The next few days were spent in attempted meditation. However, meditation was often impossible because of a migraine which had been 'imposed' on me. I say imposed because I could not draw the pain out of myself, nor did crystals or even pharmaceuticals do anything other than dull the pain. It was obvious that I was meant to have a migraine to force me to rest, even from my meditation.

During this time two pieces of advice passed on by Sue continually repeated in my mind. One day it was 'this is not too good to be true' and the next it was 'you will go to sleep in your old world and wake up in your new world'. I would not allow myself to speculate on the meaning of these phrases which were repeating in my head.

I spoke with Katerina and I found myself crying quietly to myself. I did not know why I cried, but I supposed that I cried because I had been alone for too long. The truth was that I did know why I cried, but I did not want to acknowledge why I cried, even to myself.

In the meantime, my financial position continued to deteriorate until my difficulties affected my family although not in a significant way.

What my difficulties did mean was that I would be spending more time than usual with my children during the following few weeks. When I had spent more time than usual with my children previously, it had been because I would then travel and be apart from my children for a few weeks, but I had no concrete plans to travel.

The day after I had found myself crying after talking with Katerina, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably for no apparent reason. A sadness descended over me. It was the sadness of shattered dreams and broken promises. I did know the cause of my sadness, even if I did not wish to acknowledge the cause of my sadness.

Of the issues which Sue had told me that I needed to address, there were two issues which I now knew were related. The two issues were the last of my ego, and the remains of my loneliness. Sue had explained that I had buried the two issues, but I would soon release the two issues. Sue had been accurate.

I believed that the sadness and the tears were allowing me to release and mourn the final passing of my old world. A final grieving to release the remains of an environment which I no longer needed. At the same time, the mourning and final tears of release conveniently dispelled one more myth about those who had become a master.

After my period of cleansing, my awareness was increased. However, my period of cleansing, would certainly not be my final cleansing.

That night, I was required to fulfil a role in another's experience. In fact, it was so obvious that I was 'fulfilling a role' in another's experience that I almost laughed in the middle of a heated discussion.

The remainder of that night and the following day, I alternated between being at peace and being overwhelmed by ever increasing financial pressures. I reached a point where I again wondered if I was delusional, but as soon as I did, events from my journey entered my mind which confirmed that everything that I had experienced must be real.

All I wanted was to leave my difficulties behind me and find myself a peaceful existence, but I could not just walk away as I wanted. My responsibilities prevented me from walking away, and maintaining my responsibilities was a part of my example. All that I could do, was wait for a solution to my difficulties, to present itself, a solution to my difficulties, which I had all but stopped searching for.

It was ten days before Christmas. I could not possibly afford to buy Christmas presents, other than for my children which had already been attended to. I accepted that I could not afford to buy Christmas presents, although I did not like the situation because the situation was against my chosen character. I had not even bothered 'looking' for Christmas presents, but strangely I had been 'drawn' to many of the presents that I would have bought if I had a sudden turnaround in funds. I would find myself with a little 'time to kill' and wonder into a shop for no apparent reason where I would stumble across exactly the right present for one person or another. If a solution to my financial difficulties presented itself within the next ten days, it would take me two days, because of geographic location, to commence and complete Christmas shopping.

I reflected on a few days earlier when I had found myself considering what I would do if my financial position turned around, as I had been repeatedly led to believe that it would. After clearing my debts and finding myself a home, I would attend to matters for others long before I would even begin to attend to matters for myself. In fact, I did not even reach a point where I would do anything for myself until days later.

However, there was nothing that I could do from an earth plane perspective except wait and flow with whatever occurred. All that did occur up to this point was that my financial pressure increased, although the 'mix' had been broken and whilst I felt the pressure occasionally, mostly I observed my environment, which in itself reconfirmed the artificial nature of my difficulties.

It was a quiet day, mostly spent in meditation. Evelyn was with me every day and I would see the flash of her crystals around me constantly.

I was given more knowledge as to how the spiritual nature of my life would develop, and my body continued to tingle and flutter as my awareness increased. The sensations that I received from many everyday occurrences continued to amaze me, as the sensations of living increased with my awareness. The sensations of living were not quite constant and seldom apparent when I looked for a sensation to experience, but whenever I allowed myself to really feel, even eating could become ecstasy.

I had achieved an increased level of awareness, and I continued to have my awareness increase from within my difficult environment. Without my difficulties I would be soaring like an eagle, which was far closer to the truth than I could possibly conceive at this point.

