Exploring Who I Am
The purpose of my difficulties, was to force me to meditate and seek awareness. At these times I would not really be on the earth plane, in any way other than physically. Without my difficulties I would permanently exist on all three planes, which was precisely why I retained my difficulties. I knew that my difficulties were necessary, but I did not want my difficulties. I wanted to exist on all three planes.
That night I spoke with Katerina. The Australian embassy in Moscow had received the information that Katerina had sent on the previous day. The Australian embassy in Moscow had not advised us of their decision, but they did inform Katerina that the next step was for her to undertake a medical in two weeks, in Moscow. The development looked promising and it did remove some pressure from me, but essentially my environment remained.
As soon as I awoke the following morning, I knew that I would consult with Sue. I did not know why I needed to consult with Sue, I had no questions and I was at peace.
I walked down to Sue's consultation shop and 'coincidentally', Sue had no previous bookings that afternoon.
Mostly Sue confirmed what I knew was occurring at this time. My environment and the aspects of me which were not me, had fulfilled their purpose and it was time to release the aspects of me which were not me. Aspects of me which I had not been able to attend to previously, now required my attention. The aspects of me which were not me, had fulfilled their purpose.
I knew that what Sue had told me was correct, and I knew not to force the changes that Sue had explained were necessary, but to allow the changes to occur.
We spoke some more about the spiritual retreat. I was given a few more confusing pieces of information about the location of my spiritual retreat. I was not meant to know exactly where my spiritual retreat would be at this point in time.
Sue told me that I would travel to Russia to bring Katerina home, which was something that I had come to doubt. In respect of not being able to afford such a trip, Sue had a simple and very pointed message, 'I had not been let down in the past'.
Sue also told me that I would write another series of books that during the next two years. I would have preferred to have finished the two series of books that I was currently writing on first.
Writing addition books in itself did not cause me any concerns, but my humanity found the prospect writing another series of books a little daunting. In respect of what else I would write, I knew that I could comfortably write different books at the same time, because of the nature of what I was to write.
Considering that I was going to write those whilst establishing my spiritual centre, the task seemed overwhelming, but that I knew that I would be given the resources that I needed.
Two months after this meeting with Sue, Jesus confirmed that I would write this additional series of books. Jesus said that I would be given many messages and the true meaning of their words from a number of masters to pass on. At the time of my discussion with Jesus, I had forgotten what Sue had told me.
In respect of the beginning of my new environment, Sue explained that the establishment of my new environment would be so sudden, that I would basically go to sleep one night in my old world and wake up the next morning in my new world.
Jesus delivered a message via Sue which confirmed that Jesus would continue to walk with me, and that we would do what needed to be done together.
Jesus spoke of the links in the chain from his lifetime being brought back together to complete our task, and I knew that I would not walk alone or complete my task alone. I knew that I was the focal point who would bring the links in the chain together.
I spent the evening contemplating all that Sue had passed on to me. I remained unsure of exactly why I had been sent to Sue that day.
That night, I travelled to the spirit plane where I sat amongst a group of aware souls and explained firstly my spiritual centre, and secondly the true meaning of many concepts of existence including the earth plane.
When I awoke the following morning, I was at peace but I was unable to write about any of what had occurred the previous day.
When I finally wrote my notes the following day, I knew that there was an aspect of my visit to the spirit plane that I specifically needed to recall.
I then spent several hours alternating almost each minute between all three planes, before settling within all three planes and bringing my writing 'up to date'.
All that day I knew that I had awareness close to the surface, but I did not seem to be able to release my new awareness to my conscious mind. I knew that my new awareness related to the earth plane, and the physical nature of the earth plane. That night I received a key, and my new awareness started to surface.
The earth plane has limitations by design and those limitations have not been reached. Every aspect of the earth plane is a product of cause and effect, from a physical perspective, which enables 'scientific' explanations to be provided for everything. Historically, when certain diseases have run their course and fulfilled their purpose, a cure has been found.
What is very significant about this point in time is that we are very close to discovering the cause or cure of many previously incurable diseases. Many of the incurable diseases are conveniently caused at a gene level, which has enabled souls to choose the bodies that were most suitable to their required experiences.
In fact, this was only a very small part of what was occurring on the physical plane. Solutions were close to being found for many unsolvable problems, and it would soon be impossible for the denial of contact with those from other physical worlds to be maintained.
The earth plane is certainly on the verge of a new era, a new age, an age of re-discovery, a new world order. It does not matter what it is called. Labels are unimportant, and meaningless.
That the group of souls who form the link with Jesus are being drawn together is not a coincidence. The timing is exactly as the timing is meant to be, the timing is now.
The awareness of the souls who form the link with Jesus had been triggered seven years previously, and the next seven years will be focused on re-establishing the principles of our existence and developing the spiritual centre. During this time another group of souls in the link, souls whose awareness process was only now beginning, would become aware.
It will be during the period which will begin in seven years that the remaining souls in the link will become aware and finally after many thousands of years the group of souls will lead the majority to awareness. It is very daunting, and it is very real.
My own role had not altered since my role had been explained to me when my concentrated awareness process began. My role was to bring the truth together. My role was to place the pieces of the puzzle of our existence back together.
My role was that simple and that daunting. I was not special, I am not special. I am an ordinary man who faces the prospect of a task which humbles me. However, I am not alone. Many souls will walk with me, and many masters will guide me.
Somewhere in the previous week I had stopped looking upon my journey as nearly ending. My journey was nearly beginning. I thought from time to time that I should have all of the answers, but I knew that all of the answers are available and not only to me. The answers to every question are around us all. The answers to every question are everywhere.
We do not need to look for answers. We need to be open to receive answers, we need to accept that the answers are there, and we need to allow the answers to present themselves. Answers to all of our questions do present themselves. Answers to all of our questions always present themselves, regardless of our level of awareness. We only need to be ready to receive the answers that are presented to us.
The following morning, I found myself reflecting on the events of the previous week. The time pressures and the difficulties in respect of Katerina's visa had eased because I no longer needed the continual pressure. Those events had altered the mix of the pressures within my environment and as such I no longer felt the pressure.
