A new chapter had started. A new experience, and no doubt a new point to be made. However, I was tired of making points and I was tired of this journey which I had chosen. I wished that I had simply forgiven myself for betraying Jesus when the betrayal had occurred.
Nevertheless, I did have faith. In many ways, from an earth plane perspective, I had little reason to have faith. All of the promises of salvation, of 'heaven on earth', of God's promise, had delivered nothing other than to create difficulties which now exceeded my ability to worry about them, which was interesting in itself.
My difficulties had exceeded my ability to worry. I could not remove my difficulties from a conscious or lower self level. There was not one thing that I could consciously do to resolve my difficulties. I could address a difficulty here or a difficulty there at a pinch, but there was nothing that I could consciously do to remove all of my difficulties.
My difficulties were now out of my conscious hands entirely. Strangely, I did not have faith, because having faith was the only option left. I had faith, because I had faith.
I was unconcerned about potentially losing everything, because I had already lost everything from whichever way that I looked at my situation. Everything that I owned was in storage with no hope of me having sufficient funds to get retrieve my belongings from storage. In addition to the removal and storage charges there was also the cost of finding somewhere to live, and the cost of even renting a place in which to live was beyond me.
Effectively, I had nothing left to lose. All that could be lost now, belonged to other people. I wondered if perhaps I was overdramatising the situation.
However, I was not overdramatising the situation. My wages were barely enough to support me after I had provided for my children and my wife. Effectively, it was my children and my wife that I was working for. In fact, I only had a roof over my head due to the kindness of Nancy.
Even if I stayed with Nancy for the next two years, I would not be able to get myself out of my financial difficulties. Maintaining my employment for much longer seemed improbable, and even if Katerina did obtain her visa, I could not afford the airfare for her to come to Australia, let alone somewhere for us to live.
In fact, I could seldom even talk to Katerina via telephone anymore, and as I wrote these words it was only seven weeks to Christmas day.
In that time I was supposedly going to acquire a house and Katerina was going to join me. It would be nearly four weeks before Katerina's application was even considered. I could see no way that it could be possible for everything to 'fall into place' prior to Christmas.
I considered the possibility that it was the following Christmas that was meant, but it was not the following Christmas that was meant, it was the upcoming Christmas that was meant. What had been foreseen, had been foreseen for this Christmas.
I was not overdramatising the situation. I had just enough to support those who chose to rely on me, and after supporting those who chose to rely on me, I had nothing left.
I had followed a spiritual path and I was now experiencing that I had lost everything, from the perspective of the earth plane, as a result. I felt like holding up a sign to all who would follow saying; 'The queue starts here!'
God said, "Very few would choose the most difficult path as you have chosen."
I replied, "My path has been difficult, but my path could have been far worse. I could have ended up in jail, or I could not be able to support my family at all."
"Both are correct, but both are extreme. How would the majority of souls who have chosen to exist in the western world associate with your story and have a point of reference when such a small percentage will experience being in jail?
"Consider your difficulties. You have financial difficulties, your living arrangements are less than satisfactory, you are apart from your wife and you have a job which provides nothing more than an income. These are difficulties which the majority can relate to. It is the majority for whom we are providing this example. In respect of what the majority now experience, your situation is extreme, but it also allows them to draw a point of reference. If you were jailed or worse, you would lose that point of reference.
"A journey to awareness and through awareness is personal. If your journey adversely affected those who rely on you for support, then your journey is no longer personal. You have had help along the way, but each time that you have received help it has been by conscious choice of another. Conscious choice is personal. Your personal journey may overlap another's personal journey for a time, but they are both personal journeys.
"The journey to awareness is personal and is also a result of conscious choice. You made your conscious choice to become aware when you asked 'Why?'. It is through your example that others will know that they have the ability to make a conscious choice to become aware and through knowing that they have the ability to make a conscious choice to become aware, many will make a conscious choice to become aware."
I thought about what God had said. God's words did make sense, God's words did sound logical and God had a very good point.
The following morning, I reflected that the issue of suicide had been around me in one form or another for four days.
God said, "The increase in the suicide rate is a direct result of souls searching for a meaning in their lives. There has always been a number of souls who finish their life prematurely because of an event or series of events. Suicide like all things is experience, and like all experiences suicide is repeated until a soul becomes aware that the experience is not who they are. That some souls seek meaning through prayer and others seek meaning through suicide are both symptoms of the 'what is the point of existence' issue."
I recommenced my review. I found myself contemplating something that God had said to me in relation to the business many months previously. God had said, 'your work there is finished' but it appeared that my work in relation to the business had only finished in the previous week.
God said, "When I said 'your work', I referred to what you were within that environment to do. The task that you have recently completed was something that you chose to do for your own reasons, it was not 'your work' as such."
God's explanation made sense, but God's explanation sounded a little convenient to me.
"Did I not tell you that even as you completed your task?"
I reflected on the number of times that I had been told during my journey that I was being too hard on myself and that what I had achieved had taken much strength. This may have been so, and I could understand why it would be necessary to point this out to me, but I could not understand why we had repeatedly included the point in this text.
"Not all that occurs is about you. The point is included within the text so that those who need encouragement can draw on my words to you. It will be a convenient way for me to deliver a message to a soul who may not have been able to open dialogue with the God within at a time when they need encouragement."
I reflected on my telephone conversation with Katerina the previous night. Katerina believed, not for the first time, that she would not obtain her visa. In fact, Katerina was convinced that she would not obtain her visa.
"Katerina is still experiencing who she is not. Has Katerina not told you that her life never quite works out in the way that she would like? Has Katerina not explained that she has sometimes come close to having a life that she wanted, but something always goes wrong?"
"Tell me, does this scenario sound like the experiences of anybody you know? Neither you nor Katerina have been able to quite have your life work out, because all that either of you have experienced during this lifetime was not meant to be. If either of your life's had 'worked out', you would not have been in a position to 'find' each other when it was time."
I reflected that when I was with Katerina, my 'spiritual' self seemed to slow down. Much of what I experienced with Katerina had usually been from an earth plane perspective.
"Yes. At this point in your relationship with Katerina you are adopting a specific role as Katerina's husband, from the perspective of the earth plane and as such you are sharing in Katerina's experiences of the difficulties which surround you both. You have been of the opinion that the difficulties which surround you both relate to yourself and your example, which is conveniently true, and you are sharing the experience. However, the experience is not really your experience. The experience is what Katerina needs to experience, and the role you are adopting is to assist Katerina in that experience.
"If it was an experience that was specifically for you, your level of awareness would apply to your interaction with Katerina. You have often wondered why your 'spiritual' nature has seemed dormant when you interrelate with Katerina.
"There will come a time when Katerina will begin to see and understand your spiritual nature, which will occur as you take her hand and assist her to find her awareness. Assisting Katerina to find her awareness will be a part of your experiences as you jointly explore your new world.
"If you had been fully aware of this truth previously, it would have influenced your actions and your role. You know that you were aware of this truth, but you were not aware of your awareness. For one to be fully aware, one must be aware, that they are aware."
Katerina's spirit was very much with me that morning. I found myself reflecting that I could not remember the last time that I had in felt alone. Katerina was there. Katerina was always there. Katerina was a part of me. Our connection was beyond the connection between two souls which I had experienced many times throughout many levels of awareness. Our connection was not a connection. Our souls were rejoined. Spiritually, our souls were becoming our soul.
The experience was different to when I communicated directly with Katerina's soul, which continued to occur because of those aspects of us which remained separate. It was our higher self which had bonded. It was our higher self which was one. Our higher selves were now our higher self.
The process of bonding was also occurring at a spirit self level and in time, as we explored our new world together, I believed that we would rejoin at a conscious self level.
I had found our relationship a little confusing at times, because I was simultaneously experiencing the three parts of our relationship at different levels of awareness. Now that I understood what was occurring, what I had experienced made sense, at least for a time.
God asked, "Is Katerina your soulmate?"
I replied, "Katerina has been my soulmate, now she is becoming my soul."
"Could you have simultaneously experienced the three levels of your relationship, if the circumstances surrounding your relationship were different?"
"I doubt it, however it is possible. If your question had been extended to ask if Katerina could have experienced what she needed to experience at the same time, then I would say no."
Later that morning I once again reflected that every time I began to free myself from the earth plane, an ailment or an event would keep me grounded.
When I left for the office I could not cross the road because of the traffic and I missed my bus. In fact, it took so long for me to be able to cross the road that I began to become concerned that I would miss the next bus. I considered the parallels with the events of a few morning's earlier, and I noted that the experience was fascinating.
Immediately a gap in the traffic appeared and I crossed the road. Within a minute of my reaching the bus stop, a bus arrived. I was the only passenger. The bus was not required to collect any other passengers, and the bus arrived at the stop where I was to alight, as the bus which I had missed pulled out.
It proved to be a quiet day. A contract that I had negotiated, and which subsequently appeared to have 'fallen over', ended up back on my desk. I met with the suppliers, and it took just twenty minutes to finalise the contract, which would allow the business to utilise the contract immediately.
After I arrived home, in a repeat of the previous day's events, I became overwhelmed and totally fed up with my journey. Once again, nothing had specifically occurred to cause me to become overwhelmed.
I wanted to ask when my difficulties would be over, and when I would receive the salvation that I had been promised, but I was finally aware not to ask. Even if I received an answer, what I was told would simply be to keep me going. If the truth was accurately and definitely revealed, the truth would interfere with my experiences.
I had finally understood this point, and it had certainly taken me a while. I could see that whilst it was convenient to utilise this method to keep me going, giving me an answer to keep me going, had also been effective in creating the environment that I needed to experience. Having become aware of what was occurring, I no longer needed the environment and as such, I had become fully aware of exactly what had been occurring.
I reflected on the events of the previous few weeks. I could see how one by one the remaining 'mysteries' of my journey were revealed as my awareness continued to grow. However, I was aware not to read anything into the fact that the remaining mysteries of my journey had been revealed. Adding two plus two prior to having the complete equation had been a trap which I had fallen into all too often. Nevertheless, I did hope that my journey was about to come to an end.
The following morning, I recalled that I had reflected on who I am on the day before I had begun to understand that I am aware of who I am. This was the third time that I had reflected upon who I am at various stages of my journey, and each time that I had reflected upon who I am, I had noted that there were differences in who I am.
I understood that morning that the secret to becoming who we are is to allow ourselves to become who we are. This was something which I had known, but I had not really fully understood or been fully aware of. Becoming who we are really is that simple. However, when we are experiencing who we are not, allowing ourselves to become who we are sounds like the most difficult task in the world. How do we allow ourselves to become who we are, when we are not aware of who we are? This is why we must continue to experience who we are not. It is through experiencing who we are not, that we become aware of who we are and we are able to allow ourselves to become who we are.
For the third day in a row, and much earlier in the day than previously, I became overwhelmed and totally fed up with my journey. I was tired and at a lower self level I could not understand why I needed to continually become fed up with my journey, but I also knew that whenever I became fed up with my journey, I increased my awareness.
The circles continued to repeat and it seemed that I had experienced every event at least twice and often more frequently. I understood that I was being given opportunities to apply my awareness each time that my experiences repeated, but this did not prevent me from repeating experiences or from becoming tired of my journey.
I became aware that the only reason that I became tired, overwhelmed or fed up with my journey, was to make me discontinue my journey long enough to allow my new awareness to surface, which was exactly why I had become fed up with my journey on this occasion. However, on this occasion it was awareness of why I became fed up with my journey that had surfaced.
The pattern of the previous few days had repeated. I now understood why another aspect of my journey had been occurring, after the particular aspect of my journey had fulfilled its purpose.
In respect of the circles which I had understood for some time, and which I knew had occurred throughout my existence, it seemed that the circles had been easier to deal with, when I had been oblivious to the circles occurring. I did know, however, that this perception was an illusion and a product of my tiredness.
At this time I had believed that my journey was almost complete but more than one year later, I was still increasing my awareness of my awareness.
As the morning slowly continued, I found myself asking myself questions to which I already knew the answers, which then caused me to question what I knew. However, I was aware that all of my questions were opportunities to apply my awareness.
For example, I considered that if Katerina was not my soulmate, Katerina had been a very convenient way of assisting me to gain experience by placing financial and other problems on me which were needed for my journey. I did know that God and every psychic of whatever type I had consulted had very consistently told me who Katerina was, and that all I had experienced both physically and spiritually in respect of Katerina had confirmed who Katerina was. I did however have to wonder why I continued to question Katerina's identity.
I knew that I often questioned solely so that I would find answers, and I suspected that the real question was 'why was I questioning?'
In fact, all that I was experiencing at that time was a question. Why would I have so many questions and why would I continue to ask questions now that I knew who I am, and I was close to becoming who I am?
Why could I not quite become who I am, even though I accepted who I am? Why did I continue to experience difficulties and see my difficulties as difficulties even though I knew why my difficulties occurred?
All of my questions led to one question. Why was I questioning?
It also appeared, in a repeat of events a week earlier, that I would be forced to once again borrow money when I did not want to borrow money, and I had not repaid the money that I had borrowed a week earlier.
I was either meant to accept that I needed to borrow the money and that borrowing the money was an example of God providing, or that I was not meant to borrow the money, and therefore break the circle that continued to repeat itself.
