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Searching for My Soul
Book Three Understanding My Destiny

Q & A V.


"When I ask questions about what I should do, sometimes I receive a definite answer, and sometimes I do not receive a definite answer."

"If there is something which you need to do, you are given a definite answer. Sometimes, you have done what you need to do, and all you need to do is wait. This is when I will say something like; 'if you feel like it'."

"So when you say 'if you feel like it', whatever it is does not matter."

"That is basically correct. I will say something like; 'if you feel like it' when there is nothing specific that you need to do, or when what you need to do will occur, regardless of what you were doing."

"Why are there things that I need to do?"

"There are a number of reasons why you need to do specific things. You may need to gain experience. You may need to take a small step towards what you have created, or you may need to provide advice or assistance to another."

"Why do I need to do anything?"

"You have made your choice, and having made your choice there are things which you must do, to allow what you have chosen to become reality. Even if what you have chosen, is only to gain experience in applying a conscious choice to your reality."

"What about assisting or guiding others?"

"To assist or guide others is a choice which you have made."


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"If I have made these choices, why do I need your instruction?"

"It is not instruction, it is advice which you seek. You seek the advice of your higher self, but you have the choice of accepting my advice or not."

"Tell me about the lifetimes that I remember. Why did I draw on those particular lifetimes? Explain why I chose the events which I have chosen, to draw on."

"You draw on the experiences that you need, when you need to draw on your experiences. You do not draw on all of your experiences, just enough of your experiences to confirm the knowledge within. You seek answers about relationships, and you draw on your experiences about relationships. You ask about your spiritual identity, and then you draw on your experiences which reflect or reveal your spiritual identity.

"You ask why people are in your life, and what the significance is of people who are in your life, and you draw on your lifetimes with those people. You ask about happiness, and draw on your lifetimes when you were happy. You ask about your lifetimes on other than the earth plane, and you draw on your experiences of those lifetimes. You recall your knowledge, and then you draw on your experiences, so that you can apply your knowledge."

"So the lifetimes that I remember are not by chance?"

"No, the lifetimes that you remember are by necessity. If the lifetimes that you remember were by chance, the lifetimes that you have remembered would be very coincidental, would they not?"

"I do not recall being killed or even struck by a car. Is this something which I do not need to recall experiencing?"

"For a start, your pram was struck by a motorcycle in this very lifetime when you were a baby, if you choose to recall. Have I not told you that you are but half of your soul, a complete half, but a half nevertheless? Have I not also said that your soul has experienced all?"


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"Do all experience the dark path as I have described it?"

"Yes. Each time an act is completed with harm as its motivation, the dark path is pursued. You have experienced the dark path, if you choose to remember."

"And those who chose to travel the dark path?"

"Those who chose to travel the dark path, are simply stuck on a point of experience which they have not understood. Just as you have been stuck on your unworthiness, no different."

"Can those on the dark path access their higher selves, as I did when stuck on unworthiness?"

"No, those on the dark path cannot access their higher selves. Those on the dark path can access the spirit plane, and those existing on the spirit plane who are also stuck on the dark path. Only what is motivated by pure love, can access the higher plane."

"Is it possible to alter the vibrational rate, other than the example you gave?"

"Yes it is. I gave an example based on an average scenario, for an average soul. Some souls choose differently."

"Do not all souls have to experience everything?"

"Yes, but all souls do not choose to experience the same thing, for the same length of time. This is what makes souls individual. Some souls may experience feeling unworthy for but a minute, and then they have experienced feeling unworthy. You have experienced feeling unworthy for nearly two thousand years, but both have experienced feeling unworthy."

"Why bother, why not just choose to be God from the start?"

"Before one can truly experience being God, one has to truly experience not being God. Two sides of the experience."

"Why would souls have chosen to experience not being God for so long?"

"What is 'so long'? You have experienced not being God for 12,452 years so far. What is so long when measured against forever?"

"Why do I not feel unworthy, but very, very humble?"

"Being God is a humbling experience. If it was not, God would not act with such humility. Experiencing becoming God is also to experience being humble, because you know better than to be any other way."


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"I am correcting some physical problems as instructed, and I am balancing my diet as instructed, but it seems that nothing is happening."

"Much is happening. Very little has been realised, but everything will be realised. When everything is realised, you will wonder why you had been concerned, like you always do."

"Why don't I do something to prove who I am?"

