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Searching for My Soul
Book Two Seeking the Knowledge Within


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Later that day I again found that I had information to pass on, this time to Nancy. I was able to tell Nancy about some people who would enter her life, when the people would come into Nancy's life, and I was able to describe the people who would come into Nancy's life. I either got this information wrong, or I misunderstood the timing. I suspected that it was the latter.

I recalled that Nancy had been a lady named Martha in the time of Jesus. I knew that there was a reason why so many souls who had walked with Jesus, were around me now, and I knew that more souls who had walked with Jesus would enter my life. I also knew that Jesus, like me, had walked with Moses.

Nancy had a headache, which had lasted for nearly two months, and Nancy had been bursting into tears without reason. As Nancy described these things I did not know the reason, but I sought the reason. After some time, I had the answer. Nancy's soul was out of balance.

Earlier that day I had called into a shop and purchased four crystals for Nancy. One crystal I understood immediately, two of the remaining three crystals were needed for Nancy's balance, yet I had bought the crystals before I was aware of the problem. Later, I understood the reason for the fourth crystal.

I also saw some things that were to happen in Rose's life. When I saw the future, I saw a combination of words and images. I would see the images, and I would see a word or a number. Once more, it would seem that I misunderstood the timing.

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On reflection, the timing which I was given for both Nancy and Rose was misleading, and interestingly misleading as much of the information which I received for myself had been.

I sat on a balcony overlooking the mouth of a river, and I knew that I would remain in Sydney for a number of years before leaving to establish a spiritual centre.

I was a little frightened and I began asking myself questions. 'How did I know what I saw was real?', 'What if I was wrong, and I was telling people things?'

God said, "What you see is correct."

A short time later God said, "Do not doubt your ability, use your ability. You have been given your abilities to help people, what you will see is answers to people's deepest questions. Answers that will put their minds at rest, and give them peace. You will not concern yourself with the frivolous, or be involved in 'sideshow' psychics.

"Use your ability for good. Your ability can allow people to put their minds at rest, if they choose to accept what you tell them. Acceptance is their decision."

I wondered if I was always meant to tell people what I saw for them. I suspected that often, they would not believe me.

"Sometimes they would not believe you. What you see is to put your mind at rest, because you are concerned for them and their happiness."

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I was concerned about the future.

"Be patient, all things will come."

I was thinking about what I had been told about my character. I knew within my soul that what I had been told about my character was so, but I wondered because I knew that others would not agree.

"Do not concern yourself with other's opinions. Others judge you, based upon themselves. What other point of reference do they have? What others have termed 'selfish acts' have caused you much anguish, and if it was a selfish act, you would not have experienced the anguish. You took hard decisions, which were correct in the terms of yourself and your path. Do not confuse having the strength to follow your path regardless of the cost as selfishness, it is not. In time all will know. as you do now, that what was done was the best thing that could be done for all. Do not allow others to convince you that your anguish did not occur, simply because they did not see your anguish or understand the extent of your anguish. Is it right for you to stay in someone's life when your presence stifles their growth? The best any can do for another is allow them to experience, and through experience gain awareness. After two people have experienced all they can together, their souls know that it is time to move on. The role adopted by each soul reflects what they need to experience. If souls are unaware of this at a conscious level, it makes it no less true. The worst you can do is attempt to block someone's experience. Let them flow. They cannot move on until they complete that experience, you know this.

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"You live in a society obsessed with perfection, not of the spirit but of the body. A perfection worn so that it is a sign to tell others of this artificial perfection. Striving for perfection is a waste of time, because perfection cannot be obtained. Many have to work for hours each day to perfect a body that is no more than a temporary vessel. It is a waste of time. Concern yourself only with the soul. Exercise is good for the body, exercise stimulates the mind and invigorates the soul, exercise for enjoyment, and not solely to lose weight and have what is considered a more perfect body, in the society of today. In the society of yesterday it was being overweight that people would strive for. Neither is correct. Be yourself, be comfortable and balanced within yourself. Attend to the soul, and the soul will attend to the body.

"There is a growing desire for healthiness within society and with this comes extremes. Striving to be more healthy for a longer life is a waste of time, because when one has experienced all that they need to experience within a lifetime, their lifetime is over by one means or another, regardless of their health.

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"Killing for food, and eating meat is part of the natural order of things. If man was meant to be a herbivore, man would be unable to eat meat, fish, poultry etc.

"Killing for sport, or fear, or dislike has consequences. Right and wrong imply judgement which does not occur. All actions have consequences. If through their actions one does harm to another soul, then one will also experience having harm done to them. Experience must be balanced, it is a balance of opportunity. If one receives harm and responds with love, they have experienced love in its purest form, and harm will no longer need to be experienced. If one takes an opportunity to do harm, one is not experiencing love, because there is no harm in love. This is why one then must experience receiving harm, to balance the opportunity.

"It is very circular and difficult for those who are linear based to fully understand. Basically love must be experienced from both the perspective of receiving harm, and the perspective of doing harm, or having the opportunity to do harm. It is love from either scenario, or from both scenarios which must be experienced. The principle is the same for all experiences. Love in all circumstances, regardless of what the circumstances are.