I also wondered about the fact that I still wanted my salvation and my heaven on earth. I wondered if that I 'wanted' them instead of allowing them to be was why I could not let go of my want. In reality I wanted to find a publisher for my books and then live an anonymous life of peace and joy. That is what I really wanted.
It was still relatively early in the morning and it was a day of questions, which I suspected meant that it would also be a day of answers.
The questions did not stop, the questions continued. Question after question. Suddenly the title of this chapter was very much on my mind, and I wondered if 'Having Faith' was perhaps the underlying motivation for my questions.
I meditated, looking for answers but all that I found were more questions. I then found myself asking if I had invented my experiences, and if I had imagined everything that had occurred?
Strangely, despite my questions I felt the 'fluttering' as my vibrational rate increased, and I felt a great peace descending over me which replaced my tiredness.
After considering the situation, it was apparent that I was being directed to seek answers elsewhere. I had already answered the questions within. I rang Sue who coincidentally had a free hour a little later that day.
Before my consultation with Sue, I became even more confused and tired. However, when it was time for my consultation, all of my questions disappeared.
Sue's first comment was that I had been sent to her for confirmation. Sue explained that I'd had to effectively lose everything before I could start again. In respect of Katerina, Sue reiterated and stressed that the red tape would be cut and that Katerina would be with me for this Christmas.
Sue told me that I would very soon leave the business and that I would establish my spiritual retreat as soon as February next year, four months away. Sue also told me that I would do more than run this centre, but I would also be a powerful healer. As Sue explained what she saw in my immediate future, I felt that what Sue explained was not quite right, at least not as I was interpreting Sue's reading.
Sue explained that I needed to discontinue being stubborn, and allow what was to happen, to happen. Mostly Sue spoke about my spiritual retreat which would be situated on a site of much power and natural energy. She explained a grotto which would be at the resort and have healing waters.
As Sue described the spiritual retreat, Sue was becoming excited about what was to come. I was more stunned at the implications of what Sue was describing than excited. Sue explained that there would be many options for people to explore their spiritually, and that much of what I would do, would be to teach people to follow their instinct.
Sue explained how she too questioned her path at times, and that often she only had the resources she needed at the last moment. Sue also again referred to Katerina's healing ability, and our child. Sue referred to the uniqueness of my path, and how excited she was about what was to come.
Other than the extent of the spiritual centre and the timing, there was nothing new in any of what Sue said. I knew that my stubbornness referred to my inability to let go of the remains of my old world, and that I needed to accept that I would not be able to have the anonymous existence which I craved.
As I walked home, I recalled that Sue had also told me that I needed to walk more. I knew that Sue's path had been such that she was waiting for my centre to open, and that it was through my centre that Sue would continue her work in an environment of peace.
| I reflected on the healing aspect of my role
that was to come and I believed that it related to healing of the spirit
not physical healing. Nearly two months later, Sue would confirm that
the healing which I would do would be spiritual.
Sue had explained that my business skills would be needed in respect of the spiritual retreat, and that I needed to start planning the resources which I would need within the retreat now.
I believed that I had consulted Sue because it was time to start considering the spiritual retreat, but I failed to see how I could do very much without having any resources.
Strangely, I did not feel particularly lifted after talking with Sue. I was at peace, but I was also reflective.
Sue explained that Jesus would come to assist me with the next step that I would take, and Sue also explained that another master would come to talk with me about my healing role.
I reflected that my nerves had been one edge before I had visited Sue and that I had felt the fluttering of my adjusting vibrational rate all day.
One thing that I had been experiencing for some time was a concentration of the fluttering around my heart. I had thought that this concentrated fluttering around my heart was a part of the process of increasing my vibrational rate, which it was. However, the concentrated fluttering around my heart was something more. My heart chakra was opening, and expanding.
I wondered about my spiritual centre. I knew that I would be led to the spiritual centre when it was time. I had known for some time that the spiritual centre would be staffed by permanent staff and teachers as well as visiting teachers who would come to stay from time to time. I also knew who some of the permanent teachers would be.
I had known that people would visit the spiritual centre and that their instinct would guide them to which teacher if any they would consult. What I did not appreciate even at this point in time was the extent of this centre. I was beginning to understand that I would need far more resources than I had realised. I recalled my first consultation with Sue when she had told me that what was to occur would be far bigger than I realised.
What I did not know, was how the house that I had been told I would have on numerous occasions, would fit into this picture, and if the house was not to fit into this picture, I did not understand much of what I had been told in respect of the house.
Nor did I understand how Katerina would 'fit' into a life within a spiritual retreat, unless Katerina's awareness reached her conscious self in a relatively short period of time. Theoretically, I would be able to guide Katerina to awareness, but until now, my role in respect of Katerina had been very much based on the earth plane.
In fact, my consultation with Sue had raised as many questions as it had answered. All that I could do, was flow with events and allow what was to occur, to occur. I did have a feeling that something was about to happen, but I was far from convinced that I would know what had happened immediately.
Jesus came to me in the early hours of the morning. Jesus stood close to me, watching me, but he did not speak. The following morning, Jesus was with me again.
All of my meditation since my consultation with Sue had been filled with images of the spiritual retreat.
That morning, most of my questions had returned, although it did not seem that I was required to find answers. I allowed the questions to surface, and disappear as they would.
As for what was to happen, I allowed myself to see the spiritual retreat and I allowed myself to broaden my plans, but I did not become excited about what was to be. Instead, I lived today. I would have plenty of time to experience excitement when I established the spiritual centre.
I recalled another comment of Sue's, "You are at your best when working under stress, but you need to learn to work from a position of joy and happiness." I knew that Sue was correct and I was looking forward to being able to work from a position of joy and happiness.
My questions did not necessarily require an answer. If my questions did require an answer, an answer would present itself. I recalled that the questions had arisen the previous day, to ensure that I would consult Sue.
Sue had mentioned the previous day that it was the final time that I would need external confirmation, and this may be so, but I suspected that I would seek clarity from an outside medium in the future. I was not beyond seeking help, and using Sue as the example, it was apparent that when I consulted an outside medium, the consultation was not always for me.
The conflicting questions that surrounded me were a reflection of the conflicting pressures that surrounded me at that time. I was far from convinced that the connection between my questions and my pressures was a coincidence.
As I continued my review, I felt my clarity increase once more.
I briefly recalled my visit into the future. The events from the future had taken place at my spiritual retreat. That the spiritual retreat would still exist so far into the future fascinated me.
God said, "The spiritual retreat will be situated on a site of great natural energy which will ensure that the energy is always renewed. It is the natural energy which will draw souls because the energy will have the same renewal effect on all souls."
My real question remained, 'why am I questioning?'.
I knew that the answer was experience, and not simply because all is experience. I knew what was to be, but I was not truly aware of what was to be, because I had not experienced what was to be. Nor did I know at this point that I was receiving 'assistance' from the spirit plane, and that it was this 'assistance' which was causing me to question.
I was experiencing applying my awareness, and I was simultaneously experiencing the beginning of some new awareness. I was at the beginning of my new environment, almost ready to experience what I had created, and I was also at the end of the environment that I had created to demonstrate how God provides.
Looking at my environment from the earth plane perspective, I was at the point where my new world and my old world parted company, and my new world and my old world were interacting with each other. In many ways my two worlds were opposed to each other and seeking answers which I already had was a symptom of my opposing worlds.
Our drop of water had been drifting along the river until our drop of water suddenly encountered rapids. The rapids were very powerful and continually forced the river, which was carrying our drop of water, back onto itself and the river was going in many directions at one time. Upstream was the river which had wound its way down to this point, at times meandering or rushing and sometimes stagnating.
It is those rapids which will knock the last of the accumulated dust and dirt off our drop of water. Downstream was much deeper and very peaceful. After passing through rapids, our drop would drift slowly and peacefully down to the mouth of the river, and then enter the ocean.
I reflected that my story had not been a trinity after all.
God said, "Your story is a trinity. You had simply misunderstood the trinity as it applied to your story. It is of no consequence. You assumed that the trinity referred to the number of books, when in fact it referred to your journey. If any choose to consider your journey they will see this clearly."
As I continued to reflect, I saw that there were many times when I was unaware of who I am, because if I was who I am in certain circumstances, I would have interfered with the experiences of others. Those times effectively allowed me to experience both fulfilling a spiritual role in respect of another's experiences and allowed me to experience who I am not, whilst being aware that I was experiencing who I am not.
Now that I was fully aware of what I had been experiencing, I could see that much of my confusion had been caused because I knew that I was experiencing who I am not, but I was not aware that I was experiencing who I am not.
My new awareness maintained the current pattern in my life, as I became aware of how what I believed were the last remaining pieces of my puzzle, fitted with the puzzle that applied to my journey.
That day, I was also given what was effectively another piece of the puzzle as to how my spiritual centre would operate and how my ongoing role would be fulfilled.
I considered all of the small pieces of understanding that I had been given since my journey started and I became aware that the small pieces of understanding had all been pieces of the puzzle of my new world. I had not quite been aware that the small pieces of understanding were all pieces of the puzzle of my new world until now, when it was time for me to begin to put the puzzle together.
As I could see how the puzzle was starting to fit together, I could see that my new world was exciting. I considered that perhaps I should begin detailing the pieces of the puzzle, but I knew it was not yet time to detail the pieces of the puzzle, which I would do naturally as I explored my new world.What I did not know at this time was that there were many pieces of the puzzle that I had not even conceived existed.
God said, "Do you recall me telling you that a master may adopt a specific role to assist those on the earth plane with an experiece that they need?"
Evelyn's crystals danced before my eyes.
I replied, "Yes, I recall your comment."
"You did not apply your knowledge to your experiences."
"I did not think that you were referring to me, I understood that you were referring to other masters."
"I do not recall saying 'other masters'."
Mostly it was a quiet day. At one point my nerves became on edge, but the experience did not last very long. In the evening, I did struggle with conflicting questions again, but I knew that the conflict was only a product of the 'rapids', and an opportunity for me to apply my awareness.
I allowed myself to see a few more pieces of the puzzle that related to my spiritual centre.
I reflected on my current situation and I suspected that Katerina would have no chance to obtain her visa whilst I did not have a home.
My dreams that night were a reflection of my old and new worlds. I was pretending to be working in my old world, when I was really working in my new world.
God said, "If I had told you that you would be without a home, would it have inspired you to continue your journey? Or did I need to tell you that you would have a specific house to inspire you to continue your journey?"
As I continued to reflect in the early hours of the morning, I wanted a nice house and a simple and anonymous existence. Whilst the prospect of my spiritual centre was exciting, all that I really wanted at this point in time, was to live in a nice home and spend my time with my wife.
I knew that what I desired was supposedly going to occur prior to Christmas, but even if I did somehow acquire the resources that I would need, I did not believe that there would be enough time for what I desired, to occur prior to Christmas.
God said, "What you believe is irrelevant."
I knew that what I believe is irrelevant. I also knew that there were two options. I would either experience what I desired prior to Christmas, or I would not experience what I desired prior to Christmas.
As I sat on the side of my bed writing these notes, Jesus was again with me, although he still did not talk. I slept again and once more my dreams reflected the current stage of my journey, over the rapids.
That morning, I understood one more point which had been alluding me. Each time that I had seen everything 'coming together', each time that I had felt 'closure', it had been a circle that was being closed. I would then commence a new circle which was parallel to the circle that I had completed.
It was as if I had started on the smallest circle and each time that I completed a circle, I moved to the next circle which was a little larger. This had occurred time and time again as I eliminated the inner circles one by one. Each stage of the process that I had completed had been another completed circle, and events had repeated themselves at each point where the circles overlapped.
Once more, that I was travelling and eliminating inner circles was a point that I had known throughout my journey, and I had been aware of what was occurring. However, that I was travelling and eliminating inner circles was another point which I had not been fully aware of.
Evelyn's crystals danced in front of me.
Throughout the previous day when I had been inundated with confusing questions, God had said on many occasions, "Have faith."
God spoke again that morning. "Your time in your house in the mountains was to prepare you in part for your lifestyle that is to come."
As I continued to meditate and reflect that morning, I understood that any soul could choose to visit The Hall Of Masters. A soul could choose to allow themselves to visit The Hall Of Masters which exists on the spirit plane, and ask questions of the masters.
I also understood that there would be a place within my spiritual centre that acted as a doorway to The Hall Of Masters. A place where people could sit and meditate and access The Hall Of Masters if they chose.
Throughout the morning, I was given some more pieces of the puzzle that was to become my spiritual centre.
I was beginning to see how many of the pieces of my future puzzle were fitting together. As the day continued, so did the pieces of my future puzzle, constantly building on one another. I was aware that I had underestimated the task which lay ahead, but I had also underestimated what Sue had told me about it being time to begin my preparation for the task which lay ahead.
It proved to be an interesting day. I encountered a number of situations that required my attention in the office, and I handled each situation that required my attention instinctively and with ease.
The pieces of what I had begun to see as my future puzzle were replaced with the conflicting questions of the rapids. I was aware of what the questions were, and for the most part, I allowed the questions to wash over me. As the day progressed the effect of the rapids increased, but I continued to allow the symptoms of the rapids to wash over me as I observed the experience with fascination.
