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Searching for My Soul
Book Three Understanding My Destiny

The Beginning of the End.

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I was nearing the end of my circle and as such I had found the beginning. What I did not understand was that I was only nearing the end of my circle in respect of the lower plane, and that I had very much more to experience and very much more awareness to release.

I knew that there were many parts of the circle in between the beginning, and the end which I did not remember. However, I knew that I would draw on all that I needed as I fulfilled my destiny, and that all that remained would return to my awareness as I ascended, after I completed this lifetime.

Having reached the beginning of the end of my circle, by definition I had also reached the end of the beginning of my circle. I had no idea what this meant, but I was to find out.

It had been a very intense week, and I was extremely tired. More than anything I needed rest.

I was discussing some personal issues with God. As God answered my questions, I immediately started asking for more specific information.

God said, "Do you see how you involve yourself in details? This is why you do not know things. Allow everything to be. This is a subtle reminder."

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I asked God how Searching For My Soul was progressing.

"I am in control. I will protect your interest, and mine."

"Don't people really control their own lives?"

"Yes, but I know what each will do. I knew what you would do each step of the way, and so did you, but you needed to experience each step for yourself. You needed to make your choices, but I knew what choices you would make. Has everything not been as I told you everything would be?"

God told me more that was to be and I questioned, but God said, "Do not doubt."

I considered some possible scenarios and then I said, "It does not much matter."

"No, it does not matter, everything is as everything should be."

I was sitting quietly, waiting for a telephone call or two. I thought; 'It does not matter if I receive the telephone calls or not.'

"You are right. It does not matter."

I spoke with my soulmate, who told me that she loved me for the first time. My soulmate said she would meet me in Paris in the middle of May. Apparently, the middle of May was the only time that my soulmate could travel due to local difficulties. It certainly seemed to explain a date which I had been given nearly twelve months earlier. I had no concept at that point what the true meaning of the date was, and I would attempt to make the date fit what was occurring at that time. In fact, it would be more than a year from this time before I would understand the true meaning of the date. I knew that if I was meant to meet my soulmate, God would find a way.

I said, "God make this possible, if not for me then for my soulmate."

God responded, "You know that I will, be patient. Understand that we are together, as I am together with all souls. Souls form each drop that is the ocean, and I am the ocean which souls form."

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I was discussing many things with God. I was in constant contact and I asked many questions about what was happening in my life. God always answered, although sometimes the answer was not specific. I saw no reason to record all of these minor conversations.

"Remember, you cannot take another's artificial reality, another's illusions from them. Their illusion is real to them, and all that they have. You must allow all to experience what they need to experience, for themselves."

I was reviewing my notes. Many times I thought; 'I should have listened'.

"Perhaps, but if you had listened, you would not have experienced, and you must experience. Do not concern yourself with how you will conduct yourself as a result of your new awareness. If you attempt to conduct yourself this way, or that way you will be mistaken. Allow everything to be as everything is. Accept and allow, is all that you must do.

"Do not think that you will not have ills of your physical body, you will. It is part of the physical existence. You will have nothing major to contend with during this lifetime. Review how the masters have conducted themselves. The masters were aware, and aware is all the masters need to be. Aware is all you need to be, and aware is all that any need to be."

I was concerned that I should be pushing myself to type my notes and finish Seeking The Knowledge Within.

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"Do not push yourself. Have I said that there was any hurry? Remember, I am with you always now. More precisely, you are aware of me always now. Discuss all things with me, and listen to what I say. Remember that what I say, you also say to yourself. I am within you. I am a part of you. By communicating with me, you also communicate with yourself. If you choose not to listen, you will experience what will happen if you do not listen, but your experiences will not be hard. You have already endured, the hard experiences."

God told me a few things which I needed to do in respect of my business, and God said, "Your work within the business is nearly finished, events will run their course. Do you see how your work within the business was different than what you thought? Do you see that your work within the business was really my work? Have I ever said that you will step out of your old world by one means alone? Why could you not step out of your old world, by a number of means?"

"Will I step out of my old world by a number of means?"

"I cannot say, you know why."

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I wondered how upcoming events would sort themselves out, and if there would be enough time. Despite God's advice to me, this would be a question which I would contemplate many, many times before my journey was over.

