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Searching for My Soul
Book Three Understanding My Destiny

Exploring The Summit


"Others will reach the summit and they will have chosen other than ascending, therefore other than ascending is what you will experience. Have no concern, your experiences will not be difficult. You will experience your awareness. You think; 'This is crazy. Why would any follow a path that does not end'. However, your path has ended. You have reached the summit.

"This is a new path for you, a path which will allow you to explore the summit. You become concerned and you think; 'Maybe I have invented everything after all. Maybe I have invented convenient explanations to convince myself that I have a destiny, a purpose to my existence, which is never quite the way that I want my existence to be'. You know that you have not invented your experiences. Everything is as you want everything to be. You have chosen, and continue to choose to be the example."

I was struggling to receive God's words, possibly because God's words were not what I wanted to hear.

"You have done much preparation, and you have laid much of the foundation for your new world. You now have to build your new world. You now have to build your 'heaven on earth', but you will not build your 'heaven on earth' alone. You will build your 'heaven on earth' with your soulmate. You will build your new world together. Do you really want your soulmate to just enter your world, or do you want your soulmate to build your joint world with you?

"You know that possessions, and the things which are important in the artificial world, are unimportant to you. If you had all that was promised before joining with your soulmate, it would give the wrong message. It is with your soulmate that you will create 'heaven on earth', and you will create 'heaven on earth' regardless of your earthly difficulties or possessions.


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"Take one day at a time. Enjoy each day, and watch your 'heaven on earth' unfold around you. Whatever happens is for a reason, this you know. Has it occurred to you, that much of what has been foreseen will not be received until you and your soulmate are together, so that what is received can be shared and fully appreciated by the sum of your existence?

"What I am saying, is that you will now build your new world and you will build your new world together as a reunited soul. Have no concern for the new pressures upon you. The new pressures are, as you have correctly determined, an opportunity for you to apply your awareness. As I have told you recently, much will become clear during the next week or so.

"You have been concerned about your weight increasing again. You have been concerned about your new home not being as you would like. You are concerned that these issues, plus not having the financial resources that you would like will not be good enough for your soulmate. All of your concerns are artificial. You have experienced feeling 'not good enough' over and over for two thousand years, and now you are faced with the same set of circumstances which applied when you experienced feeling 'not good enough' in this lifetime. Do you truly believe that this is coincidence? Can you not see that you have created an opportunity not to experience not being good enough? Do you not see that you have admitted your difficulties to your soulmate without fear of not being good enough? Do you now understand?

"Trace back throughout your lifetime and see how this experience of not being good enough, has been applied in various facets in all of your relationships, and become aware of the experiences which you are now applying."

I reflected as I had been instructed to do, and I could see that much of what had occurred was created to address my earth plane fears. Many of my fears and concerns had been placed in my mind by others, but not without my consent. I had not recognised what had occurred, until I was ready to release my fears and concerns.

What I was experiencing did make a lot of sense from every angle that I looked my current experience. I was aware that much that had occurred in this lifetime, had been created for a specific experience. I knew and I was aware that many of my experiences were not 'real'. I now needed to experience my awareness that many of my experiences were not 'real'.


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I was exploring the summit step by step, and I would continue to explore the summit step by step.

It proved to be a quiet day. I did some work, and I was a little restless. I had difficulty sleeping, so I sat up working. Evelyn was with me as I worked into the early hours of the morning.

I wondered about this magic moment which I was not destined to find. I did realise that every moment could be magic, if I allowed every moment to be magic. I understood that there were many times when I did allow my moments to be magic, but too often I allowed myself to focus on my earth plane difficulties. However, as I overcame each earth plane difficulty, I experienced a magic moment.

I continued to meditate. I knew that I was close to understanding some point, but I could not quite reach the point, which was something that I would continually experience throughout my journey. Time and time again I would find a point, and be unable to reach the point immediately, which was one aspect of my journey that would not change, and all that I could do each time, was to patiently wait for my awareness to surface.

It was a little difficult to explain how I was feeling. I was not really feeling down or up. There was too much that I needed to do, and too many developments that were creating difficulties for me, to allow me to totally relax. In the previous few days I had incurred $1,000 worth of additional costs, which I could not afford now, unless there was to be an additional source of income from somewhere. I could understand if I was again being shown not to worry, and that an additional source of funds would be forthcoming, but I could not count on any additional funds, or I would set myself up for a fall.


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There were so many options, so many alternatives that I did not know what to think. I knew that everything was as everything was meant to be, and that everything would work out. At that stage I would just scrape through, and I could not believe that I would once again create an environment where I just scraped though.