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"Consider the hurts and the losses which you have received in this lifetime. Death of those you love, broken relationships, unrequited love, bitterness towards you, and yet you have never discontinued believing in love in its purest form. When others told you that you were naive, and despite when your own life's experiences seemed to demonstrate that you were wrong, you never stopped believing that pure love was possible. You knew that pure love was possible because of all you have experienced, since your creation.

"Soon you will have this love that no circumstances in your life could deter you from knowing was possible. You will have this love, because you have shown this love and demonstrated this love despite what others have said of you. Consider those whose characters you did not like, and those who used you, or set out to do you harm. You chose only to disassociate with these people, not to cause them harm. Recall one who many years ago did you harm, and you chose not to remove his livelihood when given the opportunity.

"Consider those whom you gave opportunities to, those who you advised what was required to maintain their livelihood. It was they who chose not to take the opportunity, and your response was their doing and your obligation. You fulfilled your obligation with a heavy heart and felt no joy, even with those whose character you did not like. Is this not so?

"Recall and consider that you had the strength of character not to transfer your problems to someone else when you were given the opportunity. This is the strength of character, pure love and compassion for all, that all will experience as you have experienced, because you are no different. Other than in what you have experienced.

"You have the strength of character to live by the standards that you know are correct and not by the false standards around you, even though living by your own standards has caused you much anguish and pain at times. You know that you are not perfect. You have experienced much, and despite what you have seen as a lack of confidence at times, you have had the courage to be who you are.

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"Having the courage to be who you are is different from most who strive to be who they think they should be, not who they are. Having the courage to be who you are, has been seen by others to be different and strange. It is being different that makes you the same as all, because all are different. Many waste their time attempting to be the same, but they cannot be the same as everyone else, because all are different. It is being different that makes all the same. Remember, existence is circular not linear.

"You remain on the surface, and there is much depth for you to remember, but you can only take one step at a time. Any more than one step at a time would confuse you, and it would confuse others."

Later, I became concerned about what I had foreseen for others in that I doubted if I could be right, and I wondered what the consequences would be if I was wrong.

God said, "Do not concern yourself, you know what is so."

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That night, I again found myself questioning all that I was experiencing. I questioned the information about people which I had been given to pass on, and I wondered if I had invented the information.

God said, "Did you think about what you would say before you had the answers? Did you consider all options and rationalize your answer? No, you did neither. How many times did you have an answer before you were aware of the question? This was most. When you had a question, did you not ask your question and leave the question alone, until sometime later when the answer appeared? You must trust in yourself, and you must trust in me.

"Consider the times when you were misled. Was not the information provided by spirits to mislead you so that you would learn only to trust your own instinct? Did you not know that you needed to trust your own instinct, and that the information you had been given was incorrect? Did this not confuse you?

"When you have been wrong, was it not because you rationalized how and when, so that you would experience that you rationalize incorrectly, and you know not to rationalize?

"Do you not understand that your soul has at times arranged for other souls to ask you questions, so that you yourself will seek the answers for yourself? Can you not see clearly the roles of those who support you, and that each has adopted the role which is beneficial for them, as well as for you?

"Is there anything that I have told you this night that you have not already experienced in this lifetime? When you doubt, draw on your own experience and ask me for guidance. I am with you, as I am with all. I will answer all of your questions, as I answer all. You have experienced hearing my answers, and all can experience hearing my answers, if they allow themselves to receive my answers.

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"Remember, however, that your questions must be specific. Responding to specific questions is the only way that I can answer your questions so that you will understand my answers. It is through the basis of your question, that I am able to answer at the awareness level from which you have asked the question.

"It is through answering questions about you, and what you are now experiencing, and highlighting these experiences to you, that I will also show others what they must do. Although each must do so in their own way, and for themselves.

"Do not think or allow others to think this is about you, you are the example. Others will witness your experiences through what is written.

"You have now reached a point where you recognize the keys that you are given, regardless of the source. You now register the key as soon as it is presented. Having recognized the key, you leave the key alone, but you draw on your knowledge, and bring your knowledge to the surface through discussions with me.

"Do you not now understand that you draw on your own knowledge through your discussions with me? It is not knowledge from me that you are drawing on, but your own knowledge through me.

"All have acquired knowledge through many lifetimes of existence as you have, and all can draw on their accumulated knowledge as you do.

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"You think that you are starting to understand the extent of your psychic ability, but you are not. It is only the beginning that you are starting to see. All that you can remember doing, you can do. You will remember how when you are ready. You have already experienced some of these abilities.

"You look for outside signs of your abilities, but you are looking for myths. In truth no props or tools are needed. You expect signs and acknowledgment, but you should understand by now that signs and acknowledgment are illusions and unnecessary."

I looked around me, both Moses and Jesus were there, standing in adjacent corners watching.

God continued, "Have you not learned that you do not try to do something, you allow whatever it is to happen. Trying stops things from happening. Allow your instinct to take over and do. Know that you can do something and when you are ready, you will do that something. Try to do something, and you will fail.

