TK Logo

  Click for site map
Searching for My Soul
Book Two Seeking the Knowledge Within

Learning To Live The Truth.

  ESM bar

God said, "Do not discount any belief because each is entitled to their own beliefs, their own truth, until they discover the real truth. Have you not learned that belief is a necessary step to finding the truth? Did you not see and experience that belief is a necessary step to finding the truth yourself? Belief is faulty by definition and belief is surpassed by knowledge, but belief is a necessary step in finding the truth. Consider your own journey. When you started you held no belief and you reached a point where you believed, but you did not understand. It was only through awareness and understanding that your belief was replaced by knowledge. Belief is a necessary step on the journey home, but those who start with belief are not always at an advantage compared to those who do not believe, because those who believe have much to unlearn.

"Remember, the truth cannot be found or proven externally. The truth exists within and within is where the truth will be found. The truth has been shattered externally, and it is only through drinking the wine and seeing the bunch that the truth will be rediscovered."

  ESM bar

I had not been to the beach for several weeks, nor had I gone to a forest or any other such place of peace. I had not pushed myself physically. I had remained in my world, my home, my family, my friends and my business, the world which I had created. I wondered why I had remained in my world, but I was not overly concerned. I knew that there was a reason.

All of the times when I had been forced away, and all of the solitude that had been enforced on me, had been necessary because I had fought what was happening. If I had flowed with my experiences, and really lived my awareness, my enforced solitude would not have been necessary.

However, it had been necessary that I did not flow with my experiences. It was important that I experienced drawing energy from natural sources, and it had been important that I had experienced using solitude to draw on the knowledge within myself. It was a fact that my journey would have been easier if I had flowed with my experiences from the beginning, but it was also true that it had been necessary that I did not flow with my experiences.

During the previous few weeks I had learned that enlightenment can be obtained from within any environment. It was not a case of saying; 'If I could just get away by myself for a few weeks, I can gain enlightenment'. This is not necessary.

  ESM bar

Solitude is necessary, solitude is needed to look within but solitude does not have to be enforced solitude. Solitude can be obtained during an hour in the bath, or just sitting in the park for an hour at lunchtime. Solitude can be obtained sitting alone in a coffee shop, or simply getting out of bed an hour earlier than the family.

It does not matter what environment we have created for ourselves, we can obtain solitude in a practical way, and we can use our solitude to look within. Many look within without awareness, but it is far more meaningful to look within with awareness.

The world does not have to be shut out, at times shutting the world out is not possible. We can be sitting quietly and a neighbour may start to mow their lawn, or there may be traffic noise, it does not matter. This is not an excuse not to meditate, not to look within. It is not necessary to shut the noise out.

When we look within, we use a different level of consciousness than we use when we look outwards. More than one level of consciousness exists within all of us, and all that we need to do, is to allow ourselves to become aware of our different levels of consciousness.

It is the disease of artificial fulfilment that is what has been termed 'the devil'. It is through pursuing artificial fulfilment that we follow the dark path, and it is through placing importance on artificial things that we are prevented from ascending and will remain on the earth plane. The devil is not an entity. The devil is a belief, a belief that fulfilment can be obtained in the artificial world.

  ESM bar

I continued to review and I continued to learn. Each time that I reviewed I saw not only what I had learned from any given situation, but I also saw what I had not learned from any given situation. It did not matter how much I had learned, there was always something that I had missed.

Even after I returned to once again be able to reach out and touch the higher plane of existence, and even after I had come Full Circle. Every time that I reviewed my notes, which recorded all that had occurred during my journey, I would see something clearly that I had previously overlooked. I would often wonder how I could have possibly overlooked much of what I had overlooked.

I continued to meditate and I continued to be led to questions and answers.

There are many varieties of wines, all with a different flavour and often a different nature. Despite this the grape and the bunch can be seen when consuming any type of wine, if we choose to see either the grape or the bunch. The same principle applies to religions. All religions have become different through the process applied by man, and yet all religions originate from the same truth, so all religions retain the image of the truth.

