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Searching for My Soul
Book One Searching for My Soul

Expect Nothing But Expect Anything.

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That night something totally unexpected occurred. Suddenly my conscious mind was back. Issues that I had overcome and dealt with were with me, very strong and very real. I was shocked. The return of my conscious mind was not something that I had been prepared for. I spent most of the evening meditating, trying to understand what had happened and why.

I had somehow managed to create an image of my conscious mind, but my conscious mind had seemed real to me. I had created an image of my conscious mind, because I had done something that I was meant to do, so that I would learn that I was not meant to do it. I had been given a practical demonstration of how easy it would be for me to allow my conscious mind to grow again.

My body retained the seeds of my conscious mind, the seeds of my conscious mind were a part of my body. I needed to remember not to feed the seeds of my conscious mind, left un-fed, they could not grow.

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It was a period when I needed a lot of sleep. I was totally drained. I was viewing things from the perspective of my old values too often. It was very hard not to when nearly everyone around me viewed life from the perspective of my old values.

I was learning through demonstration that all aspects of our life have both a positive and a negative charge. We need to recognise both the positive and the negative so that we know which one we were feeding.

A period of revision had begun. I would review all that I had learned and receive short, sharp tests in respect of anything that I had not fully understood. A part of me did not believe that I needed any revision. I wanted the preparation to be finalised, but I knew that without a period of revision, I would not be prepared. The timing of my journey was out of my hands. All that I could do was flow with what was happening.

As my journey progressed, my need for review and revision of all that I experienced grew with each new level of awareness. Until my preparation was complete, I needed to know that I was on track. I was on track because the insights were still flooding in.

It was proving to be a quiet time. The only problems that I encountered related to minor issues which nagged away at me, until I learned whatever I needed to learn from them.

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By embracing artificial fulfilment in an attempt to make our lives easier, we have made our lives more complicated, and therefore we have made our lives harder.

The disease of artificial fulfilment has become a part of us. In many ways, it has not just infected us, it has overtaken us. The disease of artificial fulfilment has become such a large part of us that it is blocking our view of reality and the truth. Our conscious mind has used artificial fulfilment to eclipse the truth which is contained within our soul. This eclipse has caused us to live in the shadows which have hidden the light of reality.

I spoke with Sally. Her life was nearly 100% back on track. Everything had begun to come back together for Sally from the very day that I had finally understood the message, that I could not help her.

I reviewed what was happening around me. I knew that the many minor issues added up to another test of my belief, and another lesson in flowing with whatever occurred. I felt that I was passing the test. I drew on my own experience that everything will happen when it is time for it to happen, which is often when I stopped waiting for it to happen.

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That evening I reflected on a time before I went to the island. I had despaired. I begged my spirit guides, or whatever force was guiding my life, at that stage I had not accepted the existence of God, to tell me Why! I had not known why my life did not seem to work out. I had tried hard, I had done good whenever I could, I had not compromised myself. At that time I had thought that I was doing most things right. I took hard decisions. I did not choose the easy road. I had not understood why my life never quite seemed to work out, and I had wanted to know when it would be my turn.

I supposed that I now had my answers, but if someone had told me that a lot of what I was experiencing had been karma from previous lives, I would have found their remarks condescending. I would have considered that the suggestion was a load of crap. I had accepted in principle that we had past lives, but I’d had no concept of how our existence worked.

We ‘reap what we sow’ not necessarily in this lifetime, but in the next lifetime. What we must learn above everything else, what every other lesson leads us to, is pure love. Ultimately, we must learn to love no matter what happens to us. We must learn to face adversity with love. We must learn to accept loss and still love. We must learn how to be treated unfairly and respond with love. We must tolerate injustice and still love.

We must respond to every situation with love, compassion and understanding. The only way that we can respond with love, compassion and understanding is to understand the truth. The truth is love, pure love.

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When we punish a child for doing something that could cause them harm, we do so out of love. We hurt those we love in a small way, to prevent those we love from being hurt in a big way.

If we have not learned the truth and through the truth love, by the time the world as we know it ceases to exist, the suffering that we have to endure will make all of the suffering we have experienced in our physical incarnations pale into insignificance. We are punished now to prevent our further suffering.

When we smack a small child on the backside for running onto the road without looking, the child does not really understand why we have smacked it on the backside, but the child does learn not to run out onto the road.

When the child grows, it realises why we smacked it on the backside for running onto the road, and the child appreciates that we loved it enough to prevent the major suffering which it would endure if it was hit by a car.

Spiritually, we are all children. When we grow we will appreciate all the smacks on the backside which we were given. Like the child, we resent the smack on the backside, because we do not understand why we have been smacked.

A happy child, playing ball with friends, chases a ball onto the road without looking. The child is punished, maybe with a smack or maybe the game is terminated. All that the child knows is that it was having fun and the parent spoiled the fun.

If the child fails to learn, if the child continues to run onto the road without looking, each time the punishment is more severe. This is not because we do not love the child, it is because we do love the child.

The first time that the child runs onto the road, we may explain the dangers. The second time that the child runs onto the road we may explain the dangers more severely. The third time that the child runs onto the road we shout. The fourth time that the child runs onto the road we may give the child a smack, and the fifth time that the child runs onto the road we smack the child harder.

This continues with the punishment becoming more severe each time that the child fails to learn. Mostly, we hate having to punish our children. We hate having to make our children suffer because our children have failed to learn. We wish that our children would learn so that our children do not have to be punished, but if our children do not learn we know that we must keep punishing our children. We punish our children because we love our children!

When the child eventually learns, when the child finally understands, the child wonders why it took it so long to learn, and why it made it so difficult for its parents to teach it. At the time, the child could not see the dangers, and the child thought that it knew better than its parents.

God loves us, God’s children, too. God has the same frustration teaching God’s arrogant children as we do ours. God has more trouble with God’s teenage children, just as we do. Our children will not learn until they understand the truth either.

If we suffer a loss and do not learn how to accept the loss and retain our love, in the next lifetime we suffer more loss and so on. It is exactly the same as we are with our children. Each time we fail to learn, the punishment is more severe. Why? Because God loves us.