One thing that I did note with interest was that I no longer had my personal dogma. I was no longer fixed in my view of what was to happen. The end result was the same, I would establish a spiritual centre and I would establish my spiritual centre with my soulmate. The detail of how I would establish my spiritual centre was no longer important to me, and I was totally flexible.
By early evening the fluttering within my body seemed to have reached a new level.
The change in my outlook following the release of my dogma had taken me by surprise. The release of my dogma was something that I had not anticipated.
I reflected on my day, or more accurately the previous few days, which I had spent in the office. The issue of closure seemed paramount. It appeared that much of what I was doing was a restructure of areas of responsibility. Many of the areas where I had maintained an involvement was now transferring to others. It had happened so subtly that I had not noticed what was occurring until I reflected on what had happened.
All of my difficulties remained, but strangely my difficulties did not seem to matter, at any level. In a way it did concern me that my difficulties no longer mattered. I did not quite know what to make of this development, and it was as if my difficulties did not exist.
As I continued my review, I saw clearly that I had no reason for concern in respect of the guidance that I was asked to provide. I did know when to provide guidance and when to withhold what I knew.
I felt that something was not quite right, although I did not know what that something was. Sue had mentioned that I had missed a turn on my path and that I needed to back track a little. I wondered if the turn that I had missed related to my current feeling, that something was not quite right.
I recognised the pattern. I had reached the point where I needed to find some new awareness, which occurred each time that I experienced the 'fluttering' after my nerves had ceased to be on edge.
As I mediated that evening, I found myself reflecting on what is known as the imagination. Imagination is a description given to a multitude of what is contained within our subconscious, which is our spirit self. A range of experiences which occur on the spirit plane from foreseeing future events, to past life memories and experiencing alternative paths to better understand who we are, are collectively described simply as 'imagination'.
I was to learn much later that I was very close to the truth. In fact, this was the truth from the perspective of my awareness at that time, but my awareness would increase much more before my journey was over.
Our imagination is similar in principle to the various events which occur when our conscious mind is closed down, and are collectively described as dreams.
The need to quantify that which is not understood, which is the spirit plane, has been categorised and explained as imagination and dreams. Both of these descriptions are a product of the mirror effect of the earth plane. Much that is effectively seen as a fantasy world is the real world of our spirit self.
Understanding which part of our physical existence allows our spiritual existence to occur does not alter the fact that events which occur when our conscious mind is closed down are a product of our spirit self designed to assist in our experiences.
Once more I saw that I did know that events which occur when our conscious mind is closed down are a product of our spirit self, and I knew that I knew that events which occur when our conscious mind is closed down are a product of our spirit self. However, I had not been fully aware of exactly where all the experiences, which are collectively called imagination and dreams, fitted into the puzzle which is reality.
As I became more aware of the true nature of our spirit self, much of my journey and my experiences which had continued to confuse me began to make sense.
I reflected that God had explained one aspect or another of what is collectively referred to as 'imagination and dreams' on a number of occasions, and that I was aware of the various aspects of what is collectively referred to as 'imagination and dreams', but I had not put the aspects of what is collectively referred to as 'imagination and dreams', together and allowed myself to complete my awareness of the true nature of imagination and dreams previously. However, there was depth to the issue of imagination and dreams that I would not reach for some time.
The true nature of imagination and dreams was another of the aspects of my journey that I was becoming aware of now that the learning phase of my role seemed to be drawing to a close.
That it was not always possible to distinguish which part of our spirit self we were experiencing at any given time is a result of our need not to interfere with our own experiences. However, as our need to experience reduces, with the increase in our accumulated experiences, we do begin to understand exactly what is occurring within our spirit self.
As I continued to apply this new awareness to my journey, I could see that on many occasions I had known what was occurring within my spirit self, without being aware that what was occurring was in fact occurring, within my spirit self.
I began to wonder about receiving another convenient explanation for aspects of my journey that I could not otherwise explain or verify.
God said, "Search your soul and your experiences. You will see that there is no other explanation for some aspects of your journey. All should search their own soul in respect of every concept that we have explained. All should search their own soul, and accept what their soul tells them.
"Some souls will have difficulty accepting some of the concepts that we have explained, but such difficulties are a reflection of what each soul is ready to become aware of. Many souls will be drawn to your words on more than one occasion, and each time that they return to your words they will understand and accept more than they were ready to accept on the previous occasions that they were drawn to your words, such is the nature of awareness.
"There are those who will refute what you have written with every ounce of energy they have. They will vehemently deny that we converse. That is their choice. Even if one chooses to believe that your experiences are fantasy with every ounce of their being, it will not change the reality of what you have experienced."
I was beginning to experience some difficulty with my ears, which Sue had warned me about. The difficulty with my ears was another physical symptom of my spiritual journey.
I did not know what surprised me the most. What I had become aware of throughout this book, or that I had previously been unaware of what I had become aware of throughout this book, or more accurately, not consciously aware of what I had become aware of throughout this book.
Once more I reflected on my journey and once more I reflected on all that I had become aware of. Everything that I had experienced, and everything that I had become aware of, had occurred from within an ordinary everyday environment with a range of pressures and difficulties which were not unlike the pressures and difficulties that most people faced. Within an ordinary environment I had done what all souls can do if they choose. I had nearly become totally aware. There were still some aspects of reality which I was not aware of, but the aspects of reality which I was not aware of would dominate my experiences for the remainder of my lifetime.
God said, "Have faith."
Jesus came to me. Jesus said, "Hello my friend. Together we will take the next step. What will be achieved in this lifetime will be achieved together. Our souls are brothers and have always been brothers. Our bond has not been broken.
"I have despaired at that which you have experienced, and I rejoice that which you will experience. Have no concern for your confusion. Your confusion is a product of the rapids which you have encountered in your journey and will soon pass."
I have to admit that the implications of what lay ahead daunted me.
Jesus said, "Do not overlook that you retain your humanity. If you did not find what lay ahead to be daunting, then you would have reason for concern. I will walk with you and guide you. I will hold your hand and show you the way.
"Much of what you have experienced in a controlled environment has been to prepare you for what lies ahead. You know that you are not required to provide guidance to all who you encounter, so you will not try. You know you are not required to help all souls who require help, and you know that this would be impossible. Accept that you will help and guide those you are meant to help and guide. If you do not help and guide someone, it is because you are not meant to help and guide someone.
"The joy and happiness that you are to experience will be for yourself, but much of what you will do will be for others, including those who will continue your path.
"It is through your work that many will choose to begin to become aware of who they are. The impact of your work will be far greater than you can conceive. What is now beginning has been predicted by many.
"You fight these words, not because you doubt my words but because you do not doubt my words, and you are humbled by what I now say to you. You are ready my friend. Your existence has prepared you for what you will do.
"Do not concern yourself with those who choose not to understand your message. I have some experience in this area and I will guide you. It is those who choose to understand your message and choose to understand what I have said to you this night that you must give your attention to.
"Yes my friend, your connection with all things is strengthening by the minute. What you began could not be stopped. Did the one you know as Sue not tell you this some time ago?
"It is time to finish what was started 2,000 years previously. It is time to awaken all those who are ready to complete their awareness."
As I reflected on all that Jesus had said, Evelyn's crystals danced around me.
I continued my review. I understood my confusion in respect of my experiences when Katerina and I had been together, physically. Some of the experiences had been for Katerina, and some of the experiences had been for me, which was why there had been such a variance in what we had experienced together.
We were assisting each other in respect of the experiences that each of us needed, and the experiences we each needed were from vastly different levels of awareness.
Jesus said, "Do not be concerned my friend. Katerina needs only to become aware that she is aware, which will happen quickly when you are together."
I found myself reflecting on the times that God had told me that my journey was over, but my journey had continued.
Jesus said, "Review all that has occurred since God told you that your journey was over. It is not your experiences that are new, your experiences have repeated. It is your awareness which has increased."
I spoke with Katerina briefly that night, and the 'magic' was apparent. The concerns that I had felt seemed like a nonsense.
I suddenly saw a wrong turn that I had taken, when I had continued to question Katerina's identity, even after I had gained the awareness which questioning Katerina's identity had provided. I would come to understand a year later that it was not Katerina's identity that I was questioning.
Sue's description had been correct. I had not turned off my path, I had kept on going straight, when my path had turned slightly. At this time I knew only that my environment was not 'right' and that I had strayed from my path. I did not understand that I had been guided away from my path by a spirit who did not want me to enter my new world.
The following morning, I understood the point of my next level of awareness immediately. Links. I would become aware of the link between not only all that is, but also the links between all events.
Every soul, every living thing is linked together through the thread of God which is the very fabric of existence. However, the link between all that is goes further than linking every living thing. Every event which has occurred, or will occur is ultimately linked.
I knew that one simple event can touch the lives and provide experience for a vast number of souls, and I knew that the experience which each soul gains from any given event is unique to each soul. However, I would shortly understand that my knowledge was the tip of the iceberg, and every event was ultimately linked to every other event.
I knew that not one thing occurred by accident and that all things occurred by design. I knew that this fact alone linked all events, but there was another link between all events, a link which I was close to understanding.
I found myself reflecting on the house which I had been told I would live and work in. I also reflected on the house that I had encountered which had a similar exterior. In fact, the exterior of the two houses were almost identical. I had 'seen' the interior of the second house before I had seen the second house, which had been newly built. I reflected upon what Sue had explained to me and what I had subsequently been 'shown' in respect of my spiritual retreat. I could have a house built on the land surrounding the retreat which would mean that all three parts of this conflicting little puzzle would be correct.
As I recommenced my review that evening, I was very aware of the links between the events that I was reviewing. I also saw immediately that some events that would occur were also linked, and that everything which had occurred during my recorded journey was linked. I knew that it was time for me to put all of these pieces of awareness together and to understand the overall concept of linked events.
There was something that had been causing me concern for several weeks, maybe months. I knew what this 'something' was and I knew why the 'something' was causing me concern. I knew that I would soon be forced to take some action which I had been avoiding. I also knew that I would do what was required when it was time to take action. I knew that my concerns were a product of the mirror reflection which is the earth plane.
I understood that the events which had caused me to change my path and to begin my recorded spiritual journey had been particularly severe. I also knew that the events which had caused me to change my path were necessary, because without the events which had caused me to change my path I would not have asked 'Why?'. When I had asked the question 'Why?', I had asked an extremely deep question. I had asked 'Why?' with every part of my being.
I wondered why the events which caused me to change my path had appeared in my mind at this point. However, I could see that there was a parallel between the events which had caused me to change my path, and the matter which was currently causing me concern.
Every event, every single event that occurs is connected with every other event that has occurred or will occur.
An event may seem minor, an event may seem inconsequential, but each event does have an impact on the fabric of existence. An event such as a simple delay in traffic may impact just ten people. The impact on each of these ten people may vary greatly and often may not be known to those involved.
If just one of those drivers who was delayed was not in another street at the usual time that they travelled that other street, and as a result of the delay they avoid colliding with a pedestrian who happens to be crossing the road at the time when the driver would normally travel down that street. Neither the pedestrian nor the driver are aware that an event has occurred. However, because of the event which has occurred, the lives of both families and both sets of friends have been affected.
If the driver had struck and killed the pedestrian, many souls would have been touched by the event which occurred including those who may have witnessed the accident and emergency services who would have attended the accident scene.
In turn, each soul that those directly connected with the accident interacts with would also be affected through a vast range of experiences including cancelled meetings, chance encounters which did not occur or did occur as the result of the accident and so on.
In turn each soul is touched by those other souls and other events are affected and so on. Even if the accident did occur, those who's lives were impacted by the accident would not necessarily know that other's lives had been touched by the accident.
If a business meeting was cancelled because one of the participant's brother had been killed, a chance encounter by another participant on the way to or from that meeting would not occur. If the chance encounter did not occur, all of the events that would be touched by the chance encounter would not occur, and so on.
If one of those involved in the chance encounter then caught an earlier bus because they were not delayed by the chance encounter, another chance encounter in the later bus may not occur and those who would have been affected by the second chance encounter would not be affected, and because they were not affected they would be affected.
However, the accident did not occur and all those who were affected by the business meeting and chance encounters and every other event touching every other soul regardless of how far removed they were, did occur.
A simple delay in traffic, apparently affecting the lives of a hand full of drivers in a minor way, did in fact affect the lives of an ever widening circle of people.
The woman who met and married a man she met on a bus which he caught because he had missed an earlier bus due to 'bumping' into a friend as he walked to the bus stop and had a child who grew and had children, one of whom committed a murder, has not the slightest idea that all of this occurred because there was a slight delay in traffic one day. Nor would the children who grew up fatherless after their father was murdered or their children, who did not know their grandfather, know that their experiences could be directly traced back to a minor delay in traffic which no one took any notice of.
The delay in traffic did not occur by accident, the delay in traffic occurred by design because all of the events that occurred or did not occur as a result of the avoided accident were meant to occur to allow the souls who were in some way touched by the events to experience what they had chosen to experience.
The delay in traffic did not affect what was meant to be. The delay in traffic allowed what was meant to be to occur. The delay in traffic was convenient and the souls who chose their experiences knew everything that would occur and the masters were able to bring souls together so that each souls experienced what they needed to experience.