I entered the spirit plane and I again visited my spiritual centre.
I understood why I had specifically consulted with Sue two days earlier. It was time for me to begin to make contact with more souls who were linked with the Jesus lifetime and I would do this through Sue, which I did in a limited way, but I guess I pulled back because I was not ready.
Most of that day my nerves were on edge as my body prepared itself for the next increase in my vibrational rate. The experience was very intense but at this point I had learned how to manage the effect. I attended to a matter that I had been told required my attention.
I contemplated all that Sue had told me and I came to understand that not everything that Sue had passed on had been for me, some of Sue's message had been for herself.
The next morning, I knew that I had retrieved some more awareness, but as often occurred, I could not quite reach my new awareness.
It was a quiet day. I attended to another matter which I had been told needed attention. I received a few reminders that my financial pressures remained, not enough to increase the pressure, but enough to remind me that my difficulties were not quite over.
Throughout the day and that night I found myself contemplating the task which lay ahead. I understood my task and I accepted my task, but I was far from convinced that I wanted the task that I had been given. In fact I knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted peace and anonymity. Peace and anonymity was all that I craved.
I suppose that the real issue that caused my task to become foremost in my thoughts was the fact that it would soon become time to explain all that happened to my family. I did not know how to begin to explain my experiences to my family.
In some respects I found my inability to explain all that happened to my family incredulous, but I knew that having to explain all that happened to my family was symbolic.
As events transpired, I was not required to explain anything to my family or anybody else for that matter, my experiences are contained within my books and beyond my books, I had no explanation to offer and no need to justify myself.
It is not for me to tell anybody, anything. All that I am required to do, is make my story available to anyone who chooses to read my words.
As I reflected that night, it was clear that the task that I needed to complete that day had been to show me that I was not required to 'sell' my story to anyone. When it was time, my story, my experiences would be made available to any and to all.
The point being that I was not seeking anything from anybody, and I would not seek anything from anybody. I was not looking for followers, nor was I looking to 'convert' anybody. Everything was as everything was, and everything that had happened, had happened. I shared my experiences, and I would no doubt continue to share my experiences. I would allow whatever was required in respect of my on going task to develop as it would.
I knew that the point of my spiritual centre would be to enable those who chose, to seek understanding and awareness, and to provide somewhere that souls find peace whether that be for days or for years. However, that was all that the spiritual centre would provide. Peace, solitude and a little guidance. The spiritual centre would not be the way to God, the way to God was within.
I knew that the spiritual centre would not be a place of worship or even a benevolent society. The spiritual centre would be a place of discovery. Discovery of the truth, of the God within. A simple place for souls to rest for as long as they needed to re-charge their batteries, when their journey became a little to difficult.
The spiritual centre would not be about learning in the traditional sense, because there are no rules to be taught, no methods that must be applied. The spiritual centre would be a learning environment in that the spiritual centre would allow those who chose to look within, and learn from within. The assistance of guides would be available for those who chose to seek guidance, but there would not be general classes or workshops to 'teach' methods.
There would be no 'labels', other than those which people brought with them, and all labels would be welcome because labels are irrelevant. Nor would beliefs matter and all beliefs would be welcome, even if that belief was not to believe, because belief does not change reality.
There will be no chosen ones, no rituals and no ceremony. We will create an environment of peace and an environment which will allow souls to get in touch with the God within, regardless of whether souls acknowledge that God exists within or not.
Nor will the spiritual centre be a sanctuary limited to those of human form. Animals and plant life will also find peace at the spiritual centre.
The centre will not be a means of profit, in fact many souls will stay at the spiritual without charge, some offering services or skills in exchange for accommodation.
A few weeks later, Sue would confirm that this was how the spiritual centre would operate. Once again, it was not what Sue had said which would be significant in itself, it was that Sue had said it.
It was another day, and my spiritual centre remained at the forefront of my thoughts. That morning, as I soaked in the beauty of the world, the task which lay ahead did not seem quite so daunting.
I knew that I was not required to do any more in respect of my task, other than to allow my task to develop. The resources that I required would be available as and when I needed the resources, and I was only required to flow with events.
As the morning progressed, I found myself asking myself a number of questions about what was to happen in respect of my life, other than my task. Each time that I asked myself a question, the question was answered by one or another of the messages that Sue had relayed to me, during my various consultations with Sue.
I knew that the only reason why I was asking the questions was to enable myself to draw on the answers. The answers were not answers that I did not know or had not known for myself, but by drawing on Sue's words, I was confirming the answers.
I attended the office that day. The business seemed to be having difficulties across all areas of the operation. I knew that there was nothing that I could do, so I observed and did not even attempt to help.
I spent most of the day observing and meditating. My visits to the spirit plane were filled with images that I could not quite place, and I was often picked up and carried through the fabric of existence.
During one visit to the spirit plane I spent time with Michael, a recently deceased soul, but I did not quite understand why.
I slept soundly during the afternoon, I knew that I needed sleep. I had known that I was very tired, and I had also known that I had not removed all of the 'scum' to free my aura, but I had not associated the two experiences, until Sue had explained it to me during our last consultation.
| I was extremely tired because my aura was packed
so tightly around me. I knew that I would release my aura when I was ready
to release my aura, and I knew that I only needed to allow myself to release
That night was a quiet night of reflection. I suspected that something was about to happen. My visits to the spirit plane that night confirmed that something was about to happen, but I would not allow myself to speculate as to what would occur.
The following morning, I sat quietly reflecting my financial position. I did not worry and I was not concerned. However, I did accept that my environment remained very difficult, even though I had not felt any pressure from my environment since the 'mix' had been adjusted a week earlier.
I found myself beginning to ask for an end to my financial difficulties, but I stopped myself. I knew that life did not work that way. The assurances that I had received from the beginning of my journey had been because events had been foreseen, and I had foreseen the outcome of my journey myself. All I could do, was patiently wait for events to transpire.