"Prove who you are to whom, yourself? You know who you are, and no amount of proof will change that knowledge. If I said to you; 'Go out and find a terminally ill person, and place your hands on that terminally ill person and heal them', could you do it?"

"Yes, I could."

"If you healed all of the terminally ill people who you encountered, what would happen?"

"Some would say I was God, and spend their lifetime convincing others that I was God, and some would say I was not God and spend their lifetime convincing others that I was not God."

"That is precisely what did happen to other masters, but both viewpoints would be incorrect. Both would miss the point that they too are God, even if the master performing the so called miracles, told them that they too are God."

"As has happened."

"As has happened many times. There is no reason to repeat the experience."


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"The experience of a master?"

"No, a master had no such experience. At least in respect of the master himself. Masters did each experience believing, and disbelieving that another was God, as you have experienced, as all have experienced."

"That makes sense."

"Some will experience believing your words, and some will experience not believing your words. It makes no difference. Souls will only move beyond belief, regardless of what that belief is, by looking within. You know this."

"Yes I do."

"Imagine if your first book had been published, before you reached this point."

"My awareness would not have been sufficient, for me to deal with the publication of my book?"

"Correct, and your awareness is still not sufficient, for you to deal with the publication of your work."

"But my awareness will be sufficient, for me to deal with the publication of my work?"

"Yes, your awareness will be sufficient, for you to deal with the publication of your work, by the time your first book is published. Do not become concerned."


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"All of the times when I was driven, by you I think, to leave somewhere or go somewhere, why did they occur?"

"Basically you were driven to keep you on your path. You could not have strayed from your path having made the decision which you made, but you still needed some guidance. You also needed to experience, or begin to experience not being consciously in control. You may not be fully aware of the reasons why you were driven to leave somewhere, or go somewhere, but mostly the reasons were as you suspected. It was important that you experienced following my guidance, even if you did not consciously know why you were being so guided."

"Tell me about dreams."

"Dreams are a combination of things. Dreams occur when you sleep, and do not travel to the spirit plane. Sometimes, dreams are used by me to give you a message. Sometimes, dreams are memories from your subconscious, or spirit plane. Sometimes, dreams are a number of memories mixed around a specific point. Sometimes, dreams are just exercising your imagination. All of these aspects of dreams have been identified, but dreams are all of these aspects and more, not one aspect or the other."

"Are dreams sometimes used to warn of the future?"

"Yes, you yourself have experienced dreams being used to warn of the future. Dreams can tell you that a relationship has ended for example, or perhaps that something is not what it seems, or what you would like it to be."


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"If I wish, can I ask you what a dream means?"

"Yes, all can ask me what a dream means."

"Okay, what did this morning's dream mean?"

"It was me telling you that you are close. You are waiting for events to occur, and events are on their way, but the events are not quite here yet."

I had dreamed that I was at an airport, waiting to meet Katerina, but her plane had not landed.

"Why am I spending so much time with specific people?"

"You are giving those people some time before you go away, and you are letting those people that you will not leave them. You will remain in their lives. With some, you are allowing them to adjust to your friendship, on a different level."

"I have nothing to worry about?"

"No, everything is, as everything is meant to be. Remember your dream, the plane is in the air, but has not yet landed."

"Why was Nancy waiting at the airport with me?"

"Nancy is waiting with you, is she not? You are not quite comfortable with Nancy waiting with you, but Nancy is not quite ready to let go of your hand. However, Nancy's grip is much loosened."


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"Many refer to personal growth, or growth as a person. Does personal growth really mean anything?"

"Yes. There was a time when personal growth was not considered, but now as souls are slowly becoming more aware, personal growth is important. Those who push personal growth as the answer, do not understand that they refer to growth of awareness, and so they are often misguided in their conclusions. Their intention is correct, but their perspective is focused on the earth plane."

"Why have I been focusing on relationships, and understanding relationships? I know why, by why now?"

"You do not have to clarify what you mean. Your words are unclear but I will clarify your words for you. You are focusing on relationships, and understanding relationships now, in final preparation for meeting Katerina."

"You use correct names and identities from this lifetime, why?"

"For ease in communication. I could call you Judas, but you are now Brian. I could refer to Nancy as Martha, but to what end? It is easier to refer to people as they are named now, that way we are both sure who is meant."


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"Why are we correcting my muscle problem, caused by a slightly twisted bone using what is effectively self physical therapy?"

