An Easier Path.
I reflected on the title of the chapter which I was starting. I was sitting in the sun at a friend's home in Melbourne. It was the day before Sally's wedding. The sound of the traffic on the road beside me was loud, but the much softer and quieter sounds of nature drowned the traffic noise out.
From the second part of Searching For My Soul, I had instinctively titled the chapters before I had lived the chapters. Some chapters were short, and some chapters were long, but I realized that I knew what was going to occur next, even though I did not always understand what was going to occur next.
The chapter Destiny was a good example. I had assumed, I wondered if I would ever learn not to assume, that the chapter would relate to my destiny of this lifetime. Instead the chapter related to re-experiencing events of 2,000 years earlier which had sealed my fate, and established my destiny. I may be able to name a chapter before I lived the chapter, but I did not necessarily understand what the chapter would be about.
I reflected the title of this chapter, and I hoped that for once, my assumptions would prove correct.
I reflected on the significance of the following day's events. I had foreseen that Sally and her soon to be husband would wed many months previously, whilst I was on the island, at a time when Sally and her soon to be husband had discontinued their relationship, and a reconciliation was unlikely.
Sally's wedding was significant to me because of the role which Sally had played for so long as my earth guide, and because I knew that Sally's life had not been in turmoil, when I needed Sally's support and guidance, by accident. In many ways Sally's wedding gave me heart, and Sally's wedding gave me confidence. I felt that it would not be much longer before my own life was on one clear path.
It was proving to be a strange time for me. I had put some of the weight which I had lost back on, and I cannot say that I was happy about doing so, nor was I really concerned. I knew that my weight gain was temporary.
I had a feeling that my weight gain was a means to ensure that I returned to the island to finalize my preparation. I did not see how I would be able to do return to the island. I had neither the time, nor the money to return to the island.
I felt sure that I would travel across the world, within the next few months to reunite with my soulmate, whom I had never met but about whom I knew more than was possible after the exchange of two letters.
I also felt sure that my financial worries would soon disappear along with my need to remain in the business and balance two worlds. I had no concept of what 'soon' meant.
I was scared of what would happen if what I knew would happen, did not occur. I knew I would have to endure more difficulties if the promise, which I had survived on for so long, was broken. I knew that I would endure and keep going, even if things did not work out the way in which I wanted. I knew that what was happening was far bigger than I realized, even at that point.
At the same time I was scared of what would happen when my books were published, and my soul was bared to the world. I felt intimidated by the future no matter what was to happen.
I knew that my journey was far from over, but I needed relief from the pressure of two worlds. One path was enough for anyone to endure, and I knew from experience that I was incapable of following two paths for any period of time.
What I did not understand at that time was that only by embracing the business would I be attempting to follow two paths. Having to balance the business and my old world was in fact a part of my path, and necessary for my journey.
I came to see that at times my path had been very narrow, like a narrow bridge over a deep chasm which I needed to cross. I was carrying my old world and struggling to keep the load evenly distributed so as not to lose my balance.
I was apprehensive about people's reactions that I spoke with God almost daily, or more accurately, I was apprehensive about people's reactions that God spoke with me. I no longer saw that God spoke with me as amazing because I understood, but I knew that those who saw God as an external being would have difficulty accepting that I had regular discussions with God.
I believed that none of my concerns should have existed, because I knew the truth. What concerned me only had relevance on the lowest plane which I was existing on, but I was anchored to the earth plane nevertheless.
I understood that I had retained my doubts, despite all that I had experienced, to encourage others who chose a similar path and who had doubts which would linger. I knew that providing an example was a part of my role, and as such I knew that I would endure.
I suspected that I would maintain my doubts for a while longer. I believed that I should have no doubts. In fact, I did not really have any doubts, but my doubts remained as a necessary part of the environment which I had created, so that I could learn, and through learning teach. I knew that I had nothing to worry about, and no reason to be scared.
I suddenly realized that it had only been five weeks since I had travelled back to the mountain as the Native American boy. I recalled that much of the past few months had been preparation for what was to come. I had experienced periods of activity when I could barely keep up with all that was happening, followed by periods of rest. I had noticed many subtle changes about my views and myself, as I was slowly moving into my new world.
I telephoned Anne. We discussed the pattern which was apparent in Anne's life. Anne could see the pattern clearly, but I felt that Anne was not ready to act. I knew that one day, Anne would be forced to act. When Anne was ready to act, I would be there.
Anne was going through a period of reliving guilt patterns from within her life. Anne was remembering all of the times in her life, where the basic set of circumstances were repeated over and over. Anne had not broken the circle. Anne's experience was fascinating from my viewpoint, but I knew that the experience was not very pleasant for Anne.
What I found most fascinating was that Anne, Rose and Nancy were each experiencing a different aspect of what I had experienced. It was spirit guides with Rose, regression with Nancy, and a recurring lifetime circle with Anne.
I did not know why each was duplicating my experience, or why each was experiencing a different aspect of awareness. I did not know what I supposed to do, if anything, for any of them. I suspected that all I needed to do, was to be there, and I would know if and when there was something that I needed to do.
I found that when I talked about what was going to happen, I talked about what was going to happen as fact, which was different than when I talked about something which I wanted to happen. I knew from experience that I referred to something as fact, when my psychic ability 'kicked in', but I retained my doubts.
I was apprehensive, but what I felt was not the apprehension which I experienced when everything pointed one way, and I knew that the direction was not right. I suspected that what I was feeling, was apprehension brought about by fear.
I found it ironic that what was to be the end of a difficult time, was in its own way a difficult time.
The day of Sally's wedding had arrived. I reflected on this wonderful person who had been a sister to me in one lifetime, and a mother in another lifetime. I did not know it then, but Sally and I had shared other lifetimes together too. Sally had been more like a sister to me in this lifetime than just a friend. I remembered how Sally's life had been in turmoil, when I most needed Sally's guidance, and how Sally had been all that kept me going on more than one occasion.
I recalled that I had known whilst I was on the island many months earlier, that Sally was my earth guide at the time, and that Sally would find happiness and fulfilment when Sally's role was completed. In fact, I had written to Sally and I had explained what I foresaw. I was now witnessing the events which I had foreseen.
As I sat watching Sally's marriage ceremony, I was so overwhelmed by happiness for Sally that tears filled my eyes. It took all of my strength to control my emotions, such was my happiness for Sally, who had become my surrogate sister. The love that I felt for Sally so overwhelmed me on her wedding day that at times I felt that I would burst. The events of that day seemed a world away from when both of our lives were in turmoil, only a few months earlier.
As I soaked in the ceremony and the celebrations, I wondered what it would be like when I finally married my soulmate.
I knew that nothing would happen in my life until it was time, and certainly not before I was fully prepared. I prayed that my life would settle down soon. Souls are not meant to exist alone, they are incomplete. I longed to be with my soulmate, and I longed to enter my new world which was almost within my reach. I had no idea what I would need to endure to reach my new world.
I knew that my longing was caused by my attachment to the earth plane. I also knew that my experience of joy from the perspective of the earth plane, was minimal throughout all of my lifetimes, including this lifetime.
At the same time, I was scared that I was being selfish, and I was scared that the fulfilment that I was seeking was artificial. It seemed to me that I was scared of everything at this time. However, I was not really scared, but I did not know how else to describe what I was feeling.
I felt unworthy of what was happening to me. Once again I wondered if my experiences were real, or if my experiences were some sort of delusion.
This simple statement of fact, 'I felt unworthy of what was happening to me', would prove to be far more significant than I realized when I had made this statement. In fact, I overlooked that I had made this statement, until long after I finally accepted that I was worthy.
The following day, I returned home. I did not expect anything to be different in my world, and I received no surprises.
I remained scared of the future. I knew in general what was going to occur, but I knew that there was much that I did not know. With the exception the previous twelve months, feeling scared of the future was new to me. I had always approached the future with confidence. I did not know for sure if I was scared of what I did know, scared of what I did not know, or scared just because my soul was away again.