That day my contact with the fabric of existence began to originate from my feet as well as from my hands. I went for a walk in the rain and I could feel the energy being restored to the earth all around me. In fact I could not just feel the energy being restored to the earth, I could also see the energy being restored to the earth. Each drop of rain that struck me released its energy upon contact.
It was another day that I spent observing. I contemplated my financial position. I had accounts which should have been paid months earlier and still I had no way of paying them. In fact, I was a little surprised that the consequences of my financial situation had not been far worse than they were at that point.
I was neither worried nor concerned, because I knew that neither worry or concern would assist me. I knew that a solution to my difficulties would present itself, but another day had passed without a solution to my difficulties, and I was totally fed up with the whole thing.
Another day arrived. I reflected that I seldom spoke with my friends any more. Most of my experiences had been solely spiritual for some time, and I had discontinued relaying what was occurring from a spiritual perspective to my friends nearly a year earlier when the magnitude of what was occurring had reached a point where I did not know how to talk about my experiences.
Now, as the magnitude of what was occurring had increased ten fold, I did not know where to begin. I knew that the best way to tell my story, even to my friends was to have my books published. From an earth plane perspective I did not have any concrete good news to share and I had discontinued sharing my earth plane difficulties with others many months earlier. In short I had nothing to talk about.
The most frustrating aspect of the magnitude of my experiences, was that I could not share my current experiences with my wife. Katerina was not ready to share my spiritual experiences otherwise Katerina would have been with me, and unless I could share my spiritual experiences, I could not share my difficulties with Katerina either, because what I shared would be unbalanced.
However, I did share all of my experiences, not only with my wife and my friends, but with the world through my writing.
The issue of my difficulties continued to repeat itself within my notes, and I knew that such repetition was not an accident. I knew that my difficulties were an important part of my example which needed to be emphasised. In fact, I seldom consciously wrote about my difficulties. I would begin writing and my difficulties would 'appear' on the page.
I would not have believed that such mundane issues would have been either relevant or worth commenting on in the context of a master's journey, but they were. My difficulties may have been illusions and even illusions within illusions, but whilst I continued to exist on the earth plane, my difficulties felt real and I experienced my difficulties accordingly.
I knew that this was the point. I knew that a myth was being dispelled. I knew that living each day in the present did not make earth plane difficulties seem any less real. I knew that drawing on the beauty of the world did not make earth plane difficulties seem any less real. I knew that focusing on my spirituality, did not make earth plane difficulties seem any less real. I knew that earth plane difficulties are retained until they were no longer needed, and I knew that I needed to retain my difficulties to keep me grounded.
I also knew that I was not justifying anything to myself, or even attempting to justify anything to myself because I had not 'consciously' written my notes.
The focus of my current experiences remained around the issue of dispelling myths that a master is different, or that a master is special. Souls can become who they are, a master, whilst retaining their earth plane difficulties, which I knew because this was exactly what I had done. I did retain both my spirituality and my peace within my difficult environment, but my difficult environment did remain. That my experiences could have been far worse was not relevant. Many souls have found themselves and the truth within after experiencing an environment that was extreme.
My example was for the majority, the average everyday person who exists within an average environment on the earth plane. Those who are not totally committed to a religion even if outwardly they were believers, and those who found so called 'new agers' a little too strange and eccentric. The average, everyday person, which is exactly what I had been, and what I continued to be.
| In many ways the 'average, everyday people'
are the people who will have the most difficulty in accepting that they
are masters, that God is within them, or that they can become totally aware
from within their existing environment. The 'average, everyday people' are
the souls who need to see that they can become totally aware from within
their existing environment and that there are no rules, no right way, and
no 'only' way to God.
Many who are searching for the truth have found that the rules imposed by religions have been replaced by rules imposed by the 'new age'. The average person finds rules impractical and the rituals imposed by religions and the new age impossible to maintain. However, this means nothing because the rules, rituals and symbolism mean nothing.
All that rules and rituals achieve is to give those who follow the rules and rituals something to 'master', something to focus on and feed their artificial ego that they have become somehow different, because they have mastered the discipline or studied for years and graduated to become closer to God. All of these rituals are unnecessary, which is why I had not been able to meditate following the rules laid down by any of the text books, only to find that I had always meditated naturally and easily. We all do.
God can be found within simply by accepting and allowing.
The questions of the truth of existence have been asked from within the average, everyday environment and have now been answered from within the average, everyday environment. For example; it has been established that a murderer can find their way to God many times throughout our existence. Many masters have experienced being a murderer in the very lifetimes in which they become masters. This was not something new.
However, even an average person from within an everyday environment can find God within. No rules. No rituals. No symbols. This was the point of my example. Accept and allow. Finding God within, is that simple.
Having made my point that morning, I was required to attend the office, like every other soul who needed to attend to their responsibilities.
The next few days were spent in attempted meditation. However, meditation was often impossible because of a migraine which had been 'imposed' on me. I say imposed because I could not draw the pain out of myself, nor did crystals or even pharmaceuticals do anything other than dull the pain. It was obvious that I was meant to have a migraine to force me to rest, even from my meditation.
During this time two pieces of advice passed on by Sue continually repeated in my mind. One day it was 'this is not too good to be true' and the next it was 'you will go to sleep in your old world and wake up in your new world'. I would not allow myself to speculate on the meaning of these phrases which were repeating in my head.
I spoke with Katerina and I found myself crying quietly to myself. I did not know why I cried, but I supposed that I cried because I had been alone for too long. The truth was that I did know why I cried, but I did not want to acknowledge why I cried, even to myself.
In the meantime, my financial position continued to deteriorate until my difficulties affected my family although not in a significant way.
What my difficulties did mean was that I would be spending more time than usual with my children during the following few weeks. When I had spent more time than usual with my children previously, it had been because I would then travel and be apart from my children for a few weeks, but I had no concrete plans to travel.
The day after I had found myself crying after talking with Katerina, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably for no apparent reason. A sadness descended over me. It was the sadness of shattered dreams and broken promises. I did know the cause of my sadness, even if I did not wish to acknowledge the cause of my sadness.
