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Searching for My Soul
Book One Searching for My Soul
A Few More Steps.

I was ready to take a few more steps across the bridge to my soul.

Rose had made the observation that Craig’s anger was diminishing. There were still moments when he retained his anger, but the key that Amanda had given me was releasing him from his anger.

Rose mentioned that she was not sure that she believed what I had told her about my experiences, but she did believe that I believed my experiences. This was an interesting observation. I may have accepted my experiences, but I still doubted that what I had experienced was possible. I continued questioning my experiences, and it was my doubts and constant questions which were, for me, confirming my sanity.

My conscious mind was now in its death throws. I was occasionally hit by my conscious mind’s remaining reflexes, but that was all that I experienced and I deflected them almost immediately.

I thought that once my conscious mind’s reflexes were finished, the job would be done and my conscious mind would be removed, but as usual I was wrong. I was jumping to conclusions when I did not have all the facts.

It was to be a day when I would receive a little confirmation. I saw Marie. I felt exactly as I should. I felt the love from our bond and I recognised it for what it was. I also saw Joe that day. He confirmed that he was feeling stronger and more positive each day. He was finding his way back onto his correct path.

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Sally telephoned, her problems were not improving. My conscious mind had another reflex, telling me I needed to do something, but I knew that I was not meant to do anything. I spent most of the morning deflecting reflexes from my conscious mind.

Suddenly, two events from the previous 24 hours, both of which had been developing for some time, came together and the power of the lightning bolt they caused staggered me. Sometimes I need the intense light of a lightening bolt, to see what is in front of my nose.

From Rose’s perspective our relationship was finally transforming because for the first time, I had not interfered with Rose’s experiences, regardless of how difficult her experiences were.

Time and time again since our marriage dissolved we had been drawn back together, and each time I would feel Rose’s feelings growing. I would step in and say something, or do something which would stop the flow because I was scared that Rose would be hurt again. However, all I was doing was temporarily blocking the natural flow of events. We would move apart, but we then would then drift together again, and the process would be repeated.

This time I had allowed events to flow and this time they had followed their natural course to the relationship which we were now developing. Notwithstanding this development, I was not fully aware of the circles that form our existence at this point in time.

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The love between bonded souls, which does not mean soulmates, or a life partner, or a learning partner, is meant to be exactly what it is. The love between bonded souls is exactly what Sally and I shared, because there were no negative emotions to interfere with the love between us. We had the exact bonded love relationship which we were meant to have.

The love between bonded souls was the point that I was missing in respect of Marie. I had understood that our love was real and much stronger than the love of friends, but I had not understood that our love as lifetime partners belonged to another lifetime. My feelings for Marie had surfaced to enable my karmic circle to be closed.

The issue of bonded love had been tangled within itself from a number of perspectives, and even after I had untangled the issue of bonded love, I could not see the real issue until my conscious mind stopped blocking my vision.

I also knew that I was doing to Nancy, what I had done to Rose. Stopping Nancy’s flow because of my genuine, but misguided concern about causing hurt. It was very important that I allowed Nancy to flow, but I did not understand this at the time.

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There are only two types of pure love and both are positive. One type of pure love is the love for everyone and everything which radiates from within us when we stop blocking it with our negative emotions. The other type of pure love is the special love that we feel for our bonded souls. The love between soulmates is beyond love.

Love between bonded souls becomes confused and mixed with negative emotions when we are drawn together to learn in a given lifetime, or a number of lifetimes. It is this mixture which leads to negative love, and nature’s love in all of their various forms and connotations.

I had been told on the island that this was my final lifetime before I moved on. This is why the love between myself and my bonded souls needed to complete the circle and return to the positive and pure love which it really is. This was another reason why so many of my bonded souls were in my life at this time.

I felt myself being pulled to the spirit plane, but I had some things to do before I could shut down what remained of my conscious mind. As I was finally preparing to go to the spirit plane, I felt my arm grabbed and I was pulled onto the spirit plane.

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When I returned, the first thing that happened was that my conscious mind had a sharp reflex action, trying to give me another explanation for what I had experienced throughout my journey.

Sometimes when the drops of water are deposited, one or more of them land in a puddle, while the rest of the drops land in a nearby river. After existing in the puddle for a while, one drop of water is evaporated and redeposited in the river near the same group of drops of water that it has been with since the beginning. Another drop of water does not get evaporated, but finds its way to the river along the ground.

Both drops of water existed in the puddle and both drops of water exist in the river. One drop of water is the same drop of water from the puddle, one drop of water is a different drop of water from the puddle, but both drops of water were in the puddle, and now both drops of water are in the river.

After rejoining the other drops of their group in the river, the drops of water are again evaporated and deposited together. In that time span, some drops of water have existed twice and other drops of water have only existed once.

When the drops of water are deposited as rain, they are pure and their connection to each other is pure, because the drops of water had left the dirt behind when they were evaporated. However, after being deposited, dirt and other debris soon attach themselves to the drops of water, and the connection between them is no longer pure.

Sometimes, when deposited in different places, the drops of water travel separately before their paths converge, and they travel together for a time until their joint path reaches a fork. Then the drops of water drift apart down different paths which may or may not converge with another path, and another one of the drops of water, for a part or for the rest of their journey. After being on separate paths again for a while, the drops of water may find that their paths again converge and again they travel together.

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At this time I was living with my soul 90% of the time. When I was not living with my soul, I was experiencing a reflex action from my dying conscious mind. I needed to flow with the 90% of the time when I was living with my soul. If I worried about the 10% when I was not living with my soul, I would feed my conscious mind.