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It was a quiet and peaceful evening. I had the beauty of the world and the music of the birds and insects for company. I really did not need anything else.

Two raindrops fall from the sky, one raindrop lands in a meadow, where the sun will evaporate it before too long. The other raindrop lands deep in the rainforest, where the sun cannot reach it and evaporate it easily. The raindrop in the rainforest feels secure away from the sun, it knows that it will have a long and peaceful existence. The raindrop is blissfully unaware that by letting the sunlight shine through it, the raindrop can be the beginning of a rainbow, and the raindrop will never know what it feels like to create a rainbow.

I had spent a quiet evening at home. Instead of finding something to worry about, I appreciated the rest.

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After our pilot had landed on the island, he told those he met of a wondrous world across the ocean. That world was inconceivable to the islanders, full of many strange things which the islanders could not understand.

The island priests met the pilot. They saw that the truth threatened their own existence. That night as the pilot slept, the priests killed him and disposed of his body. Over time, the island priests managed to dismantle the plane. They had the plane taken piece by piece and dumped into the ocean.

The islanders who had met the pilot repeated many of the pilot’s stories, changing things which they could not understand, to things that they could understand.

The priests disputed the stories, saying that the existence of the pilot was a hallucination placed in the minds of the weak. As time passed, the islanders who had seen the pilot began to die until there were none of the witnesses to the existence of the pilot left.

The next generation of priests continued the hallucination story, and the islanders who still believed that the pilot had existed were few. The new priests now truly believed that the islanders who believed the story about the pilot were only the weak minded, but a few knew the truth deep in their souls.

This continued generation after generation, but the priests were never able to fully eradicate the truth. Some of the islanders always believed. The priests had been able to convince the majority that the incident was not real, and that no other world existed, but this did not change reality.

One day a young diver found a piece of the plane, which was added to the pieces which had washed up onto the shore over the years. As the pieces were slowly put back together, more of the islanders began to see the truth, and more of the islanders began to believe. The islanders who believed continued diving into the depths where they could not see the bottom. They found more pieces until the plane was ultimately rebuilt, and the truth was once again revealed.

In all the years, more than a century, between the pilot landing and the plane being rebuilt, neither the truth nor reality had changed.

Three generations after the pilot had arrived, the pilot’s great grandson arrived on the island trying to find out what had happened to his great grandfather. The great grandson did not know how he had found the island, but he seemed to know exactly where the island was. The great grandson had also been the pilot.

The great grandson who was a sailor, arrived by boat. Many assumed that the two messages were different. The islanders who met the sailor began repeating what sailor told them, which was somehow similar to what the pilot had said, and also different. The sailor’s message had not yet been changed. However, some of the islanders knew that the sailor’s message was the same as the pilot’s message.

The priests also disposed of the great grandson, and sunk the sailor’s boat far out to sea.

Much of what the priests had initially advocated had been correct. However, the truth had been altered generation after generation for the survival and greed of the priests, many of whom were good men with genuine belief and unaware of the changes that had been made generations earlier.

Other than where the pilot’s message had been changed due to lack of understanding, the pilot’s message was based on the truth. The sailor’s message had also been changed so that the islanders who met the sailor could tell the story, but the sailor’s message was also based on the truth. Now the islanders had three messages, all based on the truth, all containing the truth, but none of which were the truth.

The truth of the visits from both the pilot and the sailor were maintained by the very souls that had witnessed them. As the souls reincarnated, the physical beings knew deep down that the visits from both the pilot and the sailor were true, but they did not know why they knew.

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The following morning, I again awoke later than I would have preferred. I had travelled far and wide during the night for at least a week, and it had taken me some time to return to the earth plane. I needed to stop worrying about issues such as what time I awoke. I needed to trust fate.

The concept of reincarnation and the spirit plane has been summarised as God the father, God the son, and God the Holy Spirit.

We were created in God’s image, and we can all be the father, the son and the holy spirit. We all have many lifetimes, and we all spend time on the spirit plane in between lifetimes which is how we were created in God’s image, not by our physical existence.

I recalled that I had visited Anne on the spirit plane the previous night. I did not know why, and I knew that ‘why’ did not matter.

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There are a group of people, sitting in a circle debating their beliefs. One is a Christian, there is a Jew, a Muslim, a Native American, a Buddhist, a Clairvoyant and Psychic, and a Scientologist.

All are believers. All are aware. The group are debating the differences in their beliefs. The debate at times becomes heated as they focus on the differences in what each believes. The belief of each is so strong that none have the ability to shake the belief of another, so the debate is going in circles and has lasted for weeks.

A homeless man, who is trying to sleep in an adjoining doorway, becomes frustrated by the debate which is making it difficult for him to sleep. The homeless man stands in the middle of the group, and each one of the group feels compassion because they each have a good heart.

The homeless man is given soup. He offers to help the group in their debate. The group gives the homeless man a piece of paper, and as the soup is consumed and bowl refilled, each explains their beliefs to the homeless man who makes notes.

The group had decided that by explaining their beliefs to the homeless man, he would be ‘converted’ by one of the group. The homeless man was just happy to be out of the cold, with warm food and conversation to break the monotony of his homeless and hopeless life.

When the last of the group had finished, the homeless man studied the notes and asked for another piece of paper. He considered what each of the group had said. Each had spoken with the conviction of a true believer.

Slowly, having nowhere else to go, the homeless man wrote down everything that was common to each of the group. This filled both sides of the paper. Another piece of paper was called for and on this the homeless man wrote all of the differences. It took four lines.

The homeless man stood to leave and the group asked which one the homeless man believed was right. The homeless man replied, “All of you and none of you.” He handed the papers to the group and left.

The group studied the two pieces of paper and realised that they had spent weeks discussing what amounted to a few lines on a piece of paper, instead of discussing the similarities which had completely filled both sides of the other piece of paper.

The group began discussing their similarities, and one of the group again looked at the differences. What had been four lines was now three lines and each had learned something from the others. The group was amazed that some of the words on the ‘differences page’ had disappeared, and went to find the homeless man, but there was no trace of him. It was as if he had never existed.

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That day turned out to be another quiet day. I had lunch with my business partner who suggested that I return to the office full time, but I knew that I could not. I knew that I needed solitude. I knew that everything would continue as it was for some time. I knew that everything was as it needed to be, as it was meant to be.

