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Searching for My Soul
Book One Searching for My Soul
Climbing Out Of The Chasm.

I had taken my first tentative steps out of the chasm which I did not know that I was in. Climbing out of the chasm would prove to be long and difficult. At times I would slip back a little, but I would eventually find my way out of the chasm.

I was slowly becoming more positive. I maintained my belief that everything would be all right. However, the difficult period that I was enduring was not over.

The only aspect of my life that I remained sad about, was Marie. I still believed that it was Marie who I had seen in my recurring vision, but I could not see how it could be her. I was also far from convinced that I wanted my recurring vision to become reality. My journey would have been much easier without my recurring vision, but without my recurring vision, I would have headed down the wrong path.

I would not need my current earth guide, Sally much longer. She had fulfilled her purpose in my life, and now her life was falling into place which gave me heart.

  Rainbow bar

I saw Graeme that morning, and we had a much more positive consultation. We were able to clarify, and better understand a lot of what I had been experiencing, but this only became clear to me when I was finally able to read my notes.

My business partner had delayed his decision in respect of the direction of my future, and we discussed what his decision would be when I saw him that day. I knew that my business partner's decision did not matter. I knew that day was a key day. I knew that whatever happened would be as it was meant to be. I felt at peace for the first time in many weeks.

Between seeing Graeme and having lunch with my business partner that day, I was able to negotiate some new contracts, which would bring nearly a million dollars turnover into the business. It certainly seemed that I had turned the corner.

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My business partner's decision was to continue not to make a decision. I knew this was as it was meant to be. In hindsight, I had attempted to force fate to make a decision which I did not want to make, and I had been unsuccessful. My business partner told me about the problems within the office, and he pointed out that nothing had changed since I had joined the firm. That was exactly my point, but he was not destined to see my point.

If my business partner had seen my point and taken action, I would have felt obliged to remain with the business and assist him through the difficulties, which would have also taken me down an incorrect path.

I can see now that everything was exactly as it was meant to be, but at the time I was only starting to realise that everything is always exactly as it was meant to be, and my realisation was reluctant.

Again that afternoon everyone seemed to tell me about the problems within my business, but this time I knew that the problems were not my problems, and I did not try to take the problems on board.

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I did not realise it for nearly a year, but this was the start of a pattern of circumstances repeating themselves over and over, until I became aware of exactly what was happening and dealt with what was happening correctly.

The following day I could feel myself drawn to England. My need to go to England had become so strong that I could no longer ignore it. My business needed a new computer system, and England seemed as good a place as any to locate a new computer system.

The issue of a new computer system for my business became an interesting constant for much of my journey. I was blocked at every attempt I was to make to resolve the computer problems within my business, and for a long time I did not understand why it was important that I was unable to resolve the computer problems.

I continued to experience times when I became depressed, but they were becoming fewer all of the time. I was able to lift myself out of my depression easier and faster than I had been just a week earlier. I realised that it did not matter if Marie and I got back together because I was following my instinct and whatever the outcome, would be the right outcome. I began gaining insights again, which confirmed I had found my way back to my correct path.

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Rose brought my boys over and stayed for dinner. After dinner we talked for a few hours and discussed issues from our past and our present. It was at times a difficult discussion, but it did clear the air and we addressed issues which had remained unaddressed for a number of years.

I was starting to relax. Fate had stepped in to get me moving along my correct path again, and I would continue moving along my correct path at fate's pace, not at my pace which I found frustrating on occasion.

A few days later, I returned to my beach for the first time in a while and I gained ten insights. My confidence in the future was growing all the time.

One day I telephoned Sally who commented that it was now our time, and as Sally spoke, Amanda confirmed Sally's words. I had been told that was now my time by both my earth guide and my spirit guide simultaneously, what else did I need? I needed to remember that it was my time, but I did not remember. I forgot the conversation.

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I knew that it was now my time, but I had no illusions. I knew that there would be a few more hurdles for me to overcome. What I did not understand was what 'my time' meant, although I believed that I did. I assumed that 'my time' meant that my earth plane difficulties would be resolved, but I was to learn that 'my time' had a far deeper meaning.