Of the issues which Sue had told me that I needed to address, there were two issues which I now knew were related. The two issues were the last of my ego, and the remains of my loneliness. Sue had explained that I had buried the two issues, but I would soon release the two issues. Sue had been accurate.
I believed that the sadness and the tears were allowing me to release and mourn the final passing of my old world. A final grieving to release the remains of an environment which I no longer needed. At the same time, the mourning and final tears of release conveniently dispelled one more myth about those who had become a master.
After my period of cleansing, my awareness was increased. However, my period of cleansing, would certainly not be my final cleansing.
That night, I was required to fulfil a role in another's experience. In fact, it was so obvious that I was 'fulfilling a role' in another's experience that I almost laughed in the middle of a heated discussion.
The remainder of that night and the following day, I alternated between being at peace and being overwhelmed by ever increasing financial pressures. I reached a point where I again wondered if I was delusional, but as soon as I did, events from my journey entered my mind which confirmed that everything that I had experienced must be real.
All I wanted was to leave my difficulties behind me and find myself a peaceful existence, but I could not just walk away as I wanted. My responsibilities prevented me from walking away, and maintaining my responsibilities was a part of my example. All that I could do, was wait for a solution to my difficulties, to present itself, a solution to my difficulties, which I had all but stopped searching for.
It was ten days before Christmas. I could not possibly afford to buy Christmas presents, other than for my children which had already been attended to. I accepted that I could not afford to buy Christmas presents, although I did not like the situation because the situation was against my chosen character. I had not even bothered 'looking' for Christmas presents, but strangely I had been 'drawn' to many of the presents that I would have bought if I had a sudden turnaround in funds. I would find myself with a little 'time to kill' and wonder into a shop for no apparent reason where I would stumble across exactly the right present for one person or another. If a solution to my financial difficulties presented itself within the next ten days, it would take me two days, because of geographic location, to commence and complete Christmas shopping.
I reflected on a few days earlier when I had found myself considering what I would do if my financial position turned around, as I had been repeatedly led to believe that it would. After clearing my debts and finding myself a home, I would attend to matters for others long before I would even begin to attend to matters for myself. In fact, I did not even reach a point where I would do anything for myself until days later.
However, there was nothing that I could do from an earth plane perspective except wait and flow with whatever occurred. All that did occur up to this point was that my financial pressure increased, although the 'mix' had been broken and whilst I felt the pressure occasionally, mostly I observed my environment, which in itself reconfirmed the artificial nature of my difficulties.
It was a quiet day, mostly spent in meditation. Evelyn was with me every day and I would see the flash of her crystals around me constantly.
I was given more knowledge as to how the spiritual nature of my life would develop, and my body continued to tingle and flutter as my awareness increased. The sensations that I received from many everyday occurrences continued to amaze me, as the sensations of living increased with my awareness. The sensations of living were not quite constant and seldom apparent when I looked for a sensation to experience, but whenever I allowed myself to really feel, even eating could become ecstasy.
I had achieved an increased level of awareness, and I continued to have my awareness increase from within my difficult environment. Without my difficulties I would be soaring like an eagle, which was far closer to the truth than I could possibly conceive at this point.
I did not need to have my difficulties removed before I could soar like an eagle, my difficulties remained because it was not time for me to soar like an eagle. I knew that I could soar like an eagle by walking away from my environment, and I would want for nothing. However, I was not destined to walk away from my environment, and all that I could do was want for my difficulties to be removed.
The following morning, my hands and feet continued to tingle from contact with the fabric of existence and my body fluttered all over, but the fluttering remained focused around my heart chakra.
I could feel my spirit soaring like an eagle but my difficulties had me tethered to the earth plane. When I completed my final review of Putting The Pieces Together, my choice of analogy surprised me by its accuracy.
I wondered if I was looking for a solution to my difficulties, but advice from Sue was repeated in my mind, and I knew that I was doing what was necessary.
My spirit continued to soar like an eagle but as soon as I had travelled too far, my tether pulled tight and I developed enough of a headache to pull me back to earth again.
Later, I again soared like an eagle but each time that I went too far, my headache returned and pulled me back to earth. It would not be long now before I did not need the tether at all.
It was an interesting day, the power that I could feel through my fingertips reached a level far greater than I had previously experienced. However, I was not surprised to be brought back to earth with some simple reminders of my difficult financial position late that afternoon.
Later that night, I questioned my approach to my difficulties. I was doing nothing about my difficulties, not that there was much that I could do about my difficulties. God had told me not to worry and to have faith, which was what I was doing.
I had been given a rest from my spiritual work to allow me to meditate whilst my awareness of who I am continued to increase.
The next morning, I was reminded about my financial situation. I was not worried about my financial situation and I maintained my faith. God had told me that I was not required to like my difficulties, and I was pleased because I certainly did not like my difficulties at all.
I understood that there was an important point to what I was now experiencing. Masters do understand exactly what souls experience in the everyday normal world. Difficulties remain beyond 'belief'. I knew and I understood God's existence with certainty, a certainty that went beyond belief, but I continued to experience difficulties. I understood that God had led me to believe that a solution to my difficulties was only days away, on many occasions, to keep me on my correct path. God had assisted me to maintain my correct path even when my only method of communication with God, had been my instinct. However, I knew with certainty that my environment would only be maintained whilst I needed my environment, and that my difficulties would soon come to an end. What I did not know, was what 'soon' meant.
I had already lost everything, or at least I believed that I had lost everything, and my financial difficulties had remained throughout my journey with sufficient funds only becoming 'available' exactly when I needed them. Despite the fact that my financial difficulties had overwhelmed me on a number of occasions throughout my journey, I had always known, and I knew that everything would be all right.
However, I had learned that whilst I knew that I had nothing to worry about, I could not know that my problems would be solved on a given day, because specific knowledge would interfere with my experiences. I had also learned that I could not assume that my journey was over because I had reached a milestone or completed a stage.