Each raindrop leaves their spiritual existence as part of a cloud. Some of the raindrops have been in spirit form for a long time, and some have been in spirit form for only a short time.

The raindrops return to earth and each raindrop fulfils a different purpose. Some raindrops become drinking water, some are used to irrigate crops, some are needed to bathe in, while some fill rivers and lakes and support the life that exists there. A few raindrops form part of a natural health spring, and a very few raindrops become holy water.

As the raindrops fulfil their purpose, they evaporate and in time, they again return to earth to fulfil a purpose. Sometimes the raindrops fulfil the same purpose, and sometimes they fulfil a different purpose.

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All of that day, issues that I knew did not matter had been in the back of my mind. I did not have a clue why. I did not think that there was anything that I needed to do. If there was something that I needed to do, I would know soon enough.

The butterfly lands on the flower of a tree. The same tree the butterfly had lived on as a caterpillar, and the butterfly carries pollen to another flower, to fertilise the seed, which will fall to the ground and grow into a tree for caterpillars to live on.

That evening, I prayed for my journey to be over.

Some grapes become wine. As we consume the wine, we can choose to see only the wine, or we may see the grape, or the bunch, or even the vine. Even though the grape has been removed from the bunch and is now wine, which on the surface bears no resemblance to the grape or the bunch, the wine still retains the image of its original form.

That night, as I walked, I could feel everything around me. I could feel the love radiating from within me, which took me by surprise because the intensity had increased. I could feel love pulsing through my veins and wanting to burst out of my heart. I wanted to be with my soulmate. I wanted to be able to focus my love, but I knew that I could not. I had work to do. I needed to be patient.

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The following night the homeless man returned. He was again given soup. The group showed the homeless man the list of differences which was now two lines. The group asked the homeless man where the words had gone, and why the words had disappeared.

The homeless man asked for the list of similarities. On the list of similarities he found the words that had disappeared from the differences. The homeless man handed the list of similarities back to the group, and suggested that they read the list again.

Within the similarities, the words which had disappeared from the differences now appeared in order and in the right context. The group saw that many of the differences had not been differences, but aspects of their respective beliefs which had been taken out of context. Now that they had been put back into context, the aspects of their respective beliefs made sense and fitted perfectly.

The homeless man again disappeared into the night.

One week later, the homeless man returned to the group. As he again consumed the soup, a laser surgeon was removing a tattoo from each member of the group.

The homeless man asked what was happening. The group explained that when they had finished discussing the similarities in their beliefs only one difference remained.

The difference was the brand which they wore and that difference was artificial. The group were now having the only remaining difference removed.

A knowing smile appeared on the homeless man’s face. The group knew that the homeless man had known the truth from the first meeting, but they also knew that if the homeless man had told them the truth, none would have believed. The group knew that they needed to find the truth for themselves, otherwise they would not have accepted the truth.

The homeless man again disappeared into the night.

The friends who had once been a group had each joined the debate convinced that they would prove the truth to the other members of the group. If one had suggested that each would succeed, the others could not have accepted that it was possible for each to succeed. However, for each to succeed was the only way that any could have proven the truth.

Each had learned that the differences only existed because they had been taught that the differences existed. Much of what each had been taught was correct, and they had each assumed that all they had been taught was therefore correct. Each of the group had needed to untangle their own beliefs first. It had been what they had previously learned, that had blocked them from learning the truth.

The homeless man had not been taught any of it previously. He had learned nothing that had interfered with learning more. The friends could not believe that the group had not been able to see the truth, when the group had been so close to the truth.

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For the most part, it had been a week of solitude. I had stopped flowing whilst I had extracted the roots to my conscious mind and I had not commenced flowing again.

Since I had commenced my journey, I had been given solitude whenever solitude was necessary. During my solitude I was only allowed contact with others which was essential. Much of the contact that I did have with others during my time of solitude, was to show me something that I needed to know, or to teach me a lesson.

When we have children, we do not want our children to worship us. We want our children to love us. This is why God does not want to be worshipped. God, like us, only wants love from God’s children.

It was now less than one week prior to Christmas. The event which I had been awaiting had not occurred. Nevertheless, I had started flowing again. The event that I had been awaiting did not matter.

When I awoke the following morning, I felt relaxed and at peace. There were a few events which occurred to test me, but none of the events touched me.

I understood a little more of the significance of overcoming the guilt that I had carried for much of this lifetime. I had carried guilt from being raped, from leaving my family unattended as the Native American, and from being a homosexual, in previous lifetimes. I had not been able to release my guilt in this lifetime, until a few months before I had reawakened my enlightenment on the island.

At this point, I believed that I had discovered the cause of my guilt, but I was to learn that I neither understood the true source of my guilt, nor the significance of my guilt.

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By late morning, it was time to cross to the spirit plane. Whilst on the spirit plane, my soulmate and I were again together. The love that I felt was growing all of the time.

Nature has demonstrated the temporary status of man over and over again. Man can construct a large city, allegedly destroying nature in the process. However, man must be ever vigilant, man must forever battle nature. If that city is left unattended, even for a short period of time, nature begins reclaiming the space.

It does not matter how much concrete or how much steel man uses in construction, nature always finds a way to reclaim its own. Demonstrating over and over again the permanence of the life force of nature, and the temporary status of man.

Man spends generation after generation fighting nature. It is a battle which man cannot win. Despite this, man continues to fight, generation after generation. If man discontinues this fight, for just one generation then the battle is lost. Man continues to commit generation after generation to the fight.

How much simpler, and how much more enjoyable would our existence be if we stopped fighting nature, and started to once again live within nature? How much more peace would we find if we enjoyed nature and flowed with nature instead of constantly fighting nature, especially when we know that we cannot possibly win? How can we ever find peace when we spend lifetime after lifetime fighting nature?

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Early that afternoon I received a telephone call which I had been awaiting for nearly three weeks. I had worried about the telephone call, but I’d had nothing to worry about, which I had known all along. I had become impatient to receive the telephone call on occasions, but I had known that I had no reason to be impatient.

On the island where the pilot landed, two tribes have formed. The various beliefs are spread among both tribes.

