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Searching for My Soul
Book Three Understanding My Destiny

Reaching For The Summit.

  I realised that I was still seeking confirmation or proof from outside of myself, despite knowing that such proof was not possible. I understood that I did in fact know how everything would come about, but I was blocking my inner knowledge, and seeking confirmation elsewhere. If I really wanted to know what was going to occur, all that I needed to do was unblock the knowledge from within, by ceasing to look for confirmation elsewhere.

Every time that I asked questions within and did what I was instructed, I was seeking the knowledge within, I was not 'copping out' as I had suspected. Every answer which I received from within, was the answer that was in my best interest. The specific details of the answers which I received from within did not matter.

I knew that I had the answers within me, and I had experienced drawing on the answers within. I needed to fully experience drawing on the answers within, by applying my knowledge to my experience.

What I needed to do now, was to let go. I needed to release my old values and my old world completely, by applying my experience and knowledge to my life.

I continued to have difficulty coming to terms with not wanting, but desiring.

God said, "You are still influenced by what has been told to you lifetime after lifetime. It is not a matter of you do not want, because you have found God, it is a matter of you do not want, because you have found God. 'Thou shalt not want' is my promise to you, not your promise to me."


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I was in Africa again. It was the fifth century BC. I lived in a palace. I was a manservant to the King. I had great influence over both the King and Queen. The King and Queen had separate sleeping chambers. I slept in the King's chamber in case the King required anything in the night, which he did often, because we were lovers. The King loved me as though I was his wife. It was because of this secret that I had such influence over the King. I was fond of the King. Whenever the King was away, I went to the bed of the Queen. The Queen was also in love with me, and it was I not the King who had sired her children. It was because of this secret that I had influence over the Queen.

The Queen had a woman servant who was the only one who knew the truth about the Queen and I, but the Queen's servant did not know about the King. I was in love with this servant girl. Secretly, we were man and wife. It was I who had influenced the Queen to make her the Queen's woman servant. It was not a perfect arrangement, but our positions gave us many privileges, and we were happy and content despite the circumstances.

My wife in that lifetime was Sally. I did not know the King and Queen in that lifetime.

It is the ninth century. I live a simple and satisfied existence on the English coast and sustain my family and myself by hunting and fishing. I will trade what we do not need for grains and vegetables with those who work on the Lord's estates, several miles away. Trading with estate workers is not really legal, but the sheriffs turn a blind eye because they too enjoy the fish and game that I trade. I am very happy. I have a wife and two daughters. My wife is Sally. My wife is happy and spends her time looking after the household, and gathering berries and fruits from the forests and the fields within three hours walk from our small cottage.


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I looked within. I allowed myself to draw on my knowledge of what would occur during the following few weeks. I could see how everything would come together, but I was concerned that I would become impatient. Although the events which I saw were correct, it was to be many, many months before everything which I had foreseen had occurred. In the meantime I experienced some difficulties and delays, which I had blocked from myself.

I continued doing everything that I was told to do. Everything that I had been told would happen, did happen. Everything within my environment at that time seemed to be subtle reminders, demonstrations, application of my experience.

I constantly discussed all things with God, I sought many explanations of little things, as I built upon my understanding. I was told of events that would happen, of when and of why some events would happen, I was told to allow the events to happen, and I was told not to act until I was instructed to act. I did not understand what was occurring at that time, but I was being given practice for what lay ahead.

I realised that for me to become aware of something that was happening now took but a single moment. I reflected that just twelve months ago it had taken years for me to become aware of something that was happening. I saw that the time that it took me to become aware of something that was happening, had reduced as my overall awareness had increased.

The day continued with me seeking and receiving clarification on my life. I was given a little more information about the timing of events which were to transpire, but no detail. I assumed that the timing which I was given related to all of the events which I foresaw, but the timing that I was given only related to the events which needed to occur.


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Earlier that day, I had looked at the healing crystal which I was using. I had thought that the healing crystal would soon break to release the negative energy, but I did not recall experiencing a healing crystal breaking to release negative energy, at any time during my existence. That evening, the healing crystal broke. When I picked the healing crystal up I knew that I had been right. The negative energy had been released.