I knew that I had a lot to learn about the truth of our existence, but I was also learning about myself and how I was continuing to approach some aspects of my life from the perspective of artificial fulfilment. I knew that in many ways I was expecting too much from myself. I recognized my mistakes and I corrected my mistakes, which is all that is really important.

  ESM bar

The age of rediscovery is the age of miracles. There are an increasing number of miracles in all parts of the world, and throughout all beliefs. These miracles are being seen by the followers of those beliefs as confirmation of the belief, but this is not so. The miracles are occurring across all beliefs to show that the truth is beyond the beliefs.

We provide for our children because we love them, not because we are seeking gratitude. So it is with God. God provides through his love for us, not because God seeks our gratitude.

I would have liked to say at this point that all of my problems were gone, and that I no longer had any doubt. Mostly this was true, but there were still times when I doubted, and there were still times when I questioned my sanity. I would also like to have been able to say that I corrected my mistakes immediately, but I did not. It took some time for me to amend my behaviour patterns.

I suspected that the reason why I was experiencing difficulties on occasion was caused by my lack of understanding. My lack of understanding was leading me to question answers which I had already received, but not the truth that I had learned. I only questioned my role and my circumstances. Despite all that I had learned, I occasionally struggled with the 'why me?' question, and I knew that there was still something that I had not learned about myself.

Whenever I could not leave an issue alone, it was because I had missed something in respect of the issue, or because there was an aspect of the issue of which I was not yet aware.

I continued to look for the moment when I would understand all, as I had been warned that I would, even though I had also been told it was not my destiny to discover the moment when I would understand all. I knew that I needed to follow my path to its end, one step at a time, but I questioned my ability to follow my path to its end.

Another of my difficulties was that I had no one to really share my journey with.

  ESM bar

I questioned events which I knew were going to occur, and which I could not quite understand. I ignored the fact that I had not really understood much of what had happened, when it was happening.

For the most part I flowed. I lived with my soul and beyond. I was, however, anchored to the earth plane, as was my destiny and I longed to be free of the earth plane, as I had also been warned that I would.

I continued my journey, slowly. I knew that whenever I had taken a sidetrack or reached a dead end, the sidetracks and dead ends were always caused not by what I had failed to learn, but by what I had failed to unlearn.

All that I could do was continue to meditate and continue to look for answers from within. Despite what I knew and despite all I had learned, I did still seek external confirmation on occasion, and yet I knew that external confirmation would not be forthcoming.

I occasionally wondered if I was delusional, but I knew that if I were delusional, I would have created a different delusion. If I had simply created a delusion because I had found my own world too difficult, I would have created an easier path for myself within my delusion. In many ways the path that I was being asked to travel in my new world was harder than the path which I had travelled in my old world. I could not accept that I would have created a more difficult path if what I had experienced was a delusion.

  ESM bar

I knew that a psychiatrist could probably rationalize and catalogue what I was experiencing, but this was one of the difficulties of the artificial world. It was too easy to rationalize things that were not understood as mental disorders, especially when there is so little about the mind that is understood.

I recalled a psychologist who had attempted to tell me that for a relationship to be balanced there needed to be an equal amount of positive and negative, or love and hate as she called it. She had tried to convince me that I was being unrealistic expecting a relationship with only love, but she was incorrect. A relationship with only love is possible which I had known at the time of our discussion.

The only purpose of a relationship with negatives is to learn. Negatives are removed once we have learned. Our goal should be to remove the negatives, through understanding, identifying and removing the fears and insecurities that cause the negatives within our relationships. If we accept the negatives within our relationships, we learn nothing and we are therefore wasting our time in the relationship.

Negatives within our relationships do not only apply to our relationship with our life partner. Negatives exist can within every relationship including friendships, relatives and business. If there are negatives, from our viewpoint, within any relationship then we have failed to learn. Negatives are the sign that we need to learn, we need to look for the negatives in every relationship, and we need to understand why the negatives exist.

Removing our fears and insecurities is the only way to stop blocking the love and the light within us. There is no other way. The more fears and insecurities we remove, the more love and light we allow to shine through.