One tribe lives a simple existence, finding shelter in caves, or creating structures from what nature has provided. The simple tribe have not developed a monetary system. The simple tribe gather the plant base of their diet from nature, always being careful to only take what they need and to replace what they take. The simple tribe fish as needed and occasionally hunt an animal or a bird.

The simple tribe spend a lot of their time dancing, and sharing stories and love. Their entertainment comes from within. The simple tribe find all the beauty they need in nature. They are at peace, happy and content.

The other tribe, the advanced tribe, builds permanent shelters. The advanced tribe learn how to make bricks out of clay, and over time take more and more clay from the earth, which weakens the hold the remaining trees have on the earth. They terminate the life force of the trees permanently instead of building their shelters around live trees, and utilising trees whose life force has expired naturally.

The advanced tribe become so busy building their shelters which they believe are permanent, that they no longer have time to hunt and fish and gather the fruits of plant life. The advanced tribe still need these things for sustenance, so some spend all their time hunting and fishing, taking more than they need. They trade the excess with some in return for building materials, and with others in return for labour. What is left is waste. In time a monetary system is developed, and the advanced tribe begin to measure a man’s importance by the size of the house which he lives in.

This continues, generation after generation. The advanced tribe are always finding ways to travel faster and easier. They are always finding ways to use less labour in their endeavours, but instead of spending the time that they save at peace, the advanced tribe use their spare time to continue to find ways to do things faster and better by their standards, and to acquire more money and bigger structures, without ever having the time to enjoy what they have acquired.

The advanced tribe never relaxes, they never rest. and they wear their bodies out. The advanced tribe have lost sight of the true beauty of nature, because they no time to stop and look at the true beauty of nature.

If the advanced tribe neglects a shelter for any length of time, nature reclaims the space, so they are forever fighting nature back. The advanced tribe spend their spare time cutting grass, trimming what trees remain, and pulling what they see as weeds in their ongoing battle with nature.

Meanwhile, the simple tribe continues to live simply, moving their simple structures from time to time, as the seasonal winds come. The simple tribe bends with nature, instead of building structures which will resist the winds. Over the course of a year the simple tribe move their structures four times. It takes them a day to move their structures, four days each year.

The advanced tribe must spend one day each week fighting nature, 52 days each year.

Generation after generation this continues, the simple tribe working with nature, and the advanced tribe fighting nature. One day a hurricane hits the island.

The simple tribe had built their structures within nature. Their structures bend with the wind, protected by living trees with a strong root system, secure because the clay remains in the ground. The trees bend with the wind, but the roots are unaffected.

The advanced tribe finds that their shelters cannot resist the hurricane, nor can their shelters bend with the wind, so the advanced tribe’s structures collapse around them. The remaining trees cannot bend with the wind either, because their root systems are not secure. The clay has been removed from the soil. The trees are uprooted and blown onto the dwellings, adding to the destruction of what were believed to be permanent structures.

The ‘permanent’ village of the advanced tribe is destroyed, but the ‘temporary’ village of the simple tribe is in tact. The simple tribe had never forgotten what they knew, and now the advanced tribe was given an opportunity to relearn what they once knew.

The advanced tribe now has a choice forced upon them. Do they re-learn and revert to a simple existence, or do they fail to learn, and commence the battle with nature again, believing that they now can construct stronger structures which will resist nature.

It is not an easy decision, but it is an easy decision.

Even the strong winds of reality could not blow away the advanced tribe’s belief in their artificial world which had been developed and maintained generation after generation. So the advanced tribe rebuilt their artificial world.

A few did see the truth and left the village to start a simple existence on another part of the island. A third tribe was born. In time the village was rebuilt. One day one of those who had left the advanced tribe returned, and told all who would listen about the beauty of reality, and the peace of a simple existence.

This sounded pleasant to those who listened, but most of the advanced tribe could not embrace what they were being told. The advanced tribe would have to give up what they had, and they felt the price was too high.

The one who had delivered the message returned to the simple existence, saddened because only a very few of the advanced tribe had been able to see reality, and most of the advanced tribe had their vision blocked by their artificial world.

Time passed and the artificial village expanded generation after generation, until the artificial village of the advanced tribe consumed the land where the simple tribes existed. The simple tribes were pushed onto smaller areas. They found themselves in an environment which was no longer balanced, and they could no longer sustain themselves.

Those of the simple tribes who were wise knew that life would one day come fullcircle. They accepted what was happening, others fought the spread of advanced tribe to no avail. Some of the advanced tribe felt guilty, and through goodness provided for the simple tribes, but all the simple tribes wanted was their existence back.

The misguided advanced tribe, blinded by their artificial reality built shelters for the simple tribes. They were horrified that the simple tribes did not spend their time maintaining the artificial shelters. The advanced tribe did not understand that the simple tribes knew that fighting nature was a waste of time.

Over time the simple tribes had the artificial world thrust upon them, and generation after generation many lost sight of the truth.

One day, one of the villagers walked up into the mountains to rest from his problems. There the villager rediscovered the truth. The villager saw the reality of the world, he saw the beauty of reality. The villager understood that his world was artificial. When he returned home, the villager saw through the artificial world, and he saw that his problems, like his world, were artificial.

The villager longed to return to the mountains. He longed for a simple existence and he knew that he could never again be satisfied with the artificial world. The villager also knew that he had obligations, and he had ties to the artificial world which were real.

In time the villager learned how to exist within the artificial world, without becoming consumed by it. All that the villager needed to do was to see the artificial world for what it was, and he could live a simple existence within the artificial world.

The villager’s neighbours did not understand him, but he saw that their lack of understanding, like their world was artificial. The villager rejoiced at the gift that he had been given in the mountains. The gift of peace, but he was to learn that his gift had a price. The villager had been given a seed.

The villager was asked to repay his gift, by sowing the seed. He knew that sowing the seed was a fair price, and that the value of the gift far exceeded the price which he had been asked to pay.

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It was time to return to the beach. I was troubled. I finally understood why. I continued to be concerned about what people thought. I knew that what people thought did not matter, but despite all that I had learned, I continued to make what people thought matter. I felt the concern which I had been carrying around with me lift, and even though I suspected that it would be back, I took another step across the bridge to my soul.

