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Searching for My Soul
Book One Searching for My Soul
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On my second day on the island, I attempted to relax and recharge my batteries. I spent an hour in a flotation tank and continued to gain insights, which I was starting to believe was the reason for all that I had experienced during the previous few months.

However, I was trying too hard to relax and enjoy myself. My mind continually drifted back to my problems. I spent the afternoon drifting, trying to relax, and trying to stop thinking about my problems.

I began to sense that something significant was happening. Despite what I sensed, I doubted that ‘something’ was happening.

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I was beginning to accept that I had psychic ability. I had been told on numerous occasions during the previous few months, that I have physic ability, and I often seemed to ‘know’ things, but I had not really accepted the possibility that I could be psychic.

I sat on the balcony of my room looking over the ocean, and letting things flow from my soul. I knew that it was not a coincidence that both Sally and Marie were in my life. I knew that both Sally and Marie had a part in what was happening, whatever that was. I knew that our lives were not in turmoil by accident. I knew that since I had started to accept that I had a destiny, Sally had been my guidance, and Marie had been my inspiration.

I believed that my destiny was to pass on and teach my insights through my books. I knew that I would fulfil my destiny, and I knew that I would fulfil my destiny beyond doubt. I was also convinced that I was going insane.

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I went to dinner, trying to understand why I had come to this particular island. I was only at the restaurant for a short time, before I needed to return to my room. I was drawn to leave the restaurant, and I did not know why. I ate quickly and returned to my room. I did not like the overwhelming feeling that I needed to return to my room, at all. As far as I was concerned, to return to my room shortly after sitting down for a relaxing meal, was confirmation that I was going insane.

When I returned to my room, what I had intended to be a leisurely dinner, had been less than an hour. As I walked into my room, Sally telephoned. She had received some bad news and needed to talk. Coincidence? Too many such coincidences had occurred during the previous few weeks for them to be coincidences.

Whilst I was talking with Sally, I explained that she was having difficulties, so that she would be available when I needed her. I told her that she would marry her former boyfriend when I no longer needed her. Sally questioned my observation, because their relationship had finished, and she had moved on to another relationship. I explained that my observation was something that I ‘knew’.

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I walked to the beach and found some peace. I had started to accept my destiny.

That night I attempted to use my psychic ability to contact Marie, but all that happened was that I caused myself more pain.

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The next morning, my pupils seemed brighter and clearer. I thought I was imagining it, but each time that I looked my pupils were the same. I suspected that it was going to be an interesting day and I was right.

I began an 8.5 kilometre walk around the island. My walk started out very strenuous, and I nearly turned back, but I kept on going. I found that each time that I was being given an insight, my walk was strenuous, and after I had understood the new insight, my walk became easy for a while, until it was time for the next insight.

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I continued my walk even when it was very strenuous. I knew that I needed to keep pushing myself. I reached the high point of the island, and sat on a bench overlooking the ocean and other islands while I caught my breath. As I sat on that bench, I knew beyond doubt that I would be with my soulmate when it was time, but it was not time, and would not be time, until I had completed my task. I believed that my soulmate was Marie.

I knew that when I returned to my world, Marie and I would be on separate paths. However, I also knew that our separate paths would not matter.

I suddenly understood that what I was about to experience was more than gaining insights, and passing them on. I was also going to be given an explanation of life, and the forces at work in our lives. I did not know how I knew this, or why I knew this, but I did know this.

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Our instinct is like a sword that protects our soul. Our life experiences forge our swords, but our swords are chipped and damaged from all the battles that we have fought. We have to hone our sword, and smooth the rough edges so that our swords will be more effective. If we do not hone our swords, we will continue to get caught on the rough edges.

I understood that a combination of the astrological pattern when I was born, and my mother’s Gypsy blood had given me my psychic ability. I did not understand that I had chosen the place and circumstances of my birth for this reason.

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I knew that I needed to record everything that I felt, and experienced during my journey, and I knew that I would write this book. At the time I thought that writing a book was sheer lunacy, but I knew I would write a book anyway.

I did not realise at that point, that this would be the book about my life that I had been told I would write, nor did I have any concept that Searching For My Soul would be the first of many books detailing my journey.