All that I received when I arrived home were a few reminders that my financial position was far from stable. My financial position was not a disaster, but I needed to very carefully manage my finances which was not easy. Most of my financial difficulties had stemmed from following the path which I had been thrust upon, and because of the cause of my financial difficulties, I knew that I would be all right.
At that time, with my soul away, the promise I was living on seemed a little shaky.
I telephoned my aunt. We discussed the previous twelve months, mostly from the perspective of the earth plane. It was a fascinating discussion. I was able to see clearly that I was still having difficulty with not being in conscious control of my life, and needing to flow with whatever occurred. The difference was, that I now accepted that I was not in conscious control of my life, and I flowed with whatever occurred.
Following my instinct, even when my instinct was contrary to the character which I had chosen for this lifetime, was one of my major challenges. I knew that I would overcome the challenge, because I knew that the challenge, the conflict between my character and my instinct was not created by accident.
The more that I looked around me, the more that I saw the last remnants of my old world coming to an end. I did not know whether I was clutching at what remained of my old world, but I suspected that I was. I could only trust that I was not clutching the remains of my old world too tightly, and that the remains of my old world would not have to be ripped away from me. I wanted the end of the difficult phase of my journey to continue to be smooth. I did know that what I would experience was God's will not my will, and I could only hope that I had learned enough to allow a smooth transition.
If it was to be a difficult transition, I could only trust that I would learn what I needed to learn from the transition. What I did not know, was that this transition would take many months to complete, and that the transition would be both smooth, and difficult on occasions.
Nor did I appreciate that the world which I had created would end on a number of occasions, only to be replaced by a similar environment as I continued to apply my increasing awareness to my environment.
I did seem to know immediately when I put a foot down the wrong path, and I withdrew my foot quickly. I needed to trust that knowing when I put a foot down the wrong path meant, that I had learned what I was I meant to learn, and that I could therefore enjoy a smooth transition. I had no idea what I still needed to learn, but I was to find out.
I spent much time reflecting. I had known for several days that there was a message which I was supposed to receive, something which I was supposed to understand, but I could not quite receive the message and therefore I could not even begin to understand the message.
I suddenly became aware of what it was that I was experiencing, and had in fact been experiencing for several weeks. I was being inundated with related memories, and I was slowly piecing together fragments of memories. I should have recognized what I was experiencing, because I had experienced piecing together memories previously. The difference was that this time the memory fragments were from different lifetimes. I was experiencing how aspects of different lifetimes fitted together.
The pictures that I was putting together went beyond the lessons which we learn in a lifetime, and then replay from a different perspective in the next lifetime. The pictures that I was putting together reflected my destiny. I was learning how events in each lifetime, albeit in a small way, formed a part our destiny.
Lifetime after lifetime, little pieces of the puzzle which is our destiny are created and left aside to be added to pieces from other lifetimes, until we are ready to fulfil our destiny. When it is time for us to fulfil our destiny, when we are preparing to fulfil our destiny, we retrieve those pieces of the puzzle which we left aside, and put the pieces together to form the picture that is our destiny. Mostly the timing of the fulfilment of our destiny is unimportant, but occasionally the timing of the fulfilment of our destiny becomes important. When the timing of the fulfilment of our destiny becomes important, the fulfilment of our destiny is delayed until the optimum time.
Each of us has a destiny, a task to perform which will assist others. It is through fulfilling our destiny by completing our task, that we are given the key which effectively opens the door to heaven. Knowing our destiny and our task, is only the beginning of this process, a process which is not complete, until we fulfil our destiny by completely our task.
As well as our own destiny, each of us has a part to play in fulfilling the destiny of others. Sometimes, the part we play in fulfilling the destiny of others is a small part, and sometimes the part we play in fulfilling the destiny of others is a larger part. Playing a part in fulfilling the destiny of others, is a part of our role to assist each other, to gain enlightenment.
My soul had returned, and the pattern that was my life at that time continued. Each time that my soul returned with the knowledge that I had been seeking, the depth of my knowledge increased and the circle of my awareness was a little closer to being complete.
Three times that night I became extremely tired, twice I had gone to bed but sleep would not come. My soul had left again. Sleeping or not sleeping at was considered 'normal' times was not important to me, and had not been important to me for some time.
The problem with my being unable to sleep, was that I needed to return to work the following day, after my few days in Melbourne, and I had an early meeting. Not sleeping was not practical, it was that simple. I went for a short walk, and I asked God for guidance. I needed guidance, but I knew that guidance would not be forthcoming, until I was ready to receive the guidance.
|My difficulty was that I needed to exist on the
earth plane, and therefore I needed to maintain my commitments, which meant
that I needed to work. I had tried hard to do all that was asked of me,
and I had risked my job on a number of occasions. I knew that I was being
provided for, but knowing that I was being provided for, did not make it
easy for me all of the time. I knew that I was being 'looked after' and
that I could come to no harm, but whenever my soul was away, I became confused.
I knew that I was not meant to embrace my spiritual path and my new world blindly, and I knew that the hard work, and the choice to learn were mine. God is always with us, God always loves us, but God cannot do for us, what we must do for ourselves. I knew that I needed to do the hard work myself, and I longed to know what it was that I was required to do next.
God said, not for the first time and certainly not for the last time, "Do nothing."
Once again I had the answer that I had sought, but it was not the answer that I wanted. Once again I was told to do nothing, when my whole being was screaming at me to do something.
I did not know if I was supposed to sleep, or if I was not supposed to sleep. I was lost and confused. I wondered if the easy path that I was searching for was a myth.
God said, "The easy path is not a myth, unless you choose to make the easy path a myth.
"Every request is heard and every prayer is answered if the request is genuine, and the motive is good. That every prayer is answered is something that you know, and that every prayer is answered is something that you must learn. Do not despair, your prayer is being answered as we speak. Do nothing, and do not forget what you have learned."
|I attempted to do what I had
been told. I attended the office, but the problems within the business overwhelmed
me. I felt like grabbing the business by the scruff of the neck, and shaking
some sense into it. I could see clearly what needed to be done within the
business, and would have dearly loved to do what needed to be done within
the business, but I knew that I could not do what needed to be done within
The timing of the experience did not escape me. The experience was a repeat of what I had experienced during the previous week, when I was in Melbourne, but this time I did not attempt to embrace the business.
I did not know why I needed to endure the conflicting pressure in respect of the business, or how much longer I would need to endure these conflicts. I felt that I was living a 'damned if I do and damned if I don't' scenario. I did not know how I could be expected to be receiving knowledge and talking with God at 3:00 am, and then work a full day in the office. I did not know why enduring the conflicting pressure was expected of me, and I did not know how much more of these conflicting pressures I could endure. I felt that I had travelled back to where I was a few months earlier, and I did not know how to handle what I was experiencing.
I did not know that I would be repeatedly placed in a situation, where I was required to somehow balance conflicting pressures, throughout my journey. I knew that each time that I experienced this particular scenario, there was a point which I had missed, or something that I had not been aware of, but it was not always easy for me to understand the point.
I was having ongoing problems with my bank, and through the bank's incompetence, they continually froze my account. Mostly I took my frozen bank account in my stride, but not that day. That day I could not understand how I could be expected to endure so much.
I had done all that had been asked of me, and I still received no relief from the constant pressure of balancing two worlds. I could not understand why I was being asked to endure, and all that I wanted to do, was run away. This time I did not believe that I should deal with my difficulties alone. Every other time that the pressure had overwhelmed me previously, I had dealt with the overwhelming pressure alone. This time I allowed myself to seek help.
|I telephoned Anne and I talked
my experience through. Anne gave me good advice and I knew that Anne was
right, but I did not want to listen. I wanted my journey to be over, because
I believed that when my journey was over, the pressure and the necessity
to balance two worlds would disappear.
I telephoned Nancy and arranged to see her. This time I would accept Nancy's help instead of rejecting Nancy's help, as I had done on previous occasions.
I was given a message. It was apparent that whenever I blocked communication from within, or when I chose not to listen to those with advice to give, I would be given a message from what was once the only way that I could receive a message, a book, or a movie, or something. I had my message. 'I was looking in the wrong direction, and I was missing the point'. I knew what the message meant, but I certainly did not get the point.