I had a few business meetings that week which confirmed that I did indeed have a few hurdles to overcome. The business related problems I encountered confirmed that nothing had changed within my business, but I would not allow myself to make them my problems, although I did become frustrated.

I was determined not to become depressed again so I concentrated on positive things and I reviewed my insights. I was able to spend a little time with other people. I spent some time with Nancy, and some time with Rose and my boys. I went to my beach to reflect whenever I could. I spent my days trying to remain positive. I did whatever work I needed to do, and I slowly gained some more insights.

I contracted an influenza virus which became a chest infection, and then a sinus infection before the virus finally ran its course. I could not understand what was happening. I had only contracted a simple influenza virus, but I could not understand why I had contracted it when everything was falling into place. I felt sorry for myself and I felt very lonely.

Rainbow bar

In hindsight, I was getting carried away and trying to force the pace of my journey. I had not really learned to flow at that time despite what I believed. I did not fully understand that when I tried to force the pace, fate would step in to slow me down. On this occasion it was the influenza virus which had slowed me down. The use of a physical ailment to slow me down would continue throughout my journey, even after I understood exactly what was happening.

Regardless of my personal circumstances and my tenuous relationship with my business partners, I booked my trip to England. I could no longer resist the pull to go to England. I would have a tight schedule before I left. In fact, going to England at this point did not make a lot of sense, but on reflection I was going exactly when I had known that I would go to England several months earlier. Everything seemed to be falling into place.

That afternoon I went to my beach to reflect. I finally accepted something which I had known, I did not need Marie. I had known that I did not need her, but I was now living what I knew, and that was the difference.

I enjoyed a few quiet days. I saw a doctor to treat my viral infection, I saw Rose and my boys, and I saw Nancy. Anne telephoned me on a few occasions, she had problems that she needed to discuss.

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Every time that I dreamed of Marie, which was not often, we were neither together nor apart. I understood from previous experience that our soul will tell us when we are about to end our relationship through our dreams, but my dreams of Marie which I'd had occasionally for a few months maintained the same theme. We were neither together nor apart. My dreams were ambiguous and I could not understand why. I assumed that my dreams meant that we were not together, but we were going to be together.

I had stopped allowing myself to take on other's emotions, and I finally seemed to be relearning some old lessons. I had also stopped compromising myself for other people. Without realising what I had done, I had stopped jumping in to attempt to save people and allowing those who I tried to save to drag me down too. I had stopped allowing others to drink my energy. I had listened to the advice of Sitting Crow and Hansa, and I finally seemed to be getting somewhere.

There were times when I attempted to move on. I wanted to move on, but each time that I attempted to so my feelings for Marie surfaced to prevent me from moving on. I understood that there was a reason why I was being prevented from moving on, and believed that I knew what that reason was, but I did not.

Most of the time my spirits were surprisingly up, and whenever I became depressed, it was always because I did something which I knew that I should not do. Sometimes I was an awfully slow learner.

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My viral infection was becoming worse, but fate had a way of keeping everything on track. I spent a few days finalising the outstanding business matters, and arranging various details for my trip.

I spoke with Sally, which was always helpful because I was still unable to read my notes. Sally confirmed that everything was happening as I had told her that everything would happen. At times Sally's confirmation was all that I needed to keep going.

I did a Tarot reading for myself which confirmed that I was at a crossroads. I was in limbo. As usual my reading told me I would find happiness and contentment, but it warned me to trust my instinct. I intended to enjoy myself on my trip, and to trust destiny to bring everything together as everything was meant to be.

I had my final consultation with Graeme before I left. Graeme's confidence and belief in me and what I was experiencing, again gave me the confidence to stay on track. Importantly, Graeme seemed to trust my instinct.

Rainbow bar

I had lunch with my business partner. I suggested that I should travel overseas to look for a new computer system, but my business partner would not agree. During the next few days I attempted to show my business partner the merits of acquiring a computer system overseas, but he would not agree, other than as a last resort.

My inability to coerce my business partner into agreeing to my trip was frustrating because allowing me to look for a new computer system was the only way that I could see him agreeing to me taking more time off. I thought that I would have to cancel or postpone my trip. I could not understand my inability to coerce my business partner because I was sure that my trip was meant to happen at that time. I began to despair. I did not know what to do next.