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"Consider when you have been drawn to take a certain course of action, and you have been disappointed because there was nothing for you. Open your mind and see that you were experiencing that there was really nothing for you to do. Understand the circular nature of all things. Understand why you look for a course of action to take, and link your reasons to your experience of the result. See that you had to experience no result so that you would stop wasting your time concerning yourself about things, which are of no consequence. See the circle.

"Understand that the circle that is awareness, is so great that no two souls are exactly on the same point of awareness, which is why no two journeys are exactly the same.

"Consider the linear nature of the earth plane, and consider that a soul has to experience many of those straight lines which are each lifetime. The soul must put the straight lines together so that the soul can see the circle. Look at the straight lines and see how the lines often overlap in part or in whole when things have to be re-experienced. See that lifetimes are not necessarily related immediately, but related lifetimes may be many lifetimes apart. You can see how the experience of one lifetime can overlap with the experiences of two other lifetimes, thus linking the experiences of all lifetimes together.

"Do you see how the timing of the events in the last few days has not been coincidence, but design? This is so for all, if they but choose to see.

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"Again you are tired. Your tiredness will continue until you understand how to manage your vibrational rate. For now you must rest."

The following morning, I remained concerned with the aspect of my psychic ability that I had discovered. I was concerned about telling people the wrong thing, and I would have preferred to say nothing. I recalled that Sue had told me that I had been receiving information, and not passing the information which I received on, when I was supposed to pass the information which I received on. I remained worried because I had gotten what I had foreseen wrong previously, particularly in relation to timing and the means.

God said, "You needed to experience reading the wrong signs and reading what you foresee incorrectly, so that you would experience reading what you foresee correctly, and you would know the difference. You have read what you foresee incorrectly, because you needed to understand the difference between reading what you foresee correctly, and reading what you foresee incorrectly, and you need to remember your experiences."

That morning, Moses and Jesus were with me again. This time Moses and Jesus were standing together.

"Recall the desperation which you felt at the events which you had foreseen not coming to pass. Desperation and frustration because you really knew that what you had foreseen not so. You had created what you had foreseen to experience the futility of much that you did, and to experience the folly in creating signs to confirm that what you are experiencing is real. What you were saying was; 'If this is real, prove it.'

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"Despite the fact that some of what you had foreseen came to pass, you did not accept the proof. Recall that in your search for proof nothing satisfied you so that you experienced the futility in searching for proof. Look at your own lifetime, your own experiences, and the events which I have reminded you of and highlighted so that you will see. Your very existence is proof, if proof is what you seek, but seeking proof is futile. I present you with another circle. Understand that the true nature of existence is circular.

"Consider your reaction after our discussion last night. Do you not see how you started to become confused by thinking too much, and by trying to analyse? Have you not experienced that you should not analyse anything? Let everything be as everything is, and understand that analysing serves no purpose other than to confuse. Do you not know that your point of reference is still linear, so any attempt to analyse is futile?

"Nothing can be analysed when you are basing your analysis on the wrong point of reference. When you understand the correct point of reference, you will also understand that analysis serves no purpose. Again experience the circular nature of existence.

"Do you not see how you no longer need to concentrate so fully on our discussion, and how you can interact normally with others now that you are more relaxed, and accepting what is happening? Did you not know that you were concerned about interacting with your soulmate when you are reunited?

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"We have demonstrated that you can interrupt our communication, interact with others on the earth plane, and then commence our communication again. However, you do not need to experience this because your soulmate, by definition, will be so in tune that such concerns are not necessary. You experience that you can now do many things because you are in permanent contact with me. You experience that the masters are with you at all times as promised, and you can seek the master's guidance when needed. Do you not see also that the ones you know as Evelyn and Pure Love are with you too?"

I looked beside me, almost involuntarily. Evelyn and Pure Love were both there. In fact now that I looked, I realized that there were spirits all around me. I asked God why this was so.

"Those in spirit form seek to learn, they seek to experience walking with one who will become a master. Not all who seek to walk with one who will become a master are on the earth plane, and not all who seek to walk with one who will become a master are on the spirit plane.

"Do not underestimate the balance and fulfilment which you will receive from your soulmate. You are not on the same wavelength, as you would term it, you are the same wavelength. Two parts of the one.

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"Have you not realized that you have doubts so that you will experience that your doubts are not real? Do not forget that you experience so that others will experience, although their experiences will be for themselves, and in their own way.

"Do you not understand that each time that I remind you of something, I am also reminding others so that they will see that they are the same, and that you are no different, other than in that all are different.

"All will and do experience things as often as it takes to experience things. Such is the circular nature of your existence.

"Initially you were able to lose your excess weight because your motivation was correct, but you lost sight of the correct motivation and your motivation became incorrect. Your motivation became false, and you started measuring and aiming for perfection, so you experienced being unable to remove the excess weight again, until you understood the experience. All things are possible if the motivation is right. It is not the actions that dictate the result, it is the motivation. Understand this in all things.

"Understand that if you fall into the trap of actions motivated by demonstration of your ability, or some other similar motivated thing, your ability will remain dormant. It is the motivation that is important, and you cannot truly convince yourself if your motivation is other than true. You have experienced this, understand the experience.

