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Searching for My Soul
Book One Searching for My Soul

Back in the Light.

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I drove home and spent the evening telling Nancy about my trip and talking about a lot of the non-spiritual things which I had done. I could feel myself lifting.

I could sense Marie fading from my consciousness, but I could feel something tugging at my heart at the same time. I did not quite understand what I was experiencing, but I tried not to worry about it. I drew strength from my crystal ball, I could feel the power being transferred into me.

I again crossed onto the spirit plane. I lifted the dark veil from my body. I folded it neatly, and I placed it on the floor beside me. Removing the dark veil was not easy because a part of me was trying to hang onto it.

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The next morning, I was pleased that I had not drawn the dark veil back over myself. I felt alive and I felt positive. However, I would need to be careful not to pull it over myself again.

The dark veil is a living thing. Removing it is half the battle. The only way to destroy the dark veil is to starve it. If we stop feeding it, the dark veil will eventually die.

I telephoned Sally that morning. We updated each other on everything that had happened since I went away. It was good to talk with her.

Nothing had changed while I had been away, not one thing. I did not see this as a problem, I knew that I would now be able to flow with whatever occurred. I was relaxed and I was at peace.

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I went to see Rose and tell her about my trip before my sons came home from school. James had an allergic reaction to a bee sting whilst I was away, and had been rushed to hospital. James had nearly died. I had forgotten that I had told Rose that James would have to go to hospital again. Rose reminded me that I had told her that James would have to go to hospital again, and that I had also told her that James would be all right. Rose had hung on to my words throughout the ordeal. The timing of this event explained why I had told Rose that the event would occur. I did not realise it, but my soul knew that the event would occur whilst I was away.

I felt good all day. I was positive. The fact that nothing had changed while I had been away did not cause me any concern at all. I knew I had nothing to worry about.

That afternoon, on my first day back, my path took an unexpected turn which I did not see immediately. I was looking through the newspaper at Rose's place while I was waiting for my boys, and an advertisement caught my eye. I noticed the advertisement, I mentally registered the advertisement, but I did not know why I had noted that advertisemen

t at the time. The advertisement was for an introduction to ladies living in Russia. James was ill when we arrived home. He would be ill all weekend so we would have a quiet weekend at home.

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The following morning, I did another Tarot reading for myself. It was a natural progression from my previous reading. Outside influences were no longer blocking me, my failure to accept advice was blocking me. I resolved to accept any advice which I was given. I needed to use my determination and skill to adapt to my changing circumstances. I was about to undergo a change of heart whether I wanted to or not. I was unsure exactly what the 'change of heart' referred to. In hindsight I did know what the 'change of heart' referred to, but I attempted to alter the interpretation to suit myself. I was good at attempting to manipulate what I foresaw to suit myself, but I was never successful.

I spoke with Anne for the first time in several weeks, her life was on hold. Nothing had changed.

I found myself thinking of Marie and of the advertisement which I had seen in the newspaper the previous day. More and more that advertisement was in my mind, and I could not quite understand why. I decided to buy a newspaper, and if the advertisement was in the paper again that day, I would accept that I was meant to find out a little more about the possibility of an introduction to a Russian woman.

I did not see how I could do myself any harm. I believed that finding out a little more about the possibility of an introduction to a Russian woman was a safe direction to pursue. My Tarot reading earlier that day had suggested I needed to take action, and this seemed as good a place as any to start.

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I telephoned my aunt Val. We spoke about my trip and her stepdaughter's family. Val commented how good I sounded, and suggested that my the trip had done me a lot of good. She was right.

I called Sally to discuss the prospect of pursuing the advertisement. She agreed that finding out a little more seemed like a positive step to take, and she could not see any major drawbacks either.

The more that I considered finding out a little more about the possibility of an introduction to a Russian woman, the more it felt like the right step for me to take. I bought the newspaper and the advertisement appeared again. I telephoned the agency and I agreed to meet with them in two days time. During the next few weeks I was to look for that advertisement in the newspaper again, but it was not in the newspaper any time that I looked.

I had insights flooding in at this point. At times I struggled to keep up with the volume of insights that I was receiving.

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The next morning I awoke with my head spinning and I started writing.