"Why would you concern yourself with this? When has there not been enough time, even though you often thought that there was not enough time. Consider the task which you could not do for four months, and now you have completed the task in 45 minutes. Do you think that the timing of this task was by chance?

"Do not read too much into these comments, do not rely on these comments for the final solution to you difficulties, or any part thereof. It may be and it may not be. It is of no relevance. Do what I council and no more.

"If I council not to worry, and you worry then you are doing more than I council. I have told you not to worry, and soon you will see that you should not have worried. Soon you will see that your worries have achieved nothing, and that your worries have changed nothing. Do not concern yourself with this. Will this not be an example to others whom I tell not to worry? Is not your role one of example?

"I tell you, you will have all that you have imagined and so much more. You will have your peace, and you will have your joy so that you can continue my work. Remember, if you discontinue my work because my work becomes too hard, or if you feel you are above my work, you will lose all. Remember this, but have no fear, it will not happen."

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God told me what I was to do in the next three or four days, and sometimes what the result would be.

God told me what bills to pay, and what bills to hold. God addressed some of my concerns. God assured me that I would not be asked for more than I had, and that I would have all that I needed, before I went away.

"You will go away, when you think you will go away."

I suggested I should make the arrangements.

"Make no commitment yet, you will have time to make arrangements."

"Why not make the arrangements now?"

"Would you be satisfied with 'I told you so'. No, I knew you that would not. If you make arrangements prior to having resources, you would worry about not having resources."

Which was true, despite everything that I had experienced.

God then told me some things that I would do, and how events would transpire in respect of the business. God also told me to contact Sally, Nancy and my mother, and what I should say and do.

I began to become concerned that I was not in control of my life.

"You are in control of your life. You are in control by way of your higher self, which by my definition is also me."

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God confirmed that all would come together through a combination of means, and that these means would provide the resources that I needed to live until it was time for my books to be published. Despite what God told me, I had no concept of what I would experience, or precisely how I would be provided for.

"When it is time, I will lead many to my words which are your words. I am within all, and I wish for all to hear my words. Have no fear. Some things have already occurred, although they are not yet known. You will hear when it is time. Do nothing, there is nothing to do."

Anne rang. The circumstances of Anne's life seemed to be coming together, unexpectedly and from a direction which she had not anticipated.

"Anne is now acquiring the resources to follow her desires. Anne will acquire the resources that she needs, and Anne will move away, but Anne will always be a part of your life."

God continued to explain how events would progress for many people within my life. God gave me some specifics, and God explained that there would be sufficient time to do all that needed to be done.

"You have much to do, before you go away."

I was amazed that I was in constant communication with God. Despite all that I had experienced, I wondered how I could be in constant communication with God.

"I am addressing your concerns now that I know that you will not act upon what I tell you, other that what I tell you to do. You did not appreciate when you were told just yesterday that you had been fully opened. Have no fear, you know that what you experience, and what I tell you is real."

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I was concerned about all that I had to do. I asked, "Will you remind me, if I forget something?"

"Of that you can be assured. Do not be concerned with what you are feeling. You cannot adjust overnight. Allow everything to be, and you will adjust.

"Remember, do not act on your feelings. Your feelings are echoes from the past. Act only on my words, because my words are the words of your inner self. The echoes from the past will diminish as distance takes the past further away. As time passes, and all things come into being, the echoes from the past will be pushed away.

"Nancy has stood by you at much pain to herself. You tried to remove Nancy's pain, but you could not. Standing by you was both Nancy's destiny, and Nancy's choice, which is why Nancy will be rewarded.

"Marie's purpose in your life is now complete. Your paths will cross again in the future, as you have foreseen."

Later, when I attended my office, I addressed some new issues, and two tasks were taken from me.

God said, "See how things sort themselves out?"

I had coffee with Joe. I had a message to pass on to Joe. As I delivered the message, I knew that it was not me who was talking.

As I looked at those around me, I could see into their souls, and I knew much about them. I wondered at the fear and negativity that I saw, and I wondered how there could be so much fear within people.

God said, "Fear motivates all, can you not see fear around you wherever you look? Do not be concerned, fear is the way of things. Understand, that is all."

A fleeting feeling of fear washed over me.

"The feeling is but an echo, ignore these echoes."

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That morning, I had mostly done everything exactly as God had asked me, but in one instance I had thought that I knew better. I soon saw that what I wanted did not occur, and a little later I saw exactly why I should have followed God's advice.