On my way back from my walk, I reviewed what I had learned. I decided that what I had learned was nothing more than delusion, invented by my mind to help me deal with the pain of breaking up with Marie, and the difficulties within my business. My feeling that I was going insane grew, but deep down I knew that what was happening was real.

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I remembered reading once that ‘if you were able to ask yourself if you were going insane you were not’, which helped. I would remember this suggestion whenever I started questioning my sanity.

I was troubled. I wanted my life back. I liked the thought that I would be happy and content, but I could not see how I would be happy and content, unless I got my life back.

I began to become concerned about what people would think of me. They would think I was going mad, and who could blame them, I thought I was going mad.

I commenced writing notes about my life regardless of my concern for my sanity. The words flowed out of me. I wrote as if I was possessed. As I was writing my notes, I recalled events in my life which I had forgotten. I recalled all of the signs of my psychic ability, and pointers to the path which I was now on. I was beginning to gain acceptance.

I considered the possibility that what I was experiencing, was only to keep me focused, until I was over Marie, and I found a solution to my business problems. Whether what I was experiencing was real, or whether I was being given a temporary focus away from my problems, did not matter. I knew that whatever was happening in my life when I returned to my world, would have no bearing on what was going to happen in the future.

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That night, I knew that much of what I would experience would be a test of my ability to live with my soul, and only when I passed all the tests and ‘graduated’, would I obtain true fulfilment. I had no idea how long the ‘tests’ would last, or how difficult the ‘tests’ would be. Nor did I have the slightest idea of what true fulfilment would be.

On the morning of my fourth day on the island, I knew that I had a long way to go. I was trying to second guess my destiny, and I was attempting to force my pace on what I was experiencing.

I again sat on the balcony looking over the ocean. I could feel my acceptance growing, although my doubts remained, and would remain to be fought over and over again. I wanted tangible proof of what I was experiencing, but whenever I was to get some tangible proof, it would not be enough.

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I wondered how I would explain my actions to people when I returned to my world, but I finally realised I did not owe anyone an explanation. I was simply exhausted and had taken a break to rest.

I recalled that I have an ability to transfer strength and courage to other people, and to show other people how to believe in themselves. I knew I would spend the second part of my life as a teacher, showing people how to truly believe in themselves. I knew I would be given experiences so I could learn myself, and fully understand, before passing my message on to those who seek guidance.

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I suspected that my battle that day, would be my rational mind struggling to accept what my soul knew, and I was right.

As I walked along the beach, I reflected on the number of times in my life when I’d had one problem or another, and I had known that everything would ‘work out’, so I did not worry. Everything had always worked out in time.


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As I commenced my walk I struggled with my feelings for Marie. I could feel my feelings for her tugging at my heart bond. My heart bond had been causing me major problems for some time. I always seemed to feel her tugging at it, and I very much wanted to be with her. I encountered my first brown snake. I knew that the snake was a warning, but I did not understand the meaning of the warning.

I found myself considering contacting Marie, either physically or attempting to contact her spiritually. I then encountered my second brown snake. In fact, I almost did not see the second brown snake, my foot was only a few centimetres above it when I froze, and watched it sliver away. I knew that I needed to keep away from Marie, until I had completed my journey.

I continued walking, and in compensation I was given glimpses of the future. I saw myself get married, I saw where I would live and work, and I saw how my teaching role would lead me to travel and I saw some of the places which I would visit. I also saw the moment when I would pass from this lifetime.

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My glimpses of the future were like blurry snapshots. I could see enough to know what was happening, but I could not see the detail.

I again began to question my sanity. I tried to convince myself that my glimpses of the future, and encounters with snakes were nothing more than fantasy.

I battled my doubts, and I fought hard to believe what I was experiencing. I won the round, and I was rewarded by the tranquillity of a secluded bay.

I walked down to a bay, stripped down to my underpants and lay in the ocean for a while. A silver and gold fish came and spent some time with me, as if to keep me company for a while. When the fish eventually left me, I sat on the beach and I allowed myself to dry in the sun, before getting dressed and continuing my walk.

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As I walked back to my room I knew that I would be battling doubts, until my destiny was fulfilled, and that my love for Marie would be used to test me again and again. I was right, but as usual I had grossly underestimated the duration and intensity of the tests.