I did not need to have my difficulties removed before I could soar like an eagle, my difficulties remained because it was not time for me to soar like an eagle. I knew that I could soar like an eagle by walking away from my environment, and I would want for nothing. However, I was not destined to walk away from my environment, and all that I could do was want for my difficulties to be removed.

The following morning, my hands and feet continued to tingle from contact with the fabric of existence and my body fluttered all over, but the fluttering remained focused around my heart chakra.

I could feel my spirit soaring like an eagle but my difficulties had me tethered to the earth plane. When I completed my final review of Putting The Pieces Together, my choice of analogy surprised me by its accuracy.

I wondered if I was looking for a solution to my difficulties, but advice from Sue was repeated in my mind, and I knew that I was doing what was necessary.

My spirit continued to soar like an eagle but as soon as I had travelled too far, my tether pulled tight and I developed enough of a headache to pull me back to earth again.

Later, I again soared like an eagle but each time that I went too far, my headache returned and pulled me back to earth. It would not be long now before I did not need the tether at all.

It was an interesting day, the power that I could feel through my fingertips reached a level far greater than I had previously experienced. However, I was not surprised to be brought back to earth with some simple reminders of my difficult financial position late that afternoon.

Later that night, I questioned my approach to my difficulties. I was doing nothing about my difficulties, not that there was much that I could do about my difficulties. God had told me not to worry and to have faith, which was what I was doing.

I had been given a rest from my spiritual work to allow me to meditate whilst my awareness of who I am continued to increase.

The next morning, I was reminded about my financial situation. I was not worried about my financial situation and I maintained my faith. God had told me that I was not required to like my difficulties, and I was pleased because I certainly did not like my difficulties at all.

I understood that there was an important point to what I was now experiencing. Masters do understand exactly what souls experience in the everyday normal world. Difficulties remain beyond 'belief'. I knew and I understood God's existence with certainty, a certainty that went beyond belief, but I continued to experience difficulties. I understood that God had led me to believe that a solution to my difficulties was only days away, on many occasions, to keep me on my correct path. God had assisted me to maintain my correct path even when my only method of communication with God, had been my instinct. However, I knew with certainty that my environment would only be maintained whilst I needed my environment, and that my difficulties would soon come to an end. What I did not know, was what 'soon' meant.

I had already lost everything, or at least I believed that I had lost everything, and my financial difficulties had remained throughout my journey with sufficient funds only becoming 'available' exactly when I needed them. Despite the fact that my financial difficulties had overwhelmed me on a number of occasions throughout my journey, I had always known, and I knew that everything would be all right.

However, I had learned that whilst I knew that I had nothing to worry about, I could not know that my problems would be solved on a given day, because specific knowledge would interfere with my experiences. I had also learned that I could not assume that my journey was over because I had reached a milestone or completed a stage.

That morning, I contemplated a range of my difficulties. I knew that each difficulty was temporary, and that each difficulty only existed to demonstrate a point, or to provide me with a lesson.

God spoke to me for the first time in several weeks, "Your path is a difficult path."

I cannot say that I liked the sound of God's observation very much. My path had been difficult for two thousand years and the sorrow and utter devastation which I had experienced over and over again in that time had indeed been 'hell'. Remembering many of my experiences and reliving the worst of them during my journey had at times felt like 'hell'.

God said, certainly not for the first time but hopefully for the last time, "Your difficulties will soon be over."

The fact that God's guidance was exactly what I wanted to hear was not lost on me. However, I certainly did not want very much, I wanted just enough to allow me to continue my work, without the constant difficulties.

I found myself reflecting on many of my more difficult experiences and recalling the total despair that I had re-experienced in this lifetime, as I had recalled or re-lived my experiences from throughout my existence. I knew that I had experienced very little joy during my existence, effectively saving the experience of joy for the final years of my physical existence.

I said to God, "Please let the end of my difficulties really be soon."

I did not apologise for this selfish request. A master retains their humanity. I am a master, not a martyr. Besides, I have already effectively been a martyr and I have neither the need, nor the desire to experience that again.

Late that afternoon, I became very emotional for my lost world, and I felt that I would burst into tears, but the feeling of loss passed before I was overwhelmed by tears.

I spent the balance of the day meditating on the edge of soaring like an eagle. I considered all that was occurring around me, but I would not allow myself to draw any conclusions. I observed the developments within my environment, but I would allow any developments to reach their own conclusion.

The next day, I remained on the edge of soaring like an eagle, with my difficulties fulfilling their role and keeping me grounded. I desired nothing more than to soar like an eagle, as if the eagle spirit was within me attempting to get out, but I knew that it was not yet time for me to soar like an eagle.