"You see, a subtle reminder, no hard experience. Why do you always rush? When in your experience has anything occurred faster because you rush? Slow down, take full stock of all that is around you."

We then discussed some aspects of people's lives, what, why etc. God explained much to me, and I saw what would occur with clarity and understanding.

I checked my messages, but there were no messages. I said, "You did not say there would be no messages."

"You did not ask. I know that the delays are frustrating, but the delays are necessary. When it is time, all barriers will be removed."

I was playing a simple card game on my computer. I asked for the outcome, which God provided, but the card game finished differently.

God said immediately, "I cannot be used like that. Only for good, not for gain."

From time to time I struggled with what was occurring in my life.

"Relax and adjust. Adjustment will take time."

I was very tired.

"Your vibrational rate tires you even when you sleep. You will adjust to your increased vibrational rate. You are amazed at what will happen, but you do not really know what you have achieved."

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I spent several hours discussing various aspects of what I was to do, and how various people had fitted within my future. I was shown examples of how our existence really works.

During our discussions God said, "You need to slow down, look around you, see everything. The enlightenment which you gained on the island has returned."

I asked for clarification in respect of the message, the warning about my soulmate.

"I planted that seed. The timing of you receiving that message was not a coincidence. The message was a test. A warning that paralleled your fears, when you were so close to realising your destiny. It was important that the warning came from an outside source. You needed to overcome your fears. You needed to recognise the test, for what it was. I also caused Sally to ring you with clues, and to lead you to the answers if you followed your instinct."

At times, I struggled with all that had occurred, and with what I was supposed to do. I wondered if I was just some crackpot claiming to be something that I am not.

"Consider all that you have heard about religious crackpots and the like. Have you been asked to harm anyone? Have you been asked to carry out any judgement or punishment? Have you been asked to destroy evil? Have you been asked to establish a cult and take everything from your followers? The answer is no, for none of these things are my work.

"All that you have been asked to do is to explain. All that you have been told is love. All that you have warned is consequences for choices. You have not laid down rules. You have not claimed to have any ability that all cannot have, if they allow their abilities to surface. All you have done is to tell people to look within. Can you tell me any harm that can befall people by what you have said?

"Consider the abilities which you have awakened. Have you not been told that your abilities cannot be used for selfish personal gain, or to do harm? Surely you only have your abilities so that you will know what is required. Surely all that your abilities can do, is ensure that your efforts will not be misguided.

"Why is being an insurance man any different from being a carpenter? Does it matter what you did prior to my work? Tell me one thing that you have been asked to do that would harm others. Be at peace, relax."

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I asked God what I should be doing at that moment.

"Do nothing, rest."

I was given a message to deliver to Sue, and another message to deliver to Rose.

"Delivering such messages will form a part of your role, you know this. You must only pass on exactly what I give you. You must not attempt to interpret or help others interpret a message. Any who receive a message must understand the meaning of the message from within.

"Those who have chosen to assist you, have chosen to assist you at a cost to themselves, because they were given a choice to overcome some personal barrier. They are now given the opportunity to overcome their personal barrier, which is different for all.

"Do not underestimate the events which have been destined and foreseen for thousands of years. I knew the choices that each would make, which is how all were brought together, without impacting individual choices or destinies. I must withhold future choices of others from you, until you have fully understood the need not to interfere. I have revealed some knowledge of the future choices of others, because you are close to understanding the need not to interfere.

"Some chose not to assist you when given the opportunity, you know who these are. They were not destined to assist you. They were only destined to be given the opportunity to assist you. You understand this, and you understand that some who are given future choices will choose once again, to experience difficulties.

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"Understand that there is nothing that you have not experienced in your existence. You have killed and been killed. You have taken life and have saved life. You have loved and you have hated. You have been wealthy and you have been destitute. You have been spiritual and you have been utterly depraved. You have been a man and you have been a woman. You have been caught between the two. You have been a father and a mother. You have been a friend and an enemy. You have been a writer, an artist, a creator. You have been a soldier and destroyer. You have been all things, you have done all things. You have existed on Other Worlds. You have been many animals, birds and fish. You can draw on any, and all of these memories, which you do sometimes, but you push your memories away. Recall now what it was like to be the eagle, that you once were."