I knew that I was far from perfect. Nevertheless, I had reached a point where I expected myself to act perfectly at all times. Every time I made a mistake or handled a situation incorrectly, I knew that I had done so and I immediately punished myself for not being perfect.

I was not expected to be perfect, but I was expected to recognise my mistakes. I had started making the mistakes important, when what was important was that I recognised my mistakes, I learned from my mistakes, and then I released my mistakes. If I released my mistakes, I could continue to cross the bridge to my soul because I was not carrying my mistakes.

The next day, Anne visited me. I had not seen her in some time.

I considered all that I had learned from my previous lifetimes. I understood how my previous lifetimes had been planned, and I understood that everything that I had endured during my previous lifetimes had been necessary for the task which I was now being asked to perform. I did not understand the implications of this knowledge.

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The following morning, Anne called with a message for me. It seemed that what I referred to as my journey, but what was only my preparation, would not be completed until the middle of the following month. I was not quite sure about the message but I knew that it did not matter.

I did not know at this stage what it was that would occur in the middle of the next month, and I would not have believed it if I did. Nor did I know that it would be my preparation that would end, not my journey.

I spent much of the weekend resolving minor issues, many of which I had not known were unresolved. I reviewed and clarified the message which Anne had given me that morning. The message was that matters would be resolved between now and mid-January. My first reaction was frustration at more delays. I then decided there was really not going to be delays. Finally, I correctly realised that it did not matter.

Later that day, I was not angry, I was not frustrated and I was certainly not depressed. However, I was fed up with the whole thing. It was a symptom of being too hard on myself. I had been asked to travel a difficult path, and I was totally drained. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I wanted my journey over so that I could rest, and not just a short rest in between stages. I needed a long rest.

I suspected that I could not rest until my journey was complete. It was one of the main reasons I wanted my journey to be over. I wanted, or more accurately, desperately needed rest.

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My character is exactly what my character needs to be for me to complete the task that I am being asked to complete. The balance within my character is exactly what is required for me to complete the task. This should not have surprised me. How could my character be otherwise? Nevertheless, the balance within my character did surprise me.

Later that evening, Anne called again. She said that she understood, as far as she could how difficult the year had been for me. She said that it had taken a special person to achieve what I had achieved, and that I should not worry.

Why Anne had chosen to telephone me when she did, and say exactly what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it, I did not know. I did know that is was the way that reality works.

I reflected on how many times, throughout what I had called my journey, I had received an unexpected telephone call exactly when I needed encouragement. It seemed that whenever I reached a point where I doubted my ability to continue, I was given the right amount of encouragement.

There are times when our souls are required to fulfil an obligation before they can move on. These obligations are often as a result of karmic debt. The nature of karmic debts vary, sometimes karmic debts can only be fulfilled in physical form, and sometimes they can only be fulfilled in spirit form.

During the previous few days, I had been given some more glimpses of the future. Some more ‘fuzzy’ snapshots like I had received on the island, although not as fuzzy. The glimpses of the future, were events which would occur as I fulfilled my teaching destiny.

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My alarm failed to call me back from the spirit plane again the following morning, which was going to make me late to attend the office. It concerned me greatly, even though I knew that I did not really have any reason for concern.

I was required to attend an office Christmas party that afternoon, which I had absolutely no desire to attend, and no reason to avoid. I knew that not wanting to attend the office Christmas party was irrelevant, and that nothing that occurred at the party would affect me, as long as I allowed my soul to flow.

I did not want to have to make conversation with people when I knew that most of the conversation would be pretence. I did not see any point to empty conversation, nor could I see any reason why I should attend the Christmas party, other than to learn more about flowing and that my wants were irrelevant.

Having to maintain the illusion of my old world in the office was a major problem to me. I would have much rather told the truth, but I knew that revealing the truth at this point was not possible. I needed to endure, although I did not know how to pretend that I liked having to maintain the illusion of my old world. Having to maintain the illusion of my old world was just one of the prices I had to pay. I was being provided for by the business, and therefore maintaining the illusion of my old world was necessary.

I was tired of balancing on the tightrope between worlds, and even though I knew that I had been given the resources to fulfil my destiny, having to maintain my involvement in the business was also fuelling my doubt.

Often, I needed to act as I was expected to act, instead of acting with my soul. I did not like the pretence at all. I had to pretend that I was not experiencing what I was experiencing all of the time. I longed to tell the truth, but my instinct told me that I could not reveal the truth. All that I could do was stay on the tightrope and try to keep my balance.

The only consolation that I had at this point, was that I knew that fate knew exactly what it was doing, even if I did not.

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That morning I received a very supportive note from Nancy, which again was exactly what I needed. Her note helped me to realise how fortunate I was to have the support that I had.

I attended the Christmas function. I sat quietly talking to a few staff. I enjoyed soaking in the view of the harbour. The only problem I had was a feeling that I did not belong. The real purpose that the Christmas function served, as far as I was concerned, was that it demonstrated that I did not belong in what had been my world a few months earlier.

Despite all that I had learned, despite all that I had gained, despite the fact that I knew that my old world was unimportant. I felt the loss of my old world, which I had not expected.

I was ‘driven’ to leave the Christmas function early which I could not understand at the time. It had been several months since my instinct had driven me to leave somewhere in that manner. I experienced exactly the same sense of having to leave, that I had experienced when I had first began recording my journey. It had been so long since I’d had that irresistible drive to leave somewhere, that I had not recognised the experience immediately.

I did not know why I was ‘driven’ to leave the Christmas function early, any more than I had known why I had been driven to leave somewhere on occasion several months earlier. As the afternoon had worn on, the intensity of my need to leave had grown, until I was no longer able to resist.

A reflection of my old values had caused me to view my leaving the Christmas function early as negative. However, following our instinct is always positive. What others may think of our actions in following our instinct is not important. I had been expected to stay for the duration of the Christmas function. That I left the Christmas function demonstrated that I did not really have to act as I was expected to act after all.

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Later that afternoon I visited the spirit plane where I learned a little more about what my role was to be. I was effectively to be an emotional ‘half way house’, somewhere for people with a particular problem, large or small, when they had nowhere else to turn. After I had provided temporary support, those who had needed temporary support would either find a more permanent support, or no longer need support.