I had not spoken with my Aunt Val for a while and I felt that it was time to seek her guidance. Val commented on how good my life had been earlier in the year and how my world had collapsed. She said that it did not seem to be 'my year' after all. She did not say anything that I had not thought myself, but what did surprise me was my reaction.

Even though I had reached a point of despair, I disagreed with Val. I suggested that although what I had experienced had not been pleasant and it often felt like the worst thing which had ever happened to me, it did not mean that it was not 'my year'. I knew that the change of focus which had occurred in my life meant that it was 'my year'. I suggested that sometimes what we think is the worst thing that could have happened, is in fact the best thing that could have happened.

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After I had spoken I wondered where my words had come from, but I knew that my words had come from my soul. I also knew that I needed to react positively to my present situation, and that if I reacted positively whatever was going to happen would be easier for me.

I spent the few days before I went to England with my boys and my mother. I did as much as possible to finalise the outstanding business matters. I wrote a report, and I again established that the only option that my business had, was to obtain a 'ready made' computer system overseas, but my business partner still would not agree. Without his agreement, I could not see how I would be able to travel to England.

I remained positive that I would be settled by Christmas, and I was sure that I would be married, but I was no longer convinced that it would be Marie whom I would marry. If I was not to marry Marie, I did not know who I would marry. However, my own life experiences had shown me that although I always got the detail wrong, I did always know the end result.

I saw Marie later that day and I experienced no emotion. I no longer believed that the timing of such events was a coincidence, because the timing was too significant to be a coincidence.

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My plans seemed to be falling apart, but I did not allow myself to become despondent. I remained positive throughout my unsuccessful attempts to convince my business partner that I needed to travel overseas. I knew that my plans would somehow work out.

I would go to England anyway. If I had looked for a computer system, I would have felt obliged to remain with the business until the computer system was fully implemented. It seemed that remaining with the business would not suit fate's plans for me, and that my business partner's reluctance to agree to my suggestion had really been in my best interest.

As my journey unfolded, I would understand that the difficulties surrounding my business's computer system were in my best interest, but in a way which was the exact opposite of what I believed at this time.

I was to discover that we are often motivated to travel our correct path by a goal which is not our true destination. Our instinct will use whatever is necessary to guide us along the correct path to our true destination, which is also our destiny.

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Taking leave again would not impress my business partners at all. Travelling to England at this time seemed like a crazy thing to do, but I was drawn to England and I could not fight the pull to go.

I needed to go to England and I would worry about the consequences when I returned home. I did not seem to have much choice in the matter. I knew that I would be all right, and I knew that everything would work out. It was time to maintain my belief in myself, and to put my trust in destiny, or fate as I saw God at that time.

I had no reason to believe that my business would ever reach its potential, which saddened me because I knew that I could have turned it into something special. Fate had other plans for me and I could no longer fight fate. I needed to allow fate's plans to unfold. Besides, they seemed to be unfolding whether I wanted to accept fate's plans or not.

I tried not to feel too bad about my business. My business partner would either learn what he needed to do to protect and grow the business the easy way, or the hard way. There was nothing that I could do to assist him at this point.

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I could no longer sense my spirit guides with me and I did not like it. I knew that they would return when I needed their guidance, but I missed especially Amanda.

Everything that I had experienced had been a part of my learning process. I was learning, albeit slowly. Nevertheless, I certainly did not like the process.

As I prepared for my trip, I was neither happy nor sad. I did what I needed to do. During the two days before I left for England, I asked myself a lot of 'what if' and 'if only' questions, but I was going around in circles. Everything was, as I had known everything would be. I needed to accept what was and learn to accept whatever came.

I began to feel that I had done nothing for weeks, but I knew that this was not true. I had achieved much. However, what I had achieved was following a different path than I had expected my life to take me. I needed to accept my spiritual path.

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I was second guessing myself and I was unsure of what I was doing. I could only do what I needed to do, and I needed to trust that everything would fall into place. Whilst I was away I needed to forget about my problems, most of which were imagined anyway, and I needed to attempt to enjoy myself.