I called in to see Nancy. I explained much of what I was experiencing. My difficult period was a lot easier for me this time, because I had sought and been given the support of Anne and Nancy. However, I was destined to endure the difficult period again, and I was destined to endure the difficult period alone.
Many are finding pieces of the truth, some small and some large, which is causing difficulties. Instead of accepting what they know within themselves, many are trying to find a physical explanation of why and how things work.
Neither the spirit plane nor the higher plane is bound by the limitations of the earth plane. Therefore, it is not possible to explain the mechanics of how the laws of the spirit plane, and the higher plane apply from the perspective of the earth plane. Simply put, the mechanics are different.
|I began to wonder what I was
supposed to do, until I remembered that I was supposed to do nothing. I
was looking for the point which I had missed, but I could not find the point
which I had missed. I did recall, that I had been warned against forgetting
what I had learned.
I reflected on the previous day's events. I knew that it was severe and sudden stress which had engulfed me. I knew exactly what being engulfed by stress felt like, and I knew that the severe and sudden stress had been caused by something to do with the business. I was narrowing down the point which I was missing. I had forgotten something, and by forgetting whatever it was that I had forgotten, I had missed something. I had been looking in the wrong direction, and I had missed whatever it was, that I should have seen. I knew that what I was missing was related to what was occurring within my environment. I knew that when I finally got the point which I was missing, my difficulties would end, at least temporarily.
I knew that I had brought my difficulties upon myself to teach myself something, or to remind myself of something, but I did not know what. I was focussing on my frustrations in respect of the earth plane, but I knew that focussing on my frustrations in itself was not the cause of my difficulty, focussing on my frustrations was the symptom of my difficulty. I knew that I was trying to provide a surface solution to a problem which had depth.
I was looking for something to do, when I had been told to do nothing, which was a significant part of my problem. My difficulties had stemmed from the business. I could see very clearly what needed to be done in respect of the business. I could see how easy it would be to do what was necessary in respect of the business. I wanted to solve the problems of the business, solving problems was my nature, but I was not meant to solve the problems of the business. I knew that the business was not my destiny.
|The real problem was an old
problem which I had seen coming. My character, which is locked into the
perspective of the earth plane, was in conflict with my destiny, which is
locked into the perspective of the higher plane. It was a pointless battle,
and I knew that it was a pointless battle. There could only be one winner.
There could only be one loser. There would only be one person who suffered,
I had forgotten that the only way, that the easy path can be travelled, is to flow with events. I had learned to flow with events, I did know that I needed to flow with events, and I was aware that I needed to flow with events.
The reality was that each day my business partners were seeing the problems with the business in more depth. However, like me my business partners were only addressing the surface. My business partners would learn in their own time that addressing the surface was not enough. I was doing what I was within the business to do, and how long it would take me to do what I was within the business to do, was not relevant. The business was, after all, supporting me financially whilst I completed my spiritual journey.
I had created all of the difficulties which surrounded me, because I had lost sight of the truth. What concerned me was that I wanted my new world to take hold. I could accept and flow for a time, but existing in two worlds would eventually become too much for me to endure.
In some ways, it would have been easier if I had not known what was to come. Knowing what the future holds is a double-edged sword, the promise of the future kept me going, but I wanted the future now. However, if I did not know what was to come, I would have been looking for something else, or attempting to take an incorrect path.
The circular nature of our existence can be very confusing. As is the nature of our existence, so too was my environment, circular, folding back on itself. I knew that I would do nothing. I would allow whatever was to occur to happen. Everything would become much clearer in time. I was still missing the point, but I hoped I had experienced the final test.
|I understood that I was unable
to fully embrace what I had learned and ascend. I knew that I needed to
follow the hard road. I knew that I would make every mistake. I knew that
I would travel down every dead end. I knew my difficult path. I lived my
difficult path. I did not, however, like my difficult path.
I was again beginning to feel that 'something' was about to happen, although as usual I had no idea what. It was another difficult day. I found that I was in a position where a decision needed to be made in respect of my level of involvement within the business, which was precisely what I did not want to face at this time.
I received some information which I had been waiting for. I had hoped that I would receive news that my need to balance between two worlds was nearly over, but I did not. The news I received was to hang on a while longer, but all was on track. The news did not thrill me, because the news was not what I wanted to hear.
I learned that something else had gone 'wrong', which I again did not want to hear. It seemed that everything was going wrong at once, which was a sure sign that I had failed to learn something.
I realized that I was close to understanding something new, but I could not quite reach the knowledge. I knew from experience that all I could do, was leave whatever the 'something new' was alone, and allow my new understanding to surface, which was precisely what I did.
I sought and received a message from a regular and accurate source. 'I had some special but difficult decisions to make. Things were about to improve, and I would soon feel I was driving my life again, instead of chasing my life.' As usual, the accuracy of the message amazed me.
|Throughout the difficulties which I had endured
during the previous few days, I had sought guidance. Now that I was ready
to receive the guidance, I found the key, and released the guidance.
God said, "I told you that you would have sufficient resources to complete your task, and you have sufficient resources to complete your task. I did not tell you that you would be rich. I told you that you would have more resources than you needed, and that you would give the excess resources to others who needed assistance."
I questioned God about the nature of my writing, wondering whether I should be including my personal difficulties.
"Your example is your task. You must show others that difficulties continue, and that every time one loses sight of the truth, difficulties arise. How could you tell others that difficulties continue to arise, if you never lost sight of the truth, or if you never experienced difficulties? If you were able to embrace the truth, if you were never to let go of the truth, if you never lost sight of the truth, how would those who did lose sight of the truth know, that losing sight of the truth was a part of the process?"
|I wondered if the relief and satisfaction which
I was seeking was selfish.
"No, you seek relief and satisfaction, not primarily for yourself but to enable you to continue what you have been asked to do, which is why you will receive that which you seek. You have not said to me, 'God, make me rich', you have sought wisdom, you have sought guidance. You have not asked me to take your task away, even in despair. You have only asked that the things which impede your task be taken away, so that you can complete your task.
"You have sought joy and happiness on the earth plane, but not selfishly. You have sought joy and happiness not only for yourself, but also for others to share with you. You shall receive joy and happiness and so shall others receive joy and happiness. You could have chosen a path that seemed easy to take your loneliness away, you have been offered more than one, but you have endured your loneliness, because you knew that those were not your correct paths.
"You were told that your correct path is one which is contrary to your desires. You were told to keep away from the one that you desired most. You kept away from the one that you desired most, even when you would have given your life for that person. You accepted my guidance, to a strange path which you did not understand. The path which I guided you to was a frustrating path to follow, and the path which I guided you to was contrary to your nature. The path which I asked you to follow could not have been more against all that you held to be true, and yet you listened to me and followed my guidance. This is why you will receive your joy and happiness, and so will those around you.
"I have made things difficult for you. I have allowed you to stumble at every turn. I have allowed you to fall often. Each time that you fell you have picked yourself up, each time that you fell you have continued your journey, an each time that you fell you have sought to understand why you fell. You always sought to know what you have done wrong to make you fall, and at no time did you curse me for making you fall.
"I have sent insects to annoy you, and told you not to take their life. You have listened, you did not take their life. Instead you were patient and tolerant of their intrusion. I have placed pain in your head which made your journey more difficult. I have given you knowledge and experience, when receiving knowledge and experience was not practical. You accepted what I gave you, and you did not curse me.
"I have dangled promises in front of you, and prevented you from reaching what has been promised. Your response was to wonder what you had failed to learn, and to seek more knowledge. I have tempted you to give up on your life and your journey. I have provided you with opportunities to seek another path. You have considered the opportunities to seek another path as you should, and you have discarded the alternate paths.
"You have despaired at your difficulties, and you have felt that you deserved better. Again you looked at yourself for what was wrong, you did not curse me. I have placed you in a position to harm others, and you have not harmed others. I have bombarded you at times with perspectives that were illusions, and you have seen through the illusion.
