time, I had thought that the name which Katerina had suggested was a coincidence, despite knowing that nothing is a coincidence. After my vision of that morning, I understood why Katerina had chosen that name, and I knew the soul who was that dog that I would acquire.

I reflected on all that had occurred during the previous week. Many of the gaps in my awareness seemed to be being filled. However, I had experienced gaps in my awareness being filled previously, when I had been led to believe that the load would be taken from me. Experience had shown me not to draw any conclusions, but to allow each day to develop as it would.

Jesus appeared in the doorway of the room where I was working. Jesus smiled and said, "Hello my friend."

I continued reviewing my notes. I wondered at the concept of being rewarded, and that those who had supported me had and would be rewarded. I was not quite comfortable with the implications of the concept.

God said, "You are viewing the concept from an earth plane perspective. I am not giving you a reward. I have foreseen what you have chosen to experience. It is that which you have chosen to experience which makes you the example. As I have said on a number of occasions, that you are the example is convenient.

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"We have established, and it is fact that you have experienced much sorrow and hardship in this and many of your previous lifetimes. That you have experienced sorrow and hardship and why you chose to experience sorrow and hardship has been a convenient example. I repeat, that if the one who was known as Judas can find God within, surely all can find God within.

"That you have chosen to 'discover' or become aware of all that you have become aware of in this lifetime, and as a result of experiencing that you are indeed worthy, you then chose to experience a life of joy and happiness free from worry, has been part of your convenient example.

"Likewise, what those who have chosen to walk with you through each part of your journey have chosen to experience, has also been foreseen and is also convenient.

"Do not forget that all is choice. That choice is foreseen, does not make choice any less choice."

I thought about what God had said. Surely if I was a master, I would not seek joy and happiness on the earth plane.

"Consider all that I have said, and all that you know. If joy and happiness are not experienced on the earth plane or another physical plane, where are joy and happiness experienced? If joy and happiness are not experienced, how then can a soul have experienced all things?"

"We have explained this point previously."

"Yes, you are correct. However, is it not appropriate that we reiterate this point now, at this point in time?"

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  I would have liked to have known exactly what was going to happen, but I knew that it was not knowing precisely what would occur, that would allow me to experience what did occur, and it certainly seemed that I was going to experience whatever did occur.

I am sure that it was not a coincidence that I was not required to attend the office that day, after my previous night with very little sleep.

My wrists did not itch that day, but I did feel the breaks in my legs occasionally.

I wondered about all of the coincidences, and the convenient nature of all that seemed to be occurring around me.

God said, "Look at life around you. The very nature of the earth plane is all very convenient. Animals choose to be predators or pray. Look at all of the convenient coincidences around you. Often animals depend on another species for their very existence, and this animal they depend on 'happens' to be in their environment. The same principle applies to plant life often interacting with animal life. Interactions on the earth plane are all very convenient, but interactions on the earth plane are not by accident. Each soul is interacting with other souls, to obtain the experience which they require."

I thought about much of what God had told me. If all achieved pure love, no soul would do another harm. How then would a soul experience responding with pure love, when harm was done to them?

"A soul could not experience responding with pure love, when harm was done to them, if all achieved pure love. However, all souls have not achieved pure love, and all souls will not achieve pure love. There will always be souls who do not understand pure love. In time all souls will achieve pure love, but not at the same time, which from the viewpoint of gaining needed experience, is very convenient."

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I became concerned that perhaps I was rationalising an unrelated combination of circumstances around me. I had rationalised previously, and I had convinced myself of a scenario that was to my liking.

"Firstly, you have far from convinced yourself of anything. Secondly, you have not rationalised one answer, in respect of your promised salvation to the exclusion of all other answers. You have considered all possibilities. You have determined the possible outcomes to your current situation, and you know that either one of the possible solutions may be correct. Nor have you discounted a possible outcome which you have not considered at this stage. You have also considered and discarded two alternative solutions to your difficulties.

"You have a solution which you would prefer, and that is that your salvation is to suddenly obtain the resources which you need. It is very natural for you to prefer this solution. If any had an option between suddenly obtaining resources or losing all of their possessions, which would they prefer?