The purpose of churches at best is to be a place of learning, a place to meet other people and a place to share the knowledge of God. Churches are not supposed to be places of worship, they are supposed to be places of peace. Churches are certainly not meant to be used by insecure people to develop an artificial sense of self-importance.

The power of crystals comes from the earth. Crystals conduct energy that has built up within the earth during millennia. The power of crystals is real and a natural phenomenon.

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There was a time when we were a lot closer to living with our souls, but we have taken a wrong path. We have used our natural abilities for artificial progress, for so called civilisation and for making our life in this world artificially easier. We have missed the point and we have began focussing on self-inflicted complications. This has led to a society which feeds off a need for material wealth, a need which has created much karmic debt. Our artificial values have made our journey harder when our journey was originally meant to be simple. It is moving in the wrong direction which has created our need for externally fuelled power, and has caused us to lose sight of the power within ourselves.

This wrong path is leading us further and further away from our true path, which has caused God much despair because we only have a limited number of lifetimes in which to learn. It is moving in the wrong direction that has made the task of living with our souls difficult, when living with our souls is meant to be easy.

The spread of the disease of artificial fulfilment has been particularly rapid during the last three hundred years. The most notable example of the spread of artificial fulfilment was when Europeans arrived in America. The Europeans were supposed to learn from the natural wisdom of the Native Americans, but instead the Europeans did their best to destroy a culture that did live with their souls.

The reason why so many Native Americans are now spirit guides is because the Native Americans had been living with their souls from the beginning, and had not been corrupted by the disease of artificial fulfilment until the Europeans arrived. The Native Americans had stayed on the correct path, until forcibly removed from the correct path by the Europeans, although many Native Americans have never deviated from the correct path.

There are many other examples of cultures on the correct path being infected with the disease of artificial fulfilment by Europeans, but the Native Americans are the most significant and notable example.

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God has taken heart because a greater number of people are beginning to realise their mistake and are finding their way back onto the correct path. This is why many teachers are now being given guidance and knowledge to pass on to those who are ready to learn. Mankind's re-emerging understanding of the real truth is feeding upon itself and growing just as the false truth of artificial fulfilment had fed upon itself. This is significant in itself.

Psychics such as Tarot readers, mediums and clairvoyants are tools with which we can communicate with our own souls and with our spirit guides. Psychics provide a temporary bridge between our soul and our conscious mind, but in time we will rediscover the permanent bridge between our soul and our conscious mind which exists within all of us. When we rediscover the permanent bridge between our soul and our conscious mind we will be able to communicate directly with our soul and our spirit guides. Temporary bridges will no longer be needed.

The most ironic aspect of mankind finding their way back to the correct path is the terminology of 'new age'. There is nothing new; we are simply a rediscovering the truth.

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The disease of artificial fulfilment has been perpetuated and mutated by many different cultures, but the most significant culture to embrace artificial fulfilment in its early stages was the ancient Egyptians. The disease of artificial fulfilment was spread by the Romans.

God has sent many teachers to earth to teach, to show mankind the truth and to show mankind how to combat the spread of artificial fulfilment. God's offers of assistance were rejected by mankind, and much of the suffering of mankind, has been caused by embracing artificial fulfilment.

We were left to find our own way back to the correct path which has taken many millennia. The way back to the correct path had to be found from within the societies corrupted by the disease of artificial fulfilment, because they could not see the way back to the correct path by observing those who had stayed on the correct path. That we have begun to find our way back to the correct path has pleased God, which is why God is sending more teachers to help us.

God is offering guidance to those who are seeking the correct path. Those who are standing still will need to start seeking the correct path before they are ready to receive guidance.

As more people seek the correct path, more guides and teachers will be sent to us. Some of these guides and teachers will be in the form of spirit guides who have already reached the higher plane. Some guides and teachers will be people chosen to lead others to the correct path because they have found their own way back.

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It was at this point that I knew that I had reached the chasm, stumbled into the chasm and found my way out of the chasm again. I finally understood what had happened to me. I had been focusing on my selfish needs and I had lost sight of my purpose.

I was finding my way again, but I was still in danger of slipping back into the chasm, especially if I made things more important than they were. I knew where and when I had become lost, and I knew that becoming lost was necessary for me to learn the lessons that I would be required to teach. I had been provided with an environment in which to learn many painful lessons. I now had to build on those lessons so that I could continue to learn and to teach.