  ESM bar

As my own journey continued to unfold, I saw clearer that I needed to complete my journey on my own. I received help and guidance only after I had completed each phase of my journey. All that I could do was to continue my journey, even when my path became difficult. All that I could do was to continue my journey, and have faith in God.

There were many times when I wanted to discontinue my journey and return to my old world. In many ways my old world seemed easier despite its difficulties. I knew that I could not return to my old world, because I could not forget the price that I had paid whenever I had attempted to return to my old world. I had every reason to believe that my extreme difficulties would recur, if I attempted to return to my old world.

I knew, I understood and I would remember that although the artificial world appears easier, the artificial world really is not easier. The apparent ease of the artificial world is what makes the artificial world so tempting. This is how we are tempted by what has been termed 'the devil', by artificial fulfilment.

God said, "What has been termed 'the devil', is in reality the disease of artificial fulfilment. Remember this. Artificial fulfilment exists only in the artificial world. Artificial fulfilment is not real, and therefore the devil is not real.

"Those who chose my path through fear of consequences have not chosen my path. Fear does not and cannot lead to the higher plane, only love can lead to the higher plane. That some who purport to represent me use fear as a tool to convince people to accept me, means that those who use fear as a tool to convince people to accept me have not really accepted me themselves. God cannot be found in fear, only in love.

  ESM bar

"Belief in the devil can be as strong as belief in God, but when belief is surpassed and becomes knowledge, the nature of both God and the devil is also known. God is real and the devil is an illusion.

"It is man who has created both God and the devil as entities that man could understand. Much of what must be unlearned has been created by man's interpretation of events that man did not understand. Interpretation which has become a false truth in time, but a truth nevertheless, to those who believe it to be so.

"Much has been done and said in my name which is not so. The only way that the truth can be found is from within. Your words are not the answer, your words are the question. Those seeking the truth must look within, deep within, it is the only way.

"Those who follow the dark path become dark spirits on the spirit plane, and they have all the abilities associated with the spirit plane. They can guide others along the dark path from the spirit plane. The darkness can consume so completely that the light cannot be seen even from the spirit plane, where the light is easier to see than on the earth plane. Those who are consumed by darkness have been termed evil angels, and they do exist. Some have been so consumed by artificial fulfilment that they live in the darkness. It is said that those who are consumed by darkness represent the entity called the devil, but there is no such entity. Those who are consumed by darkness are simply consumed by the disease of artificial fulfilment. Those who are consumed by darkness are not trapped in that they can free themselves from the darkness, but it is a long, hard road which they must follow. There is much darkness to be removed before the light can be seen.

"Man continues to categorize and label things that man does not understand. It is part of the in-built quest for knowledge, but it is the mistake made through seeking knowledge externally when all knowledge is within, which drives souls to label and categorize.

  ESM bar

"Do not be concerned when you become discouraged, continue your journey with faith. You become discouraged so that others will see that you became discouraged without reason, and others will not become discouraged themselves. If others do become discouraged they will continue anyway, just as you will do. You must understand that this is your chosen destiny, and that you will follow the path to the higher plane as was agreed. Remember my words and have faith regardless of where your journey leads you. Never lose sight of the higher plane that awaits you at your Journey's End.

"When you become discouraged, do not seek encouragement from other than the God within you, because you will find encouragement nowhere else. If you did not become discouraged, how would you learn to seek encouragement from the God within? When you truly learn to seek encouragement from the God within, you will cease to become discouraged.

"A sin is any act done with motivation other than pure love for all. Only the person who committed the act is able to truly know if the act is a sin, so how can others judge that person? A person who commits a sin is only condemned for as long as they fail to learn the lesson which they received, which could be a single moment or an eternity. It is the person who condemns themselves through their failure to learn. I condemn no one, because I love all."

  ESM bar

At this time, I neither understood the meaning of 'sin' or the meaning of the term 'motivated by pure love'.