I saw how those in my life now, and many who had entered my life in the past, had mostly had nowhere else to turn with a particular problem, and that these were the people whom I had felt compelled to help. I had felt no need to help those who had somewhere else to turn.

It had been a pattern which had been apparent throughout my life. People had entered my life when they needed emotional support, and they had left my life again when the emotional support was no longer needed, or no longer needed from me. I had been an emotional ‘half way house’ all of my life without realising it until this aspect of my life had been explained to me. This piece of understanding explained much about my life.

I did not understand exactly what this part of my role would mean. I believed that it would be my role to help people, but helping people was not always my role. Sometimes, my role would simply be to provide guidance or assistance. Sometimes I was required to do absolutely nothing.

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That night I was again without sleep. In the early hours of the morning I decided to go for a walk. It was the early hours of Christmas Eve. I had not been walking long when I was joined by another soul, I assumed that it was a soul from the spirit plane at first, but later I was not sure.

The soul said, “Do not worry, you are going to be all right.”

I said, “Stay with me for a while. I do not know how much more I can endure.”

“Do not worry, it is nearly over, you are going to be all right. You have done well, better than expected, be proud.”

“Why do some issues continue to trouble me?”

“There are matters which are unresolved.”

“What matters are unresolved?”

“I do not know.”

“What I should do?”

“Do nothing!”

“Can you stay to help me?”

“I cannot, I have to go. You are too hard on yourself, you have done better than you know.”

“Why did I need to leave the Christmas function early?”

“You had to leave, it was not time, yet.”

“What was it not time for?”

“I do not know. Do not worry about it, you will know when it is time. You will deal with it, whatever it is, as you are meant to deal with it.”

The soul was silent for a while and then continued, “You know what you need to know when you need to know it. You could do damage to the balance if you knew something too soon. You must see this now, but you will always know what you need to know. You always know when you are needed, before you are needed and with enough time to be there, ready for when you are needed, and no more time than that.

“That is all you have to do, be there. Your soul will know what to do. Allow things to happen, be there. Do not push, relax. It is all right to doubt, doubt means that you question. When you question, you are ready for answers.

“You have let go of your conscious mind, but you still have your subconscious mind. Just as your conscious mind was part of your body, your subconscious mind is part of your soul.”

“What should I do about my business?”

“You have nothing to worry about, you are doing fine. I came to let you know that you will be all right, and I must say goodbye now.” With that, the soul left me.

I did not sleep that night. However, I relaxed and I was at peace. The only concern I had was for my business, but not for my business’ sake. I was concerned for my own livelihood. I was working and what I did, I felt that I did well, but I was not putting in enough time at the office and I was certainly not living up to the expectations of those around me.

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The next day I attended the office. I tried very hard to ignore the fact that I was extremely tired. All that I wanted to do was sleep. I worked until lunchtime. When I returned home a letter from my soulmate was in the mail. Our first contact on the earth plane was now complete. It was Christmas Eve.

That night I was extremely restless. I had no reason to be restless. My only problem, was that I was viewing my circumstances negatively without reason. I had known seven months previously that Christmas was the timing. However, every time I invented a scenario to fit within the Christmas time frame, the scenario that I invented was wrong. When Christmas had arrived events had been as I knew events would be, but not in the way, not in a way, I had or could have imagined. It was time that I learnt this particular lesson.

I had maintained my knowledge of Christmas being the timing, even when I knew that I had gotten the detail wrong, and even though people like Sally and Graeme, who had given me so much support, had doubted the timing. I had doubted it myself, but I had not really doubted that an event would occur at Christmas.

I had known that I would have reconnected with my soulmate before Christmas, but I had not known what this meant. Nor had I known for a long time, who my soulmate was. That I’d had no concept that the event which I had foreseen would be my first letter from my soulmate was irrelevant. As was the fact that receiving a letter from a lady who lived on the other side of the world, and whom I had never met was not something which I could have imagined, and was certainly not what I wanted.

I knew from the repeated experience of my own life, that there was a difference between knowing the ‘fact’ and inventing the ‘detail’. I needed to finally learn this lesson.

Much of what I had learned during my journey had been confirmed and explained in one way or another, but I continued to doubt. I continued to focus on issues which I did not understand. I continued to be impatient. Sometimes, I despaired at ever learning all that I needed to learn. However, the reality was that I had no concept of exactly what I needed to learn, or what I would learn.

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I spent most of Christmas day relaxing with Rose and my boys. I was given the time that I needed to spend Christmas with my boys.

Christmas night, I called around to see Nancy. As we sat there talking, she told me about what she thought was a dream that she’d had the previous evening. What Nancy described sounded like a soul contact to me. Nancy recalled asking me for help, but she could not recall what I had told her.

I explained to Nancy that her ‘dream’ was probably a soul contact, but that I could not recall such a soul contact the previous evening. I did know that I had been away from my body the previous night, but I had no recollection of where I had gone. We continued talking, and I uttered two sentences. Nancy immediately said, “That is it, that is what you said to me last night.” She had not needed to tell me this because, as I spoke the words, I remembered our soul contact.

Sometime later, I gave Nancy a message. I knew where the message was coming from, but I did not know whom the message was coming from. After I had delivered the message, I knew that the message was from a spirit guide of Nancy’s named Harris, which I misunderstood as Iris. I was instructed to tell Nancy the spirit guide’s name, and to tell her that she would be all right, because ‘Iris’ (Harris) was there to help her.

Harris also had a message for me, “And don’t you worry, you are going to be all right.” Harris then said, “It is time for you to go now.” I went home.

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I had reached a point where I needed to truly believe in myself. I needed to trust myself. I needed to discontinue attempting to obtain approval from others.

Believe in myself, trust my instinct, and live with my soul was all that I needed to do. Believe in myself, trust my instinct, and live with my soul was the key to finding my permanent peace.

That day proved to be another peaceful day of rest, which I certainly needed. Throughout my journey I had told some people what was going to happen so that when things happened I would have a witness to confirm to myself that my experiences were real. I had believed that having such witnesses, would make it harder for me to doubt myself. I now believed that I should no longer need these witnesses. I knew that all that I had experienced was real. Nevertheless, I retained some doubts, regardless of what I knew.