My feet were sore and blistered and I was exhausted. I had walked 11 kilometres that day. I went to the gym to have a sauna and spa.

I took comfort from the explanation of my role that I had been given that day, and in that I continued to receive insights.

I decided to go to the beach for a while. I was trying to determine if what I was experiencing was real or fantasy. I reflected on my life. I could see that the signs of the path which I was meant to follow had been present all my life, but I had not seen the signs.

As I sat at the end of the beach in the dusk, I felt something brush against my feet. It was a baby possum, who like the silver and gold fish had come to keep me company for a while. We sat together for about half an hour, and then we went about our business.

Later that night I became restless. I could not settle. I was fighting my battle to believe my experiences, over and over again. I did not seem to be able to keep the doubts out of my mind. I eventually won the battle with my doubts, but I was exhausted.

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My fifth day on the island was another beautiful day. My pupils seemed brighter and clearer each day. I did not know what the day would bring, but I was ready for anything, or so I thought.

I realised that there had been many little things that I had been doing during the previous few months by instinct, which made sense now that I was beginning to understand the reality of our existence. I was beginning to see how my life fitted together. I thought; ‘Yes, this is really happening.’

I wrote some more notes before taking a stroll along the beach. I was continually gaining insights, and I was given some further explanation of life to pass on.

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Honing the sword that is our instinct is not enough. Our swords are scratched from a lifetime of use, and we need to apply polish to our swords. We need to remove all the scratches, and leave our swords untarnished. The better condition that our swords are in, the more effective our swords will be. After the polish has been applied to our swords, we need to shine our swords. We have to keep working on our swords all our lives. We have to keep our swords in immaculate condition. If we keep our swords in immaculate condition, the sword which is our instinct, and protects our soul will be stronger, sharper and swifter.

I knew that I would be finished honing my sword within the next few days, and then I would need to apply polish to my sword, before I could start shining my sword. No problem.

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I had no idea how long the process would take. In my arrogance I thought that I was a lot closer to living with my soul than I was. I thought that living with my soul would be the end of the process, but living with my soul would only be the beginning of the process. A few preliminary steps on my journey.

I had no idea where my journey would take me, and I had no concept of what I would endure. I thought my journey would be easy. My spirit guides must have found my arrogance amusing.

I felt my lingering doubt setting in again. I focused on my problems. My walk started out strenuously that day, and my blistered feet hurt.

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As I walked I began to notice that the world seemed clearer. Colours seemed brighter, and the various shades of any given colour were more discernible. I realised that I was starting to notice things. When a lizard darted out of the way, I saw the lizard’s individual legs move, and butterflies seemed to hover as I absorbed every movement of their wings. I had begun sensing these things during the previous few days, but had written the experience off as imagination. I could not write the experience off as imagination any more, the world was becoming too clear.

I stopped at my first rest point, and I looked over the ocean. I could see every shade of blue and green in the sea. The world was startlingly clear.

I continued my walk, which became more difficult and I started to struggle. I reached a crossroads, and considered taking the shorter route, but I did not take the shorter route. I took the longer route. After I made the decision to take the longer route, my walk became easier.

I knew that my books would be published, and I was even given a glimpse of what my books would look like.

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I arrived at the secluded bay exhausted. There was no one else at the secluded bay so I removed all of my clothes, and went into the ocean naked. I stood in the ocean in water up to my neck and I looked around me. I saw everything, every shade of green on the hills, every rock, every pile of sand. The world was so clear and so beautiful. I had never imagined anything could be so beautiful as the simple reality of the world was to me that day. I was in awe at the beauty of reality, now that I was able to see the beauty of reality.

This is what is referred to as enlightenment. This is how the world really is, but we do not allow ourselves to see the beauty of reality. We are too busy looking for artificial beauty. This is what we have to achieve before we can move on, we have to learn to see the beauty of the world.

I lay on the beach for a while. I could see each individual grain of sand, and I could hear every sound of nature. After a while I went back into the ocean to wash the sand off, and then I sat on a rock to dry before getting dressed and continuing on my way.

As I walked, I allowed my mind to wonder. Twice I decided on a course of action that I would take, and both times as I made my decision, I encountered a brown snake.