I needed to return to my business for a reason. There was something that I needed to learn, or there was something that I needed to do, probably both. I did not know what the purpose of returning to my business was. I suspected I would not know until after my purpose was fulfilled. I knew that I would not move on, until I had fulfilled my purpose in returning to my business.

The only way to prevent myself falling back into the chasm was to follow my path. I needed to flow with events. If I tried to force my way I would slip. That night I went to my beach for the first time since I had returned from England. My beach felt good and so did I. I had missed my place of peace.

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I had no idea what the next day would bring, but I had renewed hope and I had not been depressed since I had returned from England which was also when I had climbed out of the chasm. I had no intention of becoming depressed again. I felt my inner light getting brighter all the time.

The only problem I had was whatever remained of my feelings for Marie. I was still a little confused. Hanging on to my feelings was causing me nothing but pain. However, every time I had tried to release them and move on, I had not been able to do so. I had assumed that this meant that I was not meant to let go of my feelings for Marie. I did not know if my assumption was correct.

I saw Graeme for the first time since my return, and I discussed my trip with Graeme in detail. We discussed Marie and my continuing difficulties with whatever remained of my feelings for her. Graeme asked what my spirit guides told me. I explained that my spirit guides would neither confirm nor deny whether I should hold on to or let go. I knew that there was a reason why they would not give me a clear direction. I assumed that my feelings for Marie were something that I needed to work out for myself.

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That afternoon, I met with the agency to learn a little more about an introduction to a Russian woman. I was vaguely confident that I would find my soulmate, but I was far from convinced that anything significant would occur at this meeting. I had heard stories about agencies 'selling' overseas brides for thousands of dollars and I was wary. This agency turned out to be different, all the information that I needed would cost me less than $100, so I had little to lose.

I was trying to decide what to do. As we were talking, I was glancing through the agency's catalogue. I saw her picture and as soon as I saw her picture I thought; 'that's her'. I looked at her name. She had the same letters in her name that the old Gypsy woman had given me. Coincidence? I no longer believed in coincidence.

When I returned home I studied her picture. For the first time I understood why my vision had been unclear. Her eyes were facing away in the picture, but as I looked at the picture, I sensed her eyes turn and look at me. I knew that I had seen those eyes before. There was something about her eyes, although I could not quite put my finger on what that something was.

I had forgotten what the Scotsman had said. What I saw that day was the laughter behind her eyes.

I knew who it was that I had seen in the vision of my marriage, and it was not Marie. As soon as I came to that realisation my spirit guides confirmed that I was correct.

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I recalled that a Tarot reading which I'd had five months earlier had told me that I would meet a person from overseas. I had assumed that if I was to meet anyone from overseas that it would have been on my recent trip.

I had found her, but not until I had gone to England and fulfilled my purpose of providing guidance to Carlos. Suddenly it all seemed to fit together as I was given some missing pieces of the jigsaw. The light at the end of the tunnel was now a beacon.

If this woman had been revealed to me earlier, I would not have gone to England when I did, and the timing had been critical. I had needed to be in England exactly when I was. If I had known for sure that it was not Marie in the vision of my marriage, I would have headed in a different direction.

What I did not understand was that the puzzle which I was working on at that time was only in respect of the one dimensional flat aspect of the real puzzle. I was effectively seeing the world as flat. I would discover that there was much more to the puzzle than I anticipated, but I would only understand the truth when I accepted that the world was a sphere.

I told Sally what I had found. I could not recall if I had mentioned my unease with the vision of my marriage, so I asked if I had mentioned that there was something about my vision which had not felt right. Sally confirmed that I had told her that the facial features of my 'bride' were unclear. I was glad that I had been so honest with her, and that I had given her so much detail. It had enabled her to confirm to me that I was not imagining my experiences.

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I knew that I had found my soulmate. I felt that I had found my soulmate with a calm surety and without the desperation I had felt in respect of Marie. It was time for everything to start falling into place.

The following morning, I returned to my business with the knowledge that I would complete whatever task I had returned to complete. I walked into the office as if I had attended the office yesterday, as if none of the previous few months had occurred. I was within my business because I was meant to be there and I would move on when I was meant to move on.