I had a sense of inner calm, an underlying happiness, and a sense of peace which could only be removed by myself. I had confidence in the future. All would be as it was meant to be, and nothing else mattered.

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The next day I remained at peace and I remained at rest. Everything was certainly not going as I wanted it to go. In fact, there were things happening around me which were potentially very annoying, but I knew that they did not really matter, and I did not allow them to affect me.

There seemed to be a lot of little things that were occurring which were tests to establish what I had really learned. I questioned these ‘tests’, but there were too many things which suddenly corrected themselves, when I accepted them for what they were, and did not allow them to affect me.

It was a time of reflection. I recalled the stress that I had experienced at losing my old world. I knew that even the stress at losing my old world, which I had certainly felt, had been created for a purpose. I had endured worse events in my life, and all that I had learned throughout my life, had taught me that my stress was unnecessary. My stress had been imposed upon me to ensure that I would find my correct path. The stress which I had felt at the time had been compounded, because even as I was enduring the stress, I could not understand why I had been affected by stress, I knew better.

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The following morning I slept late. I had visitors arriving that day. I was awoken by my pillow being shaken vigorously, but there was no one else in the room. Nothing surprised me any more.

I reflected on all of the things that I had been told, but had failed to understand. The more that I understood, the clearer the messages had become. This was particularly true from my two meetings with spirits via the clairvoyant. However, even at this point I did not really understand exactly what I had been told. Nevertheless, I did think that I understood what I had been told.

I spent a relaxing day with friends and a quiet night. It was a time of rest, which continued the next day.

One reason for the increasing number of souls on the earth plane is because many souls have not been able to gain enlightenment due to the disease of artificial fulfilment. Even though new souls are being created, old souls are not transcending to the higher plane. Due to the limited amount of time that remains, more souls that have become aware are returning to help and guide souls who have not gained enlightenment.

New souls will always be created. The population growth will continue until old souls achieve awareness, and move onto the higher plane.

Souls experience existence on other worlds, but many souls have been stuck on the earth plane repeating the cycle over and over again unable to move on. Souls exist on various worlds to learn something from each world. Often on the more spiritually advanced worlds only one lifetime is required. Many old souls have experienced other worlds, many lifetimes ago. It is only by breaking the cycle and learning on this world, that souls will again be free to travel to other worlds.

Most souls will again return to this world to learn something else. It is a pattern, repeating itself, learning on alternate worlds but becoming trapped on each world until the soul has learned what the soul came to that world to learn.

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The pattern of the previous few days continued. Relaxation, confirmation and clarification.

We are all given natural ability. Often our natural ability is developed over many lifetimes. Each person’s natural ability will vary. Our natural ability is aided by our chosen place and time of birth, as are the challenges associated with our natural ability.

Our first challenge is to identify our natural ability. Our instinct will lead us to our natural ability, but many of us fight our natural ability. We often rationalise our way out of following it, convincing ourselves that following our natural ability is not a risk that we should take. Others pass this challenge, but ignore the need to work on further developing our natural ability. Our natural ability alone is not enough. We need to learn to adopt the correct attitude towards it, and to accept our natural ability for what it is.

Even if we allow our natural ability to progress, and we approach it correctly, we often place ourselves under pressure to perform to our natural ability all of the time. We also allow others to place us under pressure to live up to their expectations of our natural ability. We often allow our natural ability, our greatest strength, to be used against us which is a part of the challenge that we must overcome.

The most important lesson we that must learn in respect of our natural ability, is to allow our strength to flow and to enjoy our time on the earth plane. We must use our natural ability to learn to obtain enjoyment from every situation, instead of using it to cause ourselves pain from every situation.

There is not one experience that cannot provide us with a lesson in the importance of love, and the importance of looking at the positive nature of reality. Often we are placed in difficult situations through no conscious choice of our own, because difficult situations are our classrooms, our learning environment.

That we experience difficult situations does not change with awareness. What changes, and the only thing that can change, is our perspective. We can choose to view our experiences from the earth plane perspective, or we can choose to view our experiences from the higher plane perspective. Our perspective is what makes the difference.

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I briefly crossed to the spirit plane that night. When I returned I knew that there was much that I did not know. I had no concept of how much I did not know.

That evening I wondered if an evil or mischievous spirit, or the devil had been toying with me. If all that I had experienced was a result of an evil spirit. However, I knew that this was not so. All of the knowledge and insights which I had been given to pass on were based on goodness. There was no evil in what I had written, either by intent, or by implication.

Much of what had been explained to me had been simplified. If the truth was explained exactly how the truth worked, we would have difficulty understanding it. I did not have any concept of how these simplified explanations would develop. Nor did I realise how much depth I would become aware of before my journey was complete.

The purpose of these explanations is to enable us to remember the truth that is within us all. The purpose of these explanations is to allow us to once again see the bunch, and not just the grape.

In time we will again understand that the bunch comes from the vine, how the bunch is formed and how this vine grows. First we need to understand and accept the existence of the bunch when we only have the grape to look at. If we do not accept the existence of the bunch, we could not even begin to conceive the existence of the vine.

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That night, I learned that I could still become angry, and that I could not expect others to react other than from the perspective of the earth plane. I found myself so frustrated with trying to balance my two worlds that I desperately wanted my journey to be over. I was extremely fed up with my journey.

Later that night, Anne telephoned exactly when I needed her support, which did not surprise me. Whenever I felt like I’d had enough, someone would telephone me, usually Sally or Anne, with the encouragement which I needed to continue.

The only reason that I had become angry that day was because I had viewed events from the perspective of the earth plane. I had taken the situation at face value, instead of allowing my soul to take over.

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The following morning, I was able to review and re-evaluate all that I had experienced during the previous few years. I was beginning to see the underlying truth that much of what I had experienced had been the early stages of my preparation.

I had a long talk with Joe that day. I had no idea what I would say to him, but as he raised the matters which were troubling him, I allowed my soul to answer. I allowed my soul to flow. As well as helping Joe, allowing my soul to flow gave me the boost that I needed. I had reached a point where I expected myself to handle every situation with my soul, all of the time, and whenever I did not handle a situation with my soul, I punished myself.