God said, "You were right, you knew the healing crystal would soon break to release the negative energy, but a healing crystal breaking to release negative energy was not something which you had experienced previously. Therefore, you were not fully aware of a healing crystal breaking to release negative energy."

I called in to see Nancy for a while. As I was about to leave for Nancy's home, God told me to take a few of my possessions, and give them to Nancy. I asked why.

"Despite your attempt to sell your jewellery, you still have a problem with the concept of having possessions whilst you are on a spiritual path. You need to experience that you have possessions because you desire to look at your possessions, but beyond this your possessions are not important to you."

I understood that although I could remove my pains which were from this lifetime, I could not remove the cause of my pains which were from this lifetime, unless I removed the cause of my pains which were from this lifetime. Removing the cause of my pains which were from this lifetime would require a combination of crystals, and physical corrections.

The following morning, I felt a little strange but I was not sure why.

God asked, "Why are you blocking me?"

I had not realised that I was blocking God. I attempted to allow myself to relax.


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I had dreamed a lot during the previous few days, and I continued to become physically very tired. I knew why I was tired, but I did not know why I was dreaming, or what my dreams were.

I again entered the spirit plane. I travelled to Katerina, and again I felt the fulfilment, the incredible well being of joining with my other half. The experience was so powerful that I could smell Katerina's perfume.

When I returned to the earth plane, I attempted to smell perfume, but I could not smell any perfume or fragrance which would account for my spirit plane experience.

Later, as I began writing my notes again I could smell Katerina's perfume once more. I returned to the spirit plane. I stood next to a pane of glass. I had a scraper in my hand. I was scraping paint from the glass. At first I thought I was clearing whatever was still blocking the window to let the light out, but I realised that I was removing the reflective paint from a mirror.

God explained, "Your conscious self is but a reflection of your higher self. The creator reflected in the created. If you consider a mirror, when a mirror reflects it reverses everything. Consider also all I have told you. How many things do those on the earth plane see in reverse of as they really are? You are now aware of why. The higher self and to a degree the spirit are seen from the earth plane as a reflection, an illusion when the reverse applies. It is the conscious self that is the reflection, and the higher self which is real. See the reversing effect of the mirror, and understand why the conscious self which believes it is the reality, sees so much in reverse. This reversing effect should be remembered at all times."

Unfortunately, I was destined not to remember the reversing effect all times.


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"What you will do now is remove that which causes the reflection, and see that which is real, because it is the reflection which is an illusion.

"If we also take your rejoining with your soulmate another step, you know that rejoining with your soulmate has already happened at the highest level. Rejoining with your soulmate is now occurring at the mid or spirit level on the spirit plane. Rejoining with your soulmate will soon occur at the lowest level or the physical plane. Understand that when you fully join, with the other half of your soul, you will become a complete soul. You were never an incomplete soul, just separated. The difference is subtle, but it is an important distinction.

"Two complete halves, equal a whole whether the halves are joined or not, which is why rejoining with the other half of your soul, is both completion and not completion at the same time. What is yet to become complete is the rejoining, not the soul."

My day continued to follow the pattern which had been in place since I had awakened. It was as though I was being given a running commentary on all that occurred. Suddenly, the 'mysterious ways' in which God worked ceased being so mysterious, and became logical.

I took Rose and my children out for the afternoon. I was relaxed and enjoyed myself. I was given the opportunity to apply my experience, which I did. My eyes were sore. It was very bright, and I was finding it hard to adjust my eyes, even with my sunglasses on.

God said, "Relax, give your eyes time to adjust."

When my eyes had adjusted, the world was even brighter than the world had been. I was amazed at the clarity with which I viewed everything.


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Later, I spoke with Anne for a while. Anne's life seemed to be on track, moving slowly towards where I knew that Anne was heading. What I did not know was that Anne was actually moving into another circle.

I travelled a little way into the future. I saw events which would occur in respect of my old world. The events were as I had foreseen, with a slight twist. I saw that my business partners would attempt to pull me into what was happening, and I saw that I would realise that there was nothing that I could do.