"You do not seek fame, you seek only peace. However, you will endure fame and risk your peace if that is my will. You have believed that you have done all that has been asked of you, and you have wondered why your path remained difficult, but you did not blame me, or accuse me.
"Understand that true fulfilment can and will be obtained on the earth plane. The prospect of true fulfilment on the earth plane gives people something to look forward to. All are on the earth plane to feel, to touch, to experience all things.
"Do not judge yourself harshly. Following my guidance means little if the path is easy. Following my guidance despite difficulties, despite despair, despite all that is thrown at you, is a true test of your oneness with God. Understand this, it is so with all.
"Do not think that your path is for my benefit. I knew the answers to these questions, and all questions. Your path is for your benefit and only for your benefit. You felt that you were not worthy, and I have demonstrated that you are worthy. Will you accept that you are worthy now?
"What is occurring that is different to what you knew, and know, would occur? Why would you have expected anything to occur previously, when you knew that all would be occurring at this time? Is not all occurring at this time?
"You knew that this would be a time of preparation, a time of moving from the difficult path to an easier path, but you despair because the transition is occurring, and the transition has not occurred. You knew that this would be so, and it is so.
"You are experiencing difficulty because you cannot see how everything will come together, but is what you cannot see relevant? Has not your own experience told you that what you cannot see, is not relevant?
"You have been told that things will occur which are different than you have envisaged, and you are troubled because it is slowly being confirmed that things will be different than you envisaged. How many times has it been demonstrated that you should not envisage how anything will occur? You continue to attempt to envisage how everything will occur, and you continue to become downhearted when what you envisage does not occur. You know that what you envisage will not occur in the way that you envisage, so why would the reality of what you know cause you such a problem?
"Everything that is happening to you now, has been created by you, do you not know this? Everything that has been happening is to demonstrate what you have been told.
"You have learned to see things from the perspective of the higher plane, but you continue to allow others to drag your perspective back to the earth plane. You must stop allowing others to alter your perspective. You have created your environment to learn what you are ready to understand.
"Why do you not seek the help of those who have offered to help you? If you allow those to help you with one thing, you may focus on another thing. I do not recall telling you that you must do all things alone, although there are some things which only you can do.
"Listen to your own advice to others, would those who have offered help, have done so if you were not meant to have help? Have I not shown you that those who are to help you, are in a position to help you, with no conflicting commitments so that they can help you. Have I not shown you that those who help you will be rewarded when their task is complete? If you do not allow those who would help you to help, how can those who would help you receive their reward of happiness?
"You concern yourself with the well being of those who would help you. You concern yourself with your earth plane perspective, and you do not wish to 'use' those who would help you. You are not 'using' those who would help you, you are stopping those who would help you. Your motives are honourable, you are attempting not to be selfish, but how can allowing those who would help you, to help be selfish when it is not you who will receive the benefit, it is those who would help you who will receive the benefit.
"Those who would help you, must trust in me as you do. You know that all must trust in me, you see that all must trust in me. Do not be dragged onto the earth plane perspective. You know better than to be dragged onto the earth plane perspective.
"Consider the example of your friend Sally. Sally was available when her role was to guide you. I told you that Sally would find happiness when she had completed her task. Sally's task was required to end because of Sally's beliefs, and Sally's beliefs are right for Sally. After Sally's task was completed, Sally found happiness.
"Did I not tell you that you would be given the resources that you needed. You know that the resources which are provided, are not as you expect, but you are frightened to use the resources which are provided, because of your earth plane concerns with other's feeling used.
"Has it not occurred to you that through helping you, those who would help you will learn what they need to learn in a positive way. What right do you have to prevent those who would help you from learning what they need to learn? You have convinced yourself that to accept the offer of help from those who would help you would be selfish. However, you do not accept offers of help, because you are attempting to avoid guilt. Do not be selfish, do not indulge yourself with guilt. Allow those who would help you to help. I do not recall asking you to be a martyr.
"You concern yourself with being fair to those within your business, but you are being fair. Those within your business are receiving much benefit from what you are doing for them. When did you decide that you would use those within your business, and turn your back? Never! You have accepted that when your world changes you will continue to assist those within your business, so how are you using those within your business? You need the financial support of those within your business, and those within your business need your talent. Where is the use?
"Do what those within your business ask of you to help them, show those within your business what is so, but allow those within your business to make their own decisions. All that you need to understand is that your's is a different path, and as long as you maintain your understanding that the business is not your path, you will be able to help those within your business when they ask.
"For one who has acquired much wisdom, you have managed to retain a sufficient level of stupidity to confuse yourself. You still worry even after all I have just told you, and even after I have provided you with so many solutions to the difficulties which worry you.
"You must continue to balance, and you must continue to trust. You will continue to create environments to fully prepare you for what lies ahead. Understand what I have explained to you this day, and you will have the easy path which you seek."
It was only whilst completing my final review, that I truly understood the implications and meaning of God's statement.
"If I were to suddenly remove all of your difficulties, because you have found me, it would give the wrong impression to those who seek to learn from your experiences.
"I will give you all the information which you seek, you only need to ask the right questions. You continue to struggle with knowing what is right, and what is wrong despite all that I have told you. All that is wrong is your perspective. Do you not see this? All that is wrong is that you have not unlearned, from the perspective of the earth plane, that which you have learned prior to discovering the truth.
"Do not doubt yourself or your strength. It has taken true strength of character to follow your path, when your path is in conflict with what you have learned, prior to the truth. If you did not have a conflict between what you have learned and the truth, how would you unlearn? Do you think that you will be the only one to experience a conflict between what you have learned and the truth? Do you not understand that many will experience a conflict between what they have learned and the truth, and therefore you must experience a conflict between what you have learned and the truth?
"Is there anything that I have told you that you did not know? Do you not know that knowing is not enough? Do you not know that you must live what you now know? When you are troubled, ask yourself what you have created your environment to learn. You have always created your environment and therefore you know why you have created your environment. You need only seek your own knowledge.
"It is not me that you doubt, it is yourself. Does this make sense? How can you doubt yourself when I am within you, and you do not doubt me?"
God instructed me to consider the advice which I would give others, and to apply that advice to myself, which I did. Hopefully I would listen to myself.
"If you can put trust in me, why can you not put trust in yourself, because you know I am within you.
"You consider yourself overly critical of others, but you are not. You see the mistakes which others have made so you will not duplicate their mistakes. Learning from the mistakes of others is not being critical, learning from the mistakes of others is being smart. You are not better than others, you have the benefit of their mistake, if you choose to learn from their mistake. Be grateful they have made a mistake, and presented you with an opportunity to avoid making the same mistake, if you choose. Is not this the same with all the mistakes which you have made? You have made all of the mistakes which you have made, to give others the opportunity not to make the same mistakes, if they choose. Whether they accept the opportunity to learn from your mistakes, is their choice, just as it is your choice whether to accept the opportunities which you have been given, to learn from the mistakes of others."
myself to review how various pieces of a problems that I was experiencing
had developed. Throughout the process there had been two pieces of the puzzle
which I had discarded because they did not fit. Suddenly upon receiving
the latest piece of the puzzle, I saw how the two pieces that I had previously
discarded did in fact fit.
I was not meant to see how the two pieces of the puzzle which I had discarded fitted within the puzzle, until it was time to see the overall picture of my difficulties. The two pieces of the puzzle which I had discarded would have misled me, because the two pieces of the puzzle which I had discarded were contrary to what I knew. I should have put the two pieces of the puzzle which I had discarded aside and waited. This pattern had repeated itself so often, that I must surely learn.
Despite all that I had learned, my 'testing' time continued. A business opportunity arose which I identified instantly. The business opportunity was a huge opportunity which I had foreseen eighteen months earlier. I knew that I could 'do the deal', but I did not believe that I was supposed to embrace the business opportunity which had presented itself. I had another major decision to make, and I was once more confused.
I reflected that when I had first foreseen the business opportunity, I had invented a scenario which was the only way that I could see the business opportunity occurring, but as usual my scenario had been wrong.