It was only when I had completed my final review of Putting The Pieces Together that I saw the significance of this observation which had been made and left within my notes, unnoticed until I saw its significance many years after I had made the observation.

It was a time to remain patient as my balance between three planes continued to adjust, until I reached the even balance between the planes which would be my existence, for as long as I retained my physical form.

I could sense my closeness to bringing the three planes into their optimum balance and soaring like an eagle, but I knew that it was not quite time for me to soar like an eagle. I had some of the 'ego' issues in respect of my old world to release before I was ready to bring the three planes permanently into balance.

It was a quiet day, I was able to focus on the work I that I needed to do for the business, but I had to take a regular break from my work to meditate.

As I reflected that morning, I despaired at the condition of society. I was not concerned about the poverty in the world, because I knew that poverty was a part of the natural experience process. What concerned me was that I could not see, anywhere that I looked, an environment of common sense and equality. Prejudice had been replaced by 'political correctness' and society throughout the world seemed to be controlled by a small group or groups of small minded, self serving souls.

However, I did know that society will change and that society will change the only way that society can change, through changing the fabric of society from fear based to love based. I knew that the change of the fabric of society from fear based to love based, would not happen in my lifetime.

The fabric of society will not change through political means, or through a crusade by true believers. External forces cannot change the fabric of society, and all that can be changed externally is the agenda of the fear based society, regardless of motive.

The change that will occur will come from within, from within each soul. As more and more souls change the basis of their individual existence from fear based to love based, the fabric of society will change accordingly. The fabric of society is a product and a reflection of those within the society. If the individual's existence is fear based, then society is fear based.

This change will only occur through the change of environment within the majority, often referred to as the silent majority. The average, everyday person who does not have a political agenda and does not attempt, often successfully, to impose the will of a minority on the majority.

It will not be the will of minorities, however well intentioned, that will change the fabric of society. It is the will of the majority choosing to replace a fear based environment with a love based environment that will allow the change in fabric of society to occur.

The change in fabric of society is not a change that will be imposed, the change in fabric of society is a change that will occur. Many who thrive within a fear based environment will attempt to perpetuate the fear based environment, and for a time they will succeed.

However, the change in fabric of society will occur as souls come Full Circle, and this process which has now begun, cannot be reversed. The result will be a love based society, which is not my opinion, and which is not wishful thinking. That we will enter a loved based existence is fact. I know because I have witnessed our new love based society when I visited the future.

I attended the office early. The issues within the business were not addressed. However, some other issues within the business required my attention. I spent some time suggesting a restructure to my former business partner, but even after the situation had reached this point, where we had been given the alternative of reducing the business income or having the major contract which represented 80% of the business cancelled, my former business partner refused to make, or allow me to make, the hard decisions.

It was time for me to finally accept that the business could not be saved, no matter how much time I bought the business. However, I was tied to the business, and I had learned from experience that I would remain tied to the business, until it was time to begin my new world. Whilst I was involved with the business, I would continue to attempt to save the business, despite knowing my attempt was futile.

This was my nature and whether I wanted to admit it or not, I needed to make a difference. I did not need to be needed as had been suggested, my need was far deeper than needing to be needed. I needed to make a difference. Making a difference was a part of me, and as much a part of me as breathing. The need to make a difference was built into my genetic make up and I had chosen the characteristic. I knew that I needed the characteristic to complete the task that I had chosen to complete.

Personally, I remained totally fed up with my journey. I was tired and I really needed a break. The constant and conflicting pressures on me had seemed to exist forever, and the constant and conflicting pressures had certainly been apparent throughout my lifetime, even when I did not understand the constant and conflicting pressures.

Once again I asked God to take my task away.

God's response was, "Your's has been the most difficult path."

I considered all that was happening around me. I desperately wanted to take some form of control from a basic earth plane level. It remained within my character to make things happen, but I knew that I needed to continue to listen to my instinct, which told me to allow matters to run their course, and do nothing.

In fact, much of my environment was demonstrating my need to say nothing and to observe. Also, my 'role playing' aspect was being demonstrated to me over and over again. I would interact externally with people or more appropriately a person and suddenly I would find myself fulfilling a role within what they needed to experience, only to have the interaction with that person return to 'normal', after I had fulfilled my role.

I understood why I had not been able to 'talk' to others about what I had experienced. I still could not talk to others about what I had experienced, unless someone specifically sought to understand. Once more what I had viewed as a negative was in fact a positive. I did not need to talk to anybody about all that I had experienced. If I did talk to anybody about all that I had experienced, I would have used talking to others as a tool to attempt to prove my experiences to myself and others, which I knew would have been futile.

