Marie withdrew from me emotionally. I knew that she was about to end our relationship. When she did end our relationship I was devastated, but not crushed. I faced the end of our relationship, and I accepted the end of our relationship with a surprising amount of grief, which I knew meant that I was dealing with the end of our relationship. I thought; ‘my heart is shattered, but my soul is intact’.

A few days later Marie contacted me. She was confused by her feelings. I was desperate, I loved Marie with everything that I was, but I knew I would only be hurt. I decided that we should only be friends. If anything further was meant to eventuate, it would. I was handling the situation in which I had found myself, correctly and maturely. I felt good about myself, despite my shattered heart.

The ‘correct and mature’ response was not going to change the direction of my life, so fate stepped in.

I became aware of the spiritual influences around me when I was writing a letter to Sally. As I wrote the letter, I decided, I did not know why, to write a book of insights including all of the lessons that I had learned in my lifetime, and in particular during the previous few months when I seemed to be awakening. I suggested that maybe writing such a book was my destiny and that when I fulfilled my destiny, I would be fulfilled as well.

At that moment I knew for the first time what my destiny was. As I typed those words I felt a strong presence, which I was to learn was one or another of my spirit guides. The presence was with me for more than hour, during which I seemed to be in slow motion.

A few days later I had written my first book of insight. I sat back and waited to be fulfilled, because I had fulfilled my destiny, or so I chose to believe.

Something did happen, I found that I was being given more insights. I started writing my second book of insight. I assumed that I needed to write two books of insights to fulfil my destiny. No problem.

I sought my second Tarot reading for the year. I still did not understand how the Tarot worked, but the reading described Marie, and what I had experienced very accurately. The reading also warned me of the events which I was to experience during the following few weeks, but again I chose to ignore the warnings.

I was also told about a woman whom I would meet overseas, which was nice but I only wanted Marie. ‘I would write a book about my life, which would be published, and that I would be successful, although I would change direction.’ The reading was parallel to my previous Tarot reading. The final outcome was that I would be ‘happy and content’.

I had written a book, albeit a book of insights based on my life not a book about my life. It would now be a short period of time, until I was happy and content, or so I chose to believe.

During the next two weeks, Marie continued to be confused by her feelings, and pulled me close one day only to push me away the next. A few days later, she would repeat the process. It was if we were both afraid to hang on, and afraid to let go.

Fate stepped in, changes which needed to be made within my business had seemed to be progressing. However, I realised that nothing was really changing which hit home at a particularly vulnerable moment. I had too many problems, for me to handle at once.

I needed some emotional support, and I reached out to Val, an Aunt who had been like a mother to me. However, for the first time in my life, she was not able to help me. I did not know where else to turn so I reached out to Marie, but she was not there. I felt very alone and my problems finally overpowered me.

My eldest son Craig did something minor, and whatever he did was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I felt that I could not take any more, I needed a break. I needed to get away by myself, and I needed to recover my strength, which was a new experience for me. I had been strong all of my life, and I could not believe that there were things happening in my life, that I could not deal with. I had faced far more difficult problems in my lifetime. I usually handled problems in my stride, and I did not understand what was happening to me.

The next day, I headed north to a tropical island. Fate had forced me to change the direction of my life.

During the previous few weeks, I had started going to the beach at night, I had found peace at the beach, and I found I was starting to become in touch with my soul, and my spirit guides. I was starting to feel my spirit guides’ presence more often, and I was beginning to recognise my spirit guides for what they were.

When I arrived on the island, I telephoned Sally who told me that people had been looking for me. It was all too much for me. I needed some peace, and to be left alone for a while. I was also beginning to doubt my sanity.

I could not believe that I had just gone to the island. However, I knew that going to the island, was something I had needed to do. I did not know why I needed to do go to the island, but I did know that it was necessary that I went to the island.

I was hurting and missing Marie badly. I did not seem to be able to stop thinking about her. I felt that my love for her was growing, but I knew I was not supposed to do anything about my love for her.

I had started to awaken as my love for Marie grew. I believed that it was mainly due to her presence in my life that I had started to awaken. I knew that Marie’s presence in my life was significant, but I did not have any concept of why her presence in my life was significant.

I despaired.

I telephoned Sally who always seemed to know exactly what to say to keep me on track. I marvelled at Sally’s ability to say exactly the right thing, at the right time.

I walked to the beach where I sat staring at the stars for a few hours.

Sally was not in my life by accident. She was in my life as a guide. Her role was to keep me on track whenever I lost my way.

While I was on the beach, one of my spirit guides was with me. An old lady I called Elsie who was with me for most of my time on the island.

My spirit guides each had their own personality. I learned how to feel the difference between them. I did not know, or conceive, at this time that spirits would eventually surround me, or that the spirits around me would be seeking guidance, not providing guidance.

That I was being given insights into how we should approach life had kept me going during the previous few weeks. I did not know why I was being given insights, but I knew that the insights were important, and I knew that the insights were being given to me for a reason.