I was withdrawn. I could not understand why I was not excited about my trip. If anything, I was a little nervous. I did not know what to expect when I was in England.

Health wise, I did not feel 100%. In fact I felt far from 100%. The night before I left I dropped my boys home and said goodbye to Rose, before calling in to say goodbye to Nancy, and give her my spare car keys.

I telephoned Sally, and we talked about my fears and apprehensions. As always, she knew exactly what to say. Sally told me not to worry, because everything was as I knew everything would be. She told me to relax and have a good time. I had no expectations, so I knew I could not be disappointed.

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I went to my beach one last time before my trip. Amanda was with me for the first time in a few weeks. She told me that I would see a Gypsy woman while I was away, and that the Gypsy had some information for me.

I flew into Singapore after an uneventful trip. I was to spend two quiet days in Singapore before moving on. I was at peace, but I still could not relax.

The trip to England was also uneventful, and I remained at peace although I was a little apprehensive. I spent my first day in England wandering around the streets of London. I was not looking for anything, I needed to walk after my trip.

That night I slept fairly well, but I continually awoke with my mind in turmoil. I was thinking of events from my past which depressed me. I would sleep for a while, and then I would awaken with my mind in turmoil. My sleep was filled with strange dreams. It seemed that my mind was in turmoil even when I slept.

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Over breakfast I planned my trip which was easy. The places which I would visit seemed pretty clear to me, but fate would intervene and change my plans little by little, until I did what I was really in England to do.

I spent another day wandering around the streets of London. That night I decided to go out, it was time to move on, now that I was finally over Marie. Except that I could not move on, Marie was still in the way. I could not understand why.

Went I first slept that night, my sleep was again filled with strange dreams, mostly about relations who had passed away. I awoke in the middle of the night, and I could not get back to sleep for a long time. I lay awake and I could not stop thinking about Marie. I could not understand why and I could not see any reason why I would think about Marie, but I continued thinking about her anyway.

I became very sad. I could not believe what I was experiencing. I wanted the peace and understanding that I had found on the island to return. I did not seem to know what I was doing any more. I did not know what was right, and what was wrong. I felt damned if I did, and damned if I didn't in all aspects of my life. I cried in despair.


I needed to trust fate, and I knew that I needed to trust fate. I kept telling myself that I needed to trust fate, but it was not helping much. I felt like giving up. I wanted to return home.

When I finally slept, I dreamed of Marie and again we were neither together nor apart. It would be only when I began putting the pieces of the puzzle together, that I would fully understand the meaning of these dreams. Neither together nor apart.

When I awoke, I wondered about the future. I did not know what to do. I knew that fate would take a hand, and I knew I needed to allow fate to take control. Otherwise, I would be hurt again. I needed to flow with whatever occurred.

I started to pick myself up. I needed to release everything else and put all of my trust in fate, and in my destiny. In reality, my life had been out of my hands for some time and I needed to accept that my life was out of my hands. I wondered what would have happened if I had done things differently, but I had not done things differently. I did what I needed to do, and much of what I had done had been out of my control.


I went for a long walk through the streets of London before driving north. I was very frustrated at being unhappy. I wondered when it would be 'my turn'. I wrote to Sally, as I would do often during my trip. It reminded me that I was not alone.

I drove to the tiny village of East End where I would stay in a fifteenth century hotel. Fate took its first step towards changing my plans. The publican had misunderstood my booking. I had intended to leave East End on Wednesday, but the publican had booked me in for Wednesday night. I accepted that there was a reason why I needed to stay an extra day. I assumed that I would leave East End on Thursday.

After settling in to the hotel, I drove to Banbury where I spent the afternoon getting to know my cousin Dorothy, her husband Bradley and their son, Carlos who is only a few years younger than me. I was able to talk about some of my experiences with Carlos which helped me because I felt positive whenever I spoke openly about what I was experiencing. Talking about my experiences, emphasised the reality of my experiences.

In hindsight, many of my early difficulties were the result of my inability to talk openly about what I was experiencing. I was afraid to talk about what I was experiencing, because I was far from convinced that I was not insane or delusional.