"You are neither concerned nor worried. You will accept whatever occurs even if you need to lose everything. If you were to lose everything you would not discontinue your task, we have established that you would not discontinue your task regardless of what you experience.

"Today is the day that you will know one way or another. Consider your determined reaction if you are to receive the resources that you need, or more. Firstly, you would share with others. Secondly, you would obtain a residence for yourself and your wife Katerina. Thirdly, you would use the remaining resources whilst you continue to do work which I have asked of you. Does this not demonstrate what I have been saying about you all along?

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"If you do receive the resources which you need and want, will we not have conveniently demonstrated that all will receive their reward, although not necessarily in the way in which you will receive your reward? Have we also demonstrated that throughout this journey you have been provided with the resources that you have needed. Have the resources that you have needed not been provided from unexpected sources?

"You have not undertaken your journey, or completed your task, to receive rewards. Any who undertake a spiritual journey solely to receive monetary reward have not yet begun their journey.

"That you will receive 'your reward' is because receiving resources is what you have chosen to experience. In reality, it is not 'a reward' that you will receive, it is an experience which you have chosen, and no more than that. That you have chosen all that you have chosen in this lifetime, including a relief from financial worry, is what has made you a convenient example.

"We repeat these points this day, because it is appropriate that we repeat these points on this day. Consider your disposition this morning as we speak. You are calm and at peace.

"Consider that you have been naturally less than happy that you are not with your wife, Katerina. If you were to answer honestly you would admit that it is better that you have been apart from Katerina at this time. The fact that it is better that you have been apart from Katerina, does not mean that you were required to like being apart from Katerina.

"Has it not transpired that Katerina's visa difficulties have conveniently been in your best interest?"

"Your observations are all very well, but as you have said I am at peace, and I am not concerned, so why make your observations?"

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"I make my observations because they are so."

"Maybe, but if you are saying what you have said to assist me to create an environment, you could not tell me that you are assisting me to create an environment, and therefore I cannot embrace what you have told me."

"You are correct. I would not admit that I was assisting you to create an environment. You are trying very hard not to embrace what I am saying to you, but you remain human. In truth, my words of this day are not for you, my words of this day are for those who would follow your path."

I looked across the room. My wife's spirit was sitting on a chair at the other side of my room. We had a brief conversation.

Once more, I began to wonder if I was looking for signs. Once more, I began to wonder if I was trying to convince myself that the pressures on me would be relieved.

God said, "You are not trying to convince yourself that the pressures on you will be relieved. You have already determined to accept whatever occurs."

"I am not going to receive a solution to my difficulties, am I?"

"No. How do you feel?"

I felt fine. I accepted.

"I have made my point. All that you can do now, is wait and experience whatever occurs."

I thought about what would happen if I did have to lose everything. I would not like the experience, but I would accept the experience and I would continue my journey regardless. I felt that we had already established that I would not discontinue my journey, through what I had already experienced.

"Consider how you felt on Katerina and your wedding day. Is how you feel this morning any different to how you felt that morning?"

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All that I could think, was that God was certainly making sure that I did not know what was going to occur that day. God was assisting me to create an environment to fully experience whatever was to occur.

I considered the part of my notes which I 'happened' to be reviewing that morning. 'Coincidently' I could see that my notes could be confirming one of the likely outcomes of my current situation, or the other.

God said, "You know that whatever the outcome of your current situation, the result will not prove anything, one way or the other."

I did know one thing, I was very tired. What I really wanted to do at that moment was sleep, but I could not sleep. I had many business obligations that day. I did desire that my need to balance between two worlds, two jobs and effectively two lifetimes, would soon be over.

Despite my desire, I knew that even if my burden was removed, and even if I had sufficient resources to continue my spiritual task full time, I would remain available to assist the business, if they called upon me for assistance.

As I prepared to attend the office that day, my tiredness increased to the point where I thought that my tiredness would overwhelm me. I really did need to end my constant struggle to balance between two worlds. If I was a master, I was a very tired, and a very human master.

I reflected that I had to leave my home in eleven days time, and unless my financial difficulties were resolved, I had nowhere to go, and no way of going there.