That morning, I contemplated a range of my difficulties. I knew that each difficulty was temporary, and that each difficulty only existed to demonstrate a point, or to provide me with a lesson.
God spoke to me for the first time in several weeks, "Your path is a difficult path."
I cannot say that I liked the sound of God's observation very much. My path had been difficult for two thousand years and the sorrow and utter devastation which I had experienced over and over again in that time had indeed been 'hell'. Remembering many of my experiences and reliving the worst of them during my journey had at times felt like 'hell'.
God said, certainly not for the first time but hopefully for the last time, "Your difficulties will soon be over."
The fact that God's guidance was exactly what I wanted to hear was not lost on me. However, I certainly did not want very much, I wanted just enough to allow me to continue my work, without the constant difficulties.
I found myself reflecting on many of my more difficult experiences and recalling the total despair that I had re-experienced in this lifetime, as I had recalled or re-lived my experiences from throughout my existence. I knew that I had experienced very little joy during my existence, effectively saving the experience of joy for the final years of my physical existence.
I said to God, "Please let the end of my difficulties really be soon."
I did not apologise for this selfish request. A master retains their humanity. I am a master, not a martyr. Besides, I have already effectively been a martyr and I have neither the need, nor the desire to experience that again.
| I attended the office and I cruised through
the day. It was a day that alternated between confirming the difficulties
within the business, and of tying up loose ends. In fact, much of the
loose-end-tying was so subtle that I did not recognise what was occurring
until I nearly had all of the matters I was tying together sorted out.
Late that afternoon, I became very emotional for my lost world, and I felt that I would burst into tears, but the feeling of loss passed before I was overwhelmed by tears.
I spent the balance of the day meditating on the edge of soaring like an eagle. I considered all that was occurring around me, but I would not allow myself to draw any conclusions. I observed the developments within my environment, but I would allow any developments to reach their own conclusion.
The next day, I remained on the edge of soaring like an eagle, with my difficulties fulfilling their role and keeping me grounded. I desired nothing more than to soar like an eagle, as if the eagle spirit was within me attempting to get out, but I knew that it was not yet time for me to soar like an eagle.
It was only when I had completed my final review of Putting The Pieces Together that I saw the significance of this observation which had been made and left within my notes, unnoticed until I saw its significance many years after I had made the observation.
It was a time to remain patient as my balance between three planes continued to adjust, until I reached the even balance between the planes which would be my existence, for as long as I retained my physical form.
I could sense my closeness to bringing the three planes into their optimum balance and soaring like an eagle, but I knew that it was not quite time for me to soar like an eagle. I had some of the 'ego' issues in respect of my old world to release before I was ready to bring the three planes permanently into balance.
It was a quiet day, I was able to focus on the work I that I needed to do for the business, but I had to take a regular break from my work to meditate.
| The next morning, I was required to attend
the office. I had a lot of work to do in the office that day.
As I reflected that morning, I despaired at the condition of society. I was not concerned about the poverty in the world, because I knew that poverty was a part of the natural experience process. What concerned me was that I could not see, anywhere that I looked, an environment of common sense and equality. Prejudice had been replaced by 'political correctness' and society throughout the world seemed to be controlled by a small group or groups of small minded, self serving souls.
However, I did know that society will change and that society will change the only way that society can change, through changing the fabric of society from fear based to love based. I knew that the change of the fabric of society from fear based to love based, would not happen in my lifetime.
The fabric of society will not change through political means, or through a crusade by true believers. External forces cannot change the fabric of society, and all that can be changed externally is the agenda of the fear based society, regardless of motive.
The change that will occur will come from within, from within each soul. As more and more souls change the basis of their individual existence from fear based to love based, the fabric of society will change accordingly. The fabric of society is a product and a reflection of those within the society. If the individual's existence is fear based, then society is fear based.
This change will only occur through the change of environment within the majority, often referred to as the silent majority. The average, everyday person who does not have a political agenda and does not attempt, often successfully, to impose the will of a minority on the majority.
It will not be the will of minorities, however well intentioned, that will change the fabric of society. It is the will of the majority choosing to replace a fear based environment with a love based environment that will allow the change in fabric of society to occur.
The change in fabric of society is not a change that will be imposed, the change in fabric of society is a change that will occur. Many who thrive within a fear based environment will attempt to perpetuate the fear based environment, and for a time they will succeed.
However, the change in fabric of society will occur as souls come Full Circle, and this process which has now begun, cannot be reversed. The result will be a love based society, which is not my opinion, and which is not wishful thinking. That we will enter a loved based existence is fact. I know because I have witnessed our new love based society when I visited the future.
The change from a fear based existence to a love based existence has begun and the change from a fear based existence to a love based existence will continue as the majority seek the truth of existence, and allow the change from a fear based existence to a love based existence to occur.
This was the key reason why my example needed to come from within the middle of the average, everyday society. It was time to put my reflections on the fabric of society aside, and attend my day job.
The difficulties faced by the business continued to increase and I continued to offer guidance. I was in the office most of the day and matters again appeared to be coming Full Circle.
I continued meditating, but I was not seeking any specific answers. My financial difficulties remained, and it was now too late for me to send Christmas presents to Russia in time for Christmas.
Sue telephoned to invite me to meet some people, who had been present in the Jesus lifetime, a few days later.
I spoke with Sally for the first time in two months, who as usual provided clarity and gave me something to think about.
I also spoke with Katerina that night. In a few days time Katerina would travel to Moscow for her medical examination. Katerina pointed out something that I had not considered which was that the Russian 'Christmas' was two weeks after our Christmas. I had assumed that all I had been told about Christmas as the timing referred to my Christmas, but in a twist, Christmas could still be the timing if it referred to Katerina's Christmas, which would certainly explain a lot, and also very neatly maintained the 'timing pressure' for a while longer.
I spent most of the night meditating, and did not sleep until nearly dawn.
The following day, saw the problems in respect of the business deepen. Each time that I had believed that I had saved the business since my task began, had resulted in little more than me buying the business some more time, but had not permanently solved the problems within the business.