"It is a physical disorder. So we fix the disorder physically, which takes a little time. There is no need to apply magic. As I have explained, the physical plane has physical restrictions. Those ailments which were no more than past life memories, were corrected accordingly. If you recall, correcting those ailments which were no more than past life memories took time. Physical deformities which are really physical, are fixed physically. Ongoing problems which are caused by something that you do, will be corrected by changing what you do."

"So regardless of the nature of an ailment, all healing takes time?"

"Yes. If you were to cure a cancer, you would not cure a cancer by making the cancer disappear. You would cure a cancer by reversing the process which created the cancer. Effectively, the cancer would be consumed by healthy cells."


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"Going back to my dream. My dream was telling me that everything is close, but had not arrived. Was my dream saying that events have been delayed?"

"No, absolutely not. The plane is in the air, and on its way. The plane will land very soon. The plane is not delayed, you have arrived at the airport early."

"You have already told me what is occurring directly, so why give me the dream now?"

"Because it is time to explain dreams, especially those dreams which contain a message. Your dream and your corresponding circumstances, creates a good example to illustrate our explanation."

"There are different types of dreams. How do I know which dreams contain a message?"

"You retain your dreams which contain a message. Yes, you do retain some other dreams, but you retain all dreams which have a message. Draw on your experience. You always know when you have been given a message, all know."

"Why do I sometimes still attempt to block you?"

"Your conscious self does not quite have enough confidence to fully release control to your higher self. Your conscious self has chosen to place your being in my hands, but your conscious self is not quite relinquishing control. Each day your conscious self relinquishes a little more control to higher self."


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  "The taboo about sex, what is the truth?"

"Sex is the physical expression of love. That sex is also used to create new bodies for souls to occupy, is a matter of convenience, not the primary purpose of sex. The purpose of sex is to physically feel love, as opposed to emotionally feeling love. The drive to feel love is powerful, because love is the only reality, which is why sex is a convenient way to produce new bodies. The belief that the purpose of sex is to produce new bodies is the result of a reflection, or the reversing effect of the earth plane."

"Okay, so where does marriage fit in?"

"Marriage is a demonstration of commitment. An experience in a joining of souls, or half souls in preparation for rejoining with soulmates. The principle of marriage is correct, but the application of marriage on the lowest level is only experience."

"Okay, and adultery?"

"We have covered adultery, but I will bring the components of adultery together, and make the issue of adultery clear. The principle not to commit adultery, is not to hurt another by breaking your promise intentionally, but not to hurt others by committing adultery is only a guide. All will at some stage be driven to commit adultery, and all will have adultery committed against them.

"'Thou shalt not commit adultery' is my promise, because when one has rejoined with their soulmate, they have completed their search for their other half. They have experienced all else that they have needed to experience in relationships, so there is no reason, no need, no cause to commit adultery. However, the mirror effect is applied. What is my promise to you, has been reflected as your promise to me."

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  "So if someone commits adultery, in reality they have simply chosen to experience adultery?"

"Yes, they have chosen to experience adultery, as has the person with whom they have committed adultery. The person that they have committed adultery against, has chosen their experience. The fact that the souls are experiencing what they have chosen, as a small group sharing an experience, is a convenience. Of course, there are many variations to the issue of adultery, and there are many different reactions to be experienced."

"So sex in any circumstances is neither right nor wrong?"

"Sex is experience. Whether sex is experienced positively or negatively, sex is no more than experience. A great many judgements are based around sex, or the physical demonstration of love. Love is the constant. Love has no boundaries, love is the very essence of life, of all things. This being so, the physical expression of love, or sex as the physical expression of love is known, is the great leveller. Love and the physical expression thereof cuts through all social, and racial boundaries such as rich or poor, master or slave. Sex cuts through all existence, human, animal, or plant life.

"For this reason sex is subject to the greatest judgements. All make judgement on the basis of the physical demonstration of love. All experience making such judgement, and all experience being judged. The experience, as with most earth plane experiences is in reverse, because love passes no judgement in reality.

"Saying that those who judge are wrong, is a judgement in itself. Those who judge are not wrong, they are experiencing an aspect of judgement, as they will experience another aspect of judgement, when the non-judgement of their higher self is experienced."

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  "I first felt the completion of my rejoining several months ago, and I again feel the completion of my rejoining now."

"What you felt several months ago was the rejoining of your higher self and from that moment, nothing, no power can stop what was set in motion. Having made that choice, which you both made, regardless that neither of you were consciously aware of having made the choice, you set events into motion which could not be reversed. There is no way that either of you could have, or can prevent what is going to happen.