The major benefit for me was to see that the detail of the business opportunity which I had added, to what I had foreseen was incorrect, as the experience happened, and not in hindsight. The experience made my understanding of what I foresaw much clearer. I needed to apply my new understanding to what I had foreseen for my own future.
development of the business opportunity which I had foreseen eighteen months
earlier, continued to haunt me. Another opportunity, which I had also foreseen
in relation to the business, presented itself to me. The two business opportunities
were obviously related, although I had not seen the connection between the
two business opportunities, previously. I began to see how the two business
opportunities came together. The potential of the two business opportunities
was staggering. I could see the result of realizing the two business opportunities
I was fascinated, but I did not know what I was supposed to do. I allowed events to develop on their own. I had foreseen the opportunities and the potential of the business, and I had foreseen the potential of the business being fulfilled, which did not mean that the potential of the business would be fulfilled.
The development of the dual business opportunities confused me. I had foreseen both business opportunities, and it was apparent that both business opportunities could become reality, but I would need to drive events to bring the business opportunities which I had foreseen into being, and I saw my future elsewhere. I did not know what I was supposed to do. I did not see how the alternate paths of developing the business opportunities, and my spiritual task could both be right. I sought guidance, and I felt my soul go away in search of an answer.
Several hours later my soul returned and the answer was suddenly clear. I would present the dual business opportunities, I would outline how the dual business opportunities could be brought together and into being, but then I would step away from the dual business opportunities, and perhaps the business.
|Following my proposal was the only way that I
could see that the business would survive in the long term. I was amazed
at how clear the potential of the business was, and how easily the dual
business opportunities had come together. I could not guarantee that the
dual business opportunities would be realized, but I knew what I needed
As I reviewed the day's events, I saw exactly what I had done, which was what I had been doing for sometime. The difference was, that this time I was in control of the experience, and I knew exactly how to utilize my soul to seek and gain the answers which I needed. I had acted upon my awareness.
If I could maintain what I had learned, my path would indeed become easier.
God said, "You see how you create the environment to regain knowledge, and increase awareness. You have termed this process learning, which it is, but this process is not learning in the strictest sense. The process is regaining knowledge, and through regaining knowledge, gaining awareness, but learning is an accepted and understood process, so learning is an acceptable term. What something is called is unimportant, labels are irrelevant, all that is important is that the message is received."
|I continually created an environment in which
to test myself. I would continually worry, and then learn that I should
not have worried. The experience duplicated itself in many ways within my
environment, and I knew that the experience would continue to be repeated
and replayed until I really learned, or relearned not to worry.
When my journey became difficult and I was struggling, I would curse and question because my path was so hard. I knew that it was me who was making my own journey difficult, and I was aware of what was happening. The problem was that I was not living what I had learned. I continued to react negatively to events which were not to my liking, even though I knew that the events which I did not like were of my own creation.
I did know that whilst I continued to react negatively, and whilst I continued to think that some external event was the key to obtaining inner peace, I would continue to experience a difficult path. I would continue to create a difficult environment, because creating the environment in which I needed to learn, was the only way that I would ever learn to live what I knew.
I would continue to create, and recreate a difficult environment so that I could experience what I did to myself, when I lost sight of reality and became wrapped up in the illusion. I would continue to experience that the only way to keep on my path, and allow my path to be easy, was to maintain my sight of reality.
God said, "It is difficult to maintain your sight of reality, when you are surrounded by illusions, and your existence has been based on the illusions which surround you for so long. Do not despair, in many ways reality is the hardest awareness to maintain.
"You are seeing your mistake closer to making the mistake each time, and you will learn to see the mistake before you make the mistake. There is a pattern to your awareness which has applied to the components of reality, which you have become aware of. You are now applying the pattern to your awareness, to the sum of the components of reality, which you have become aware of. Understand that as you did with each component of reality, which you have become aware of, you must now do with the sum of the components of reality, which you have become aware of.
"How do you expect yourself to teach when you lose sight of reality? You continue to remind yourself of reality, so that you will learn not to lose sight of reality. You have needed your past lessons, but it is time for you to maintain your sight of reality always. If you think that all will fall into place when you maintain sight of reality, you are correct. However, if you look for everything to fall into place, because you have maintained your sight of reality, then you have lost your sight of reality.
"Have you not learned that it does not matter what you do? Have you not learned to accept that all is for a reason? You know that all is for a reason and still you concern yourself with what you do. You concern yourself with what you do when you lose sight of reality, so if you are starting to worry about what you are doing, or if you continue to worry about what you are not doing, which you are doing even as I speak, you are losing sight of the whole of reality. Seeing and remaining aware of part of reality is not enough. It is all of reality that you must keep sight of. Can you not see this?
"Still you worry about when and how, but you have shown yourself that when and how are unimportant. You know that the easy path comes only from within, but you continue to look outside for an easy path.
"There are difficult aspects of your path that you must work through, but you have created the difficult aspects of your path, so that you will understand that you have created the difficult aspects of your path. Be patient and do not worry, everything will be as everything should be, when you let everything be.
"You know this and still you worry about when and how. You worry about your responsibilities. You worry about your resources. You only give yourself something to worry about so you will understand not to worry. You think that I have controlled the agenda, but I have not, you have. Can you not see this? You know that you create environments in consultation with other souls. Can you not maintain your knowledge?
"You have seen that you create environments time and time again, and you have seen you create environments from all perspectives, so why can you not maintain the correct perspective?
"Nor should you despair at the difficulties which you struggle with. Have you not understood that unless you face and overcome obstacles, those who follow you will not see what has to be done? How can any accept what can be achieved if they stumble, and all that they see from others who have found the path is that they did not stumble?
"Many have found The Truth Of Reality, or parts of the truth and they have told others about much that is possible. They too had difficulties, but their role is as their role is, often to tell those who will listen what is possible.
"Many are accepting what is possible, and many are struggling because they stumble. You know that your task is to bring The Truth Of Reality together, to show the way and to demonstrate that it is all right to stumble. This is the role which you have chosen. This is the path which you have chosen.
"Do not concern yourself when you stumble. Your path is such that you will stumble. Your path is also such that you will pick yourself up and keep going.
"Do you not understand that you cannot review what you have written until you need to? Do you not understand that if you could read what you have written you would not stumble, and you are meant to stumble?
"You have inserted many keys in your words for yourself and for others, but you will not allow yourself to find those keys until it is time to unlock another door. Each key leads you to increase the depth of your knowledge, when you are ready to receive the key.
"All is as it should be. All is as it is meant to be. This is always so. Accept that all is always as it is meant to be, and you will not lose sight of reality.
"Much of what you have learned, even about your role, are ironic twists which fold back in on themselves, because the nature of reality is circular. You know that the nature of reality is circular, and you know that a circle is without beginning and without end, but each point on the circle is both a beginning and an end.
"The nature of your existence on the earth plane has demonstrated that the nature of reality is circular through all of the lifetimes which I have shown you. See that the nature of reality is circular, now and see that the nature of reality is circular, clearly.
"You concern yourself when you do not receive my words, and you concern yourself when you do receive my words. You surprise me that you do not concern yourself when you breathe, you concern yourself about everything else.
"You must learn not to concern yourself about anything. Not concerning yourself about anything when you have sight of the future is not enough. You must not to concern yourself about anything, at all times, even when you cannot see what lies ahead, or even what lies around the corner.
"Until you learn not to concern yourself about anything, you will continue to give yourself things to concern yourself with. It is ironic that you will only stop giving yourself things to concern yourself with, when you stop concerning yourself with things."
|Despite all that God had said to me, I
continued to create a testing environment for myself. I even allowed past
arguments to be raised, and I continued to attempt to understand why. There
were events occurring around me, and I could not comprehend their meaning,
but I continued to allow the events to occur, without attempting to interfere.
I was frustrated and I was enduring my neck pain, which revisited me every time that I became frustrated. Why I felt frustrated I did not know, there was nothing, that I was aware of, that had caused any frustration.