The business had now received official cancellation from their major supplier unless the business agreed to a 50% reduction in income, which was not something that could be sustained.
I knew that I would not be able to 'save' the business permanently, but I did know that I could put together a compromise package that would salvage the present situation and have the contract re-instated. I had chosen to rescue the business one last time and it was apparent that I had not achieved my goal at this point, which would certainly explain why my difficulties remained.
In reality, if I was successful in negotiating a compromise package, all that would be achieved was that I would provide the business with another opportunity to save themselves. However, other than providing the opportunity, whether the business did save themselves, was well and truly out of my hands.
I found the situation very frustrating, in that I was prevented from truly embracing the business and driving the business to succeed, but I could not remove myself from the business either.
I spoke with my partner who thanked me for my help, and as he did so I was surrounded by spirits as if confirming that my work in respect of the business was nearly complete. However, 'nearly' like 'soon' is a relative term and I was to discover that I had much more to do for the business.
My financial difficulties remained. I had now reached a point where it appeared unlikely that I would have the resources or the time to buy Christmas presents for anybody other than my children which I had already attended to. However, it was not quite impossible that I would have the resources or the time to buy Christmas presents, because there remained one last possibility.
That afternoon my difficulties closed in around me one more time. Nevertheless, I allowed myself to soar. I was surrounded by plant life and a thunder storm. The air around me was charged with energy which I seemed to draw through each pore of my skin.
As usual when I became in danger of soaring too far, I was suddenly hit by a headache as my tether pulled tight.
I spent a quiet night with my children and I slept well.
I awoke early the next morning. I was 'charged' with energy from the world around me. I was at peace and I was full of clarity in respect of my earth plane difficulties.
Issues that had continued to confuse me and some new issues that had begun to confuse me, were now clearly understood.
It was a mixed day. I was drawing much energy and occasionally soaring, but I was mostly attached to the earth plane.
I questioned whether I should be doing something to alleviate my financial difficulties, but I knew that there was nothing that I could do, which was something that I did lose sight of often.
I had written many books to this point, even if my books had not been published.
There had been many occasions when I had desperately attempted to make things happen, or to force a change without success. I knew from my experience that I could not force anything to happen until it was time, but it would be two months before God explained precisely why this was so.
I recalled a time when I had despaired for nearly two years at ever being able to find a little peace, and that sometimes my despair during that period had been so great that I had struggled to find a reason to live. Everything had fallen into place suddenly and unexpectedly then. The same basic scenario had occurred in my life time and time again and I knew that my current lifetime had been the final preparation to my journey.
I was not worried. I was not concerned. I did not despair. I knew that the only thing that could help me was to wait patiently and allow my awareness to increase, which is what I did.
However, I wanted the catalyst to occur and I wanted the next phase of my existence, my 'heaven on earth' to occur. If the belief of the religions was correct and Judas had been condemned to hell, I had done my time in hell and I had served my penance.
I found myself considering how my identity in that Jesus lifetime fitted within my example from the middle of society. I already had the answer to that question. It was this lifetime in which I came from the middle of society, and I was used to demonstrate that becoming a master from the everyday world was possible. My past identity of Judas allowed me to demonstrate another point, which was that all could become a master.
The concept of my 'twin' identity of having been Judas in a previous lifetime, and coming from within the middle of society in this lifetime, was exactly what it was, very convenient. My twin identity also reflected the reality that I am convenient, I am not special.
One thing that I had noticed after my 'release' of a little more than a week earlier was that the traces of loneliness that had remained below the surface, now appeared to be gone.
Another experience had begun that morning, I had started 'seeing' predominantly bird life, and also the lizard from what I assumed was the spiritual centre. These were very different from the visions of the future which I had received all of my life, and also from my visits to the spirit plane.
These creatures I had begun to 'see' were extremely tangible. It was a phenomenon I had experienced previously, particularly when my soul first made contact with Katerina, but the clarity, with which I saw these creatures was remarkably tangible.
During the previous two weeks I had also been having visions of a woman who I had seen in visions several months earlier, when I was nearing completion of Connecting With The Higher Plane. I did not know who the woman was or what the visions meant. When I had experienced the visions of this woman previously, I had 'felt' that she was in England, but now I was not so sure.
In many ways this was a fascinating time for me. There seemed to be developments all around me that I had 'felt' would occur, but had long ago dismissed as a possibility, only to have the developments now beginning to occur.
In many ways I did not wish to contemplate what all that was happening on the various planes at this time meant, so I allowed myself to flow with whatever occurred, and I only wrote about the experiences when I wrote about the experiences, which was as I have explained, not a conscious decision on my part.
My environment was, in many ways, very confusing and conflicting. However, I allowed whatever occurred to flow without analysing either the events or my reactions to the events. I knew that whatever I experienced would come together and flow into awareness, when it was time.
That night I finished developing the compromise package for the business. Whether the compromise package would buy the time that the business needed, I did not know.
I spent most of the night meditating. The following morning I could feel the power within me growing.
I attended the office early. The issues within the business were not addressed. However, some other issues within the business required my attention. I spent some time suggesting a restructure to my former business partner, but even after the situation had reached this point, where we had been given the alternative of reducing the business income or having the major contract which represented 80% of the business cancelled, my former business partner refused to make, or allow me to make, the hard decisions.
It was time for me to finally accept that the business could not be saved, no matter how much time I bought the business. However, I was tied to the business, and I had learned from experience that I would remain tied to the business, until it was time to begin my new world. Whilst I was involved with the business, I would continue to attempt to save the business, despite knowing my attempt was futile.
This was my nature and whether I wanted to admit it or not, I needed to make a difference. I did not need to be needed as had been suggested, my need was far deeper than needing to be needed. I needed to make a difference. Making a difference was a part of me, and as much a part of me as breathing. The need to make a difference was built into my genetic make up and I had chosen the characteristic. I knew that I needed the characteristic to complete the task that I had chosen to complete.