I had known that all events are linked, and I had been aware that all events are linked, but I was now able to bring my awareness together to become totally aware of the concept that all events are linked.
When I considered the concepts that I had now become totally aware of, I could see how the concepts all fitted together. I was indeed putting the puzzle back together as God had said that I would.
I saw that putting the puzzle back together was something that any could do. Any can look at the various grapes around them and in so doing reconstruct the bunch.
With each passing moment, the depth of my awareness grew. I could see how concepts such as when to provide guidance fitted into the concept that all that is and all events are linked. I could see that if a soul needed to understand what may have happened if the accident had occurred, they may experience what may have happened if the accident had occurred on the spirit plane without impacting all who would be impacted if the events occurred on the physical plane. There was more to this point than I understood at the time.
I could see how the need for balance is an integral part of a spiritual journey because the very fabric of the earth plane requires a delicate balance of what did and what did not occur.
I could see how and why we are forewarned of events and could prevent specific events from occurring, if the event either occurring or not occurring would affect the very balance of the earth plane.
Everything that occurs is meant to occur not because of a lack of choice, but because we do have choice and that our choices are foreseen. It is the need to create an environment that allows the choices of all to be experienced, which requires the delicate balance because all events are linked.
All events are linked because all souls are linked. It is the fabric of existence which links all that is, all souls and all events.
God is everywhere.
|It was time to get ready to attend the office,
I was later than usual, but it did not matter, there was reason why I
was behind my usual schedule, even if I would never know what that reason
I saw how everything that I had experienced and everything that I had previously become aware of had fitted into my awareness of the link which is the fabric of existence. I knew that I could select any event from my journey and trace the event back in a simplistic way to demonstrate my point. I decided to choose one simple event as an illustration because I knew all souls could trace any event back within their own lives. By tracing an event back with each of our lives, we can each see clearly how all events are linked.
The event which I chose was the first time that I provided assistance to Carlos. I suspect that I chose this event because I could easily and simply trace the event back without too many twists and turns. However, it was possible that I chose this event to provide guidance to Carlos when he eventually chose to read my books.
I had initially provided guidance to Carlos because I was staying at his home. The reason that I was staying at Carlos' home was because my departure from the area had been delayed simply because I had overlooked that post offices in England closed on Wednesday afternoons and I wanted to obtain a map of the area because it was the site of the first previous lifetime that I had recalled.
I had only recalled the lifetime because I was seeking answers following the collapse of my world, which was directly linked to my relationship with Marie. Ultimately Marie and I had only met in this lifetime because I had changed employers and she had changed divisions within my new employer. I had changed my employer for a multitude of reasons, but effectively I had encountered Marie because I had pursued a career in insurance, which was the result of an apparent lack of direction in my life.
I had entered insurance because I was working in a bank and my manager did not like me because I had long hair. (It was the 1970's.) He also did not like the fact that I had been sent to him as a teller because he felt that I was too young to be a teller, notwithstanding that I had completed my tellers course as the youngest person to do so in the bank's history.
I had initially joined the bank with a view to being a relief staff member because it would give me an opportunity to see the country, but I was under 18 and my father would not provide his consent which was required if I was to do relief work.
I could simply and easily trace one event back to an occurrence more than twenty years earlier, with no effort whatsoever. I could take this simple example much further and consider all of the seemingly unrelated twists and turns which had occurred throughout, but such an exercise could virtually go on without end, so I elected not to pursue the matter further.
|One of the pieces of my future puzzle that
I had been given was that an artist friend of mine would live and work
at the spiritual centre. I found myself wondering why, and whether there
was any reason why my artist friend would live and work at the spiritual
centre, other than that he is my friend.
God said, "Why would your artist friend living and working at the spiritual centre relate to you? Maybe your artist friend will live and work at the spiritual centre because he is a teacher who has developed a unique teaching technique which will allow many to experience their artistic creativity, and it is through your spiritual centre that this experience will be possible. Maybe he has become your friend because living and working at the spiritual centre will create the environment for many to learn, not the other way around."
Despite this piece of the puzzle that I had been given and despite what God had said, a year later it seemed very unlikely that my artist friend would ever come to Australia and work at the spiritual centre. In fact, I felt that I should delete the paragraphs altogether, but I knew not to delete anything from my recorded journey, all that I have experienced, regardless of the result, is a part of my journey.
As I prepared to attend the office, I noticed the clothes that I had chosen to wear and I wondered why I had chosen that particular ensemble, and whether I was making a point to myself.
God said, "Why assume you have chosen the ensemble for yourself. Maybe you have chosen what you have chosen to wear, because of an experience chosen by another."
I knew that the parallels between completing the puzzle and my experiences of becoming who I am were not a coincidence. I knew that these parts of the process were linked with each other, and with all that I had experienced.
|As I waited for my bus that morning, I noticed
that the beauty of the world had increased once more. As I had removed
each thing that was blocking my inner light, the beauty I saw around me
increased, and continued to increase.
God said, "Do you recall what Sue said about her path during your last consultation? Do you recall that Sue particularly mentioned that she found it exciting to watch the events in your life unfold, and how through watching the events in your life unfold, Sue was able to see the true meaning of the messages which she delivered to you?
"Consider if Sue's path had been different. Sue would not have been working in a suburb adjacent to your home and you would not have consulted her. That you consulted Sue has provided experiences that you have both needed. Your connection is very deep and very old. Your lifetimes are linked and will remain linked. This link is more important than either of you realise at this point. Everything that has occurred in your respective lifetimes has ensured that you and Sue would meet when it was appropriate for you to meet.
"There will come a time when many souls from the Jesus lifetime are together again to complete the work that was begun in that lifetime. You are very uncomfortable with the implications of my words, but your lack of comfort does not change the facts of what will occur.
"Do you really believe that it is a coincidence that so many of the souls from the Jesus lifetime have found their way to Australia, or is it because of the location of the powerful site that will be the location of your spiritual centre?
"Do you think that Australia was chosen by accident and that the powerful site being in Australia is a coincidence?"
|I reflected on all of the times when I had
questioned my sanity. When I had been concerned that I had lost sight
of reality. The truth was the reverse of what I had been concerned about.
I had gained sight of reality.
I also reflected on the times when God had said that something was not necessarily about me, which did not necessarily mean that the experience not about me.
Many souls need to experience joy. A part of the role of the spiritual centre will be to allow souls to experience joy, by creating a joy filled environment.
I found myself reflecting once more on the prospect of Katerina obtaining her visa.
God said, "Do not be concerned. You know how everything works."
That night I continued my review. I reflected on the three doors that are provided each time that we are faced with a choice. I saw how the three doors, the three possible outcomes reflect the trinity. I also saw how each choice we are faced with is linked to all choices of all souls by the principle of cause and effect which applies to each event and ultimately links each event.
As I continued to reflect on my journey, I understood that other than at the beginning of my journey, at no stage were my concerns for myself. My concern in respect of my financial position and everything else had been for others, not for myself. Of this fact there was no longer any doubt.
As I reflected on my journey after I had completed my review of Connecting With The Higher Plane, I understood that I had known who I am throughout my journey. In fact, I had more than known who I am, I had been aware of who I am. However, I had not been consciously aware of who I am.
It was through reviewing and reliving my journey from a position of awareness that I was able to become aware of my awareness of who I am.
|In the meantime, my financial pressures continued
to mount, but I could do nothing about my financial pressures. I did not
even seem to have sufficient resources to come to some sort of arrangement
with my creditors. I only had sufficient funds to support my family and
any other funds seemed to simply disappear. I was not concerned because
I knew that there was no reason to be concerned, and I knew that being
concerned would not solve my problems.
In a way I felt that I was ignoring my problems, but I knew that I was not ignoring my problems. I did not feel my problems, which I knew was because I did not need to experience my problems.
Precisely what not needing to experience my problems meant, I did not know. I did know that if I did not have responsibilities to my family and if I had not chosen to accept those responsibilities, my problems would not exist. However, my problems did exist because I had created my problems as a part of the environment which I needed at this time.
I reflected on an event that had occurred the previous day, and had both surprised me and not surprised me at the same time.
I had been given an opportunity to do a good turn for Marie. I had accepted the opportunity and I had done the good turn for Marie, although I was hopeful that Marie would not know that I had done a good turn for her. I was aware, and I had been aware that the love that I felt for Marie had come Full Circle. I had now been given an opportunity to apply and experience my awareness.
As I commenced a review of this book, I continued to re-experience the events that I was reviewing and as such create an opportunity to apply my awareness.
|As I continued to reflect and my awareness continued
to increase, I became very aware that my journey had paralleled the multi-dimensional
maze which had been used to illustrate the principles of awareness at
the beginning of my journey.
Each level of the multi-dimensional maze parallelled the level before, with subtle differences as I made my way though the multi-dimensional maze. Sometimes I would go in circles, sometimes I would reach a dead end and I would need to double back and sometimes I would move on, often believing that I had found the exit to the multi-dimensional maze when all that I had found was the next level of the multi-dimensional maze. Each level, each pathway, each dead end was linked together to form the multi-dimensional maze.
Every part of the multi-dimensional maze is connected, which is not easy to see when one is standing at the bottom level of the multi-dimensional maze, but it does become very clear as one nears the top of the multi-dimensional maze. At the top of the multi-dimensional maze one finds 'heaven on earth' which is linked not only to the multi-dimensional maze, but also to the higher plane. 'Heaven on earth' is the direct link from the multi-dimensional maze to the higher plane. The very structure of the multi-dimensional maze is the fabric of existence which links all that is together.
My journey up the mountain of awareness had a similar structure. Even after I had reached the summit of the mountain of awareness I still needed to travel a path that plateaued, and wound around the mountain top as I gradually made my way to the centre of the plateau. At the centre of the plateau is 'heaven on earth'. I had been able to see this oasis of peace on a number of occasions as I travelled around the mountain top, but I knew that the only way to reach 'heaven on earth' was to continue to follow my path, which was something that I had been told on the island when my journey began. However, in hindsight I had understood very little of what had been explained to me on the island.
|It proved to be an interesting day at the office.
Circles turned once more. Problems with the computer system mounted. I
found myself pointing out that if my repeated advice during the previous
twelve months had been heeded, we would have had an operating computer
system months earlier.
I looked into the problem and proposed a solution which was certainly viable, but could not be put into operation for some time. Maybe in two weeks at the earliest. I wondered if I had created a rod for my own back, and if I would tie myself to the business a little longer. I questioned if my position was correct, or if the computer system that I had proposed would be a lot more difficult to implement than I realised.
Firstly, I drew on my experience with similar systems, and I knew from my own experience in this lifetime that what was required was not a major task. Of this there was no doubt, and no question in my mind.
Secondly, I considered if I would need to attend to the solution myself. Certainly if I did accept the task, it appeared that I would be unable to complete the task myself, in accordance with the timing of the developments in my life that had been given to me, and had been repeated and confirmed from a number of sources.
Thirdly, I considered if I had any obligation to complete the task myself, and I knew that I did not have any obligation to complete the task myself. I had spent a lifetime offering guidance which was ignored, only to be given the task of resolving major difficulties that had only occurred because my guidance was not followed. I found the whole scenario fascinating, I had genuinely believed that I had an obligation to solve problems which would have been avoided if my advice had been listened to.
I understood that I had mostly wanted to prove to myself and to prove that I had been right by resolving the problem. However, believing that I had an obligation to solve problems which would have been avoided if my advice had been listened to was nonetheless a nonsense.
I was under no obligation to resolve the current problem within the business. However, I would resolve the current problem within the business, if I was destined to resolve the current problem within the business. There were no ifs or buts. If the business had been destined to listen to my guidance, the business would have listened to my guidance.
|I allowed myself to focus on my belief that
I had an obligation to solve problems which would have been avoided if
my advice had been listened to a little more, and I understood why I believed
that I had an obligation to solve problems which would have been avoided
if my advice had been listened to. It was time for me to become aware,
fully aware that my guidance was not always listened to and if my guidance
was not listened to, the result was not my responsibility.
I knew that notwithstanding my guidance, the experience of the business had shown everyone involved that their decision was incorrect. The same scenario had been repeated time and time again. The real problem was that decisions had been made for other than sound reasons, and I could not change the decision making process within the business. After all, I had attempted to change the decision making process on many occasions.
That afternoon as I entered the spirit plane, I felt myself picked up and carried forward a little. It was a similar experience to when I had been carried through existence at a great speed which frightened me. In fact, I had been carried forward a little every time that I had entered the spirit plane for some time now, but I had not been aware of what was occurring.
As I reflected on the day's events, I recalled that I had been reminded of many aspects of my old world, one after another. I had been reminded of the potential of the business, which had been left untapped. It was pointed out to me that I was too talented to continue to sit on the sidelines. I was asked how I could possibly receive any fulfilment or satisfaction and it was suggested that I either involve myself in the business or look for a position elsewhere. I knew that these sentiments were going to be passed on to my former business partner the following day.