"Acknowledging the sin and having regret is the start, not the finish. Learning from the sin is all that is important. All lessons are repeated until the lesson is learned. The severity of the lesson increases each time that the lesson is repeated. This is the condemnation that those who fail to learn must endure. As you, yourself have discovered it is better to learn when the lesson is easy, than to allow the lesson to become difficult. The lesson is never impossible to learn, just increasingly difficult. However, learning the lesson may seem impossible to those who did not learn.

"All of the lessons, all that is taught, leads to one truth, pure love. Respond to every situation with pure love and there will be no need for more lessons. Pure love is the easy way, pure love is the fast track. If a person awakes one morning and responds to everything from that point forward with pure love, they will have gained enlightenment overnight. They will continue to be tested, but the test will be easy because the answer is the same, pure love.

"You still question how it is possible to respond to everything with pure love but you, yourself have this answer. The answer is to recognize that the physical is an illusion. Death is not real, suffering is not real, only pure love is real. If you understand that death did not occur and the physical body has simply fulfilled its purpose, but the soul continues, how can you respond in any way other than with pure love? Do you not know that the person who 'died' has learned all that they could in this lifetime, no matter how young they are in your years? It is therefore a time to rejoice, not a time to be saddened.

"Why are you concerned with what you do, when all that you do leads you to awareness of knowledge, even if that knowledge is acquired through a wrong path or a dead end?

"The circumstances of one's death are not relevant. Why should it matter by what means the physical body discontinues or ceases to exist after its purpose has been fulfilled? The circumstances of all, including death, is so that those involved are each given an environment in which to learn whatever it is they must learn. All are involved by design and by agreement of souls.

  ESM bar

"All are involved by design and by agreement for all of the circumstances within your own life. If you can only accept and see this involvement by design and by agreement within your own life, your peace would be retained. Can you not see that your recurring thoughts and memories are placed in your mind by yourself so that you will learn this truth, amongst other things?

"That all are involved by design and by agreement is not an easy lesson for you, or for those who, like you, are anchored on the earth plane, but that all are involved by design and by agreement is a lesson which all must learn. Understanding this truth is the path to peace, and through peace to pure love.

"To find pure love, you must first understand the true nature of all things. You will learn the true nature of all things, and only you will determine the difficulty of your lesson.

"As with many things, you are close to understanding and yet at the same time, you are far from understanding. You seek to increase the breadth of your understanding, when it is the depth of your understanding which needs to increase. Have you not seen this for yourself? It is not your understanding of things which are new to you that is increasing, but the depth of your understanding of what you know that is increasing.

"Have you not discovered that the way to climb further up the mountain is to look deeper within yourself? It is through depth that you ascend. It is the depth of knowledge which increases the circle of awareness, not the breadth of knowledge as you supposed.

"You have learned much. Continue to look deep and learn more. Learn from deep within yourself."

  ESM bar

I continued to meditate. I was seeking answers to matters which were troubling me. Unfortunately, I did not always receive the answer each time that I meditated on a problem. I knew that I would find the answers, but sometimes I had to meditate long and often, or I had to accept that I was not ready for the answer because I had not understood the question. The answer I did receive was; 'illusion' and I knew that all of my problems were based on illusion, which was something I had known.

Later, I again considered studying the words of the teachers who had been sent many years ago, I thought that studying the words of the teachers would be my next step.

God said, "I have told you that you must learn the truth. I have told you that the words of the teachers have been changed. Not all of the words of the teachers have been changed, and not the principles, but sufficient words of the teachers have been changed and their meaning altered, so that the teachings have been distorted. You seek the real truth, and this can only be found within. Did you forget so soon?"

I knew that the earth plane was an illusion. I accepted that the earth plane was a learning environment. That the earth plane was a learning environment had been demonstrated to me time and time again, but I was anchored within the learning environment which is the earth plane.

I knew that the path was not easy, but I also knew that the answer was simple; 'pure love'. God had given me the answer, and I saw that the answer was simple. As soon as the illusion was understood and pure love was accepted, the soul who had fully and truthfully accepted the answer would gain enlightenment and ascend. I knew that it was my destiny not to ascend without walking each step of my path. What I did not know at this point, was exactly what the term ascend meant.