God had told me that the only way for me to return home, was to travel each step, but I had not conceived that it had been by my own choice to travel each step.

After my vision, I reflected on my life. I was beginning to understand that I had always underestimated my instinct. Often, I had seen that something was one way, but everybody else apparently saw that something differently. I had accepted that I must have been seeing the event incorrectly. I continued to accept that I must have been seeing the event incorrectly, despite the number of occasions when events had proven, that I had been correct.

God asked, "Does this not tell you, that what you know is correct now?"

I had been told many times, through one source or another, to trust my own instinct, and that my instinct was more powerful than I realised.

Much of what had occurred during the previous few months, had been to enable me to gain experience in applying my awareness. However, I had viewed the opportunities to apply my awareness as 'tests'.


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I opened my mind. I saw one more way in which I would do the work that I had been asked to do. I was being shown aspects of how I would complete my task on an ever-increasing basis. I considered writing the components of my on going task down, but I knew that I would not need to write what I was shown down, I would not forget.

I was finally told to check my messages. I had been told not to check my messages for three days, and I had listened. There was a message, which had arrived on the day that I had stopped checking my messages, after I had checked my messages for a week with no result. It made no difference that I received the message on this day, instead of three days ago. Not checking my messages had been an interesting exercise in patience.

The message had financial implications which would have, at one time, concerned me greatly. Now I had no concern. When I replied to the message, I wrote exactly what I was told to write, as I had done previously, when I had made a commitment that I could not financially afford to meet, at the time of writing the message.

I continued to review. I continued to meditate. This is truly the age of rediscovery. Rediscovery of higher self, which is also the truth.

I could not sleep, and I did not know why. I had a business meeting the following morning, but I was not concerned whether I would be able to attend the business meeting. I had a wake up call booked so I had no concern about sleeping late. I had nothing on my mind, and I had not slept late that day. I simply could not sleep.

At 3.00 am, I asked God what I should do. God told me to get up, and check my messages. I knew better than to expect a message, but there was a message waiting for me. A few days earlier I had written a few pages about Katerina and myself, which I had sent to a friend in America. I did not know why.

Apparently, the friend to whom I had written, had a decision to make and the few pages which I had written, had helped her make that decision. I knew I needed to respond to my friend immediately. I allowed my instinct to take over as I wrote my reply. When I had finished writing, I asked God if what I had written was correct. I received confirmation from God, so I sent the message.

I finally got a little sleep and I awoke on time.


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I had intended to arrange something, or attempt to arrange something in respect of my finances that day. I had planned to make the arrangements for some time, but I had not retained the information which I had needed to make the arrangements. I knew that I would obtain the information again, but I could not believe I had thrown the information which I needed away.

God asked, "What does not having the information that you need mean?"

I responded, "That I am not meant to make the arrangements today, but no more that that."

I lay down to rest. I received another vision with much more detail of my marriage. I then slept. I had two dreams. In my first dream I was in another city working with people who I knew, in an attempt to understand what I should be doing. Later, I found myself in another country, doing the same thing. The people around me were all saying to me; 'But you know what you should do.'

My second dream sort of continued from the first. I was walking around some dark alleys. At times my sons were with me. Spiders were leaping at me. The spiders would hang in the air and leap towards me. I would push the spiders away, although I was not scared of the spiders, because I knew that the spiders would not harm me. However, the spiders were attracted to me. When I awoke, I asked God what my dreams meant.

God explained, "You are trying to find out what your role is, but you know what your role is."

I said, "Okay, and the second dream?"

"The spiders represent the unknown. You avoid the unknown, because you fear the unknown, but you know that the unknown cannot harm you."


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I was told to relax, make some coffee, and think for awhile before checking my messages.

I sat quietly and reflected. I received another vision. I stood still and I allowed the spiders from my dream to land on me and bite me. Each time that the spiders bit me, I gained some more knowledge. I thought; 'I had no reason to fear'. I knew that I had no reason to fear' all along.

I did as I was instructed, but there were no messages, which did not phase me in the least. I asked, "What was that experience about?"

God replied, "So that you would experience what you experienced."


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