I considered the process that I had followed, and all that I had learned so far on my journey. I saw that I had followed a logical process and that everything fit together logically.

Do four butterflies gliding around a meadow of flowers know that they were the same four caterpillars that lived together on a single branch? If the four butterflies do not know that they were the same four caterpillars, does it mean that the four butterflies were not once four caterpillars that lived together on a branch?

When the four caterpillars lived together on the branch could any of the four have conceived that they would one day be four butterflies gliding around a beautiful meadow, or even that the meadow existed?

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As I took a few more steps across the bridge to my soul, I learned that animals also reincarnated. Hercules the kitten had once been a kitten named Sooty who I had owned many years ago. Sooty had died a few weeks before Amanda. I had recognised Hercules as Sooty immediately, but I had trouble accepting that animals could also reincarnate. As usual, my conscious mind had been in the way.

Enlightened souls sometimes come back as animals to watch over us. Animals are often referred to as dumb because they do not have conscious minds. Animals flow with their instincts. We judge ourselves as superior to animals because we have a conscious mind, which is yet another thing that we have wrong.

We need to discard our conscious mind and flow with our instinct and our accumulated knowledge, just like animals do. The Native Americans knew this, which is why many Native American spirit guides were in the form of animals.

Aggressive and wild animals are here to teach us, as are domestic and placid animals. Animals have no concept of death because animals do not die. Animals know that they are only in a physical form to perform a task or to experience something, and then they take their spiritual form again.

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With each step across the bridge to my soul, I saw more of the truth, and I saw how truth fitted together. I did not understand that in reality I saw very little of the truth at this point.

We are given short incarnations in animal form prior to gaining enlightenment so that we can experience and learn how to flow with our instinct.

I was able to relax and watch a movie with Nancy. However, as soon as I returned home my relaxation time was over.

For some time, I had been drawn to a very simple existence, perhaps in a cabin by a stream or an ocean. However, I have responsibilities and I knew that a very simple existence would not be. In fact, without my financial commitments and family responsibilities, there is no doubt that I would have found a simple existence already. Living a simple existence was often all that I wanted to do. I knew that I would not live a simple existence in this lifetime, I had already experienced a simple existence as a Native American.

How could I live in a cabin or a cave and have people receive my message, when most people could not conceive of living in a cave, or they had responsibilities which prevented them from living in a cabin even if they wanted to.

My destiny had ensured that my message would be delivered from within ‘the system’ not from outside ‘the system’. Experience has shown that people within ‘the system’ cannot really relate to people who exist outside of ‘the system’.

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I could not have been more inside ‘the system’ than I was, a middle aged, middle class with a lower class background, ordinary man. In short, I was exactly like the majority. It was extremely important that I remained an ordinary man, so that we would always be us, which is what we are. This was to be a far more important issue than I realised at this time.

I reflected on all of the things that I had seen and had been shown that I did not know existed, and yet I had not been shown anything that I did not know existed.

We are given our conscious mind to allow freedom of choice which is the only way that we can learn. Our conscious mind creates an illusion that we are superior because we have a conscious mind, and yet our ultimate lesson is that our conscious mind stops our advancement, and our ultimate choice is to discard our conscious mind. I continued to experience reflex reactions from my conscious mind.

I understood that it was important that I was, what would be considered, ‘an unlikely candidate’. If I lived a simple existence many would think ‘that sounds nice for him, but….’

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We need to understand that we can gain enlightenment from within the system. We do not need to live a simple existence to gain enlightenment. As we become closer to gaining enlightenment we will want a simple existence, but we must learn this and experience this naturally and for ourselves. We do not need to have a simple existence, before we can start gaining enlightenment. In fact, even the most complicated existence will become simple as we gain enlightenment.

I started the following day with a slight reflex action from my conscious mind.

The night before when I had crossed onto the spirit plane, two souls had visited me. The first soul was Rose who confirmed I had provided the key to her awareness.

I did not understand the true nature of awareness at that time. I did not understand that awareness could be awareness of a single point. I did not understand that a key could be delivered to allow a single point of awareness to surface, or that many keys were required to gain full awareness. I did know that a key to awareness would not be accepted by a soul until that soul was ready to become aware, but I had not placed my knowledge in context.

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I had not expected the second soul who visited me on the spirit plane, but perhaps I should have. It was Marie. She rested her hands on my shoulders and her head was under my chin. Marie’s soul acknowledged our full circle within the spirit plane. It was a powerful contact and I could still feel Marie’s hands on my shoulders and her head resting against me when I returned to the earth plane.

As with awareness, I did not fully understand soul contact either. I did not really understand that souls existed on different levels. Nor did I understand that events which occurred on the spirit plane did not necessarily have any influence on our earth plane existence.

That morning I thought that I had all of the major pieces of the puzzle, and that my transition was nearly complete. I knew the next phase of the process would be tying up loose ends and filling in gaps as I continued across the bridge to my soul. I thought that I had nearly done all that I needed to do.

I had no conscious idea of what was to come, or that crossing the bridge to my soul would be the beginning and not the end as I supposed.

Nor did I understand the true nature of the puzzle, or that the pieces of the puzzle that I was locating were only the surface of what would be a multi-dimensional puzzle. In fact, I would not understand the true nature of the puzzle until I was able to begin to put the complete puzzle together. Between this point and the point where I could begin to put the puzzle together, I had much more to experience and much more to become aware of. Much, much more than I could imagine at this time.

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