"When all things come to pass, you must be prepared, preparation through experience."

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Since I had begun to understand astrology, I had believed that I needed another astrological 'earth sign' as my partner. I had known that I was very much in tune with the earth, and over the previous twelve months I had come to understand the amazing balancing effect which water had on me. I was only now starting to realize just how attached I was to the earth, so it should have come of no surprise that my soulmate was a water sign, but it did.

I had another vague past life memory.

I had been a Hindu priest.

This was all I knew, I had no other recollection.

When I returned home I had hoped for some mail, or a message or something, but as had been alluded to by God, there was nothing. It was really as I expected. However, it was certainly not as I wanted.

Later that night, I was surprised by a telephone call from a friend of my soulmate in Russia. The telephone call took me off guard, but the point of not expecting or looking for things, and allowing all things to happen was effectively made.

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Later, when I was working in my room, Jesus and Moses were with me, watching over me.

It had been around the tenth century that I had been a Hindu.

I had been a Buddhist, studying in a temple sometime around the fourteenth century.

I had two new, but very vague memories, which when combined with what I had already recalled, showed that I had followed a spiritual path in many cultures during my existence.

I found myself becoming concerned about what I should do next.

God said, "Do what you feel, trust what you feel and have no fear. Whatever you do there is a reason.

"It is not what you do, or what you do not do, that causes your problems. It is wishing the result to be one way or another that creates your problem. Do what you feel, and know that things will be as they are, regardless of what you want, or what you think you want."

My contact with Russia made my financial difficulties raise their head again. My soulmate was looking for confirmation that I would meet her, when my soulmate had suggested and I could not provide the confirmation which she sought.

Now that I knew that all was well I could wait, but I did not want my soulmate to wait. It was very important to me that my soulmate entered my life, and that we were together. My soulmate had found what to her must have seemed like a fairytale, and I wanted the fairytale to come true, more for my soulmate's sake than mine. There was nothing that I could do, other than Trust In God and wait.

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I was again having difficulty sleeping.

God said, "Do not worry about anything. Soon your difficulty will be over. Soon you will understand."

I reached a point where I again questioned my sanity, which was something that I had not done for some time. Fortunately, I only questioned my sanity for a fleeting moment.

The next morning I received a message, 'God would keep his promise, and all would be well. I needed to have faith. I needed to meditate more.' I wondered why God did not communicate directly with me, why God had used external sources.

God said, "I have communicated directly. I use external sources to emphasize a point, or to remind you of something.

"You are lonely. Your loneliness is the result of much solitude, accept that you are lonely and be patient. You want to be able to show your soulmate the wonders of the world, for her sake. Your joy, you know, will be through her joy. Therefore you will have this, do not worry.

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"Proceed with your plans with confidence, all will be well. All is as it is meant to be. You know this.

"Have you not known where you would live for many years, and have you not known this with a surety that you cannot explain? Throughout your partners, you knew where you would live. Your knowledge of where you would live was a constant.

"Have you not known where you would spend your first week? Have you not known where you would spend your first week for many years? Soon your knowledge will be reality.

"As these events come to pass, you will know the strength of your psychic ability. Consider other events which you have foreseen for the future. Events foreseen before you remembered your destiny, they too will come to pass.

"Your psychic ability is there to assist others. Have you not seen that you are able to answer the questions that consume others? You cannot answer the questions that consume others in every case, you only answer the questions that consume others when the answer is truly needed.

"Do you not see that your first thought is always for others, and your 'selfish' decisions are taken very hard and then only when necessary. Those who say you are selfish, do so because it is they who are selfish, and you have not acted as they wish.

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"Have you not always been concerned about the feelings of others? Too concerned about the feelings of others, but you have done what you have believed to be right regardless of the feelings of others.

"No my son, you are not perfect, and you do not think that you are perfect, nor is your perfection what I am asking you to accept. You are a good man, that is what I am pointing out. If I know that you are a good man, what right do others have to believe otherwise? What right do they have, regardless of my view?

"You are not perfect, so when you are troubled seek the help of the masters, as the masters once sought your help, when they were troubled."

I received some information, this time in answer to Anne's concerns. I was beginning to see that most of the deepest concerns which are experienced related to relationships, and our desire for happiness. Mostly it is our own fears which prevent us from obtaining what we desire.

That morning I had been able to go for a walk for the first time in many weeks.

God said, "Do you see how much easier our communication is when your body is stimulated? Our communication should be your motivation for walking, or exercise of any sort. Stimulate the body, nothing else."

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I began to wonder about the events which were occurring in my life.

"Expect nothing any day. All will be so in its own time, so expectations are irrelevant.

"Consider the maze, consider the choices and the three doorways. Circumstances are chosen prior to birth, as are challenges and the ability to overcome the chosen challenges, through the astrological profile and the choice of parents. It is response to the circumstances which is open for each to choose, even after having created the circumstances. With each circumstance there are three doors because it does not matter how long it takes to experience sufficient to move on. Circumstances are repeated again and again, over many lifetimes until one moves on. Consider how many times you yourself have taken the circular path to be given the same circumstances so that you will experience, until you move on.