I continued to do very little. I did not know what I was supposed to do, and it was always safer to do nothing, when I was unsure about what to do.
I felt my frustration slowly lifting, which was good because nothing had changed and my financial difficulties seemed to be crowding in on me. It would have helped if I could relieve the pressure, but the only way that I could really relieve the pressure was internally.
For the most part I did refuse to worry, but occasionally the pressure got the better of me. I knew that everything would be all right, and I had known that everything would be all right for twelve months, but when? When was my problem. How much longer would I need to juggle two worlds? I knew that I would not need to juggle two worlds forever. Physically, I could not juggle two worlds forever, but juggling two worlds had certainly felt like forever.
I continued to have the feeling that my spiritual abilities were far greater than I realized, but I did not quite believe that I had spiritual abilities, which I suspected had something to do with why I could not utilize my spiritual abilities.
|I considered all of the things
around me that I had created as part of my environment. I was learning
about changing values, and I was learning that much that had been conditioned
upon me throughout life, was wrong.
One thing that I was continually recreating, and having difficulty learning was in relation to other people's feelings. Whilst I did not think for a minute that other people's feelings should not be considered, I needed to learn that I was not responsible for other people's feelings. I needed to allow others to flow with their own feelings, and to allow others to understand that if they were hurt, they needed to experience the hurt to learn whatever they needed to learn. We cannot prevent other people from being hurt.
Experiencing hurt is more than needing to experience. They themselves had created their own environment, just as I had created my own environment, and our souls had conspired because we both knew that we would each learn, what we each needed to learn from the experience. I needed to learn and understand that all shared environments are mutually created by choice.
I knew that if I was offered help, it was because I was being given resources regardless of the person's motivation for offering help. Nothing occurs by accident and we are all meant to do everything that we do. I was still learning that my old opinions about what I should be doing were changing, and needed to change. I needed to unlearn much, and I found unlearning very difficult.
I could see that everything that I was doing and every aspect of my environment was related, created by me to help me unlearn the earth plane perspective. I had underestimated how difficult unlearning the earth plane perspective would be.
|I knew that being aware of
what I needed to do was a major step, but I also knew that being aware of
what I needed to do was only a first step. I knew how the process, every
process as I have called them, worked. It was always the same series of
patterns. Experience, awareness, understanding and control. Every process
had followed the same pattern.
I had a number of photographs of my soulmate around me, and even though I had never met her, the photographs of my soulmate lifted my spirits whenever I looked at them. There was no doubt that I knew this lady whom I had never met, very well.
I did not believe that the events which were occurring in my environment mattered, and I saw through the events which were occurring in my environment, but it was an environment that I had created, and I allowed what was occurring to matter. I knew that the experience was very important, because the environment which I had surrounded myself with, was an average everyday environment of responsibility and pressures of the earth plane.
The environment which I had surrounded myself with, was important because the environment which I had surrounded myself with, was the environment that those who chose to follow my path would need to endure. The environment which I had surrounded myself with was an environment that would appear to make it impossible to follow my path. I needed to follow my spiritual path from within an everyday environment, to show all who chose to see, that following a spiritual path from within an everyday environment could be done.
All that I needed to do, was not worry about anything which was something that anybody could do regardless of their environment, or more accurately regardless of the environment which they had created for themselves. One positive thing was that I no longer questioned my sanity, at least temporarily.
|The purpose of all that I
had endured from within the environment which I had created, was to ensure
that I would finally see the earth plane for what the earth plane is. Coming
to terms with reality is difficult, and the circular nature of reality,
does not make reality easy to come to terms with.
In many ways the aspects of reality which I was now coming to terms with seemed to contradict what I had learned previously. Reality does not really contradict, but sometimes, reality appears to contradict.
Understanding reality is a product of awareness, which is why we relive lifetimes and events. Our lack of awareness is why we continue to suffer. We must learn, we must become aware of the circular nature, of the true nature of all that is.
It is through becoming aware of why our experiences occur that we no longer have to endure difficult experiences. If we did not live our experiences over and over, if we did not carry our experiences with us for thousands of years, we could not find our unresolved experiences, understand our unresolved experiences, and through understanding our unresolved experiences increase our awareness.
The key is that we must complete the process ourselves. Completing the process ourselves, is the only way for us to become truly aware.
I continued to create a frustrating environment around myself, but I was now able to see my way out of some of my difficulties, which helped. I did not believe that I was overly concerned about what was happening within my environment, but I knew that I had not fully 'gotten the point', because my environment continued to exist.
|I did receive a little encouragement,
just enough encouragement to keep me going, but nothing concrete, which
fitted the pattern of the environment that I had created. I understood that
my current challenge was to release my illusions totally. I did not know
how long it would take me to release my illusions totally.
I had been asked some questions, and I knew that I would answer the questions in detail. I suspected that in the process of answering the questions, I would understand something, a point that I was missing.
I needed to stop attempting to determine what was going to happen each day. When I attempted to determine exactly what the day's events would bring, the day's events were often different than I expected, which would concern me because I would have convinced myself that I was supposed to be doing something other than whatever occurred.
I knew most of the things that I needed to do, but whether I did what I needed to do on my schedule, or sometime later did not matter. Making whether I did what I needed to do on my schedule matter, was a part of the environment which I had created.
Whenever I reached a point where I needed to do a particular thing because the timing was important to my journey, I could not avoid doing the particular thing and circumstances unfolded around me, to allow me to do whatever it was that I needed to do.
I realized that I had come to terms with much of what I was re-learning previously, but I had lost sight of what I had learned. Losing sight of what I had learned was a major difficulty which I needed to overcome.
Reality is very different than the illusion which we live lifetime after lifetime. It is almost impossible for us to fully come to terms with reality. The only way for us to fully come to terms with reality, is for us to release our illusions, and unlearn what we have learned, which is itself the most difficult aspect of coming to terms with reality. Coming to terms with reality is not an easy process because we choose to make coming to terms with reality difficult, by clutching our illusions.
|I began to wonder if the reasons that I was given
for continually slipping back, were a 'cop out', invented by my imagination
as an excuse for my failure to maintain my correct path. I knew the reasons
that I was given for continually slipping back, were not a 'cop out', because
I knew that the explanations did not come from me. Nor did the reasons why
I continually slipped back matter. The environment which I had created,
made it difficult for me to accept the reality of our existence because
I had not released my illusions, and I needed to release my illusions before
I could come to terms with reality.
God said, "No teacher has an easy path whilst they are learning. Focusing on the benefit of learning is not enough, you must also focus on the difficulties. If you did not endure difficulties, explain difficulties and overcome difficulties, those who follow would be discouraged by difficulties which they will face. They would think that because they have difficulties, and you did not have difficulties, they could not follow your path and that you are different. You are not different. You are not special. All can follow your path, by following their own path."
I understood that all of the challenges which I had faced had been of my own creation. I understood that I would never be ready to take the next step, until I believed that I was ready to take the next step.
I continued to have difficulty coming to terms with the concept of right and wrong, or more accurately that right and wrong did not exist. Everything that we do is for a reason, and it is us who have created the concept of right and wrong because of our need for judgement, black or white. However, the concept of right and wrong is an illusion. Everything that we do is what we are meant to do. We can change what we are meant to do, by changing what we do. If we are meant to do something so that we can learn, then we must learn.
|I reviewed all of the Tarot
readings which I'd had during the previous twelve months. I was looking
for a common denominator. I knew that there was an answer which I needed,
contained within the Tarot readings. I found my answer, every Tarot reading
which I'd had, I had known was right as the Tarot was read, even if I did
not like some aspects of the Tarot reading.
I continued to create an environment to make my experiences difficult, and I was again unsure what to do next. I was presented with options and decisions. I believed that I needed to decide which was right and which was wrong, but in reality, I needed to understand that there is no right or wrong.
I continued to work. I continued to demonstrate to myself that nothing contained within my environment really mattered, and that right and wrong are artificial concepts. For the most part I allowed my soul to take over and handle whatever occurred in the best way for me.