I did have the option of selling everything that I owned and staying with Nancy, but selling everything that I owned was my last conscious choice.

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I began to experience occasional moments of apprehension, which was exactly what I had experienced on my wedding day.

God said, "For most of today I will not be with you. What you will experience, you need to experience from the earth plane perspective."

As the day continued, I experienced many moments of extreme apprehension, which were certainly a parallel to my wedding day.

I attended a business meeting. It was becoming apparent that the business's relationship with their major contract was far more tenuous than I had realised. In fact, I did not know how I would be able to save the business this time, and I was far from convinced that I could save the business.

A contract which I had successfully negotiated prior to my trip to Russia fell through on that particular day as well, and I certainly could not think of a way to salvage the contract at that point.

Neither of these two business difficulties were felt by me, other than to allow me to see that I had created an environment which would allow me to experience whatever it was that I was going to experience.

I glanced through a newspaper over coffee that afternoon. A house which was almost adjacent to the house which I had been specifically told would be mine 'happened' to be for sale. I recalled that I could have been 'looking' at the wrong house when I sensed, and was subsequently told, that the house would be mine. The environment which would allow me to fully experience whatever occurred, was almost complete.

I sat quietly in the sunshine watching a candle's flame, which may seem a little strange, but I did need that candle's flame so that I could absorb the golden light of the flame.

Occasional comments from God such as, "That's the house", "It will happen tonight" and "A few more hours" did nothing for me, other than to assist in the completion of my environment.

I thought; 'A solution to my difficulties is not going to happen, something will go wrong' which was also what I had thought on my wedding day.

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As the afternoon wore on, I thought that I was setting myself up neatly for another fall, if another fall was what I was going to experience. However, my environment was more than setting myself up for a fall. Everything that occurred that day conspired to assist in the creation of the environment, which I obviously needed to create, for whatever I was to experience.

For example; Whilst talking with my business partner that day, he had used an offhand analogy to make a point. He began his analogy by saying, "If you were to come in tomorrow and tell me that you had won the lottery …"

As I continued to review my notes that afternoon, comments contained within my notes of several months earlier such as 'Do not worry about anything, soon it will be over. Soon you will understand', did nothing but add a little more to this environment that I was creating around me.

I continued my review. I was not reviewing what I was reviewing by conscious choice, and I did not seek to have words from my notes such as 'God will keep his promise' jump out at me. I could only review my notes when I was meant to review my notes, and if I was not meant to review my notes I could not review my notes, no matter how often I tried to review my notes. Sometimes, I could spend hours or days, reviewing the same page.

I cannot say that I was surprised to encounter the next comment which jumped out at me from within my notes. 'Have you not known where you would live for many years, and have you not known where you would live with a surety that you cannot explain?'

In addition to what was 'jumping out at me' from my review, God's continuing comments such as 'This time tomorrow you will be a millionaire' followed by the exact amount of money that I knew that I would have, continued to add to my environment.

Despite all that was occurring around me, I refused to embrace what I was apparently being told. I could not embrace what I was apparently being told, because I was protecting myself from feeling the event if a solution to my difficulties did not occur.

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  I then reviewed my notes of when I first received a psychic flash about some bad news, and I realised that the circumstances that I had foreseen in respect of the bad news, also seemed to be falling into place around me.

I understood why I had not been able to review these parts of my notes, previously.

Another of God's comments reached out from the page I was reviewing. 'Your mind and your commitments push and pull you in many directions. This has been difficult for you, but necessary. The process will not continue for much longer.'

This old comment from God, was immediately followed by a current comment, "Each minute that passes brings you closer to your new world."

I did not like what was occurring at all, and I questioned why I was allowing the environment to be created and nurtured around me.

God's comments of many months previously continued to jump out at me. 'Your endurance will come to an end when it is meant to come to an end, when you have endured all that is necessary … Be at peace now, the need for endurance will be over soon.'

A part of me wanted to stop reviewing my notes, but I found that I could not discontinue my review. Every time that I did discontinue my review, even for a moment, I was drawn back to my notes.