"Consider how clearly you see those around you walking a circular path. Consider how many times you could have chosen the door which would allow your journey to continue, but you did not choose the door which would allow your journey to continue, because you knew that you were not ready to continue your journey.

"The circumstances which have been chosen create the experience. Many have recreated the same or similar circumstances lifetime after lifetime, because their experience had not been sufficient to choose to move on. Very few have completed the journey, and experienced all in one lifetime.

"No soul should bemoan the circumstances that they themselves have created. Experience the circumstances and then move on, or experience the circumstances again. The ultimate response to all circumstances is to experience love from within the circumstances. If love is not experienced, then the experience is incomplete, and the experience will be repeated.

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"If a soul does not want to repeat circumstances, the soul must follow their instinct, and respond with love. It is that simple, and it is that difficult.

"Do you not see that you are bemoaning your circumstances. Do not bemoan your circumstances, experience your circumstances and follow your instinct, with you the love is there.

"Understand that circumstances have been changed, because of what you needed to experience. Some things that were to come to pass did not come to pass, because of your reliance on those things. If the circumstances would have altered anything important, the circumstances would not have changed, but the circumstances did change.

"The circumstances changed when you knew more than you were ready to know, and you needed to experience the folly of your approach to the circumstances.

"You could change circumstances again if you place too much importance on the wrong issue. Relax and allow everything to be, is all that you must do. Take heart from the circumstances which you did not change. Do not fear what I have told you. Remember, it is your reliance on expectations that you must avoid. Check what must be checked, put your mind at rest, but do not rely on what you find, to do other than to satisfy yourself, that all is as it should be. Do you understand this?"

"I think so."

"Do not think. Understand or re-experience, but either way have no fear. Fear is what you should not have, because there is no reason to have fear.

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"If you do not check your messages and something that you are waiting for is there, then you experience that you should have checked your messages. If a message that you are awaiting is not there, do not be disappointed or you will experience that you should not be disappointed. Again you see the circular nature of all things.

"If you desire to avoid disappointment, do not expect, but put your mind at rest by checking your messages whenever you choose.

"It is never the circumstances that cause the difficulty, it is the response to the circumstances. Recall that I said to you to do as you feel, but do not rely on the result. This little demonstration has shown you my meaning. Do not be concerned about my warning. If you maintain your approach, you will not change the circumstances. You know that everything will work out, and you have left the how and when to be as they will be, what you have termed fate. Continue to leave the how and when to fate, and the circumstances will continue to be as they are, change your approach and the circumstances will alter. Either way, the circumstances will be as the circumstances are meant to be. Circular again, do you see this?

"Circular is such a difficult concept to understand when one has had many linear lifetimes. Consider the history of the earth plane. Consider what is called nature and you will see that all things are circular."

I considered four options which would overcome the difficulties that I was facing at this time, the four options were all short-term solutions. I then added another option. I knew that none of the solutions which I had considered may come to pass, but I did see the possibilities.

God said, "You see, consider the possibilities, but be open to all things."

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I considered the options further, and I came up with another two possibilities, albeit that they were unlikely possibilities. What was important, was that I accepted that a solution would present itself in time, and that how and when were unimportant.

"You have experienced the folly of your previous approach, now you will experience your current approach."

With further consideration, I had an eighth possibility, and I saw that the possibilities were endless. So which option, if any of the options which I had considered, came to pass meant very little.

My psychic 'flashes' were continuing. I had received two psychic 'flashes' that morning about people with whom I was not in contact with at the time, and I received another psychic 'flash' for Joe when I was having coffee with him. Later, I received clarification about the timing of a psychic 'flash', which I had received earlier, and then I received another new psychic 'flash'.

The psychic 'flashes' which I was receiving, felt like a flood and I was becoming concerned that I would be overwhelmed.

Two of the psychic 'flashes' which I received were bad news, and I knew that there was nothing to be gained from telling those involved about what I had seen. I knew that neither would believe me anyway. Until this point, all of the psychic 'flashes' which I had received had been positive, and I had taken the approach that no harm could be done by passing the psychic 'flashes' on to those concerned. At worst, I knew that I may give someone false hope. I did not believe that I was supposed to do anything with the two negative psychic 'flashes' which I had now received, so I did nothing, other than wait for instructions.

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God explained, "By opening your psychic ability you are open to all, both good and bad. What you receive is not something that you can control at will, you receive all. Trust your instinct on what to do with the information that you receive, your instinct serves you well. If in doubt, call for guidance. Use your gift wisely for the benefit of those you touch, and not for self-gain. You would not have this gift without goodness, and the ability to use your gift wisely.

"Do not think that being given bad news about the two was coincidence! You know that no coincidence occurs. You have reacted as you should. Be at peace. Do not concern yourself with becoming overwhelmed, you awaken only what you are ready to awaken. If something occurs, you are ready for that something. You know this.

"Do not worry about what is to be, allow what is to be to happen, as it will.

"Your mind and your commitments push and pull you in many directions, which has been difficult for you, but necessary. Being pushed and pulled in many directions will not continue for much longer. Understand that you experience being pushed and pulled in many directions, because all must experience being pushed and pulled in many directions in one form or another. You will endure, and by your example so will others endure.