The result of these sentiments and the system problem was that I wanted my old world to come to an end, and that I questioned how much longer I would be able to maintain my balance between two worlds. Coincidently, I was reviewing the chapter when I believed that I had nothing left.
|The pattern continued. I was reliving events
that I had already relived a number of times and each time that I relived
the events, I relived the events from an increased level of awareness.
When I had been making a point about the system in respect of the business, I had pointed out that most of my time over the previous few months would not have been spent at home analysing statistics and restructuring pricing if my advice had been adhered to in respect of the system. It was only on reflection that I suddenly understood the significance, in respect of my journey, of my advice not being listened to. Once again, my view of an aspect of my journey had been reversed.
As I reflected, I saw that each aspect of my difficulties had now been explained to me one by one. This did not mean that they were not difficulties, or that I had not experienced these difficulties, because I certainly had.
I was now fully aware, and I had really known throughout my journey, that every one of my difficulties had been necessary.
As I continued my review it became even more apparent that Understanding Who I Am is a book of explanation and clarity. Many contradictions, many points of confusion, and many of my difficulties had now been explained.
Notwithstanding my clarity, I continued to ensure that I was firmly anchored to the earth plane. However, I could sense myself being almost ready to break free of my 'cocoon'.
I reflected on the significance that many aspects of Understanding Who I Am included closing the analogies which had been used to illustrate reality when my journey had began.
What I did not know was that even as the pieces of the puzzle were provided to remove the areas of contradiction, more areas of contradiction would arise, and I would repeat the process from another level of awareness.
Whilst I had been on the spirit plane that afternoon, I had returned to my path.
I could see my new world laid out before me. I could see that my old world now provided very little support for my path, but the support from my new world was strengthening with each step, which certainly made it a little easier to balance.
As I looked either side of me, I could see an infinite number of pathways parallel to my own. I knew that each of these was the pathway of a soul and although each path was individual, each path did lead to the same place, 'heaven on earth'. I could not see where any of these paths started, and I had not been able to see them until they converged at this point. The point where the earth was directly linked to the higher plane. I looked at the supports stretching out from my new world. I recognised their structure. They were built on faith.
I reflected further on the events within the business earlier that day. In some respects I had been very critical which concerned me.
God said, "Did you never witness Jesus offer criticism? Sometimes a soul needs to have the truth explained to them bluntly and directly if they have not been able to receive a message any other way. You were stating fact. You were not criticising another to artificially build your own self esteem."
|As I continued to reflect, I knew that who
I am was very close to the surface. I could feel who I am beginning to
break through the exterior. The tarnish which had been covering my aura
was slowly being removed.
I continued my review and I continued to reflect. There had been a number of times that God had told me very specifically the timing of an event which had not occurred. I understood about 'carrots' and I understood that such incentives were necessary, and had been necessary to keep me going, but being 'lied to' by God, regardless of the motive or the necessity did not quite sit well with me.
I reflected that there was very little that had occurred during the previous year that I would have believed would or could have occurred. Nor would I have believed that I would still be involved in the business or that I would have been able to maintain my balance between two worlds during the previous year.
I spoke with Katerina briefly that night. Time was fast running out for Katerina to obtain her visa, if the timing of Christmas was correct. I had not been contacted by the immigration office as yet, and I understood that the immigration office would need to interview me. I wanted to do something, but there was simply nothing that I could do. I suspected that it was better that the immigration office had not contacted me as yet, because I did not have a home. Nor did I know when I would have a home.
God said, "Have faith."
I knew from experience that God's assurance simply meant that everything was as everything was meant to be, and that everything would be as everything was meant to be. I knew that whatever occurred would be in my best interest, and that I could not alter this reality, even if I tried. I needed to be patient.
I had no reason to believe that Katerina and I would be together when I had been repeatedly told that Katerina and I would be together, other than that God had told me when Katerina and I would be together.
|That the issue of when Katerina and I would
be together should be highlighted within hours of me beginning to meditate
on the issue that God had told me that events would occur at a certain
time, and the events had not occurred at that time, was far from a coincidence.
As I had now commenced my first review of Understanding Who I Am, it seemed apparent that I was fast running out of circles to repeat. However, there were much bigger circles to repeat.
It was another day. I reflected that as I had experienced the chapter I was now reviewing, I had felt that there must come a time when the events, the experiences in my life, stopped repeating. I was correct, but the experiences in my life continued to repeat whilst my awareness continued to increase.
I knew that one reason why the experiences in my life continued to repeat themselves was because it was a convenient demonstration within my example that events in the lives of all repeated themselves. However, all of us have an ability to break our circles. The questions which I had in respect of whether Katerina and I would be together were in themselves a repeat of each time Katerina and I had arranged to be together previously.
The 'heaven on earth' at the top of the multi dimensional maze and at the top of the mountain of awareness, the peace and tranquillity between the rapids and the ocean, the link between the earth plane and the higher plane, is the environment, which is a different environment for each soul, which allows us to experience heaven or the higher plane.
We create an environment to experience heaven or the higher plane on the earth plane, because the earth plane is the only plane on which we can really feel and therefore really experience. We need to experience the higher plane, we need to experience touching the fabric of existence and being one with all that is. We need to experience living within the light and the pure love which is the higher plane, before we become a part of the higher plane.
God said, "Your 'heaven on earth' will be a period of peace and joy with your soulmate. Your 'heaven on earth' will also be an environment which allows you to assist and guide others, which for you is a part of 'heaven on earth'. The environment that will be your 'heaven on earth' is no different from that which you have really desired all of your life, if you recall. Even before you understood that soulmates really existed, or the true nature of soulmates. Even when you were not aware that your's was a spiritual path, you desired what you have now created.
"Throughout your lifetime you have always known that you would make a difference. You always knew that you would enjoy financial stability free from worry. Throughout your lifetime you also knew that you would use your good financial fortune to assist others.
"That the specifics of what you foresaw for yourself have changed is a reflection of the reality that you have become who you are. The principle of what you foresaw for yourself has remained unchanged even when your old world was either at its peak or at its lowest ebb.
"You have always been drawn to assist others, despite the fact that those close to you could not quite understand why you have always been drawn to assist others.
"When it has been said that you took on the emotions of others, or that you needed to be needed, those who uttered those statements could not understand that it could be no other way for you. You were simply experiencing aspects of who you are, which even you did not understand.
"Even now you wonder what might have been in many facets of your life. However, you know what might have been because you have 'experienced' what might have been on the spirit plane. Everything is as everything is meant to be, and everything is as everything is meant to be for all souls.
"Consider one minor example. You long held the belief that given an opportunity you would not do a good turn for the one known as Marie. You have travelled to the spirit plane on a number of occasions so that you could see that if the opportunity was presented, you would indeed do Marie a good turn. Despite your spirit plane experience and despite all that you had learned, you continued to doubt that given an opportunity you would do a good turn for Marie. You wondered if your spirit plane experiences were your imagination, and if you were deluding yourself that if the opportunity was presented you would do a good turn for Marie. Therefore, you created an opportunity within your controlled environment to allow yourself to experience that you would do a good turn for Marie, and when the opportunity was presented you responded as you knew that you would respond. Even now, Marie has begun to reap the benefits of your good turn.
"The principles which apply are principles which have been repeated over and over in your lifetime, and the only reason why you needed to experience the principles again was to illustrate our point and the principle of Full Circle in respect of relationships with bonded souls."
|I reviewed what God had said to me during the
week when God had told me that I would receive my salvation, which coincided
with my unanswered question about not feeling comfortable when God had
given me specific timing which did not eventuate.
One sentence from God jumped out at me '… your salvation could only be presented after your journey was complete …'
I knew that God was correct, but I had believed that my journey was compete at that time, which in many respects it was. However, I still needed to re-experience many events to bring my awareness together.
I understood that many of my subsequent experiences had conveniently demonstrated that my observation that regardless of what happened I would not give up my journey, had been correct.
I could see that by having a very specific promise of salvation and not receiving my promised salvation, I had created an environment with God's assistance which conveniently demonstrated that even with nothing left, even after effectively losing everything, and even after not being given my promised salvation, I had not given up, which I knew was a very necessary part of the example. I knew that there was no other way to demonstrate that I would not give up. However, I could not say that I had enjoyed the experience very much.
I knew that if God had not been so very specific, and that if God had not led me to every little event which occurred at that time to confirm that I would receive my salvation when God had said that I would receive my salvation, I would not, could not have demonstrated my point that I would not give up.
I had known that I would not give up, and I had been aware that I would not give up. I had now experienced that I would not give up.
|I was aware that if events had transpired other
than events did transpire, I would not have asked many of the questions
that I had asked, nor would I have received the answers that I had received.
I understood that I would not have been given the opportunity to experience
the concept of Full Circle in respect of bonded
souls from a position of awareness.
As with each time God that had specifically led me to an experience, I could list and understand the reasons why an experience had been necessary.
It was Craig's birthday. I spoke with my children that day. They both asked if I had a new home yet, and their questions fitted perfectly with what I was experiencing.
The prospect of Katerina and I being together before Christmas was an interesting one. I knew that it did not matter if Katerina and I were together before Christmas or not. The timing was not important to me, in that I did not desperately want to be with Katerina. I was with Katerina all of the time and I could be patient. In fact, I only felt the experience from Katerina's perspective.
I suppose that the only real difficulty that I experienced in respect of when Katerina and I would be together is that I could not fully explain my perspective to Katerina, who could not understand why I had not contacted immigration at this point. I could not quite explain to Katerina that I 'knew' that it was not time yet for me to contact immigration.
Katerina had once more commented that the current events reflected the pattern which had been her life. I knew that much of what we were experiencing was for Katerina. It had been explained to me on numerous occasions that it would seem that Katerina and I would not be together, but God would cut the red tape and Katerina and I would be together. I was aware of exactly what this message meant. However, I could not adequately explain any of what I 'knew' to Katerina. What I did not know was what would happen when Katerina and I were finally able to be together.
|I knew that I could not explain what was really
happening to Katerina, and I had begun to feel a little inadequate as
a result of my inability to explain what was really happening to Katerina,
but when I had begun to feel inadequate the previous night, I had known
that I was not inadequate. I had also known that there was yet another
point that I would soon understand.
That point is that if I had been able to fully explain what was really happening in a way that Katerina understood, my explanation would have interfered with Katerina's experiences.
This was a very good point in respect of experiencing who I am, and what my role was to be. I was experiencing from a position of awareness that I could not interfere with the experiences of others, including my soulmate if my guidance was not a part of what they had chosen to experience.
I was becoming aware of how my role fitted within the final picture of reality. Everything that I had experienced during the previous few days had contributed to my awareness of how my role fitted within the final picture of reality. I could not possibly interfere with the experiences of others, so there was no basis for my concern that I would interfere with the experiences of others.
The same principle applied to when God had told me something that was not true. God could not tell me the true outcome of specific experiences because God would then interfere with my experiences. Knowing that God could not interfere with my experiences, and being aware that God could not interfere with my experiences did not make it any easier for me to live with God's broken promises and my disappointment.
I had known and been aware of all of these principles, and once more I was putting the pieces together to become fully aware of how and why the pieces fitted into the puzzle of reality.
Everything that was a part of my environment at that time was also underlining the links between every event, and that we were only aware of the reason why something occurred if and when being aware of the reason why something occurred is necessary.
I understood that there had not really been any part of Understanding Who I Am that was a new concept. Understanding Who I Am was starting to bring everything together to complete the puzzle of reality.
|As I reflected on many of the experiences that
I had shared with Katerina, it was apparent that Katerina was experiencing
that she needed to listen to my guidance, which would assist Katerina
when it was time for her to awaken spiritually.
When Katerina and I had spent time together, there had been occasions when we had argued and I had pushed a point. Often the points that I had pushed were insignificant, and I had not been able to understand why I had pushed the points. I had not seen the points as important, but I could not leave the points alone no matter how hard I had tried. It was these very points which had turned out to be far more significant than they had appeared at the time, which was now allowing Katerina to experience listening to me.
Another aspect of my journey which I had not understood, had now been explained to me. I had not been able to understand why I had been so dogmatic about insignificant points, because being dogmatic about insignificant points was not a part of my character.
I attended the office that day, and as the day progressed it appeared that I would need to finalise the computer system or at least three parts of the computer system. I was unsure about the implications of this development. I knew that if I was meant to complete the task, I would complete the task, but if I was not meant to complete the task, I would not complete the task.
Completing the task for the business, would certainly enable me to maintain an income to support those who relied on my support. However, completing the task for the business, would not solve any of my other difficulties.
Completing the task for the business may very well not be about me. Completing the task for the business could simply be that I was being utilised to provide an experience to my former business partner in respect of the benefit of listening to advise. If so, I would complete the task for the business, regardless of any alternate developments in respect of my path.
No doubt the task for the business would dovetail with whatever I was experiencing regardless of the result. I saw the immediate link. I was experiencing searching for a reason why these developments had occurred. I was flowing with whatever happened, but I was also questioning the reason why everything happened.
In short, I was being given an opportunity not to search for reasons, but to apply my awareness. An experience which I would need to repeat often, until I understood the futility of searching for reasons. If we are meant to know the reason why something has occurred we will know the reason why something has occurred, when we allow our awareness to surface.
|As the day progressed, information that I had
hoped would not be available, became available which meant that it seemed
that I would definitely be required to complete at least three aspects
of the computer system. I was not concerned about the task in itself,
but I was very concerned about the implications of committing to complete
the task for the business, which would tie me to the business for a while
longer and would not resolve my other problems.