As I drove back to East End, I realised that I felt at home in that area. It was very familiar to me, far more familiar than it should have been considering I had left when I was three. I felt that I belonged and I knew the area instinctively. I passed a turn off to a village called Kings Sutton for the second time that day, and for the second time that day I was drawn to Kings Sutton. I knew that I would visit Kings Sutton before I left.

I slept well that night, but I continued to have strange dreams which I did not quite understand because I seldom dreamed that I knew of. I awoke shortly after 4.00 am and I went down to the bar for a cigarette. In the bar of that fifteenth century hotel, in the early hours of the morning, I encountered a spirit who lived there. I was to encounter this spirit most nights. We never conversed, but we were aware of each other's presence.

The following day, I returned to Banbury and spent the afternoon and evening getting to know my cousins a little more. We talked about family both in England, and in Australia. The next morning, I felt that I was finally back in touch with my soul. I had regained my peace. I was able to put a lot of my experiences into perspective and I gained ten insights that day, as I always did when I was on my correct path.

I understood why I should not give up my beliefs. I understood that all the knowledge which I had been given was true and that everything that I had experienced had been necessary to give me the insights to share.


One of my major problems was that I was concerned about how people would react to everything that I had experienced. I reflected on this observation a year later and I was amazed that I had believed that I had experienced so much. What I had experienced up to this point was only a taste of what was to come.

I was scared that people would be unable to accept what I was experiencing and I still felt that I needed the approval of other people. Nevertheless, whenever I did explain what I now knew the reality of our existence to be and why we were here, I gave the explanation as fact and I did not have one doubt. Despite this, my remaining fears and doubts were in the way of my own acceptance of my experiences. I was still looking for artificial fulfilment which was why I would not be fulfilled. I could not find what was not there.

I spent the day walking around the area. I spent some time in the village where my father's family had lived most of their lives. I knew this area was where I belonged. I felt that I was home. I also felt a little sad.

The following day, was spent walking and reflecting. I was looking for answers and I was still trying to accept that what I was experiencing was real. I reflected on the role of teacher which I was being driven to accept. I began to wonder if I was not deceiving myself. Why would I be chosen for such a role? I did not see what I had to offer. That afternoon I went to the village where I was born. I enjoyed my time in the village which was a very beautiful and powerful place. However, I did not feel at home and the village was not familiar to me. This did not make a lot of sense to me, but I accepted what I felt.


I had spent a few days in solitude. I had been warned on the island that I would be tested, but I had no idea that the test would have gone on so long. On reflection I can see that this was a relative observation, because I did not really know what I would experience before my journey was completed.

I had known on the island that people would think I had 'gone off the rails' and that I would live by a different set of values to many people. In fact, there was really very little that I had experienced during the previous few months, that I had not known I would experience when I was on the island. However, I had totally underestimated how difficult what I was to experience would be.

I needed to have faith and I needed to maintain my faith, because only by maintaining my faith would my destiny be fulfilled. I needed to remember that what I had experienced, had in fact happened. I had intended that the next day would be my last day in the area. but fate stepped in to keep me in the area a little longer. It would prove to be an interesting day.

That afternoon I drove to the village of Kings Sutton, which was bigger than I had anticipated. I was feeling a little apprehensive, similar to what I had experienced when I had visited the clairvoyant. I did not know where I was going, but I seemed to know exactly where I was going. I just drove and stopped. I found myself opposite a church.


I walked around the church cemetery until I stood on an unmarked grave which I knew was my grave from a previous life. I did not want to accept that I had found my grave, so I walked around the cemetery for a long time, and each time that I reached the unmarked grave I had the same feeling, a knowledge that I was standing on my own grave. Gordon, my late uncle and Dorothy's father who I had lived with in Australia for a while, confirmed that I was indeed standing on my own grave. Gordon's spirit was to remain with me as my spirit guide for much of my trip and would reveal the real reason that I was in England.

I left the cemetery and I walked for a short while. I turned a few corners, I did not know where I was going, but at the same time I knew exactly where I was going. I stopped in front of a row of cottages which had once been stables. I knew that the stables which were now cottages was where I had hung myself in my previous life. I walked to the side of the stables and saw the house which I had seen in my regression. I had come to England, and I had found the place where I had lived and died in another lifetime, around two hundred years earlier.