My journey became difficult. My legs ached, my blistered feet were stinging, and I wanted to lie down and go to sleep. I reached another crossroads, and I longed to take the short route back to my room, but I did not take the short route. I took the long route, and my journey immediately became easier.

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I continued my walk, concentrating on nothing in particular and seeing everything. Insects flew past and I could see each movement of their wings. After some time the going became difficult again, my legs were aching more than ever, and both feet stung every time I put them down. I reached another crossroad which would add more than two kilometres to my journey. Adding another two kilometres to my journey was the last thing that I wanted to do, but I knew I would take the long route, and again my journey became easier.

I continued putting one foot in front of the other, and I eventually arrived back at my room. I had walked 15 kilometres that day and I was absolutely exhausted. I went to the gym and had a massage, before a light dinner and a bath. I fell into bed and slept.

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I awoke early on day six. I found peace in the sunrise despite battling doubts, and thoughts of my problems. I started my walk early, and my walk was difficult from start to finish. My legs ached, and my blistered feet stung with every step. Not long after I started my walk, I encountered another brown snake and I knew that day would be about endurance, both physical and mental.

I walked on. I was fighting physical pain and negative thoughts, but I kept on going. I walked more than 17 kilometres that day. As I neared the end of my journey, I encountered my last brown snake, but this time the brown snake was beside me, not on my path.

We stood still and looked at each other for a while. The brown snake told me that he conceded this round, and that I had won. The brown snake also told me not to get too cocky about my victory, because there was more to come. Then the brown snake smiled at me, and slithered away.

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That afternoon I should have been at peace, but I was not at peace. I continued to battle negative thoughts. I felt that there was something that I needed to know. I went to the beach for a few hours to reflect.

Finally, I understood that the love that I felt for Marie had come from another lifetime, which was something that I had suspected. I needed to have a past life regression, because there was something I needed to know.

I knew that my time on the island was almost finished, and that I would soon leave.

I understood a little more about the role that I was being instructed to take. I would be a teacher, but I would not be required to seek people to teach. People would seek me when they were ready to learn.

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On my seventh day on the island, I sat on the balcony and watched the sun rise over the island. My belief was locked within my soul, but my mind remained full of doubts.

The insights which I was being given were slowly taking a more spiritual direction. That morning, more of life was explained to me.

We are here to learn, and what we fail to learn in one lifetime we carry with us as an additional burden into the next lifetime. Regardless of how many lifetimes it takes, we need to learn how to live with our souls, before we are able to transcend to the higher plane of existence.

Souls are created in two parts which is why we need to find our soulmate. Before we can transcend our soul has to rejoin, because the only way that we can enter the next level of existence, is as a complete soul.

The underlying principles of most recognised religions are the same, but the truth has been distorted through centuries of influence by people who did not live with their souls, and who used religion to fuel their fragile egos. Many have distorted the truth for their own ends.

There is a time limit for us to learn, and from the perspective of the universe there is little time left. Those who have not learned to live with their souls, will remain on the earth plane of existence.

This is a key lifetime and people are becoming ready to relearn the truth. A greater number of teachers have been sent among us in this lifetime, to show those who are ready the way.

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I sat in the sun for a while, and marvelled at the beauty of the world which grew each day. I wondered if people would notice the difference in me. This was to prove to be one of the biggest mistakes, that I would make.

I tried to imagine what the next plane of existence would be like, but I could not.

I still had some doubts to overcome. I needed to learn how to let things happen, and I needed to stop trying to second guess destiny. I was looking for confirmation from somebody else that I was becoming enlightened, which I realise was a nonsense.

I believed that Marie was my soulmate, and I wanted to become complete. I thought that I was living with my soul, but I was not. I knew I needed to live with my soul, but I did not know how to live with my soul.

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On the way to the gym that morning, I walked through an area of dense vegetation as I did every day. I realised what it was that I had sensed each time that I had passed through that area of dense vegetation. I had sensed the power of the earth, being conducted by the vegetation.

We are able to draw strength from the earth through conductors such as plant life. We draw strength from the earth through our souls. Everything that we need to live with our soul has been provided for us, and we need to learn how to draw strength from the world around us.

In the sauna that morning, I could feel each individual pore on my body opening up one by one. I knew that I was experiencing an awareness gained by enlightenment.