When I arrived home, my financial pressures had increased again. None of the developments in my life would have particularly concerned me if I had been able to walk away, but my responsibilities and my choice to accept my responsibilities precluded me, from walking away.
I knew that I had only been affected by the developments in my life so that I would experience whatever it was that I had chosen to experience, and the parallels between my current environment, and the environment which I was reviewing were not lost on me.
I found it fascinating that I had the exact balance of conflicting difficulties which were needed to allow the pressures to recur. I had difficulty getting to sleep that night. I lay down, sat up for a while, and finally got up and watched television. Every time I closed my eyes, I was inundated by images, lights and colours. The lights were extremely bright.
I awoke early the following morning, which surprised me because I did not need to attend the office. The fluttering within my body commenced immediately and initially the fluttering within my body was so intense, that the fluttering within my body felt as though I was vibrating on the outside. After a little while the fluttering within my body settled down to an all over tingling within my body.
My concerns which had overwhelmed me the previous day were gone, and I had a sense that my salvation, which would also be the first step into my new world, was very, very close.
|I had felt that my salvation was very close
on previous occasions in principle, but this time the feeling was different.
I think that on previous occasions the feeling that my journey was almost
over had been accompanied by an intense desire for my journey to be over.
However, the feeling that my journey was almost over was much stronger
than I had experienced previously, and I had no longer felt an intense
desire for my journey to be over.
There was much about my previous day's experience that I did not understand. However, what I had felt had been very real to me, but had disappeared this morning, which told me that I had experienced what I needed to experience, which was an interesting point in itself.
This was another aspect of my journey that I could suddenly track back to when my recorded journey began. Time and time again I had felt an experience and then I would release the experience. After I had experienced whatever it was that I needed to experience, I would no longer feel the experience. Then I would reach a point where I would feel the experience again. There had been many times when there was no reason why the experience which I was feeling would return, because nothing had occurred to 'justify' feeling the experience again.
The previous day and when I could not sleep, I had been restless and my knees had ached. It had seemed impossible for me to relax.
I knew that we only feel our experiences because experiences need to feel real to be experienced. I knew that we only feel what we needed to experience. I knew that we could feel what we know are illusions, which occurs when we feel an experience, but we know that the experience is not real.
It was apparently time to put these and other aspects of experience together and become aware of how the aspects of experience fitted together, to enable us to become fully aware of our experience.
I found myself reflecting on my difficulties, and how I had created the exact balance of difficulties which were required to assist me on my journey and to experience what I needed to experience, which in itself was interesting. My difficulties were balanced between the 'everyday', and an increasing intensity with a timing requirement further added, but at no stage had those whom I chose to support been affected by my difficulties. The balance of my difficulties was too perfect for my needs, to be accidental.
I knew that this perfect balance of my difficulties was related to the experience issue. For example, the issue of Katerina’s visa in itself was insufficient for me to feel the experience at this point, but after adding the time factor which had not only been repeated many times but also linked with the date which the Australian embassy had given Katerina for a decision, which was early December, ensured that I felt the experience.
This did tie in with us being together but immigration had not contacted me as yet and I believed that they required some information from me. I knew that I should not contact immigration at this point, but it was only a little over two weeks before their decision. I had no home and insufficient funds to obtain a home and I had no funds for Katerina’s airfare. It was the combination of these factors that affected me, but they only affected me when I need to be affected.
From an overall perspective, I could then add an increasing financial pressure, the task that I had been given to link me to the business, and the speed and intensity which had recommenced in respect of my spiritual journey, to create the correct balance of pressure that was needed to ensure that I once more became overwhelmed when I happened to be reviewing a stage in my journey when I was previously overwhelmed through another combination of difficulties. The balance of my difficulties was too perfect to be accidental.
I could trace my perfect balance of difficulties back to the point where I was 'forced' onto my spiritual path. The combination of difficulties which I had felt at that time had been perfect to force me to change my path.
In fact, I could trace my perfect balance of difficulties back throughout this lifetime, and even into previous lifetimes.
The combination of difficulties that I encountered time and time again were always exactly the right combination that was needed for me to experience what I needed to experience, and too perfect for the combination of difficulties to be an accident.
The principle did not only apply to my difficulties. When everything was going 'well' or as I wanted in my life, it was a combination of factors that contributed the exact balance that I needed to experience what I had chosen, and too perfect to be an accident.
It was this day, after I had experienced that I would be required to attend to some aspects of the computer system for the business, that I reviewed and I remembered my request to God to allow me to save the business once last time.
Notwithstanding that I had believed that I had effectively 'saved' the business with the report that I had prepared a few weeks previously, it seemed apparent that my requirement to attend to aspects of the computer system were linked to my request. I did know that both my request and what had transpired since my request had been foreseen.
|I found myself wondering about Anne. I knew
that Anne had returned to Sydney and I knew that Anne was very troubled.
However, Anne had not contacted me since her return to Sydney, and I had
no way of contacting Anne, which seemed to be another demonstration from
within my controlled environment, to allow me to understand my role.
My circle continued to turn. I had a long discussion with my former business partner which was an exact duplicate of a discussion which we had shortly before the pressures of my old world overwhelmed me, and I was forced to return to my spiritual path.
I knew that what I was now experiencing was related to the request that I had made to God to allow me to save the business, and that I had coincidentally discovered my forgotten request on this very day was not lost on me.
Once more the 'rapids' which I was experiencing were causing my old world and my new world to collide as I was being pushed and pulled in every direction at one time.
I was once again reminded that it would be relatively easy for me to take the business by the scruff of the neck and drive the business to reach its potential, which I had done previously with other organisations. However, I knew this from a position of awareness that driving the business was not my path.
Circles, circles, circles.
It was time to enter the spirit plane. My last thought before I entered the spirit plane was; 'this cannot continue'. On the spirit plane I was surrounded by images, but I was unable to put the images together. When I returned from the spirit plane I was again inundated with flashing lights and an intense fluttering throughout my body. I had entered the spirit plane with the thought; 'this cannot continue' and I returned from the spirit plane with the thought; 'enough'.
|I considered the content of my conversation
with my former business partner earlier that day. I considered the possibility
that all that had happened had simply occurred to keep me going, until
my former business partner was ready to give me control of the business,
and that my experiences had all been an illusion after all. However, the
very principle of my thought immediately dissolved my thought.
I turned the page and continued my review. I had coincidently reached a point where God had explained much of what had occurred in respect of the business to me.
By late afternoon my knees ached, my nerves were on edge and any form of peace seemed like a million miles away. Spiritually, I knew that what I was experiencing was a positive sign, but due to the reversing effect of the physical plane, I felt anything but positive. I wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep until the experience was over, but I could not. I needed to collect my children for the weekend.
By late that afternoon I'd had enough. I really had, had more than enough. I wanted out, I really wanted out.
My problem was that there was no way out that I could see. My neck pain which was always a symptom of my frustration was with me. I knew that all of the frustration in the world would achieve nothing other than to ensure that I would feel the experience, and I could certainly feel the experience.
I was given a vision of what was to occur and there was certainly enough time for everything to occur if my vision was correct. However, I'd had enough visions, I now wanted to experience, to feel everything coming together.
I was momentarily able to pull my financial situation into my mind and break my vision, but it did not last and the vision returned.
It was a very difficult evening and night for me. My frustration was mixed with my nerves which were on edge, and I was tired and fed up. Enough was enough.
I attempted to sleep, but instead I found myself entering the spirit plane. As I entered the spirit plane I could feel my body full of mixed and confused images which gave me no answers. When I returned from the spirit plane, I could not sleep so I sat quietly in the kitchen of the cabin in which I was staying with my boys, and I allowed my mind to wonder. My mind did not wonder very far, mostly my mind was blank.
|I decided to recommence my review. I began
reviewing an experience which paralleled what I was now experiencing.
Repeating my experiences was all very well, but I had to stop repeating
my experiences sooner or later. Especially as I would soon run out of
experiences to repeat.
I noted that what I was reliving was more intense than the original event. I was now experiencing reliving what I had previously relived, and each time that I relived an experience, the intensity of the experience grew.
The intensity of my experiences were increasing which seemed to reflect the awareness that I gained after each experience. I knew that much of what I was experiencing was the physical symptoms of my spiritual journey, and I knew that my environment continued to reflect what I needed to experience, and as such my environment ensured that I could feel the experiences.
As I wrote I saw Evelyn's crystals from the corner of my eye.
I asked God, "Why do my experiences become so intense that I want to walk away from my difficulties?"
God replied, "It is necessary for you to experience what you need to experience. You seek only peace."
I finally slept.
The following morning, I recommenced my review immediately.
God said, "If you had not lost your home, would you have experienced 'belonging' when you had nothing to belong to except yourself?"
"No, I guess not."
"Have you not known for most of your life that you cannot teach, but you can create an environment in which others can learn?"
"Are not your books such an environment?"
"You question whether you have lost everything. In that I mean from your old world. I can tell you that you have indeed lost everything from your old world and from your old perspective.
"You have no home. Unless you receive the salvation that I have promised you, because I have foreseen your salvation, you have no way to obtain a home.
"Your belongings, which we have established are unimportant, are in storage and you have no means to retrieve your belongings, unless you receive the promised salvation.
"You have employment, in that you work, but you do not have employment for yourself. You work solely for others so that they will be unaffected by your journey. Prior to your journey, you worked for yourself, but never for money. You worked for the satisfaction of achievement, and your employment never felt like work to you. You enjoyed your challenges and thrived under pressure. You do not have satisfaction of achievement in respect of your employment anymore and unless you receive your promised salvation, you will be forced to continue working for others. Your sense of responsibility will allow you to do nothing else.
"Your financial position is such that you cannot service your debt, nor do you have sufficient income to make a scheme of arrangement. Unless you receive your salvation soon, legal actions will be commenced against you.
"You have long ago lost your dream, your rainbow and your pot of gold in respect of your old world. My friend, you have nothing left of your old world. Nothing, not one thing for yourself.
"Now let us consider your new world. You have a new wife who cannot be with you unless the red tape of bureaucracy is cut. However, even if the red tape of bureaucracy was cut tomorrow, it would do you no good. You do not have a home to bring your wife to. You do not have any furniture for your home, and you will soon have legal problems in respect of your financial position. You cannot even seriously contemplate bringing your wife home, unless you receive your promised salvation.
"You have done much in respect of your employment within your new world. You have completed much preparation for your employment within your new world. You will not truly experience the satisfaction of your work until the preparation produces results, and you can feel and touch your published books. However, you cannot finalise your preparation for your employment within your new world, until you receive your promised salvation.
"You have no way to maintain the support of those whom you have chosen to support, unless you receive your promised salvation. The legal action which will be commenced will empower your creditors to your income, and you cannot declare bankruptcy because your children would lose their home.
"Your difficult financial position is only in existence because you have followed the path that I have asked of you. This is fact. Do you think that I would allow you to incur such financial burden and send you 'gallivanting around the world' if I did not know that your burden would be removed by your salvation?
"Through your books, through following your instinct, through your wife, you have created a new world for yourself. You have a new rainbow, a new dream, a new pot of gold. You have created your new world, but you cannot begin to realise your new world, unless you first receive your promised salvation.
"You know that the only way for you to cross the gap from your old world of which there is nothing left, to your new world which as yet has no physical substance, is to receive your salvation which will bridge the gap between your two worlds.
"You know that your salvation must be financial because your difficulties are financial. Every difficulty that you have can be traced in some way to the financial issue. Why do you question a financial solution? Why do you wonder if a financial solution will have a negative impact on your example? Why do you believe that others will also expect a financial solution?
"Firstly others may not experience having to write book after book whilst maintaining a job which provides no satisfaction for them. Others may not experience incurring unserviceable debt because they are driven to go 'gallivanting around the world' as part of an example. Others may not require a financial salvation, because as I have said previously, their difficulties may not be financial, even if some believe that their difficulties are financial.
"Have we not established that it is the principle of your example which will provide the way, not the detail?
"Is your journey not intensely concentrated so that we can demonstrate and illustrate the concepts of the reality of existence. Would a sudden financial windfall now demonstrate the principle of salvation, as the principle of salvation applies to your concentrated example?
"Time and time again you had believed that you could not go on, and time and time again we have demonstrated that you can go on. We now need to demonstrate that there is a reason why you needed to go on.
"There is now only one solution to resolve your difficulties, and there is enough time for that solution to your difficulties to present itself, as I showed you in the vision that I gave you yesterday.
"There is no other way for you to receive your salvation, and no other way for you to take your first few steps to explore your new world."
God may have explained my current environment, but there was nothing that had been said that I was not aware of. God's confirmation of what I knew changed nothing. I reflected back to the beginning of my journey. The easy path then was the easy path now. To walk away from everything. I had this choice but for me it would not be the easy path. I would not walk away. It was not my path.
Every part of my environment ensured that I continued to feel what I was experiencing. There seemed to be nothing for me to do, other than to allow myself to experience and flow with my experiences, despite the fact that I did not enjoy my experiences.