I knew that some would accept and understand the basic truth of pure love easily, but most would not and therefore I would not. I considered the possibility that I had created an illusion that I needed to create an example, as an excuse for my failure to reach a point where I was able to ascend, especially as I knew the key, but I knew that I had not failed. I was going to fulfil my destiny, but given the choice, I would have ascended as soon as I was able. I certainly would not have chosen to stay on a path that I found difficult and frustrating at times. However, I had chosen the difficult path, although I certainly did not fully understand this, at that time.

  ESM bar

In many ways I would have preferred to accept that all that I had experienced was an illusion, discontinue my journey, and return to a world that I knew, but I was not permitted to end my spiritual journey and return to my old world. It was not my new world that was the illusion, it was my old world that was the illusion.

It had not been the first time that I had lost my world, and I knew that I could rebuild my old world. I had the confidence to rebuild my old world, and I had the ability to rebuild my old world, but I would not be permitted to rebuild my old world, because I would be rebuilding an illusion.

As I have stated previously, that the events of the previous year had affected me so intensely did not make sense. I had endured more difficult experiences. I am a survivor and I have a very high tolerance level. It takes a lot for me to believe that I cannot achieve a goal, and even at this point I could see that much of what I had known would happen within the business, was happening. Many of the problems that I had foreseen appeared to be rectifying themselves, and I had no doubt that with a little determination from me, I could force a few issues and take control of the business, which would be relatively easy. In the past, I have overcome greater business difficulties than I was faced with at this time.

If my business interests were to be my path, I could turn the business around and drive the business to fulfil its potential. The time was right for me to take control of the business. I could say this with a surety born from experience, and I saw the reality of the potential of the business without one doubt. However, I knew that the business was not my path, and that I would not be permitted to even attempt to pursue of the business. Nor did I need to pursue of the business to demonstrate to others or even to myself that I could turn the business around, and drive the business to fulfil its potential. I had nothing to prove to anybody, including myself, such was the surety with which I knew that I could achieve in the artificial world.

  ESM bar

I accepted that I'd had some setbacks, but I have experienced greater setbacks previously, and I had always been known for my persistence. In fact persistence was a strong part of my character, my refusal to give up. Even when I had appeared to give up in the past, I had only regrouped before refocusing and persisting until I achieved my goal.

I could see how my characteristics had driven me to succeed in the artificial world, and I knew that walking away from my business challenges was contrary to my character. I knew that I had been required to follow my instinct against my character, and I knew from experience how difficult following my instinct against my character had been. What I did not see, and what I did not understand, was that I would need every ounce of my persistence to complete my journey.

As I neared the end of my journey, and after I had truly accepted that I could not save the business, I was given the opportunity to experience for myself that I could in fact drive the business to reach its potential.

I was going to follow my path in this lifetime, not through conscious choice in this lifetime, but through an agreement and a choice made 300 years previously, when I had been aware of far more than I was aware of at the current point of time.

I knew that I had been chosen for this task to atone for something which I had done a long, long time ago, but I was unable to remember exactly what it was that I had done, or even why I had done whatever I had done. I knew that there would come a time when I would recall what it was that I had done, but I was unsure how long it would be before I would remember. In the meantime, all that I could do was to fulfil my destiny to the best of my ability, because I was driven to fulfil my destiny.

  ESM bar

I had no concept of what it was that I had done, and if I had been told what it was that I had chosen to atone for, I would not have believed it. Even after I had remembered the events that had been the catalyst for my choosing to travel the path which I travelled, I had difficulty believing what I had remembered. Even though what I would remember was as vivid and as clear as any of my memories from this lifetime.

I did not seek monetary gain, I sought enough money to fulfil my obligations and responsibilities, which I could achieve through my business. I did not want fame or reputation, because I had achieved both, in a limited way within my current world, and I knew that fame and reputation were a double-edged sword. In fact, it was more than not seeking fame, I did not want fame. I did not like fame. I did not like being introduced to someone, and having someone I had only just met refer to me as 'the Brian ____'. I did not like the rumours which circulate about those who are known, because I knew from my own experience that the rumours are mostly based on the lies created by people jealous of success.