I remembered how the area had looked before many of the houses existed. I recalled the rolling meadows, and I recalled how Marie and I had ridden horses across those meadows in another life. I was surprised that the location of my life as a stable boy was only a few miles from where I began this lifetime. I was also amazed that Marie, Sally and I had found each other again, on the other side of the world, despite the fact that we did not all live in the same city.

I wanted to buy a map of the village but the Post Office was closed that afternoon. I would need to come back the next day, when I had intended to move on. Fate had stepped in to ensure that I remained in the area.


That night I had dinner with Dorothy, Bradley and Carlos. I discussed staying in the area for a little while longer. I could visit some of the places that I had planned to travel to next whilst I remained in the area. I decided to stay in the area for a few more days. My plan was to return to Kings Sutton the next day, drive down to Southend on Sea on Friday, visit Dorothy again over the weekend, and then move on.

The next morning, I went to Kings Sutton as planned. I obtained my map, and I revisited the house from my previous lifetime. I was having difficulty believing that what I was experiencing was possible. I considered the proximity of the house, the stables and everything else. The scene was exactly as I had recalled in my regression. I could no longer deny the reality of my experience.

I had lunch in my father's village which I had done most days that I been in the area. In the afternoon I visited my father's sister who lived in a nearby village.

Coincidentally, the Banbury fair commenced that day. I decided to wander around the fair for a while. As I was walking around the fair, an old Gypsy woman beckoned me to her. Amanda had been right, but I had not expected to encounter the Gypsy in Banbury. I understood why I had needed to remain in the area for at least one extra day. If I had not remained in the area, I would not have encountered the old Gypsy woman.


The old Gypsy woman told me that I had been having a difficult time, but I had nothing to worry about. She told that I loved a lady who had the letters A, I, E, R in her first or second name. I took this to be Marie. She told me not to worry because this lady loved me too, that I would be married, and that I would be happy and contented for the rest of my life.

This was not what I had expected to hear, I had every intention of leaving my remaining feelings for Marie behind me when I returned home. The old Gypsy woman's words were to cause me to begin missing Marie again. My feelings for Marie were to continue to prevent me from moving on.

The following day I drove to Southend-on-Sea, which is my mother's home town. The trip began well but became a disaster. It started raining, and the traffic was bad. By the time that I arrived, I had a severe sinus headache and I was feeling pretty miserable. Southend-on-Sea is as the name suggests a seaside town. I thought that I would have a nice piece of fresh fish with chips to lift my spirits. This was when my problems really started.

The fish and chips were too greasy for me and I could only eat a little. The coffee was undrinkable. Instead of feeling better, I began to feel worse. The fish must have been bad because I started feeling ill. I attempted to drive back to where I was staying, but I could not concentrate because of a severe headache and I was sweating profusely. I pulled over to the side of the road and I was violently ill. I sat in the car feeling sorry for myself, and feeling very alone.


I decided to rest before continuing my drive. I felt desperately alone. I slept in the car on the side of the road for five hours. When I awoke I was feeling a little better but not much. I drove back to East End in the early hours of the morning.

I suppose that it was because I had felt so alone the previous night, but the next day I decided to accept Dorothy's offer to stay with her and Bradley. Fate had stepped in once again, but fate had not been pleasant. I suspected that if I had accepted Dorothy's offer to stay with her and Bradley on one of the previous opportunities which I had been given, I would not needed to be driven to stay with Dorothy by a bad piece of fish.

That afternoon I explained a lot of what I had experienced during the previous few months to Dorothy. As usual, talking about my experiences reaffirmed the reality of my experiences for me. I began to feel positive again. During our discussion I discovered that Dorothy also read the Tarot which surprised me. We agreed to do a joint reading.

The significant aspects of the reading were that the previous two readings that I had done, had placed me in limbo and my period of limbo was now in the past. I remained blocked by outside influences, but my final outcome would be influenced by my ability to believe, and my final outcome remained happiness and contentment.


I found the consistency of my Tarot readings throughout the year staggering. I now had no doubt that the Tarot was more than superstition or a con for the gullible, but I still did not understand how it worked.