Personally, I remained totally fed up with my journey. I was tired and I really needed a break. The constant and conflicting pressures on me had seemed to exist forever, and the constant and conflicting pressures had certainly been apparent throughout my lifetime, even when I did not understand the constant and conflicting pressures.
Once again I asked God to take my task away.
God's response was, "Your's has been the most difficult path."
I considered all that was happening around me. I desperately wanted to take some form of control from a basic earth plane level. It remained within my character to make things happen, but I knew that I needed to continue to listen to my instinct, which told me to allow matters to run their course, and do nothing.
That afternoon my contact with the fabric of existence reached a new level, but my contact with the fabric of existence did not remove or alleviate my earth plane difficulties. I knew that if my environment was different my experiences would be different, and I knew that I needed my experiences to be as my experiences were. I was demonstrating a point, but I was tired of demonstrating points.
I was also tired of continually repeating events, of highlighting my difficulties and increasing my awareness from within a difficult environment to emphasise and re-emphasise points. I was tired of being the example, which was in itself a part of the example.
That night I would have dinner in Sue's home and I would meet some people. I should have been looking forward to the event, but I was not. I was too tired and too fed up. In fact, I did not really want to attend dinner at Sue's home, I only wanted peace. However, I knew I would attend dinner at Sue's home, I was meant to attend dinner at Sue's home.
It was an interesting night. Mostly I sat and listened to the group of people around me. I did spend some time explaining some of my experiences, naturally and with ease to another of Sue's guests.
Sue briefly passed on a little explanation about one of the issues that had been troubling me. Sue also commented that what was going to occur would occur soon. I found the word 'soon' very amusing, but Sue corrected me saying, "No it will be very soon for you." Sue confirmed something that I knew, this was a time of rest for me.
After my brief discussion with Sue, I sat quietly on Sue's balcony by myself when Jesus appeared. He hovered between two trees and stayed there for the duration of the night. Later as I sat on my balcony writing my notes, Jesus was with me again.
I learned a lot that night. I listened. Occasionally I wanted to join in and expand on a concept, but Jesus told me to remain silent. I listened to Jesus and remained silent and at peace.
I felt the power within me increase. I wanted very much to share what I knew, but I knew that it was not time for me to teach.
Later, I began to understand that it may never be time for me to teach. I understood that through my books I was providing the key, and that it was not for me to expand on the awareness of others, but rather to let others find their own path. If that path included guidance from me, I would be sought out specifically as I had been that night by another guest.
The simple get together that night had provided far more clarification than I had realised. It also demonstrated that taking the final step to become who we are is very difficult indeed.
Sometimes I was full of energy and certainty from the fabric of existence, and at other times I struggled to face the day to day of the earth plane. However, I was changing, as I slowly began to fully appreciate and understand what was being asked of me.
Sue also gave me a card with a hand written message of another difficult year ahead, which contradicted much of what Sue had passed on to me. I felt that the message was from Sue and not through Sue, and it did not 'feel' right.
Sue had given me a small book along with the card. I opened the book at random and received what I believed was the true message.
I slept well that night, but in the morning I did not feel that I had slept long enough.
I contemplated all that I had learned the previous night about my role. In many respects this was not the first time that my role had been demonstrated to me. A lot of what I had experienced the previous evening was to show me that my 'natural' ego instinct to explain what I knew was now removed. I did not even see the small gathering as an opportunity to prove anything to myself.
In fact, much of my environment was demonstrating my need to say nothing and to observe. Also, my 'role playing' aspect was being demonstrated to me over and over again. I would interact externally with people or more appropriately a person and suddenly I would find myself fulfilling a role within what they needed to experience, only to have the interaction with that person return to 'normal', after I had fulfilled my role.
I understood why I had not been able to 'talk' to others about what I had experienced. I still could not talk to others about what I had experienced, unless someone specifically sought to understand. Once more what I had viewed as a negative was in fact a positive. I did not need to talk to anybody about all that I had experienced. If I did talk to anybody about all that I had experienced, I would have used talking to others as a tool to attempt to prove my experiences to myself and others, which I knew would have been futile.
I delivered my compromise package for the business that day, but it would be a few days before I received an answer as to whether my compromise was accepted. I suspected that there was some more work to be done before a compromise agreement was reached.
During the afternoon I attended the company's Christmas function. The premises was crowded and I could feel the people crowding in on me, but I was not drawn to leave as I had been the previous year.
I spent a quiet night, although I did talk with Sally for a while. Mostly I meditated and I found myself questioning if I was really experiencing some of what I was experiencing, or if I was inventing concepts to label what was only some mental difficulties. After considering this, I let the matter drop.
That night, I crossed to the spirit plane and I was picked up and wrapped in the fabric of existence. My body hummed and tingled. It felt as if I was floating but I did not open my eyes and look. The intensity of the experience was so great that the experience far surpassed my previous contact with the fabric of existence, and the experience scared me, but I did not break the contact off.
I was brought back from the spirit plane by a woman whispering loudly in my ear, but I could not quite distinguish her words. I knew that it was a spirit, but I had reached a point where spirits often felt tangible and I opened my eyes to look for her. However, the woman was nowhere to be seen, and if I was to understand what had been said to me, it would need to be repeated another day.
I meditated for some time before returning to bed and sleeping well.
The following morning, Nancy confirmed that she had also heard the woman but to Nancy, in another room, the woman's words had been a shout, not a whisper.
It was Christmas Eve, which from an earth plane perspective, meant to me that it was now too late to attend to any Christmas shopping, even if I obtained some funds. I could not explain why I had been drawn to the presents that I would have bought people.
I considered my increasing financial difficulties, and why my difficulties continued without any relief in sight. I knew that my difficulties were symbolic. A demonstration of the need for patience whilst difficulties continued seemingly without end. My difficulties had demonstrated that awareness can be continually increased, within a difficult but not extreme environment.
I reflected that for all intents and purposes, I had lost everything except for the few things that I needed to survive from a practical perspective, but this in itself did not concern me. If I did not have my increasing financial difficulties to contend with I would be soaring even after I had lost everything. As it was I soared often and my difficulties only existed to prevent me from soaring too far.