As the intensity of my nerves being on edge increased, everything around me amplified the experience, which I knew was a part of the environment that I had created to experience what I was experiencing, and my environment certainly had the effect that my environment was designed to have. Nevertheless, I found the way that my environment reflected my experience amusing, in a perverse way.
|It was mostly a quiet day, despite the fact
that my nerves were on edge for most of the day. Occasionally, an image
would enter my mind but the images that I received never led anywhere.
Mostly the images were quick flashes of the future. For the majority of
the day my mind was absolutely blank.
I knew that I had created an environment for two days which had assisted me to not only have my nerves on edge, but also to feel tired and drained. I was unable to continue my journey, and not for the first time, I had nothing left to give.
I was a little confused because even though I retained my difficulties, I was neither worried about my difficulties nor dwelling on my difficulties. It was true that I could not see a solution to my difficulties, other than my vision of the previous day, but nor was I looking for a solution to my difficulties. I had not sought the vision. In fact, I had attempted to prevent myself from receiving the vision.
Everything that was occurring around me may be adding to my physical environment, but there was no earth plane cause, that I could identify, for what I was feeling. The cause for what I was feeling was obviously spiritual, even if the symptoms that I was experiencing were physical to allow me to feel whatever it was that I was experiencing spiritually.
It was the intensity of what I was experiencing that surprised me the most, because the intensity of what I was experiencing was extreme and I had not been expecting to feel my environment with such intensity. It appeared likely that I was experiencing the physical 'side effects' of the last big spiritual step that Sue had warned me that I would take. I may well have been taking a big spiritual step, but it was certainly not the last big spiritual step that I would take.
I did realise that all that I was experiencing could be a reflection of what I was reviewing, but I felt that the review was contributing to what I was now experiencing, not creating the experience.
|I reflected on God's words of earlier that
day, and I wondered why we had chosen to repeat God's explanation at this
point in time.
Judging by the intensity with which my nerves were on edge, it seemed that my vibrational rate was adjusting significantly.
I had recommenced my review. I reached the point where I had been 'forced' to write that my presentation was my final task for the business. I wondered how this 'final task for the business' fitted in with the computer systems work that I was now required to do.
As I sat quietly reflecting on the previous few weeks, I realised that I no longer felt any need to talk with people from my old world whom I had spoken with on a regular basis both before my journey commenced, and after my journey had commenced. Occasionally we would talk, but I felt no need for the conversation, or for the approval that I had once sought.
God said, "Did I not tell you that your need for approval would cease? If you had already received your salvation, could you have truly re-experienced your journey from within an environment of salvation?"
I replied, "No."
"So your current environment of continuing pressure was necessary for you to be able to re-experience your journey?"
"If your pressures had remained as your pressures were, would you have really felt your pressures, and therefore really experienced your pressures?"
"So it was necessary that your pressures increase to enable you to experience what you need to experience?"
"When do you suppose that you will receive your salvation?"
"When I no longer need an environment which will allow me to re-experience my journey."
"When will you no longer need an environment which will allow you to re-experience your journey?"
"When I have become fully aware of my journey."
Once more I had known what God had told me, but our need to experience is circular.
I wanted my journey to end, at least I wanted the difficult period of my journey to end, because of what I was experiencing. At the same time I knew that my journey would not end, until I no longer needed my environment to enable me to experience what I was experiencing.
In a repeat of what I had experienced two weeks earlier when staying in the same park with my children, I felt that Katerina was with us, such was the intensity with which Katerina's spirit reacted to the surroundings.
The following morning, I received a clear message from the spirit plane. I was simultaneously finalising the old and starting the new. Everything seemed to be happening at the one time, and I could not see how I would possibility be able to attend to all that required my attention.
It was a beautiful spring morning. I was shown a few events from the beginning of my journey. There was nothing major, but each event was explained, to allow me to put the events from the beginning of my journey into perspective.
I felt myself starting to 'feel' a little confusion, but I knew that my feeling of confusion was only in preparation for what I would review next. What I was beginning to feel had previously been unique to the aspect of my journey that I was about to commence reviewing.
As I continued to become aware of all aspects of my journey, I understood why it had been necessary to repeat many of my experiences over and over again. I was not able to become fully aware, or to really accept a point of reality by simply experiencing the point once, which is the same for all souls, and a necessary part of my example.
|It was not the concepts that are part of existence
that I'd had any difficulty with. It was how the concepts that are part
of existence applied to me which I needed to experience from each perspective
of my awareness. I needed to re-experience the concepts that are part
of existence each time that my awareness grew. It is the same for all
All souls need to experience how each piece of reality applies to them, which is individual. It was the principles of my journey that are the example, not the specifics of my journey.
It is the part of us that is who we are not that requires us to repeat experiences, not the part of us which is who we are. We need to repeat experiences because the part of us which is who we are not, becomes confused. The part of us which is who we are not believes that who we are, is the sum of who we are plus who we are not. Each time that we experience who we are not, and become aware that the aspect of us which we have experienced is who we are not, we change the equation. It is the change in equation which causes both confusion and doubt. Who we are not, needs to adjust its belief of who we are, because the sum of who we are has altered.
As I had recently experienced, who we are not becomes confused even when we understand and are aware of which part of us is who we are, and which part of us is who we are not. As we eliminate the aspects which are who we are not, we change the equation, the sum of who we are.
Who we are not becomes confused despite the fact that who we are sees and understands the equation. Who we are not, sees only the sum of who we are, and becomes confused when the sum of who we are, changes.
Now that I was aware of this aspect of reality, I could see how the concept of adjusting who we are, as we eliminate who we are not, applied throughout my journey.
|I found myself considering my review. I was
now completing my preliminary review less than two weeks after I had written
my original notes.
I reflected on some time that I had spent a few days earlier in discussions with the soul who had once been my 'African Queen'. The connection, the memory remained and the Queen's face continued to superimpose itself on the lady's current face whenever we spoke. I reflected on the fact that souls from many parts of the world had managed to reconnect with me, demonstrating that linked souls will 'find' a way to reconnect regardless of how unlikely the prospect of reconnection appeared. In fact, the prospect of reconnecting with many linked souls was so unlikely that the reconnection could not possibly occur by accident.
Late that afternoon the beauty which was all around, the beauty of the earth plane had increased to a point where it once again surprised me.
I found myself wondering about Katerina's visa. Assuming that Katerina did have her visa approved, Katerina would still require a medical and some clearances. I could not see how all that was required could be logistically possible within the alleged time frame. Nevertheless, I had been given countless assurances and I did have faith.
My faith was not necessarily faith that any specific event would occur. My faith was faith that I would receive my salvation, and I would create 'heaven on earth'. My faith was supported by my visions of the future.
I was in the Indian village again with a man. It was Katerina's brother. We sat talking for some time.
I knew this man. He was a man who Katerina was close to in this lifetime. He was a friend of Katerina's, the artist who would apparently work at my spiritual retreat.
Based upon what Anne had said during my last conversation with her up to this point, and based upon what I had been told about Anne's return to Sydney, it appeared that the person who I had seen Anne with was not the right person for Anne after all.
God asked, "Then why did you have that vision?"
I replied, "My vision was necessary to guide Anne to follow her correct path."
"Anne needed to experience what she experienced."
"What did Anne experience?"
"I do not know, other than that Anne experienced what she needed to experience. I do know that as a part of her experience, Anne was given an opportunity to break her circle, but Anne did not break her circle."
"You guided Anne to an experience which she did not enjoy."
"Yes I did, but it was a path which Anne needed to travel."
"How do you know that it was a path which Anne needed to travel?"
"I was given guidance to pass on to Anne, which led Anne to the path that she travelled."
"The result of Anne's experience was other than you had anticipated."
"Yes, but if I had known the true result of Anne's experience, I may not have passed the guidance which I had been given to Anne."
"No, but then Anne may have avoided a difficult experience."
"No, Anne could not have avoided a difficult experience, at best Anne could have delayed the difficult experience, but the difficult experience was what Anne had chosen."
"So you cannot provide faulty guidance?"
"No, I cannot provide faulty guidance. Whatever guidance I provide, is the guidance that is required, irrespective of the outcome of following or not following my guidance."
"And you have become aware that you cannot provide faulty guidance, from within your controlled environment?"
"Yes I have."
Late that night, God said, "Such is the search for the truth that souls are not only seeking alternate religions, and alternate concepts collectively known as the 'new age', but souls are also studying the established religions from every possible angle. As I have stated previously, none have any concept of the number of souls who are searching for the truth, but I tell all who are now searching for the truth, and all who will search for the truth lifetime after lifetime, that the truth is within.
"To you I say, apply your awareness to all that you have now experienced, and understand that you have not and cannot influence the experiences of others. If you are drawn to provide guidance, or assistance to others in any way, your actions are a part of their chosen experiences. You will not become aware of anything that will alter the chosen experiences of others, any more than you were able to become aware of anything that would have altered your own chosen experiences.
"Consider the guidance that you have provided to the one you have called Anne. Is your guidance any different to the guidance that I have provided to you, when you needed to be led to an experience?
"Throughout your journey, you have continued to support those who have relied on you. In fact, those who have relied on you have not been financially disadvantaged by your journey in any way, regardless of the difficulties that you have both created and experienced.
"You chose to maintain your responsibilities, and you chose to maintain your employment so that those who have relied on you will not be financially disadvantaged by your journey. As we have demonstrated, maintaining your employment was a wise choice for a number of reasons."
|I slept well, and after I awoke the following
morning, I travelled to the spirit plane. I was given a number of consistent
images, and I knew exactly what the images meant. However, I could not
reach the knowledge immediately.
God said, "The truth is contained within the origins of most religions and may be found by any who seek the truth. However, one who is seeking the truth must seek the truth from a position of an open mind, and not rationalise what they have found. Much of the confusion surrounding religions and the truth has been brought about through rationalisations, assumptions and interpretations.
"Many times the truth has become lost because of a lack of understanding and those who began a search for the truth have lost sight of their search and spend their time justifying and interpreting not the truth, but their own assumptions. Do you believe that it is a coincidence that we have established time and time again that your assumptions have not been correct, no matter how rational your assumptions may have been?
"How many times have you caused yourself confusion because events have not occurred how you assumed that events would occur, but each of your assumptions have been rational. Even if we overlook all of the historical times when the truth has been altered intentionally, and consider those who have been genuine, much has been added to the truth through assumptions and justification of assumptions.
"We have demonstrated time and time again that your assumptions do not alter reality, and the assumptions of all who have contributed to the religions have not altered reality. All that the assumptions that have been made have done, is clouded reality, which we have demonstrated through your example.
"However, the most important aspect of your example is that the truth is within. It is far simpler, far more practical, and far more realistic for those who seek the truth to look within, than to become scholars of every religion, every concept, and every belief system, and to find the truth through study of all concepts and beliefs.
"Regardless of the fact that the truth has been built upon and altered many times, the truth of the existence of each soul is individual to each soul. Those who believe with all their conscious being in one text or another are believing in the interpretation of others who are no different than the person who needs the belief. We have also demonstrated that it is easier to believe in what is provided externally, than to believe in what it is contained within each soul.
"That you were led time and time again to external confirmation in one form or another, demonstrates that the perceived need for external confirmation of what is known within, is a normal, if unnecessary experience. Many of those who now seek the truth through one source or another have already found the truth within, and are now seeking not the truth as they believe, but external confirmation of what they know within themselves. Your work will provide such confirmation to many.
"We are not asking any to believe one word of your experiences. We are relaying your experiences and suggesting that each look within themselves for the truth. If any do not accept that the truth is within, and there will be souls who do not accept that the truth is within, and souls who choose not to see the truth within, that is their choice, and their choice will lead them to whatever they need to experience.
"Consider your own position. You now know that you will retain your link to your business for a little while longer, regardless of what occurs in respect of your journey."
The message that I had been given on the spirit plane that morning was very close to the surface, but I could not quite find the words.
I found myself glancing through this book. One sentence jumped out at me; 'It was apparent that I was running out of circles to repeat.'
|I glanced at the chapter that I would review
later that day. It was this chapter. I was reminded that the Christmas
deadline was fast approaching. I had to agree that there certainly did
not appear to be enough time to repeat circles if the 'Christmas timing'
was to prove correct.
The fact that I was still attached to the business at this point had become meaningless from a balance point of view, because I would be working at home during the next three weeks. I would seldom be required to attend the office, which would certainly allow me to attend to any matter that required my attention during this time.
At the same time, working at home for effectively the following month was a circle in itself. Working at home followed on from the repeated conversation of more than a year earlier with my former business partner, which was the previous occasion when I had been away from the business for an extended period.
What I had learned on the spirit plane that morning was that it would soon be time to show people the way across the bridge to our soul.
Later that morning, I was given a few more pieces of the puzzle in respect of my future spiritual centre.
I reflected on my intense difficulties of the previous few days. I knew that the environment that I had created, had many purposes, one of which was that I had applied my awareness and regardless of the fact that I had desperately wanted my difficulties to be over, I had not specifically sought to know when or how my difficulties would be over. It was another opportunity to apply my awareness.
|That day my former business partner rang me
to discuss a problem which had arisen. Our discussion was a repeat of
events more than twelve months earlier, when a similar problem had surfaced.