Absolutely nothing had changed. The same problems existed within my business, and it was as if I had attended the office yesterday. The difference was that I had changed. I no longer wanted to solve the problems. I knew that the problems were not my problems to solve. I knew and I accepted that I had shown my business partners the correct path. If they chose not to follow the correct path, I could not drag them onto the correct path.

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It was an easy day and I felt no pressure at all. The fact that I had taken a month off with nothing more than a brief note for my business partner the day before I left, was not even mentioned. The business had continued paying my salary whilst I was away.

As the days passed after I had found my soulmate, I felt more and more that I had finally and correctly identified her.

I reflected on the day's events. I saw that I was still seeking the approval of others. I knew that I did not need approval. I knew that another's approval was not relevant. My desire for the approval of others was a minor battle which I had not quite won.

I found myself attempting to focus on negatives again and I soon put a stop to that. I still did not have all the pieces to the jigsaw puzzle. I knew that I would receive the remaining pieces when I needed them, and that I would not find them until I needed them. What I did not know was how many pieces of the jigsaw puzzle were missing, or how long it would take me to find the remaining pieces.

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I cruised through the following day without a problem, but I was not happy to be in the office.

We are all used as guides from time to time. We are drawn into people's lives and given a task to perform. Sometimes we have a message to deliver, and at other times we are required to provide guidance. When people are drawn into our lives as guides, it is our choice to receive the message, or accept the guidance.

I seemed to be closer to understanding what my role was to be, but I still did not have the complete picture. I was beginning to sense that I had returned to my business to guide Joe. I assumed that my guidance would relate to business, and I made myself available whenever Joe requested assistance.

I went to Nancy's for dinner. It appeared that my period of solitude was over. I was able to spend time with friends again.

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Each day I attended the office with confidence and in a positive frame of mind. I knew that I was attending the office for a reason and that was all that mattered. What the reason was did not matter at all.

If I was given a task, or if I needed to help someone, I accepted that it was what I needed to do. Nothing bothered me. I wished everybody well. I wanted everybody to succeed, and I was pleased for people when they did succeed. I felt that my business partners were slowly starting to see what I had attempted to show them. I really wanted them to see the reality of the business, but I wanted them to do so without me. I wanted my business partners to succeed. I did not want to feel that 'they should have listened'. I hoped that they would do what they needed to do, but I knew that if they did, it would be at their own pace, not mine.

I still did not want to be within my business, but I was able to accept that I needed to be there. I eased myself back into my business, one day at a time, one task at a time, and then I moved onto the next day and the next task.

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If we fail to learn a lesson in one lifetime, or if we make a major mistake, the souls involved are drawn together again in another lifetime and given the opportunity to relive the circumstances and rectify the mistake.

I continued to make another mistake. I wanted everything to happen now, even though I knew that 'now' was not relevant. One thing that I remained within the business to learn, was not to want anything. If I needed something, what I needed would be provided. If I did not have something, I did not need it, and there was no point in my wanting it.

It seemed that each day my inner light became a little brighter. The difference this time was that my inner light would be permanent.

As the days passed I continued to flow with events. I worked during the day, sometimes in the office and sometimes at home. I wrote this book at night or in the morning. Nothing was a problem because I did not see anything as a problem, and I did not turn anything into a problem.

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In respect of my soulmate, I seemed to be able to take a small step at a time and then I had to wait. This did not worry me, because I knew that everything would fall into place when it was meant to. I knew that fate was in control and I flowed with whatever occurred. I was in no hurry. I allowed everything to happen. I knew that if I was too slow, fate would hurry things along. The timing of events was no longer very important to me.

Most of us have relationships in our lifetime which are not part of this lifetime. These relationships are opportunities for us to resolve something which remained unresolved in a previous lifetime, or to correct a mistake from a previous lifetime.

Everything seemed a little brighter and clearer in the world. I did not just live life, I had begun to feel life.

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One morning, I left home before dawn and went to my beach to watch the sunrise. As I sat on the beach basking in the glory of the sunrise, I reflected upon what was happening in my life. I knew that I remained concerned about what people thought. I was slowly finding the last pockets of resistance to my spiritual path and eliminating them, but there was no hurry to complete the process. Each step that I took was in the right direction, and I continued to flow with whatever I experienced.