Jesus appeared and said simply, "Be at peace, master."
I considered my time in solitude. I did enjoy solitude, I never felt alone and very seldom, if at all lonely. I knew that many said that you had to reach a point where you did not need another, and that each of us is all that we really need. I had also heard that not needing another was something that one could master.
That each of us is all that we really need, is not exactly correct, we do need time in solitude and we are a complete half which does not need any individual to avoid feeling lonely. However, in achieving this understanding, souls become 'used' to solitude, which they then mistake for not needing a life partner. Despite the fact that solitude is needed to reflect and understand our awareness level, souls are pairs. Souls are not meant to live alone or be alone. The need for a life partner is inbuilt. It is a part of our underlying need to reunite with our soulmate.
Many have come to believe that we are given our need for companionship and for physical intimacy so that we will master ourselves, but this is not so. In effect souls do not master themselves, they train themselves and suggest that they have mastered their basic inbuilt desires.
We are not given our inbuilt desires to 'master', we are given our inbuilt desires to experience, to feel love physically and we can only feel love physically on the earth plane.
We are not on the earth plane to master ourselves, we are on the earth plane to experience and through experience become a master.
One does not become a master through 'mastering' anything, including themselves. A master is not something that we become. We are all created as masters. Every soul in whatever incarnation, or even if they are not experiencing physical form, is a master.
A master is who we are.
All that we need to do, is allow ourselves to experience who we are not, become aware of who we are not, and in so doing become aware of who we are.
The same principle applies to pure love. Pure love is not something that we learn. Pure love is what we are. We are unconditional love. We may love someone unconditionally, which does not mean that we must sacrifice ourselves for them. Nor does loving someone mean we must have that person in our life.
Love is love. Love has no rules, no requirements and no boundaries. Whether our love is returned is irrelevant. Unconditional love does not require us to love another soul and want nothing in return. There is no sin in wanting to be loved in return. Wanting to share, to give and receive love is as natural as breathing. So to suggest that we should love and want nothing in return is unrealistic. Love for the individual, as opposed to love for all that is, needs balance. We will not always receive love in return, which will not change our love if our love is 'real' and not a product of our fears and insecurities. However, we can feel love and not give our love to another, which does not change the love that we feel.
If we are forever giving our love and receiving nothing in return, we are not being true to who we are. We should not give our love without sharing love, and sharing is two ways. Nor should we allow our love to manifest itself as hate, if our love is not returned.
The true 'test' of our love for an individual is whether we can feel that love, without desperately giving our love away or allowing our love to become hatred if our love is not shared.
Unconditional love is love. No more and no less. Love should not be given away, love should be shared. The purpose of love is to share.
If we feel love for an individual, we should share our love. However, if the love that we feel cannot be shared, we must not give our love away. If our love is genuine, our love will not alter, our love will remain even if our love cannot be shared.
I attended the office for a short time. There was no response on my compromise offer. A few minor matters that had served their purpose were no longer required, and I spent a little time with friends.
I spent a quiet night relaxing, it was Christmas Eve.
|Christmas came and went with a whimper.
For me Christmas achieved little more than to highlight my difficulties, which caused me to review my current environment and to consider if my need to have my difficulties cease, was selfish, but my need to have my difficulties cease was not totally selfish. My need to have my difficulties removed was for the sake of my family. If not for my family responsibilities, which I had chosen to maintain, and needed to maintain as part of the example, I would have turned my back on my old world. Without my responsibilities I would now be wandering, drifting from place to place, probably in Europe and finding work where I could.
In the scheme of things my difficulties did not matter. That I reviewed my circumstances and my environment was a product of my increasing awareness. It seemed that each time that my awareness increased, I would review my environment, often increasing my understanding of why my environment was necessary.
However, my tiredness continued to increase. I had long ago passed the point where I had not believed that I could continue my journey, so my ability to continue my journey was no longer an issue. Nevertheless, I did continue to feel fed up with my journey and my life, especially as my difficulties continued to increase with no relief in sight. I had questioned over and over again whether I should be doing anything, but the answer had not changed. 'Do nothing and wait patiently.'
I spoke with Katerina that night. Katerina had completed her medical, but neither of us knew what the next step would be. It certainly appeared that there would be more delays and that anything occurring in respect of Katerina's visa prior to Katerina's Christmas, was impossible.
I was left exactly where I had been for months. In limbo between my old world and my new world, with a promise of change hovering before my eyes, but out of my reach.
|At no stage during my journey had I believed
that surviving in my environment to this point with an increasing burden
to carry would have been possible. Nor did I conceive that I could, and
in fact would endure much more before I was finished.
My financial pressures were very quickly drawing to a head. I was surprised that I had not been overwhelmed by my financial difficulties prior to this point. The only asset that I had was my children's home which remained in my name. I could not believe that my children would lose their home. Another difficulty was that I could not believe that Katerina would be given a visa if I was bankrupt. I was not consumed by my financial difficulties, I was grounded by my financial difficulties. In fact, I often hummed and tingled from my contact with the fabric of existence, regardless of what was occurring around me.
One other difficulty that kept me grounded, was that I continued to be involved with the business, because I needed to support my family. Even if my pressure was relieved, I could not leave the business until Katerina obtained her visa. I accepted that I could not leave the business until Katerina obtained her visa, so I did not understand why I could not have my financial pressures removed, which would allow me to prepare for my new world without time constraints.
I had reviewed the situation in respect of my family many times during the many months of my journey, and the answer had remained the same. My family had not really been adversely affected by my journey.
|The largest contributing factor to my need
for an end to my difficulties, was the intensity of my journey. The
intensity of my journey was such that my journey constantly drew all
of my energy, despite the fact that I was able to replenish my energy
directly from the fabric of existence.
In respect of my journey, it was difficult to come to terms with the fact that it had not been a year since God had first spoken directly to me. I was tired, exhausted from years of increasing my awareness, despite the fact that the years of increasing my awareness had been packed into a little more than a year.
My salvation continued to elude me, and the missing link was still missing.
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