I soared high above the earth. I felt that there was nothing that I could not see or enjoy. The majesty of all before me was awesome, and I felt the exhilaration of sailing on the wind. I felt an incredible power. The power of the eagle, the power over all before me.

"What you have yet to experience is the fulfilment of your spiritual destiny. From the moment of your creation, this was to be your final experience, and your final experience was to come at this time. Your spiritual destiny is not because I ordained your spiritual destiny to be so. Your spiritual destiny is because I knew the choices which you would make. The choices that you yourself made, the choices that have led you to experience all things.

"Now you have chosen to place yourself in my hands, and by placing yourself in my hands, you are placing yourself in your own hands. The you that is your higher self."

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I was now being told exactly what to do each day, many little day to day things. I knew that I was doing whatever was necessary at any given moment, although I did not necessarily understand why. I attended to some tasks which I had delayed attending to for many months, and as I attended to the tasks, they led me to some answers to questions which had remained unanswered for some time. I understood why I had delayed attending to the tasks previously.

I did know that much of what I was doing at that time was solely for experience. By experiencing putting myself in God's hands on a small every day scale, I would be ready to put myself in God's hands, on a larger scale.

God said, "You have understood correctly. Do you think that you are ready for your final experience, at a time when many are seeking the truth, by coincidence? It is because you were destined to be ready for your final experience at this time that you were chosen, which is why you were chosen. I knew one would be ready to bring all truth together, and I knew that you would be the one, because I knew what your choices would be. This is why you were chosen, from the moment of your creation."

God explained many aspects of my life to me, and how many unrelated events fitted together. I asked if I should pass the information on.

"This information is for your understanding. This information is personal and if this information was passed to others, the information would affect the circumstances in their lives.

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"Consider some events of your life. The events of your life occurred for a reason. Consider many years ago when one tried to harm you. You knew what was necessary, and yet you could not do what was necessary, because I blocked your efforts. You knew that you were right, and not being able to do what was necessary, caused you frustration. You were offered selfish solutions to the problem, but you did not accept the selfish solutions to the problem. Throughout all of the experience, you did not lose your compassion, you even felt an underlying love for that person.

"Some described you as 'too soft', because you retained compassion and understanding. Others described you as 'unfeeling and cold' because you made hard decisions. Do you not see that you were strong? To make hard decisions which are necessary, despite the compassion which you felt, and the pain which you drew upon yourself is strength of character, learned throughout your existence.

"Understand that all make choices, all create the environment around themselves to make their choices. I know all that is to be faced, and I know all choices that will be experienced, so I bring those together whose choices and experiences will provide benefit for the two or for all. Do you see how this works? I do not interfere with experiences or choices of individuals, but I bring individuals together so that maximum benefit from the chosen experience is achieved."

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Despite all that God had said, I retained my lingering doubts.

"Do not be concerned. Your doubts are the echoes, the shadows. You will have no more hard experiences. What you now experience is the humility of a master. Without the humility of a master, you will proclaim yourself a Messiah, which you are not. You are a teacher. You will become a master. You have experienced all that is necessary for the role which you have chosen, and your experiences have shown you humility. It is this humility which you experience now.

"You have always had a quiet confidence which comes from experience. The confidence to do and state things as they are. Your confidence is not the arrogance supposed by some. Your confidence is a confidence so deep, and so quiet that most cannot understand your confidence. They do not understand that you do not seek their approval, because you have no need for their approval, so they decide that you must be labelled arrogant.

"You may think that not seeking the approval of others conflicts with your character, but not seeking the approval of others does not conflict with your character. Do you not understand that your chosen character was to provide you with experience in this lifetime that could be used to demonstrate and show you the truth, to prepare you for this moment. You sought approval, but acted on your instinct regardless of approval, because you knew that you did not need approval. This is what you chose to experience.

"Consider the events of your life, consider all who have entered, left, and sometimes re-entered your life. Can you not see how what I have described works? Can you not see how everything comes together? Do you not see how people fit into your experience, or as I have explained how you fit into their experience? All should consider the events of their life, because all will see the truth of their experience, if they choose to look.

"Can you tell me one thing that I have told you, that you know not to be so? The only time that you experience difficulties, is when you do not listen to exactly what I say, but you have not listened to what I say, to experience not listening to what I say.

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"If I tell you to deliver a message, and then I give you additional information after you have delivered the message, or prepared the message, the additional information is for your understanding. The additional information is not part of the message. All deliver messages. You know this. Most are unaware of the message, or that they have delivered a message. The difference, the only difference is your awareness."