My conversation with Anne the previous night had been similar to my talk with Joe that day, a combination of guidance for Anne and confirmation for me.

That afternoon, I telephoned Trish. I had not spoken with Trish for some time. I wanted Trish to know how my experiences were developing. I was also seeking a little more confirmation and support.

The reason that there is an increasing amount of activity by those from other worlds is that we are being studied. It is why there are an increasing number of ‘extra terrestrial abductions’ and repeated abductions.

We are being studied in preparation for our physical visits to other worlds, which is relatively close to happening. Our visits to other worlds will occur once we have overcome the barriers which are preventing us from discovering our ability to travel to other worlds. In reality, these barriers are spiritual not physical. The solution to space travel, like so many solutions before, will be discovered by ‘accident’ when we are ready to discover the solution to space travel.

The souls who inhabit the other worlds that have already discovered space travel, are protecting themselves against the spread of artificial fulfilment, which did not take hold on all other worlds, although artificial fulfilment did take hold on someother worlds.

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I sensed that Nancy needed to talk. I listened while she explained that Harris had been with her. Nancy had been looking within herself for the key to what had been troubling her for many years. She seemed close to finding it. It was apparent that there had been a point in Nancy’s life when a past life memory had been enacted. Although she had been unaware that anything had occurred at the time, the past life memory had been affecting Nancy’s life since.

I had been given the rest that I had asked for, and I had been at peace.

The next morning I was reflective to the point of confusion. My thoughts had been all over the place for days. Random thoughts were continually entering and leaving my mind. They appeared to have no pattern which had in itself caused my confusion.

I had been reflecting on my life without a conscious thought. Past experiences appeared and then disappeared from my thoughts. I did know that my subconscious reflection was a part of the process, but I certainly could not understand why it was occurring. All that I could do, was keep telling myself not to worry, that everything was on track, and that I would understand my subconscious reflection when I was ready.

I was being too hard on myself. Maintaining my balance between my two worlds was difficult, but I could do little to alleviate the situation. In many ways I would have liked to have had something in relation to my business to ‘get my teeth into’. However, each time that I had attempted to embrace my business in any way, it had been demonstrated that I was not going to be allowed to pursue that path. All I could do was allow everything to be as it is.

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At this time I was led to many little confirmations of my experiences, and I was given many little tests. This pattern, which had lasted for several weeks, had not disrupted my peace. I was learning not to anticipate the level of support from any one person. As soon as I anticipated the support from that person would change, and someone else would adopt the support role. This in itself was another important lesson. Support would always be provided when I needed support, but the source of my support would be based on mutual need, and thus the source of my support would change from time to time.

I listened to two of Trish’s early Tarot readings for me. With hindsight, I saw what she had told me with increased clarity. There were many aspects of her early Tarot readings which I had thought that I had understood at the time, but I had not understood. Despite this confirmation, and despite everything that I had experienced, I still wanted the process, and my journey to be over. I did not know how much more I could endure.

I had been close to retaining my peace on a number of occasions, but I had blocked my peace by allowing what I wanted to happen to become more important, than what was happening. It was time for me to stop wanting, and to allow everything to be. Flowing with what was happening was one thing, but it was not enough. I needed to stop wanting something else to happen, which sounded easy when I wrote it down.

I was immediately tested. I was asked to do something that I did not want to do. I reluctantly agreed. I knew I was being tested, the timing was absolute.

I understood another of the ironies of reality, my journey could not be over until I stopped wanting my journey to be over. I wondered how much easier my path would have been if I had approached my journey positively from the start, but the twist was that I could not have approached my journey differently. I needed to experience the difficulties which I created by approaching my journey negatively, so that I would learn to approach my journey positively.

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I was still being too hard on myself. I expected myself to understand things that I was not ready to understand. I really only had one source of pressure and that was myself.

I continued to reflect on Trish’s Tarot readings. I had been clearly warned about many of my experiences including the stress that I had suffered when I had tried to maintain my involvement in the business. However, I had ignored or misread most of the warnings that I had been given.

Each of us has chosen our own life. No matter how difficult or unfair our life seems, we chose our own life. We chose our own life because we knew what adversity we would need to rise above. We must accept that we chose our own life, and we must accept that regardless of whatever happens to us, we chose our life for a reason.

It does not matter what it is that we need to face, there is only one way for us to rise above it and that is through love. We must be thankful for what we have, and we must be thankful for what we have had. We must not feel bitter because we have lost something. We must feel love and compassion for everyone around us, regardless of their actions.

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We must feel love and compassion for everyone around us, because feeling love and compassion is the only way to ultimately rise above the earth plane, and ascend to the higher plane.

Some of the difficulties that I had experienced were caused when concepts I had learned contradicted themselves. However, they did not really contradict themselves. My interpretation that had caused my difficulty, through my lack of understanding.

Acceptance also needs understanding. Acceptance does not mean giving up on anything or giving up on life. It is not acceptance of what those around us say and think, or where the circumstances of our lives has led us. It is the acceptance of what we know in our soul to be true that we must develop. We must understand that if everybody around us says that something cannot be done, or if circumstances which surround us seem to indicate that something cannot be done, and we know in our soul that the something can be done, or that a course of action is correct, this is what we must accept. We must accept what we ‘know’ in our soul.

We must accept the reality of what we know within our soul. By accepting what we know within our soul we will both create, and fulfil our destiny. We always know what is within our soul, although we need to cut through our fears, doubts, insecurities, negative emotions, the expectations of others, and accepted theories to discover our knowledge. Beneath all of the artificial layers which surround us, we know the truth. The truth within is what we must see, and the truth within is what we must accept. The truth within is reality.

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That day many things began to fall into place. The pieces which made up the pictures of my life were coming together and they were becoming a lot clearer, although none were fully complete.

I had not understood the experience whilst the experience was occurring, but all of the flashes, all of the seemingly unrelated things which had been entering and leaving my mind, had been me sifting through the pieces of the pictures which were my life. I had been separating the pieces and sorting them so that I could put them in their correct place, and begin to complete the pictures of my life.

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