"Your endurance will come to an end, when your endurance is meant to come to an end. Your endurance will come to an end, when you have endured all that is necessary, and so will the endurance of those who choose to follow your path. Those who choose to follow your path will see that their endurance will come to an end, by your example. Be at peace, your endurance will come to an end very soon now.

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"You must, however, allow your endurance to come to an end, and do not concern yourself with that which occurs around you. How do you know that what occurs around you is not part of the plan? If you knew one way or the other, you could alter what is to be. Allow what will be, to be and all will be as it is meant to be.

"Your time draws near, but you must be patient for a little while longer."

Later I reflected that the nature of my conversations with God had changed since my conversations with God first started.

God said, "The method of our communication is dictated by your perspective. Initially, you saw me as a father figure and adviser. Now you see me as a friend and guide, so we communicate as such. In many ways the latter is much more respectful. It shows respect by choice, your early approach showed respect through status."

There had been some events which had occurred that day, that had caused me to worry. I questioned God about these events.

"Obviously you did not have enough worries. Some worries have disappeared so you grasped some more worries. You needed to feel comfortable with your correct quota of worries. You hold your worries like a security blanket that you have long outgrown."

I retained my doubts about some things, which were allegedly to occur.

"How can you doubt, has not all I have told you come to pass. Consider your soulmate, did I not tell you that she was the one? Soon you will marry. Consider every time that I told you something which you doubted. Did you not create the circumstances which gave you the experience to know that I was right?"

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I asked God to be tolerant because of my human failings.

"I am tolerant with you, it is you who are not tolerant with yourself. Show the same tolerance to yourself as I show towards you. Forgive your mistakes, as I forgive you. Do not lose sight of your humanity, because despite all that you have experienced, and all I have told you about yourself, you must retain your humanity, until it is time to ascend."

I started to fall into the trap of asking God to prove something, but I stopped myself. I said, "I do not mean that, your will shall be done."

"I know that you did not mean what you were going to ask of me, I have pushed you to adopt such an attitude, but it was you who corrected yourself.

"Do you not see the futility in seeking the answers that you want? Allow everything to be. You set rules for yourself and follow your rules whenever you can. Have no rules, have only instinct and follow your instinct. I do not give rules. I give instinct. Use your instinct, and not your own rules."

What should have been an easy time was proving to be a difficult time. I was full of doubts, haunted by the 'how can this be happening' scenario. I was again questioning whether all that I had experienced could be real, and once more I began to worry about my sanity. Why I was experiencing such doubts I did not know, I was confused.

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Despite what I was feeling, or because of what I was feeling, I was continually being given reminders of the reality of my experiences. I recalled all that I had been told, and how the process of each stage had worked. It did not seem to matter how hard I tried, I could not stop worrying. I seemed to be constantly seeking things to worry about.

God said, "Why do you not ask for help? The masters are with you. Why do you feel that you must face your challenges alone?

"Consider the process of your writing, you can only write with hand. You must then review your notes and type your notes. Time and time again you cannot review your notes for a period, and then when you can review your notes, your notes concern the challenge which you happen to be facing at the time of your review. How many times has your review reflected your current experience? Do you really believe that this could be coincidence? Has not all that has happened fitted together too well, for your experiences not to be real?

"Do not worry! Do not worry! Do not worry! How many times must I tell you not to worry? Do you realize that you have been told not to worry over and over again through many different sources since you began writing? How many times must you experience being told not to worry, before you cease to worry? Do you think that I would ask you to complete your task, and not provide for you?

"You do not seek wealth, you do not seek fame. You seek only to be able to fulfil your destiny. Do you not think that I know this? Do you think that I will not allow you to do this?"

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I responded, "I understand that my problems are not real, my problems are illusions, but my problems are real to me. I have commitments, which I have been asked to balance and stall for so long. I have been asked to trust and have faith. I have had faith, and waited patiently, but my difficulties are never ending. I am told not to worry, but I am also told to remember my humanity, so I worry. I cannot say to my creditors, 'Do not worry about your money, God will provide.' They would lock me away. You ask me to do your work, and I have done all that I have been asked to do. I ask now only for the ability to do this work. I want to be with my soulmate. I want to repay those who have stood by me. I know that I put the pressure on myself, but the pressure is on myself nonetheless. I want to relax, and I want to write, and to pass on what you have told me.

"Again yesterday, I was reminded of my business and what my business could be, and I am saddened that I cannot make my business be what my business could be. I do not ask that my task is removed, I know that my task is what I must do. I seek only that I can do my task without the added pressures, self-imposed or otherwise. I worry that I am being unfair to others, although it seems to bother me more than them. I ask for your help now, I ask that you remove my added burdens, and to allow me to do what must be done. Yes, my request is selfish. I no longer want the pressure and the worry. I am unsure that I can continue to endure. Help me please, allow me to be unburdened and to fulfil my destiny!"