"What you felt that day, was the rejoining of your soul in pure love, and that rejoining was so powerful that the feeling of incredible well being washed over you both. That she slept, and that you were on the spirit plane reflected your levels of awareness. You both felt that same surge of well being, of completeness, of pure love. You physically knew why, she awoke with the feeling without knowing why, aware only that something had happened. From that moment, nothing could stand in the way of what was to follow.

"The moment of physical rejoining is drawing near, and as such a spiritual rejoining is taking place. Your spiritual rejoining is happening on the same basis. She sleeps and awakes knowing only that something has happened, you travel to the spirit plane and experience your spiritual rejoining. Your reconnection is forged with pure love and cannot be broken by anything, because there is nothing more powerful than pure love. Regardless of what you consciously decide now, you cannot prevent your rejoining, and neither can she. She is aware at this point that something almost magical has happened, she is not yet aware of what."

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  "Exactly what was happening, when I experienced the period where my subconscious was placing things in my mind?"

"You were drawing on your experiences, as you were ready to apply your knowledge. Much of this lifetime before you started to awaken, was a culmination, or a very brief summary, of all of your previous experience. That is why you could achieve anything you set out to do, but no matter how successful you were, you always felt unworthy of your success, or not good enough."

"There are many little things which I should do, that I know have no bearing on anything, but I am told to wait. Why?"

"So that you will experience patience. That is all."

"I still have trouble believing what is happening."

"Of course you do, and that is the point. Belief is based on illusion, so belief has no point of reference. If you were to accurately describe what you felt, you would say 'I know that what is happening is real, but is difficult to believe'. Knowledge surpasses belief. What is so, is so whether you believe it or not. You know this."

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  "So karma is about gaining experience?"

"Yes, karma, 'reaping what you sow', call the concept what you will, is based on the fact that you must experience both sides of each coin."

"But if you do not learn from an experience, the experience is repeated?"

"Basically yes, gaining experience is easy. Applying the experience which has been gained is what most souls find difficult."

"If I kill, and experience killing and then I am killed and experience being killed, I am placed in a position to experience killing again. If I apply my experience of being killed, I have experienced all that I need to experience. However, if I do not apply my experience of being killed, if I kill, the circle starts again, and the circle continues, until I experience applying my experience of being killed. Is this right?"

"Yes. Interesting example you chose, it parallels your own experiences."

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  I continued to struggle with the concept of having whatever I desired. I asked, "Why don't I have to lose everything?"

"You have experienced losing everything."

"But, I have not lost everything."

"Have you not? Did you not lose your daughter, your father, your marriage and your home in close succession. If you recall you had nothing except what I provided, by delaying the settlement of your father's estate until you needed those resources. Were you not hit with another broken relationship? When you lost your marriage, and home for a second time, did the timing not occur so that you were provided for?

"Only twelve months ago did you not have everything that you dreamed of, and lost not only what you had dreamed of, but your dream as well? Is there any loss greater than losing your dream? Is there anything worse than realising that you will not have what you had worked, and had worked hard all your life for, especially when your fingers had just closed around the pot of gold at the end of your rainbow? You may know that losing all that you worked for was necessary, to force you to look within. You may know that losing all that you worked for was but an illusion now, but at the time the experience was very, very real. It was as if one day you had all that you had ever desired, and the next day you had nothing. It was as if you were taking your final step towards your summit at the time, and fell from the cliff to the bottom. Is this not how the experience felt?"

"Yes, exactly."

"Why would you need to experience that again? Have you not experienced enough personal disaster in this lifetime alone? If the only way to me was through suffering and hardship, who would wish to find me?"

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  "But did you not suggest that suffering and hardship was my road?"

"Yes, suffering and hardship was your road. However, your suffering and hardship was all so very unnecessary. The last seven years were unnecessary, but also necessary, because your choices were foreseen."

"I was very happy, extremely happy. The love which I felt was near perfect."

"Yes, the love which you felt was more near perfect than you realised, but the love which you felt was not perfect. The love which you felt was not pure, because of your burden of unworthiness. You needed to experience near perfect love, you needed to feel near perfect love to enable you to release your unworthiness. Do you not see that it was necessary for you to release your unworthiness before you discovered your soulmate?"

"Yes, I guess so."