I reflected on the circumstances of my life, that had surrounded the notes that I was now reviewing. I had been told that the pressure would be removed and the pressure had instead increased. I knew that my current circumstances could be a repeat of my previous experience, so nothing that was occurring now, gave me a clue one way or the other regarding what was allegedly to occur that day.

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  I asked God to allow me to save the business one last time.

God replied, "Whether you to save the business is not my decision. Choices have been made, and consequences will be experienced by those who have made the choices."

As I completed my review of these notes some time later, this brief conversation hit me like a bolt of lightening. I had not recalled specifically making a request to save the business, however my request was to prove very significant in respect of what was to occur.

I was not surprised that the next paragraph that I reviewed contained the words, 'If you knew one way or the other, you could alter what is to be' or 'Your time draws near'. There were many other comments which jumped out from the notes that I was reviewing. However, I believed that the point had not only been made, but also well and truly established.

Despite this, there was one comment which not only jumped out at me, but also screamed to be included. 'Consider the process of your writing … time and time again you cannot review your notes for a period, and then when you can review your notes, they concern the challenge which you happen to be facing at the time'.

God said, "What is the difference between the challenge that you now face, and this same challenge that you are now reviewing?"

I replied, "This time I do not worry."

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"That you do not worry is an important distinction, but that you do not worry is not the only difference."

As I continued my review I realised that many of the events which I had foreseen months earlier, and I had expected would have occurred prior to this point, once again seemed to be close to occurring.

Something that God had said many months earlier, suddenly jumped out of my notes and struck me across the face. God's words had been in response to my realisation that these previous delays had been my own doing. 'You do not think that you are worthy...'

I suddenly realised that every delay, every difficulty, every ounce of my increased burden and every inch I had continued to balance on my path had proven one thing to me; I was indeed worthy. Strangely, I knew that everything that had occurred, had been destined to occur.

God said, "Your awareness is the difference."

I became concerned that deep down within me, I still did not believe that I was worthy.

"No, whether you are worthy is not your concern. Your real concern is that we continue to add to your environment, which is necessary for what you are to experience.

"You know that you will really feel whatever is to occur, and you are concerned that you fear that if what occurs is not to your liking, the depth of what you feel will be too much for you to endure. However, you also know that this is not so. You know that you will endure and continue your task regardless of what happens, and it is apparent to everyone who has read your first four books and reached this point that this is so.

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"All that is left now is for you to experience your salvation. You are correct, despite your reluctance to write your thought, that if you do receive sufficient resources, we would well and truly establish the mirror effect of the earth plane on my promise.

"You are also correct. All I have said to you could be assisting you to complete an environment which will allow you to experience that you will endure even without salvation. However, I ask you what such an environment would demonstrate that has not already been demonstrated?"

A little latter, God continued, "You are correct, much of what you have endured would have been unnecessary if you had truly believed that you were worthy. However, if you had not needed to experience all that you needed to experience, you would not have been such a convenient example."

I reflected on each time these same set of circumstances had repeated, and each time I had created this same environment. I was looking for the difference in how I had approached the environment, and I certainly found a difference.

On each previous occasion when I had created this basic environment, I had felt a sense of desperation which was not apparent on this occasion. As a result of my desperation I had experienced extremely dramatic mood swings which were not apparent on this occasion either.

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  As I continued to reflected on my repeated environment, I saw that there was one other difference. On this occasion I had exhausted all of my temporary solutions, or so I believed.

That evening, I finished my review of Seeking The Knowledge Within exactly when God had said that I would finish my review of Seeking The Knowledge Within. The environment that I had created was now complete. All that I could do now, was experience whatever it was that I had created the environment to experience.

My promised 'salvation' did not occur.

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  My response fascinated me, in that I did not experience the event. I accepted the circumstances. Discontinuing my task did not even enter my mind. In fact the experience had no impact on me at all, which I had known would be my response.

However, Nancy certainly did feel the experience. I knew that I needed to allow Nancy to experience what was occurring, which was what I did.

I did not like the environment which I had created at all. I supposed that I would be required to sell my furniture, but I did not really believe that it would come to that. In fact, I felt with every part of my being that everything would work out.

I had no basis for feeling that everything would work out, and no reason to believe that everything would work out, but I did not have one doubt that all would be well.

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