I learned to know the difference between my instinct, and my soul. I understood exactly how the instinct worked and why. Our instinct, the sword, remains sheathed, and is only drawn when our soul needs protection. When we live with our souls, our instinct is only required fleetingly, but when we live with our minds, our instinct is always trying to protect our souls, usually to no avail.

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Despite all I had experienced, despite all I had been told, I still doubted. I needed to remind myself that what I was experiencing was really happening, and not in my imagination. I had lived the previous few days, and my conscious mind could not change what I had experienced, even though my conscious mind tried.

I understood that I had always been able to see and touch people's souls. I had often been able to see people clearer than they saw themselves, which is why I have been able to give people the courage to believe in themselves. I knew that my ability scared people. My ability also scared me, which is why I had seldom let my ability out, and why I mostly kept my ability buried.

I realised that I was awakening quicker than I could really handle, but I thought I would be able to handle my rapid awakening anyway.

I recognised a pattern which would repeat itself over and over. I would overcome my doubts and stop fighting what was occurring, and then I would become impatient and try to force the pace of my journey to move faster.

I sat on the beach, and I marvelled at the beauty of a falling star.

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I would return to Sydney the following day. I was unsure what was going to happen next, and I desperately wanted to know what was going to happen next.

When I awoke the next morning, my problems were on my mind and I was full of doubts. I had breakfast on the balcony, and I soaked in the beauty of the island one last time. I knew that it was only my mind that doubted, and that deep within my soul, I believed. I was still being given insights. I realised that my mind needed to be clear for me to accept the insights that I was given.

I would only be in Sydney for a day and half, and I knew that if I was meant to have a past life regression, the hypnotherapist would be available during this time. I was also drawn to communicate with my spirit guides, and I took the same approach with the clairvoyant. They were both available on the same day, and I would see one, and then the other. I did not know what I needed to learn, but I knew that there was something that I needed to know.

I sat on the sundeck of the boat, and I enjoyed the beauty of the surrounding islands. The only doubts I had were in my mind, within my soul I felt a deep inner calm.

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I knew the only way I could fulfil my destiny, was to win the battle within my mind. I did not know how long the battle would take.

I flew into Sydney for what was probably the thousandth time in my life. I had always seen Sydney as a remarkably beautiful city, but the beauty I saw that day was awesome. I saw every detail, every color, and every shade. I saw the real beauty of the city.

When I arrived home I headed to the beach. I had always found clarity and peace at the beach, but I had not known why. That day I knew why I found clarity and peace at the beach.

Wherever the ocean meets land there is a power transfer. The ocean transfers the power it produces from tidal influences to the land. We are able to tap into and receive this power.

Some beaches only produce power, but other beaches also produce peace and tranquillity. As with plant life, beaches are a source of strength which we are able to draw from.

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I strolled along the beach which I had been to many times, and had come to refer to as 'my' beach. I found the place of power, and the place of peace on my beach. They were places that I had been drawn to many times in the past, but I had not understood why.

I became aware that I could tell the difference between information which I drew from my soul, and my imagination. Identifying information which I gained from my spirit guides was easy, because I felt my spirit guides' presence.

I would head south for a few days, and go where my instinct directed me.

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The next morning I drove to southern Sydney where I would spend the following two days. I discovered that I could feel myself drawing power from crystals. I had used crystals for years, but only now could I feel the power transfer.

As with the ocean and plant life, crystals are a natural resource provided so we can draw energy. Crystals are a natural source of energy and each crystal retains a different form of positive energy. There is nothing magical about crystals, crystals are simply conductors of energy.

I walked nine kilometres along the beach that day. I could feel the awesome power of this beach, not the calm, understated power of my beach, but raw power. I sat on the beach for a while, and I looked at the majestic beauty around me. I hoped that I never lost the sense of awe which I now felt at the true beauty of reality.

When I returned to my room I could feel power radiating from my hands. I felt alive with positive energy.

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That night I walked another nine kilometres along that beach, drawing in the raw power, and enjoying peace. I watched another falling star. Whilst I was walking along the beach that night, I encountered a spirit, not one of my spirit guides, but a lone spirit. I supposed that encountering such spirits was something I would need to become used to.