"It was necessary for you to release your unworthiness before you discovered your soulmate. Everything that you have experienced, was necessary because of your choices. You chose the hard road, and because of your choices many will choose an easier road. That many will choose an easier road is foreseen, and that many will choose an easier road, is why you chose the hard road. If we view this in the perspective of the earth plane, you are doing God's work. If your reward for doing God's work was a promise of heaven you would be, you are satisfied.

"Tell me who amongst the souls on the earth plane, truly accept this vague promise of heaven after death. Remember, to those on the earth plane death is real. So if those on the earth plane see 'heaven on earth', they will aspire to 'heaven on earth' and make choices to obtain this 'heaven on earth'. On the way, they will find the truth, but they do not have to lose their dream to find the truth. Their dream will alter, as their awareness increases."

"There is familiarity in this."

"Yes, there is. The point was missed even though many teachers have delivered the message. Find God within, show nothing but love, and the kingdom of God is your's. That is the message, and that has always been the message."

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  "So why deliver the message again?"

"This time more will hear the message, it is foreseen."

"I do not know if I am comfortable with the implications of what you are suggesting."

"I do. You are not comfortable with the implications of what I am suggesting. That many will hear the message that you are delivering, is foreseen nevertheless."

"You don't seem perturbed that I am not comfortable with the implications of what you are suggesting."

"I would be perturbed if you were comfortable with the implications of what I am suggesting."

"Okay, so why I was given that vision of the future, in respect of my old world."

"To show you, that you have truly let your old world go."

"So the last few days have been about patience?"

"Yes, and much more besides. You have mounting financial burdens, at this moment you cannot pay your rent. You have obligations both to, and for Katerina, and as yet no solution is in sight."

"Yes, but I am not worried."

"No, I can confirm that you are not worried. You know that you have no reason to worry. You have experienced in this lifetime, that you should not worry. The combination of your experience, and the knowledge from within has given you awareness, and you are now experiencing the application of your awareness."

"I know that you are right, but sometimes I still get a few jitters."

"Of course you do, the habit of twelve and a half thousand years is not broken easily. Your 'jitters' are however unnecessary. Even now your plane is preparing to land."

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  "This timing fits in with the timing which I have known for a few months."


"Sometimes it is difficult, because 'the plane has not yet landed'."

"You are experiencing the plane landing. Soon you will have experienced that the has landed."

"Why did my break up with Marie hit me so hard?"

"You chose to feel the experience intensely. Remember that you offered Marie your whole being, your soul, your trinity. Offering your whole being was something which did not come easy to you. You then experienced that your offer was rejected, which you chose to incorrectly blame on your unworthiness. You are now aware that you are not unworthy. Having experienced the rejection of your trinity, and remember that Marie could not have possibly accepted your trinity, only one person has the capability of accepting your trinity. You will soon experience, you are experiencing, the acceptance of your trinity."

"Has Katerina also experienced having her trinity rejected?"

"She has no need to experience having her trinity rejected, you have experienced having your trinity rejected."

I glanced at Katerina's picture and I thought; 'I will spend the rest of my life with you'.

"The rest of eternity."

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  "If a master returns to earth, does the master have relationships?"

"To become a master, a soul must first become complete. So when a master returns to the earth plane, they do so as a complete soul. They lack no experience, so they have no need for a relationship."

"Does this mean that a master returns to earth cannot have a relationship?"

"No. Most masters return to the earth plane to perform a task. Masters return to the earth plane more frequently than is realised. A task performed by a master is not necessarily a task that will change the course of the world, although masters do change the course of the world, as a result of collective choice. As I have explained, people are drawn together, and links are maintained, because of the coincidence of two or more souls having chosen compatible experiences, at the same time."

"If there is an odd person left out of this convenience system, could not one of the many masters adopt a specific role, so that that 'left out' soul could experience what they have chosen? Could not a master adopt any role that they choose?"

"Obviously the answer must be yes."

"Are there masters amongst us now?"

"Yes. You know of one. Others are on the earth plane, and other planes, but they have not chosen to be known, because there is no reason for them be known."

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  "Are the predictions of say Nostrodamus or the Revelation real?"

"Such predictions are neither understood, nor intended to be understood, which allows many to experience the option of looking for answers, other than within. Such predictions can be interpreted in many different ways, none of them correct. A master can understand the meaning of such predictions, but a master has no desire to share the meaning of such predictions with others. Search your soul. You have already provided two of the answers within your text, that you are aware of."

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