Nevertheless, I would do what I was destined to do, because I knew that there was no other path that I could travel.

As I reflected on my current lifetime, from the perspective of my old world, it was increasingly apparent that much of what I had experienced had been to prepare me for my spiritual task. My preparation had occurred despite the fact that I was unaware of what was occurring, or even that a spiritual task was a possibility.

God said, "The key to the earth plane is simple. It is love. All desire to give love and all desire to receive love. Those who do not acknowledge their desire to give and receive love are no different. All were created within pure love, and all will return to pure love. Pure love is the reason for existence. If you give others what they desire, you will receive the same in return. It is that simple, give and receive love. This is not something that is new to you, nor is it something that you have not learned to do. Love is all that is important and love eases your journey."

  ESM bar

I reflected that I had often believed that I had not found answers when I meditated, only to have the answers that I had sought flood into my mind a short time later.

God again spoke, "You now have pieces of the circle from around the circumference, sometimes a line, sometimes a short line and sometimes just a dot. Your task now is to fill in the gaps. It is through filling in the gaps with depth that you will complete the circle."

I recalled another lifetime. As with the other pre-Native American lifetimes which I had recalled up to this point, my memory related to something specific, and my memory was not as clear as my memories from my post-Native American lifetimes had been. I assumed that the respective clarity of my memories was because my post-Native American lifetimes had been left on the bridge to my soul. As usual I had assumed incorrectly. I would find a pre-Native American lifetime which had been left on the bridge to my soul for a very long time.

I had no left hand. I did not know if I had lost my hand in an accident, or if my hand had been removed as punishment. I looked at the stump at the end of my left arm. I looked at the stump at the end of my left arm often to remind me that I no longer had a left hand, which I often forgot, because I could still 'feel' my left hand, as if my left hand was still there.

  ESM bar

I became aware that I had only touched on my psychic ability. I knew I was blocking most of my abilities, and I could not understand why I would continue to block my abilities. I asked God what I needed to do to release my abilities.

God replied, "Accept that the ability is there, allow the ability to develop and do not rationalize. It is through your attempts to rationalize that you block your abilities."

I considered what I had been told. I selected one issue and I tracked the issue as the issue had developed. I saw what I had already known. I had attempted to put the detail into what I knew would occur, and to rationalize how an event would transpire.

God said, "When you attempt to rationalize, you depart from the truth. Let the truth be and accept.

"It is the same with all things. Accept and allow all things to be. It is through accepting and allowing that you will understand why. You accept and allow when an issue relates to life, but you do not accept and allow when an issue relates to yourself."

This was sound advice, which I would forget often.

I knew that my psychic ability was far greater than I realized, and I knew that I would only realize my psychic ability by allowing my psychic ability to come to the surface.

There were still issues from my old world from which I had not learned all that I needed to learn. I did not quite understand what it was that I still had to learn from my old world. I knew that the issues were illusions, and I knew that I was holding on to the illusions so that I would learn. I needed to learn before I could let go of the illusions completely. All that I could do was let the issues be, allow the issues to run their course and in time I would understand what I had failed to learn.

I realized that I was experiencing the same problem with the remaining issues from my old world as I was experiencing with my psychic ability. I was blocking what I needed to learn, because I was attempting to determine why things were as they were, instead of allowing things to be, so that my understanding and awareness would surface, unimpeded by my rationalization.

  ESM bar

I knew that the process was simple. Accept, flow with whatever occurred, and allow awareness to surface. Through awareness I would gain understanding. Following the process was the only way, and following the process was that simple. Following the process was not, however, easy to do all of the time.

Even when we know that something is an illusion, the illusion seems real until we know why the illusion was created. Accepting that something is an illusion is only the first step.

  ESM bar

Click for site map

  ESM bar

Copyright permission is seldom withheld.