I was confused, and there was much that I was struggling to understand. In many ways it was a fascinating time, and I found myself wondering about many things which had occurred when I had been sure of something, only to be wrong. I suspected that I continued to suffer from a lack of confidence.

As the day progressed, I became frustrated. I suspected that I was focusing on earth plane issues. I knew that I needed to deal with my environment using only my conscious self. I did not quite understand why it appeared that I would scrape through again. I attempted to relax and be still, and to allow the answers to surface.

It seemed that it was time for Rose to all but leave my life again. I accepted this. If Rose was meant to leave my life, there was nothing that I could do about it anyway.

That night, I was still waiting for the news regarding my book which I had been expecting. At that point, the sale of my book was the only way in which I could anticipate my difficulties being resolved, and the only way of resolving my difficulties which fitted the scenario of my creating my own environment, or my new world.

I had been reviewing my notes. I was reminded that I needed to experience patience in this lifetime. I found patience to be an ironic concept. How long did one have to be patient to experience patience. It seemed that no matter how patient I was, there would come a point where my patience would run out.

The news that I was waiting for was not forthcoming. I was very tired, and very run down. I had been travelling this roller coaster for more than twelve months, and I felt that I had no strength left.


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The following morning, I felt renewed. I felt my trinity back in operation, and I did not know what, if anything had occurred to re-focus my trinity. Nancy called in for coffee. Nancy had a message for me; 'My difficulties were to remind me that I remained attached to the earth plane.'

Nancy, also gave me another message; 'more cash would be coming my way'. I considered previous messages. I had been told about receiving the first of the money, and I had been told about moving house. Both of these events, when they occurred, had come out of 'left field'. I wondered if the pattern would be the same with this additional money, which I was to receive.

I did seem to have renewed confidence, maybe because I had not allowed the frustration and difficulties of the previous few days to drag me down. I continued to review my notes, and I was constantly being reminded that I needed to experience, what all needed to experience.

Joe also came to see me that morning. I was able to provide the keys which Joe needed to address the issues that were concerning him. I knew exactly what to say to Joe, and I received the messages easily. I had a lot of work to do in the office that day, and I breezed through my work. After completing my tasks within the office, I found myself left on my own, at a conscious self level, to handle whatever I experienced.

It was a day where there were no developments, and a lot of little things which I needed to organise went wrong, or other than what I would have liked. I was certainly having my patience tested, and I cannot say that I enjoyed the experience.


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It was only 10 days before I needed to leave for Europe, and coincidently before I needed to vacate my home. Events were continuing to conspire against me, or so it seemed. It appeared that many of my plans would need to change. I did nothing. I relaxed, and I allowed the answers to come to me. I knew that the answers which I received were not necessarily the final answers, but the answers which I received, did indicate the next step.

I continued reviewing my notes. I finally found the pattern which I had been searching for. The pattern was something which I had experienced previously, but now I had finally gotten the point. I could ask any questions about life, or about what was happening in general, but I could not ask about would happen in respect of myself. God would tell me what I needed to know, and God would direct me how to respond or what to say, but God would tell me no more than was necessary.

God said, "You have understood correctly. You have been applying this knowledge, even though you were not consciously aware of this knowledge."

I was beginning to understand that I was not spending enough time handling my crystals. The use of crystals was something which I needed to understand better.

After moving ahead very smoothly for a while, it now seemed that Katerina and I ran into difficulties wherever we turned. However, I could see how the difficulties would be resolved.

I recalled that God had told me a month earlier that I would be married, but I elected to focus on when and I tried unsuccessfully to make arrangements on a number of occasions.

I knew that I needed to understand that when I was being told of what would happen, it was the future which was foreseen. I only needed to allow what was foreseen to happen.

It was apparent that each time that I did not quite understand something, I would experience whatever I did not understand, over and over until I really understood whatever it is.


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It was another day which started smoothly, and then little things started occurring other than I would have preferred. However, by the end of the day it was time for everything to fall into place again, and the little things which I had been having difficulties with, became smooth.

I had opened my mind to numerous possibilities in respect of my trip, and it appeared that by delaying my trip for approximately one week, numerous problems would be resolved. My cash flow would receive two bonuses, and the cost of the trip would reduce. I received another boost to my cash flow that night, in accordance with the message which Nancy had relayed. All things being well, I would scrape through yet again.

I thought about all that had happened, and again it was apparent that I needed to stop making assumptions, and then attempting to make my assumptions occur. If I was told that something would happen, I needed to be open to all possibilities, and I needed to allow whatever it was to occur.