Our instinct only has one duty and one interest, and that is us. we must allow our instinct to protect us, even from ourselves. We must follow our instinct, because our instinct will protect us no matter what we experience. If we follow our instinct, we are doing what is best for ourselves, and we should have no feelings of guilt because we have followed our instinct. Our instinct is always working for us, and our instinct will not allow us to incur karmic debts, but our instinct will allow us to repay karmic debts. If we do not follow our instinct, we are likely to incur karmic debts, which will need to be repaid.
Right and wrong are concepts created by the artificial world which demands us to live up to other's expectations. The only true judge of right or wrong is our instinct, and our instinct is focused on what is right for us, and what will make our path easier, instead of right and wrong in the sense as right and wrong is determined by the artificial world.
Following my instinct was a very basic lesson, and following my instinct was one of the first things that I had learned. I had apparently lost sight of the basics.
|Anne had once again reached a point where she
was at a crossroads. Anne was experiencing difficulties. I wanted to help
Anne, but I still did not know how to help her. I knew that Anne had to
choose to alter her path on her own. I felt that I was a bit tough on Anne
at times, but I was following my instinct, and I needed to give Anne an
opportunity to face reality, which was what Anne needed to do, even though
neither of us liked our respective roles very much.
I thought that I had found a solution, at least in part, to my financial difficulties but I had not. All that I had done was set myself up for a potential fall, which I did not allow to occur.
Some time later, God said, "It does not matter what people choose to call me. I have been known by many names and as many concepts. If one is genuinely troubled and requests help, I will help.
"I have no religion, no denomination. If asked for help, it does not matter to me what the person asking for help believes. I have no chosen ones. I do not choose. Those who will, choose me and choose my form. It matters not to me how I am called or seen.
"All genuine requests for help are answered, although not necessarily in the way that the one asking for help thinks that they would prefer. I do not bargain, I do not make deals. Do you, yourself remember trying to bargain with me? I do not bargain, but I kept my bargain, despite the fact that you forgot about the event."
|I remembered! I had certainly forgotten about
that particular event. When I was ten years old, I had been bush walking
and I became lost. I was only lost for a few hours, but I was scared and
I had panicked. I prayed for help, and I promised God that if he helped
me, I would do God's work for all of my life. Two teenage boys found me.
I had forgotten about my 'deal' with God, until this moment.
"When I heard your request, I was amused because I knew what was to happen. The thing that all should remember is that I listen to the soul, not the conscious mind. If the soul has planned for some tragedy to occur and the conscious mind begs me to remove that tragedy, which should I listen to? Is it not kinder to listen to the soul and allow the person to learn, to experience tragedy and still love? Which would you do?
"As I have said, there are many teachers in this lifetime, each explaining a concept and a part of reality in far greater detail than you will be asked to do. Your role is to bring it all together, to complete the circle and to rebuild the puzzle.
"In many ways you are the link that will rebuild the puzzle.
"First you experienced your role with those you knew as friends, and now you will commence your role with those you have not met, but you will still gain this experience in a controlled environment."
|The previous evening I had written to a number
of people I did not know. Most were in jail for life or death sentences.
"You begin to see the simplicity of your role. You know whom you should reach out to, and you know that this is all that matters. You cannot and will not be there for all people, but you will be there for a few who need you.
"The next phase has started with you reaching out to those people. You needed to reach this point on your own. I could not tell you. It is the way with all, I will guide when necessary, but I will not interfere.
"Even if one has not found me, by listening to their instinct they are listening to me. I am within all and therefore I listen to all and answer all with guidance, which is all that I can give.
"I am a friend to all, so I guide based on what is in the best interest of all, which is the soul not the conscious existence. Just as you advise your friends based on what you feel is right for them, not based on what they desire, if you feel that what they desire is not best for them. You often risk friendships with truth, and yet truth is the only way to be a true friend. You yourself appreciate your own friends who tell you the truth, even when they know you do not wish to hear the truth."
|It was another day that was going to be nothing
like I had expected, and nothing like I had planned. Despite all that had
occurred, I was still creating difficulties for myself, and I was creating
a difficult environment. I would continue to create a difficult environment,
because even though I often thought that I had learned, I had not really
learned. I would think; 'okay I have learned and now my environment will
change'. However, I had missed the point, I needed to stop looking for my
environment to change, which I had been aware of for some time, but I kept
losing sight of my awareness. I realized that my path sometimes led me in
God said, "You see that my words sometimes repeat, just as your experiences repeat. What is important cannot be experienced once and then forgotten. What is important must be experienced often, until what is important is not forgotten.
"You know that what is important must be remembered. Do not despair at yourself, and do not judge yourself harshly. All is as it is meant to be. You have learned much, you are ready to learn more, and there is so much more for you to learn. Do not think that what you learn will be in the way in which you expect, because what you learn will not be in the way in which you expect.
"Have you not learned that what you learn is never in the way in which you expect? Have you not learned that by having expectations, you will allow yourself to become disheartened, when what you experience happens other than you have expected? You know what will occur, and you know that the 'how' is not relevant, so do not make the 'how' relevant.
"Forget about how things will occur. Take comfort that everything will occur. Accept that everything which occurs is for a reason. If something takes 'too long' and tests your patience, understand that your patience is tested is for a reason. You know this. If the reason is that others will become impatient, but continue their journey because you have continued your journey, isn't this reason enough?
"You are no different, until you really grasp that you are no different, you are missing the point. You are not a martyr, you are no different and this is the point.
"All fear and all insecurities have been created by man, and by me because I am part of man. Fear and insecurities are very real to those who experience fear and insecurities, but fear and insecurities are illusions to those who see the truth. Have you not experienced fear and insecurities of late to show you that fear and insecurities still exist within you, even though you know that fear and insecurities are illusions?
"You are still searching for that magic moment when you will achieve full understanding, when all fears and doubts are gone, but I have told you that such a magic moment is not your destiny. Still you seek that magic moment when you will achieve full understanding. All can reach that magic moment when they achieve full understanding, but most will not reach that magic moment when they achieve full understanding. Therefore, you will not reach that magic moment when you achieve full understanding. If you were going to reach that magic moment when you achieve full understanding, you would have reached that magic moment when you achieve full understanding, by now.
"It is difficult for most to let go of their fears and all that goes with their fears totally. So it is difficult for you to let go of your fears and all that goes with your fears totally. If you could achieve what they could not, they would think you are special, which you are not. They would stumble and fall and think that they had failed, but you will stumble and fall and not think you have failed. You will pick yourself up and keep going so that others may follow your example.
"If one says 'it is all right for him, but….', then you will not succeed in your task. You must show all that it is possible to achieve the awareness which must be achieved. You must show them that this awareness can be achieved in their life, and within the environment which they have created for themselves.
"Do you not realize that many would have achieved all prior to reaching this point on their journey, but most like you will not. If your journey is discontinued now, how will those who have not achieved the awareness which must be achieved, follow?
"I have explained your path previously. You, like others, need the truth repeated so that you will understand. It is difficult to explain The Truth Of Reality in a way which is easily understood, and you know how difficult it is to grasp anything when it is not easily understood. We repeat what you have not grasped and understood because you need repetition. What you experience to show others, you also experience to show yourself."
I thought about what I had written the previous night, in my letters to strangers.
"Consider what you wrote to others. Where in those letters did you mention anything other than your new world? You did not mention your old world, because for you your old world does not exist. You have already left your old world, and you are within your new world. Do you really think that it is coincidence that the type of work which you are given can be done in your home? Do you really believe that the help which you have at hand was not planned?"
Maybe my old world did not exist for me at this time, and with the benefit of hindsight during my review, I knew that God had been right. I did remain attached to my old world through the convenience of the learning environment which my old world created, and through the necessity of my example and my need to earn an income, but for me my old world did not really exist.
"When it is time for you to read the notes that you have made whilst Seeking The Knowledge Within, you will see how often you had learned and lost sight of what you were experiencing. This is important. Do you think that all will have notes to stay focused? No, they will not.