My tests were not over yet, but I realised that I had nothing to worry about as long as I flowed, and followed the direction that I was given. If I did, my path would remain easy. Unfortunately I did not always flow and follow the direction which I was given.

Fulfilment and completion are different levels of existence. We obtain fulfilment by living with our soul. Unless we live with our soul we cannot identify the other half of our soul, which is necessary to become complete. Only by achieving the completion of both halves of the same soul being rejoined, can we move on to the next level of existence as a complete unit.

In many lifetimes we are meant to have a lifetime partner. A soul with whom we need to share a specific lifetime. This person is often confused with our soulmate, but they are simply a lifetime partner.

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I still experienced negative thoughts, but whereas my negative thoughts once lasted for years, and then months, weeks, days and hours, I now corrected them immediately that they occurred. I was not quite living with my soul, but I thought that I was close to living with my soul.

I called in to see an old friend, Jane who had accompanied me when I had my very first Tarot reading many years earlier. We spent hours talking. It was increasingly apparent that I was no longer required to live in solitude, at least for a time. I sensed that Jane had not returned to my life after a three year absence by accident.

That night I experienced computer problems, and I began to become frustrated. However, I knew that the computer problems did not matter, and I was easily able to overcome my frustration.

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The next morning, I started to feel the power flowing from my hands again. I felt my spirit guides with me nearly all the time. This time my transformation had been gradual and I had been able to adjust to my transformation along the way. I had not reached the level of enlightenment which I had gained on the island, but I knew that what I had experienced on the island had only been a taste, given to me to show me the way. This time my transformation was permanent. However, at this point in time I did not know or have any concept of what the power I felt flowing from my hands was.

I had been misinterpreting how I would obtain fulfilment. I had thought that I needed to complete my journey before I would obtain fulfilment, but this was not correct. All that I needed to do to obtain fulfilment was remain on my correct path.

Past life regression is a tool to enable us to understand our karmic debt. We only need past life regression to enable us to understand our karmic debt, and we only touch on past lifetimes which contain unresolved matters. Becoming obsessed with past lives is a mistake, because becoming obsessed with past lives prevents us from living this lifetime. /p>

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I saw another mistake that I had made. I had tried to make my journey about me when I had decided that I was going to be an author. I had missed the point. I would write, but I would write only what was necessary for my teaching responsibilities. Writing was incidental to my role, but I had tried to make writing my role.

Spirit guides are with us because they have a purpose to fulfil. Once our spirit guides have fulfilled that purpose they move along their own path, which may or may not cross our path again.

The following day, I was able to visit another old friend and I spoke with Rose as well. People were being drawn into my life.

I did another Tarot reading for myself which was very positive. My choice remained and I was given two warnings which I could not interpret. I knew that there were more tests to come.

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The next morning, I was a little down because I was worrying about the warnings that I had received in my Tarot reading. I was worrying about the tests that I would have to face. I was worrying about how everything would eventuate. I picked myself up because I knew that I had nothing to worry about. All that I needed to do, was to follow my own instinct and everything would work out.

Anne was slowly being drawn back into my life. There was a reason why she was being drawn back into my life, which I would know when it was time for me to know.

Strangely I felt closer to my soulmate all the time. I found myself more and more drawn to this lady whom I had never met.

It was Craig's birthday and I spent some time with him. On my way home I reflected upon the things that I had doubted, and the things that I had not doubted. I saw the pattern. Everything that I doubted I had wrong in some way, and everything that I had not doubted, I had been right about. The clarity of hindsight is a wonderful thing.

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That night I was finally given an explanation that I had been seeking. I began to understand the 'why me?' answer which had eluded me from the moment when I became aware that I was to be a teacher. I did not know at the time that I had only been given a part of the answer, and that more pieces of the 'why me?' puzzle would be given to me during the next few months.

I had not been destitute with no hope, no future and no where to go. I had not been a high profile achiever. I had not had any more than my share of bad fortune, and I had not had any more than my share of good fortune. Before my journey had commenced several months earlier I had not believed in God, although I knew that there was more to life than there appeared.

I was just an ordinary man, and this was precisely the point.

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