I did have a lot to get off my chest. "You say that you do not expect perfection, and at the same time expect me not to worry when financial disaster is looming. My soulmate has agreed to marry me, as you said that she would, but now my soulmate needs a firm commitment with timing, my soulmate needs government approval, which costs money! What I am supposed to tell my soulmate? Think of my soulmate! Am I supposed to stall my soulmate too, like the others I am asked to stall? I do my best for the business within the constraints that I have, but I am not permitted to commit myself to the business, and I am asking the business to support me. I feel I am living a lie, and I do not like living a lie or want to live a lie!

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"I long to tell my business partners the truth but I cannot, you know this. So you ask me to mislead my business partners. Tell me what I must do! I have commitments to my children to have a holiday, and to spend time with my children, but how do I pay for a holiday with my children?

"I understand that what I am meant to do will impact my children's lives, and I will not always be there for my children. I know I will compensate, but how and when? I beg you to help me now. What am I to do, experience a heart attack through worry so I learn not to worry? If nothing else, remove my financial burden, and let me balance my life between your work and earning an income. I am asked to balance all, and all is too much! Help me now, I beg you.

"I cannot say help me or else, because I do not mean help me or else, and you know that I would not mean help me or else. You could remove everything so that I would really suffer, but what use would I be then? I ask you to help me, and allow me to do your work. I wish to help others, and I wish to teach others, that is all. Can I not be more effective in this role if I am unburdened? Yes, I want to be with my soulmate, I am lonely. I am tired of this solitude. I want to share with my soulmate. I am a man, and I was not made to be alone, either physically or emotionally. I have followed my instinct. I have not formed a partnership with those who wanted me, and I have kept away from the one I loved so completely. I have proposed to, and fallen in love with, one I have not met.

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"I have done as you have guided me in difficult circumstances, with delays and frustrations, and I have followed my instinct as you have told me. What am I to do now? Disappointment for my soulmate as well? My path has not been easy, and my path will always have challenges. I know that my path is to be difficult, but I am tired, I am exhausted. I need your help. I do not wish to turn my back on the business, and I will be there with guidance when asked. I have tried only to help those I have encountered. Tell me now, what am I supposed to do? What do you expect of me? Help me now, I beg of you!

"And tell me what am I supposed to do with those who want me? I am there for them, I have not turned my back, but I see them hurt, and this hurts me. You know this. It is my character, given to me to perform this task, but at times my character is a curse. How do I handle this situation? How do I take away their pain, and the pain that their pain causes me? I understand that their pain is necessary for them, and I know that their pain is but an illusion to gain experience, but their pain is real to them, and their pain hurts me. You have given me this ability, show me how to use it. What am I to do, get used to seeing those I love in pain?"

God said, "What took you so long? Why are you so tolerant with all but yourself?"

Two months after this incident, when I reviewed these notes for the first time, I realized that the incident had occurred only the morning after God had raised the issue of me not being tolerant with myself. In my frustration and anger, I had forgotten the previous night's conversation.

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I said, "No more words, I need help not words. I only want to help people. I do not help people so that people will think good of me, maybe once, but I have experienced too much to expect that people will think good of me, now. I help, because I help.

"What was yesterday about anyway? I helped a man I barely knew, I gave him ideas worth millions, everything I wanted to do with the business. I could have made what I saw for the business happen, but no, you took my old world from me!"

God said, "Everything you saw your company becoming was true, and you could have achieved what you saw."


"Do not worry…."

I interrupted, "I do want your words. I want your help. Do it, or do not do it, but do not continue to talk about it!"

"You gave your ideas to that man who you barely knew, so that your ideas would not be lost to the business. What happens now is out of your hands."

"I have given away ideas worth millions. I could have created what I could see, I could have made the business reach its potential."

"Yes, but the business was not your path."

"That is no consolation."

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I continued raving, telling God, that God was being unfair, and asking too much of me. Jesus and Moses were with me. Jesus and Moses looked at me with knowing smiles. I wanted to lash out and wipe those smiles from their faces, but they only smiled more.

I continued, "All I want to do is help people. I know that helping people is a thankless task. The one whom I loved completely said that 'I needed to be needed', as if it was a fault that I could correct."

I was surprised at my bitterness, but despite my bitterness I knew that if Marie came to me for help tomorrow, I would help without question. I thought 'such is my curse!'

I was fed up, I was at the end of my rope. I had needed to lash out, and I was genuinely sorry, that I had lashed out at God.

God said, "I know this."

All I could think was; 'smug bastard', which concerned me greatly.

"Do you think that I do not understand? Do you not think that I am above your insults?"

The response to my tirade, to my demand for help was nothing, absolutely nothing!

"I do nothing, and still you continue with your task!"

I replied, "Piss off!"

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I was extremely tired and angry in a despondent sort of way. I wanted nothing more than to sleep, but I needed to attend the office. I thought that my task and my circumstances were very unfair.

God said, "You will recall that I said that I would explain concepts so that you would understand the concepts, and then expand on the concepts as your understanding grew. I initially said that I created the environment, and then I said that you created the environment. Both are technically correct. If I had said that you created the environment from the start, you would not have understood, so we needed to allow the concept of creating your own environment to progress naturally.