I delivered my compromise package for the business that day, but it would be a few days before I received an answer as to whether my compromise was accepted. I suspected that there was some more work to be done before a compromise agreement was reached.

During the afternoon I attended the company's Christmas function. The premises was crowded and I could feel the people crowding in on me, but I was not drawn to leave as I had been the previous year.

I spent a quiet night, although I did talk with Sally for a while. Mostly I meditated and I found myself questioning if I was really experiencing some of what I was experiencing, or if I was inventing concepts to label what was only some mental difficulties. After considering this, I let the matter drop.

Love is love. Love has no rules, no requirements and no boundaries. Whether our love is returned is irrelevant. Unconditional love does not require us to love another soul and want nothing in return. There is no sin in wanting to be loved in return. Wanting to share, to give and receive love is as natural as breathing. So to suggest that we should love and want nothing in return is unrealistic. Love for the individual, as opposed to love for all that is, needs balance. We will not always receive love in return, which will not change our love if our love is 'real' and not a product of our fears and insecurities. However, we can feel love and not give our love to another, which does not change the love that we feel.

If we are forever giving our love and receiving nothing in return, we are not being true to who we are. We should not give our love without sharing love, and sharing is two ways. Nor should we allow our love to manifest itself as hate, if our love is not returned.

The true 'test' of our love for an individual is whether we can feel that love, without desperately giving our love away or allowing our love to become hatred if our love is not shared.

Unconditional love is love. No more and no less. Love should not be given away, love should be shared. The purpose of love is to share.

If we feel love for an individual, we should share our love. However, if the love that we feel cannot be shared, we must not give our love away. If our love is genuine, our love will not alter, our love will remain even if our love cannot be shared.

I attended the office for a short time. There was no response on my compromise offer. A few minor matters that had served their purpose were no longer required, and I spent a little time with friends.

I spent a quiet night relaxing, it was Christmas Eve.

For me Christmas achieved little more than to highlight my difficulties, which caused me to review my current environment and to consider if my need to have my difficulties cease, was selfish, but my need to have my difficulties cease was not totally selfish. My need to have my difficulties removed was for the sake of my family. If not for my family responsibilities, which I had chosen to maintain, and needed to maintain as part of the example, I would have turned my back on my old world. Without my responsibilities I would now be wandering, drifting from place to place, probably in Europe and finding work where I could.

In the scheme of things my difficulties did not matter. That I reviewed my circumstances and my environment was a product of my increasing awareness. It seemed that each time that my awareness increased, I would review my environment, often increasing my understanding of why my environment was necessary.

However, my tiredness continued to increase. I had long ago passed the point where I had not believed that I could continue my journey, so my ability to continue my journey was no longer an issue. Nevertheless, I did continue to feel fed up with my journey and my life, especially as my difficulties continued to increase with no relief in sight. I had questioned over and over again whether I should be doing anything, but the answer had not changed. 'Do nothing and wait patiently.'

I spoke with Katerina that night. Katerina had completed her medical, but neither of us knew what the next step would be. It certainly appeared that there would be more delays and that anything occurring in respect of Katerina's visa prior to Katerina's Christmas, was impossible.

I was left exactly where I had been for months. In limbo between my old world and my new world, with a promise of change hovering before my eyes, but out of my reach.

My financial pressures were very quickly drawing to a head. I was surprised that I had not been overwhelmed by my financial difficulties prior to this point. The only asset that I had was my children's home which remained in my name. I could not believe that my children would lose their home. Another difficulty was that I could not believe that Katerina would be given a visa if I was bankrupt. I was not consumed by my financial difficulties, I was grounded by my financial difficulties. In fact, I often hummed and tingled from my contact with the fabric of existence, regardless of what was occurring around me.

One other difficulty that kept me grounded, was that I continued to be involved with the business, because I needed to support my family. Even if my pressure was relieved, I could not leave the business until Katerina obtained her visa. I accepted that I could not leave the business until Katerina obtained her visa, so I did not understand why I could not have my financial pressures removed, which would allow me to prepare for my new world without time constraints.

I had reviewed the situation in respect of my family many times during the many months of my journey, and the answer had remained the same. My family had not really been adversely affected by my journey.

In respect of my journey, it was difficult to come to terms with the fact that it had not been a year since God had first spoken directly to me. I was tired, exhausted from years of increasing my awareness, despite the fact that the years of increasing my awareness had been packed into a little more than a year.

My salvation continued to elude me, and the missing link was still missing.