I was told of one who was to me, as John the Baptist was to Jesus. I was told that our paths would cross, and that he knew that our paths would cross. I had trouble accepting the analogy.

"Do not concern yourself. Your difficulty accepting such an analogy stems from your humility. You have been humble, and you are becoming more humble daily, humble is the way of a master."

"You seem to have a convenient explanation for everything."

"I have an explanation for everything, because I know everything. What else did you expect?

"I knew what the response to each teacher would be, and I knew what results would occur. It was both by design and by choice, as I have explained. All must be experienced, because experience is the only way to truly know. All must be experienced, and the reality of pure love must be the result.

"Do you not recall your experiences of an inquisition hearing during the time of abuse by the Catholic church? Do you not recall the time when you walked with the one called Mohammed, who has returned as a master whom you have recently discovered from another religion, and already he has been misinterpreted and misunderstood. Those who have recognised Mohammed as a master had already misunderstood him. It is his new role that has kept him from you, but your paths will cross.

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"You have walked with three masters whom you recall, and others who you will become aware of when it is time. Do you think that you discovered the one who was Mohammed on the earth plane by accident? Do you recall how you recognised him, but you did not quite understand him? Did you not know him as a master, but also know that the explanation written by those about him was not correct? Did you not know him immediately as one of the fifteen? You did all of these things, because it is so."

Suddenly I realised, through recognition that the one who had been described as 'one who was to me as John the Baptist was to Jesus', was in fact the same soul who had been John the Baptist.

My discussions with God continued throughout the day. God provided detail on many issues as my understanding continued to grow.

I was spending time with my boys.

God said, "Relax, and enjoy yourself."

I relaxed the best I could. Later my boys become boisterous, and I started to become frustrated.

"They are just boys, let them be boys."

God was very specific about what I needed to do that night. I attempted to do everything at once.

"Relax, do what I have asked, but do not put pressure on yourself."

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I was beginning to see what I needed to do with increasing clarity. Acceptance was the key. Accept and allow. The message was slowly sinking in.

"Open your mind fully, go where I lead you, read what I instruct you to read, and meditate as you need. It is time for you to see everything clearly.

"All should remember that each teacher has a different role. Each teacher will use different words for the same concept. Each teacher will reach a different group of souls, and each teacher will reach the same group of souls. Do you think that I would say that only this one is right, or that one is right? Look at the principles. The principles are the same. The message is the same. If one teacher calls one concept this, and another teacher calls the concept that, is it not the same concept but with a different label?

"Do you not understand that labels achieve nothing and are not necessary? Religions have been built on labels and followers of religions see differences when all that is different is the label. Have you forgotten the story which I gave you of the homeless man? Remove all brands, brands are not necessary. If I allow the teachers to use one set of words, those who identify with that set of words are reached and only them. In time they will feel they are chosen. None are chosen and all are chosen.

"Different words are used for the same concept, for the same principle by different teachers, not because the message is different, but because the message is the same regardless of how the message is labelled. Do you not understand that this is a part of what you must do? You must remove the labels, you must show people to look within, and see the truth without labels. Do you think I would ask people to look within, and then talk in concepts which they do not comprehend?

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"Think about all that I have said to you. If I have said that I am within all, and that all must look within. If I have said that all are different, all are individuals. If I have said that I am the same as your higher self. Can you not put these few basic concepts together, and understand that each will use an individual group of words for the same principle? Do you not read the words of others, and say to yourself this is 'whatever your words are' for the same thing? Will not others do exactly the same with your words? What I am saying is that neither your words are right, nor are their words right. Neither your words are wrong, nor are their words wrong. Words are of little importance. It is the meaning which is important.

"Consider too your reactions. You hear where others may have difficulties and your first thought is to reach out in support. Always you feel this, help people, lend a shoulder, be there. It is a result of all that you have experienced. Have not one doubt that your experiences, have prepared you for your role."

I thought; 'Much of what I am understanding is different from what I understood in Searching for My Soul.'

"No, the principles are the same. It is only your level of awareness which is different. You were at a basic level of awareness, looking at only the earth plane's perspective. You needed to move from that level of awareness, to the next level of awareness and so on, as you move through each level of the multi dimensional maze.

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"Do you recall that I tol