"Consider a business that fails. There is always a reason for the failure of the business, there is experience to be gained. If a business's problems are caused by another, it is because of the business owner's failure to listen to their instinct's warning, and the consequences of not listening to their instinct's warning, must be experienced."

I became concerned that my tirade may have changed circumstances.

"Your tirade has changed nothing. Relax, things are in train even as we speak."

Despite God's assurance, I continued to be concerned because of my tirade.

"Do not be concerned, I am not full of wrath and punishment. I am a friend. It is natural to lose patience with a friend who has pushed you too far.

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"Not one ounce of impatience, not one ounce of frustration, not one ounce of worry, has gotten you anywhere. Nothing has changed. All is as it should be. You do not like having your problems or your difficulties, but your problems and your difficulties exist. Impatience, frustration, or worry will not resolve your problems and your difficulties, so do not become impatient, frustrated, or worried. That is the point.

"Do you think that every master did not face what you now face? Do you think that every master did not become frustrated? The masters did not walk away from their task, and neither will you. Draw comfort from this knowledge and be patient."

I was hit with a message from a number of sources at one time. I was slowly coming to terms with the point that I had lost sight of. The delays were my doing. I could end the delays, although I was not sure how.

God said, "You do not think that you are worthy despite all I have shown you about your life and your character. You are worthy, and this my friend is what you yourself must accept. You are not a loser, you have never been a loser, and yet you see yourself as a loser. You have asked me to provide what you yourself must provide. You create the environment of frustration, because you have to experience and accept your humanity, but in accepting your humanity, you must also see that you are indeed worthy.

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"You know what you need and you know what you must do, so you see what will be. You must take that step from what you are, to what you must be. You are forever inching forward when just one step is needed. Do not be afraid of failure. Step up and take your place as a teacher. It is time, hold back no longer."

I felt like a batter, knowing that I would hit a home run, knowing I had it in me to hit a home run, and knowing that it was my day to hit a home run. However, I was scared to walk to the plate, in case I failed.

"Remember, I speak both to you and through you. It is through me that you communicate with yourself, as well as with me. Despite our connection you continually hold back through fear that you are not good enough. It is up to you to create the environment that you need to remove your burden, but you fear and avoid.

"Create your environment and create your environment now, not this afternoon or tomorrow, but now. It is your time now, this minute."

I thought that I knew what I needed to do to create my environment. I became 'gung-ho' to create my environment. It was time, it was my time.

Later, I realized my mistake. I could not make the creation of my environment happen, I needed to allow the creation of my environment to happen. To allow the creation of my environment to happen, all that was required was my acceptance.The need for acceptance was slowly sinking in. All that I needed to do, was to allow everything to be, as everything was. Acceptance. The creation of my environment was similar to much of what I had learned, I only needed to accept and allow everything to be. I reviewed much of what I had experienced since my journey began, my review helped.

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Late that afternoon, I spoke with Anne. I passed on to Anne what I had been given for her. The description which I gave Anne fitted the person, whom Anne intended to be with. In fairness, Anne had apparently showed me a photograph of him once, but I could not recall having seen the photograph. I then proceeded to give Anne timing, motivation and outcome during the next two years of her life.

My psychic ability continued to amaze me. I did accept that it was my psychic ability, but I was a little scared that I was passing on false information, which I did not really believe. All that I could do was hold on to the worst case scenario. that I was giving false hope.

I telephoned Rose. I was debating whether to tell Rose what I had been given for Rose. I did. Rose was concerned that much of what I said, I had known that Rose wanted, but Rose did say the timing which I had given her could be correct.

Whilst I was talking with Rose, she gave me a message, another key. I did not recognize the message/key at first, but I should have recognized the message/key. We had spoken for more than three hours, and Rose's comment had been in the latter part of the conversation. Despite this timing, I really 'noticed' those few words, which I knew from experience is what occurs when a message is both delivered and received.

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The next day, I was provided with another key. I had read just two pages of a book and contained within those two pages were almost the same words. It was only later, on reflection that I realized the coincidence, and I received the message.

The theme was the same as I had encountered the previous day. I did not believe that I deserved good things to happen to me, which was a problem that I had experienced all of my life. I knew that my belief was not so, I did deserve good things, we all do.

Many of us, far more than we realize, adopt an attitude of disbelief; 'This cannot be happening to me, good things do not happen to me.' It is because of our belief that the good thing never quite happens. So we say; 'I knew it, good things do not happen to me', not realizing that our belief that; 'good things do not happen to me' is precisely why the good thing did not happen.

We must all understand the consequences of believing that 'good things' cannot happen to us. We must see how we ourselves create the environment where the 'good things' do not happen.

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Good things can happen to all, and if you think; 'that's nice for him, but….', then you have missed the point. If you want good things to happen, let good things happen. It is that simple. Stop blocking good things. Stop believing that good things only happen to others, and thus creating an environment that stops good things happening to you.

Consider all of the times when something good, something which you really wanted, nearly happened and look deeply into those moments. See how it was you who prevented the something good from happening. See how many times you failed to hit a home run, simply because you stopped running when you got to third base, believing that you could not hit a home run.

Understand that the next time that you walk up to bat, you only have to keep running to have your home run. You must accept that good things can happen to you.

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