I found the repetition of events from more than twelve months earlier absolutely fascinating. It was as if all of the inner circles from my journey had now been completed, and I had, for a reason that I did not understand, started to re-experience the patterns which were in my life more than a year previously. In some respects, it was as if the previous year and a half had not occurred and I had returned to where I started recording my journey. However, I was not experiencing the repetition of events from more than twelve months earlier, I was observing the repetition of events from more than twelve months earlier.
I felt that my life had effectively been 'paused' whilst I caught up with my awareness, and my life was now ready to move forward again. I did not consider the implication of my observation, because I knew that I could rationalise both sides of the coin. I allowed the experience to occur.
I understood that my environment continued to reflect the 'rapids', and as such my environment travelled in a number of directions at once to ensure that I was fully aware that it was pointless for me to make assumptions.
In fact, the events which were surrounding me were fascinating in the way that the events which were surrounding me seemed to able to lead in a multitude of directions at one time. Well, the events which were surrounding me were fascinating when I was observing the events which were surrounding me, but the events which were surrounding me were frustrating when I was experiencing the events which were surrounding me.
I did know that regardless of whether I was experiencing my environment or observing my environment, the events themselves were illusions and physical symptoms of this stage of my spiritual journey.
|I did have occasion that day to have a long
business related discussion with Marie who used a phrase to describe something
which hit me like a bolt of lightening. The phrase was, "It has gone Full
As I continued to reflect on my environment, I could see that every circle, every one of the experiences, not only from my journey, or from my lifetime, but from my very existence, were converging at this point of time. It was the convergence of my experiences that was creating the rapids, and my confusion.
In fact, I had reached the point on my journey where, after becoming aware of who I am, all three planes of my existence were converging, not just my experiences. My very existence was converging at this point and creating the rapids that I was negotiating.
I knew that when I successfully completed my passage through the rapids, the three planes of my existence would be merged. I would exist within all three planes simultaneously, and I would be balanced between the three planes of my existence.
As I continued to reflect on my environment at that time, I thought; 'this is really becoming interesting'.
My hands began pulsating with my contact with the fabric of existence. My contact with the fabric of existence was so powerful that my hands tingled to the point of numbness. My heart chakra opened and expanded far beyond my body. The 'fluttering' throughout my body was happening so fast, that the fluttering throughout my body became barely discernible. The intensity of the experiences matched the increased intensity with which my nerves had been on edge as my body had prepared itself for the experience.
The three planes of my existence were beginning to merge.
|Jesus came to me and embraced me. I knew that
Jesus had assisted me to take this step which allowed my three planes
to merge, or to begin to merge.
Jesus said, "Be at peace my friend. You have earned it."
I asked, "Why do you often make your presence known to me, but you say very little?"
Jesus responded, "I only say what is necessary. Mostly it is only important that you know that I am with you. Knowing this has been, and always will be enough for you."
I thought; 'It has been an interesting day.'
Jesus responded, "It certainly has."
I found myself wondering about all of the aspects of my journey which had been explained to me, or which I had become aware of during the previous few weeks.
Jesus said, "Have you not demonstrated that everything has been, and continues to be exactly as everything is meant to be, even if this appears unlikely at times?"
Which was exactly what had happened.
I sat on the balcony and watched the beauty of the world increase yet again as I looked at the world around me.
My difficulties remained at this point. The three levels of my existence were merging within an 'everyday' environment which was surrounded by difficulties. The significance of this development was not lost on me.
Jesus said, "You will recall your frustration that we could not help all who needed help during what is known as my lifetime. Now you understand why this was neither possible or necessary."
|I continued my review and I continued to gain a little
understanding that had alluded me previously.
It was not a coincidence that I had responsibilities which tied me to my environment and prevented me from leaving the country and establishing a new life in Europe. There was nothing to be achieved by establishing a new life in Europe when the location of my spiritual centre would be in Australia.
By early afternoon I had completed my review of all of the pages of this book which had been typed up to this point. I was left with the message that had started the day. ‘It was apparent that I was fast running out of circles to repeat.’
As the day continued, the circles of my existence continued to converge.
I crossed to the spirit plane and was once more picked up and carried through the fabric of existence, but this time I was not frightened.
As day became evening, everywhere I looked I could see circles converging on this point in time. I noted with interest, that I was observing rather than experiencing most of what was occurring.
Once more the timing issue struck me. Regardless of whether the timing I had been given was correct or incorrect, in many ways I would have preferred not to know. Regardless of whether the supposed timing was reality or a ‘carrot’, knowing the timing of events was a double edged sword. Being given the timing of events both relieved and created pressure.
I wondered why it had been necessary to not only repeat my environment, but also to record that I was repeating my environment, many times.
God said, “We have explained on many occasions that souls repeat events time and time again, until they understand that what they are experiencing is not who they are. The further away a soul is from awareness, the larger the circles they experience.
"As you know circles can take a lifetime to complete, only to be repeated lifetime after lifetime. As one nears the summit of the mountain of awareness, the circles are smaller and shorter in duration.
"Consider our mountain of awareness. Firstly the path may wind its way around the bottom of the mountain of awareness over and over again without any way to commence the climb presenting itself. As one starts to climb the mountain of awareness the path winds around and around the mountain of awareness. The closer one is to the top of the mountain of awareness, the shorter the path is around the mountain of awareness.
"As one climbs the mountain of awareness they continue to travel in circles, but the circle is smaller each time as they move up the mountain of awareness. We needed to demonstrate this reality, so that souls understand that they have not failed in their journey because they continue to experience the circular nature of existence."
I spoke with the Moscow office of the immigration department. It certainly appeared very unlikely that we would obtain a visa for Katerina. Mostly because we had been given faulty advise by the Paris office of the immigration department.
All that I could do was put my faith in God and what had been foreseen. There was nothing else that I could do, and I did not know how to explain this to Katerina.
The reality of the situation was that I could accept if we were not meant to be together, I understood how reality worked. What I could not understand was everything that had happened, everything that I had experienced, and everything that I had been told through one source or another, if we were not meant to be together. Nor could I understand why all the resources had 'appeared' when we were meant to be together previously.
The only explanation that made any sense to me was that the experience was a part of the example that soulmates would be together regardless of how unlikely the circumstances. However, there was much more that I would become aware of in respect of the soulmate issue before my journey was complete.
I felt that I could very much use a 'break', from an earth plane perspective.
|That night I wanted to send a letter to the
Australian Embassy in Moscow, but I assumed that my desire to send a letter
to the Australian Embassy in Moscow was a product of my characteristic
need to 'do something'. I attempted to release my desire to send a letter
to the Australian Embassy in Moscow, but I could not.
When I awoke the following morning, the letter to the Australian Embassy in Moscow was very much on my mind. I determined that I would wait a few days, but I could remove the letter to the Australian Embassy in Moscow from my mind. I determined that perhaps I should write the letter to the Australian Embassy in Moscow, immediately.
As soon as I determined that I should write the letter to the Australian Embassy in Moscow immediately, my peace returned, and my need to write the letter to the Australian Embassy in Moscow stopped consuming me. It was obviously time to take some action, which could have occurred two weeks earlier, but if I had taken action two weeks earlier, I would not have created some of the environments that I had apparently needed.
I had returned from the spirit plane with images that I would understand in time, as I allowed the message which I had been given to surface.
I wrote my letter to the Australian Embassy in Moscow, explaining the situation to the immigration officials, enclosed some of my letters to Katerina and sent my letter to the Australian Embassy in Moscow. I did not know what else I could do. In fact, there was nothing else that I could do, other than have faith in God.
That day, Sue's words remained in my mind; 'When it is time God will cut through the red tape and you will be together.'
My nerves were again on edge and my eyes were having difficulty focusing which was something that I had experienced previously as my eyes adjusted to significant increases in the beauty of the world. I knew that both of these symptoms were positive in respect of my spiritual journey, and I knew that everything was as everything was meant to be.
My friend Jane's words from the coffee cup reading she did for me also came in my mind; 'You will believe that it will not be possible for Katerina to join you, but then she will come to Australia.'
I then recalled a Tarot reading from many months previously; 'You will be required to take a risk, but you will be happy and settled with a new wife and a new home by Christmas.'
|It was all very well to have these recalled
predictions appear in my mind, but the predictions did not assist me to
experience salvation, only the promise of salvation.
I allowed myself to travel to the spirit plane which was full of converging circles. I was feeling the spirit plane more and more, which I had noticed previously, but I had difficulty understanding. I felt every touch. If I ate food on the spirit plane, I tasted that food. I had felt experiences that had occurred on the spirit plane previously, but what I now felt was far deeper than my previous spirit plane experiences. The spirit plane was beginning to feel as real to me as the physical plane, which I knew was a result of my three planes merging into a balanced existence.
It was a reasonably quiet day, after I wrote my letter to the Australian Embassy in Moscow, I felt that I had taken all of the action that was necessary at this time.
For most of that day I alternated between planes. For much of the time I did not understand what was happening, but I eventually saw the pattern. I was moving from one plane to another as the planes slowly balanced to form my 'merged' plane of existence, which by definition was a three part plane.
The description of what was to come had told me that I would exist of a three part merged plane, but I had not realised exactly what the description of what was to come, 'heaven on earth' had meant at the time. The higher plane within the lower plane, linked as they were by the spirit plane.
My environment was perfect for what I was experiencing. From my problems with Katerina's visa, to the pressure cooker about to overheat which was my financial position, and the reality that I had nothing left to lose except for my children's home. At the same time I was experiencing my new found ability to experience the spirit plane, now that my planes were beginning to merge. My environment was completed by the promises of 'heaven on earth' and salvation from the higher plane.
I did not have the balance between the planes quite right at this point, which I knew was why I was alternating between the planes. When I was consumed by the earth plane, I would once more find myself questioning my sanity and whether I had somehow invented everything that I had experienced, only to reach out and touch the fabric of higher plane minutes later.
It was a difficult time, and I was glad that I was working at home. One part of me wondered if there was always something else that I 'needed to experience' as an excuse for another delay in my promised salvation, and another part of me understood that I would retain my difficult environment, until I no longer needed a difficult environment. I knew that I could not experience the conflicts that were within me, as the planes of my existence were merging, without my conflicting environment.
|I had been at home for two days to work on
the computer system, but I had been unable to even think about looking
at my work. That night, I felt that I should start doing the work that
I was at home to do. I was, as with most aspects of my life at that time,
running short of time.
I was even struggling to read my notes as I wrote them. I automatically muttered 'Jesus' and Jesus replied, "Yes." I had to smile.
However, the point was that when I attempted to do the work that I was at home, and not to mention being paid to do, I became agitated, and my nerves screamed at me. In short, I could not work, which was a repeat of what I had experienced previously, particularly when I had began my spiritual journey.
The convergence of the circles of my existence continued. As soon as I accepted that I could not work, I was no longer agitated and my nerves slowly began to settle down.
I attempted to answer some questions about the Jesus lifetime, but I struggled to find the answers. Later, I wondered about my inability to answer questions about a lifetime of which I was a part.
Jesus explained, "It is not possible to explain every aspect of the events from my lifetime. The events from my lifetime are not relevant to your journey. There has been so much added to and altered surrounding the events from my lifetime, that you could spend your lifetime attempting to re-establish the truth of my lifetime, and you would still not be successful. There is nothing to be achieved from attempting to re-establish the truth of my lifetime, as you have been given an opportunity to experience within your controlled environment."
Jesus' explanation sounded very convenient to me.
|Jesus continued, "You yourself have stated
that there is no point of reference, or more accurately that the point
of reference is no longer a point of reference. It is now your time, the
time for your message. My message has fulfilled its purpose. That our
two messages are related, is fact. However, you must focus on your message.
Others have chosen to focus on my message and they are close to the truth,
but they become lost attempting to apply what they have discovered to
a point of reference which is not, and never has been an accurate point
Jesus' words were very powerful, and I found the connotations of what Jesus said a little, or more than a little overwhelming. I certainly did not wish to criticise another's religion.
Jesus said, "My words are not a criticism, they are a fact. You have not stated this fact, I have. My words are a conclusion that is being reached by many. If any wish to discuss the matter further, I will be available.
"You have drawn all that you need to draw from the lifetime that we shared. It is now time for you to get on with your lifetime.
"You need much solitude at the moment, because of your experiences in merging your planes, which is the real reason why you are at home. To merge your planes you need to maintain your environment of a finely balanced collection of difficulties.
"You have retained your environment because you need your environment, and being asked to compete a task for your business has both maintained and provided your environment.
"The end to your difficulties is only days away, and your teaching will soon begin."
I did not want to hear another promise of what was to be, whether it was Jesus, God, or a messenger such as Sue who was delivering the promise. I did not want promises, assurances or especially explanations as to why a difficult environment was necessary. All that I wanted was for the conflicts which were my environment to cease. I wanted my difficult environment to come to an end.
|Jesus said, “Do not think for one moment that I do not understand what you are feeling, because you know that I do understand what you are experiencing. I have travelled your path and I have experienced what you will experience. I can tell you, because I know, that what you will experience will make your difficulties worthwhile. “The end of your difficulties will soon be within your grasp.”|
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