"Each time that you lose sight of reality and regain sight of reality, you will see reality clearer. You lose sight of reality, because when you regain sight of reality, you will see more. If you did not lose sight of reality, you would discontinue looking, and you would miss much.
"Consider when you first learned of instinct. You knew so little then and saw so shallowly. You needed to lose sight of your instinct and regain sight of your instinct so that you would see your instinct more deeply. Is this not so?
"It is all right for you to look for that magic moment when you achieve full understanding, which you will not find, because others will find their magic moment when they achieve full understanding by following your example. This is why you look for that magic moment when you achieve full understanding. Do you not see that nothing that you do is a waste of time? Do you not see that all that you do has a purpose?
"Your soul knows what that purpose is, but you do not. The purpose of what you do is not relevant to you, and if you knew the true purpose of what you do, you would distort that purpose. Listen to your soul, follow where your soul leads. Listening to your soul is the only way to maintain an easy path."
|I needed to learn to take nothing for granted.
I had been sent on so many 'wild goose chases' that it was clear that not
everything was as it seemed. If I was being led down a certain path, I needed
to follow where I was led, because there was a reason for me to travel that
path, even if I did not know what that reason was.
I could not understand why Marie was again on my mind, or why I was constantly reminded of Marie. I did not feel that there was anything that I had left undone, or that there was anything which I needed to do.
God said, "Now you are starting to see. Do not believe that you know the real reason for anything that you do. Accept where you are led, and the reasons will be revealed when it is time to reveal the answers. That something seems so does not mean that something is so. Sometimes, something is without reason, other than to learn that the reason, is that there is no reason."
Sometimes, I found the circular nature of reality difficult to come to terms with. Was I being told that I was thinking of Marie without reason, or that I was thinking of Marie with reason, or was I being told that the reason why I was thinking of Marie would be revealed, and not to read anything into the fact that I was thinking of Marie?
"That is what you are being told. If you attempt to understand you will fail, because you do not have enough information, and the information that you do have is conflicting. Flow with all that happens and allow whatever happens to develop as it will. If there is anything that you need to do, you will know.
"Do not stop yourself thinking, flow with your thoughts, let your thoughts develop and lead where they will. This is flowing. You were required to remove thoughts whilst your thoughts were attached to negative emotions. Now that you have detached your thoughts from your negative emotions, flow with your thoughts. Be open to anything that may happen. This is so with all things, not just the example which you have chosen to pursue."
I continued to allow my thoughts to develop. By allowing my thoughts to flow I could see how my current experience could equally mean one thing or another thing. I knew that I only needed to wait, and I would find the truth, but what if I received a sign sending me back in a direction which was wrong?
"You are starting to understand."
I allowed my thoughts to continue to develop. I recalled my review of my Tarot readings a few days earlier, and I recalled that only once had I thought that a part of a reading was wrong, and that part had related to Marie. I began to wonder if I would ever be free of my feelings for Marie.
|I knew that in some respects,
if not all respects, I was missing the point. I knew that the point was
that where my thoughts led did not matter, but I also knew that I was meant,
for some reason, to pursue my thoughts. Marie had been on my mind far too
often during the previous few weeks, and I felt that there was a reason
why Marie was on my mind.
I had discussed the situation with Sally who suggested I was scared of making another mistake, because it was time to commit to my soulmate. I was taking a chance, because I had never met my soulmate. I had also discussed the situation with Anne, who believed that I had no interest in Marie. Anne was correct, which made what I was experiencing even more difficult to understand.
I had let go of Marie completely and I wondered if this was the point. Was the point that I had done what I needed to do, or was I being tested one last time before I committed to my soulmate? I found the possibility of being tested interesting, because even though I had been thinking of Marie often, and I was filled with fond memories, I knew that Marie was not meant to be in my life, and I did not want Marie to be in my life.
I knew that I had been searching for my soulmate, even when I did not understand what a soulmate was. I knew that I had been searching for my soulmate, even when I had made the common mistake of believing that a person was my soulmate because we had shared many lifetimes together.
I had now been led to my soulmate, and I now understood what a soulmate really was. My soulmate's identity had been confirmed by my spirit guides, and by God. I supposed that I was a little unsure from the earth plane perspective, because I had never met my soulmate.
I realized that all that I had been doing, was reviewing my experiences to clarify and confirm that I was on track. I had nothing to worry about, either way.
God said, "You see, flowing with your thoughts leads you to understanding."
|That night, and obviously
not by coincidence, I received a short telephone call from my soulmate in
Despite all that I had experienced, and all that I was experiencing, I was floundering. I was continually given just enough of everything to keep me going. What I was given, whether I was given resources, assistance, hope, awareness or promises did keep me going, but what I was given was not enough. I wanted more. I was feeling lost, and I began searching for answers which I knew was futile, but I searched for answers anyway.
I continued to have difficulty sleeping, and I continued to create my difficult environment. I knew that I did not need to create a difficult environment, but I did not seem to be able to change my environment. All that I could do was 'hang in there' and wait. Each week I was a step closer to having everything 'fall into place', although I was never close enough. I wanted everything to 'fall into place' immediately, even though I knew that it was not time for everything to 'fall into place'.
It was apparent that everything was on track and that I was exactly where I should be, based on the timing which I understood, but which was not necessarily correct. In my defence, I had been travelling a hard road for a long time. Infinitely longer than I realized at the time, and I remained an ordinary man who struggled to live what I knew to be reality.
If I had been told that I would still be waiting for 'everything to fall into place', or for the pressure to be removed from me, more than a year later I would not have believed it. I would not have believed that after all I had endured throughout my existence, that I could have endured the intense pressure for more than a year. However, as I was to experience many times, what I believed had very little, if any relevance, to reality.
|The real problem was that
I was still searching for what I had come to term 'the magic moment'. I
knew that I would not find 'the magic moment'. God had told me I would not
find 'the magic moment'. I knew that even if I had been destined to find
'the magic moment', I would not find 'the magic moment' by looking for 'the
magic moment'. However, my knowledge did not prevent me from looking for
my 'magic moment'.
I needed to get myself back on track, and I needed to stop going around in circles. It would have been much easier to remain on track, if I was not constantly reminded of my financial strain. It was my financial pressures which I wanted removed more than any other of my difficulties. My financial position was the area in which I really needed relief. Notwithstanding, that I desperately needed my financial burden to be lightened, and that my financial burden would be relieved temporarily, I would still be seeking relief from the pressure of my financial burden more than a year later.
Ironically, I knew that everything was as everything was meant to be, which meant that I was meant to be experiencing difficulties. At this point in time, I really struggled with the circular nature of our existence.
I wanted the pressure removed. I knew that the pressure which I felt was mostly self imposed, but the pressure existed and the pressure was, or at least the pressure felt, real. I could stop imposing the pressure on myself for a short time, but I would always allow the pressure to return. I could not understand why I was allowing myself to continually impose pressure on myself. I certainly did not want to feel the pressure, and I did not know why I needed to feel the pressure.
I had not endured as much pressure as I believed that I had, but endurance is relative. It continued to be a difficult time for me. I continued to travel in circles. I was repeatedly finding my way, and then losing my way again.
Coincidentally following the previous day's events, and the previous night's telephone call, I encountered Marie. Marie had approached me, and even though Marie was standing next to me, I was not aware of Marie's presence until she spoke. It was the first time since I had known Marie, that I had not sensed her presence.
I reviewed what was to become the first chapter of The Truth Of Reality. As I read the insights which I had written, I saw not one perspective, but I saw how the insights applied from all perspectives simultaneously. As I read the insights which I had written, I continually thought; 'why can't I listen to myself?'
|I continued to struggle with my difficulties,
and I decided it that was time to seek guidance. I felt that I should be
able to deal with what I was experiencing myself, but I did not seem able
to find any clarity within, at this time.
What I did not understand at the time, was that the reason why I could not find any clarity within, was so that I would seek guidance. However, the reason why I could not find any clarity within was more than a simple need to seek guidance, I needed to seek guidance from a particular source. A source whose guidance would make a difference whenever my doubts began to consume me, in the future.
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