I could not understand why I would be given specific dates, or given specific ideas which I would attempt to work towards, discounting all else, if the specifics were not accurate. Why bother giving the specifics to me in the first place.

God said, "As you become more aware, as you are able to see through events. It is necessary to lead you to believe something so that you will truly experience what you need to experience. Do not be concerned because everything is as everything is meant to be, and all will be well in your life."

God's statement would prove to be far more significant than I realised at the time.


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"You have experienced that everything is coming together, but not as you thought or expected everything to come together. A combination of sources have provided you with the environment which you have created, but these sources differ from that which you expected. You can see this now. It is necessary and important that you understand that an environment is created from numerous sources, often unexpected. Not necessarily from an expected source. There are more developments that are to come before your new environment is complete. Do not look for what is to come, all will arrive.

"Allow your instinct to guide you, and when necessary I will direct you. Reflect on what has occurred. I have sometimes told you things so that you can experience, but whenever I have directed your actions, everything has been as I have directed. Draw confidence from what you have experienced."

The day was a continuation of what had been before. Some things fell into place, and some things were difficult.

That night I had dinner with Nancy. As we discussed and explored much of what I was experiencing, I was given two very distinct messages. One message was that 'Katerina and I had different languages, because I needed to experience listening'. The other message was that 'not everything which was occurring was for me. Some things were for others to experience, and I was a tool for their experiences'. I had known both of these things, but strangely I had not been consciously aware of what I had known. I was fascinated.


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I spoke with Sally that day, and again I was amazed by Sally's guidance and Sally's ability to provide the answers which I sought, without me having to ask a question, or mention what was happening in my life. Sally had told me I was being far too rigid about the trip, and my marriage. Sally said that everything was going to happen, and that I needed to relax and allow everything to happen.

The next day, it was apparent that I was again required to experience much of what was occurring on a conscious level. There was something happening, and something which I should know, but I could not quite reach whatever it was. I spent some time meditating, but I still could not reach whatever it was.

That afternoon, I was reminded that for the most part people associated negative feelings with caring, not positive feelings. If someone had no negative feelings, it was assumed that they did not care. This truth was something that I really struggled to come to terms with, which was in part why I experienced the issue repeatedly.

I was starting to see that those who had been there to support me at various stages of my journey, had supported me as part of what they needed to experience, as much or more, than because of what I was experiencing.

I understood that my ability to remove emotional pain could only be realised through cooperation. If the person who was enduring the pain chose to retain their pain, I could not remove their pain for them, regardless of how much I wanted to remove their pain. To remove emotional pain from someone who chose to retain their pain, would have meant that I was interfering with another's experience, and I could not interfere with another's experience.


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Late that afternoon, I sat holding the crystal which I used most frequently. My hands began to pulsate which I was used to by this time, and then something unexpected occurred. The crystal began to vibrate.

Most of the evening, I allowed my mind to wander, exploring, searching for whatever point I was close to finding, but I could not quite reach whatever it was.

The following day started early. I was immediately given a lesson in flexibility. I still did not know exactly what was going to happen, but I was finally starting to be more open to possibilities. I was finally following the advice which I had often received.

By late morning, it had proven to be a nothing day. A few things fell into place, but mostly the response to the issues which I was facing was silence.

I was a little concerned about a few things that I would like to do for Katerina, but I did not see how I would or could do them. I spoke with Sally, who told me not to worry and to stop putting pressure on myself. Sally also told me to remember that Katerina was the 'other side of my coin'. I had not mentioned anything to Sally about the concept of experiencing both sides of the coin, so Sally's choice of phrase amazed me, yet again.

The day continued to follow the pattern which had been apparent for some time. Some things flowed, and some did not flow, as everything slowly fell into place one piece at a time, and painfully slowly as far as I was concerned.

There was definitely something occurring around me which I was not aware of.


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  I needed to accept that everything would fall into place, as everything was meant to. I could see the pattern that whenever I acted early and tried to force something, I was wasting my time. I needed to follow my instinct, and I needed to stop looking for something to do.

I continued to operate at a conscious level. I accepted that I needed to experience the earth plane, but I was open to the possibility that I had chosen to temporarily shut down my spiritual side. I needed to accept that everything which I did had been foreseen, and the outcome had been foreseen, so I could not make an incorrect choice.


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  I finally understood the point which I had been missing. It was necessary for me to explore the summit alone, so that I would fully experience and understand what I found. As I reflected on the summit, I realised that it was time to start putting the pieces together. I knew that I had all the pieces, but I needed to sift the pieces and put the pieces in order, before I could put the pieces together correctly.

I understood that what I had found on the summit, was a new perspective from my conscious self level.


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