The next morning, I went for a walk along the beach to gain strength for what I anticipated would be an interesting day. I was not apprehensive I was curious.

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I spoke with two spirit guides through the clairvoyant. The first spirit guide was a Scotsman who described himself as my shepherd. The Scotsman said that I had strayed from my correct path 20 years earlier, and I had only now found my way back to my spiritual path. He continually emphasised that I needed to stop fighting, but he also warned me against trying too hard. I needed to allow my path to guide me, and flow with my path, which would require me to do a lot of travelling and exploring.

The Scotsman told me that I would know when I had found my soulmate, because I would see the laughter behind her eyes.

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Nothing could have prepared me for the second spirit guide with whom I spoke that day. The second spirit guide was my daughter, Amanda who relayed aspects of myself, that I have never revealed to another soul. She recited my age when every major crisis in my life had occurred. I was dumbstruck I had not expected this.

Amanda told me that her brother Craig was angry, and blamed himself for my marriage break up. I needed to forgive Craig, even though my marriage break up had not been Craig's fault. I should take him fishing. Amanda's insight amazed me, Craig had been trying to get me to take him fishing for years.

Amanda pointed out that I was not happy, even though I pretended that I was happy. She observed that I had been very lonely, and that I needed to laugh more

Amanda explained that it hurt her when I was upset, she was with me because I needed her, and she would always be with me. She said that I should not worry, because I would have a loving relationship.

I would have liked to have found a way to convince myself that the experience was some sort of sham, but I could not. Amanda (or the clairvoyant through whom she spoke) knew too much about me, and she was far too accurate for the experience to be anything other than what the experience was.

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Even the shock of talking with Amanda did not prepare me for what I was to learn when I regressed into another life, and another time.

The early nineteenth century, somewhere in England. A young stable boy, who is nineteen, is in love with the lady who lives in the big house. She is eighteen. They had grown up together, and they had been friends all their lives. She had just told him that she was going to marry another man. She explained that her father would never allow her to marry the stable boy, and that she had to marry someone from her own status in life.

Later that night a young kitchen maid, the stable boy's sister, found him in the stables. He had hung himself.

I felt his pain. I felt his emotional distress. I was that stable boy. Marie was the lady of the house, and Sally was my sister. This short regression explained much.

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I drove south in emotional shock. I had not expected what I had experienced. I tried to doubt my experience but I could not, my experience was very real. I felt that I had been released, and I felt a strange kind of peace.

The next day I was restless. I believed that I had finished honing my sword and that I should now start to apply the polish to my sword. I felt at peace in my soul, but I also felt sad. The loss of my world was on my mind far too often.

I spent most of the day drifting. I walked a lot. I found that I could go to any beach and instinctively know the place that contained the most power and the place of peace and tranquillity.

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That night, I sat on the beach and I watched a distant thunderstorm over the ocean. As the storm grew in intensity, I could see and feel the energy being transferred from the ocean to the earth grow with the intensity of the storm. I continued to see the beauty of everything around me.

The earth’s energy is trapped in the atmosphere, and returned to the earth through storms and wind. Our weather pattern is a natural recycling process for the earth’s energy.

The next morning and throughout the day, I could feel myself being pulled towards Marie. I wanted nothing more than to go to Marie, but my instinct told me to keep away from her.I was attempting to deal with events which would occur in the future, something I needed to stop doing. I needed to live only for today.

I walked for a long time, before I sat looking over a bay, enjoying the beauty and majesty of the world.

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I reflected on the four spirit guides who I had been able to identify so far. I understood the roles which each of my spirit guides performed, and that my spirit guides would be there when I needed them.

We are all provided with the resources that we need to complete our journey. The resources which are provided take many different forms, and are often totally unexpected. We only need to continue our journey, and be content in the knowledge that the resources that we need will be made available when we need them.

I drove through a rainforest area and I drew strength from the immense power of the dense vegetation all around me. I realised that I had always felt the energy of powerful places. In fact, I had avoided powerful places, because the energy had intimidated me. I now sought powerful places out, to draw on the energy.

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Later that day, I became depressed. I knew that I remained concerned about the opinions of others, even though I knew that other’s opinions meant nothing.

I started looking for answers, but I was looking for answers that I already had. That I had the answers, did not stop me looking, and looking in the wrong places.

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