We talked until nearly dawn, mostly about Carlos's problems not my problems. Carlos's business was having major difficulties, and Carlos could not see a way out of his present circumstances. I knew that agreeing to stay with Dorothy had been the right decision, although I did not know why. I discovered that my Grandmother had been born in Kings Sutton, and that my Grandmother's family had lived in Kings Sutton for a very long time.

My instinct remained in conflict with my character, which was a battle that I could have done without. The would remain throughout my journey. My character was looking for some action to take, but my instinct told me not to take any action. I knew that I needed to be patient and allow circumstances to unfold around me, but I was champing at the bit to do something.

Every time that I had tried to act, or tried to force something to happen since my journey had begun, fate had stepped in to stop me. I needed to do nothing. I needed to allow the 'outside influences' to run their course. However, doing nothing was against my character. I knew that there would be a time when everything began to fall into place and all I needed to do was wait. The difficulty I had was waiting.


Having spent the previous few days listening to Carlos as he explained his business to me, I saw that by restructuring his marketing approach, developing a formal business plan and placing stricter control on the allocation of finances, Carlos could trade out of his difficulties, and rebuild his company. I explained what he would need to do and how we could rebuild his company. It would take time to rebuild his company, but if Carlos was able to follow the plan, his company would be stronger and more solid.

For the first time since I had met Carlos, he had hope. I had shown him the way out. I was to spend the next few days working with Carlos, and showing him step by step how the formal business plan came together. Working with Carlos gave me a new lease on life, I was doing something positive.

I seemed to be positive 80% of the time, and negative 20% of the time. I was slowly 'getting better'. I just needed to focus on the positive.

Our soul knows what we will experience in each lifetime. Our soul knows what we are supposed to learn from each lifetime. This is why the Tarot and similar 'fortune telling' works.


'Fortune telling' provides a means to allow our soul to communicate what knowledge will assist us to our conscious mind. The information provided by our soul is clear and accurate, but the accuracy translation of the information provided by our soul depends on the ability of the reader.

I had known from personal experience that 'fortune telling' did work, that 'fortune telling' was accurate, and that 'fortune telling' was real. I now knew how 'fortune telling' was able to work. 'Fortune telling' is not evil as some people believe. It is a very powerful tool which when used wisely, can allow us to be prepared for what lies ahead.

I still did not know where the explanations of aspects of our existence that I was receiving were coming from. I knew that the explanations were real, but it would be many months before I understood the true source of the explanations I received.

Mostly I spent my days working with Carlos. One night I sat up with Dorothy talking about her late father, Gordon. As we talked, I felt Gordon's presence very strongly. Dorothy had some unanswered questions about her father and as Dorothy spoke, I knew what she was going to say before she said it and I knew the answer before Dorothy asked the question. I was used by my late uncle as a medium between himself and his daughter. This was the first time I had been used as a medium. I found the experience a little unnerving.


As Dorothy and I talked I realised that I was putting problems in the way of what I was experiencing, because I wanted to block my acceptance of my experiences. A lot of what had been happening to me, a lot of what I had been experiencing, scared me.

That night Gordon was with me again. He explained that the real reason that I was drawn to England was to help Carlos return to his correct path. If I had known why I had been drawn to England, I would have tried to help Carlos, and therefore I would not have helped him. I would have been trying too hard. I only needed to be there, and to allow my assistance to happen. Fate had ensured I was where I needed to be, when I needed to be there. The timing was very important, I needed to be in Carlos's life when he was looking for a way out, but before he gave up all hope.

One thing which had concerned me about the change of direction in my life was that whatever business skills I had acquired would be wasted. I now saw that my business skills would not be wasted. They would be utilised on occasion, if and when my business skills were required.

I saw that I would be sent where I was needed and drawn to people who needed guidance. This knowledge allowed me to fill in a few gaps in my understanding of what was to be.


I had known for months that I would be provided with sufficient resources to fulfil my role. I was beginning to see how my role would fall into place when it was time for me to fulfil my destiny.

During the previous few months I had been talking to people who I knew used drugs. I had asked them about the effects of various drugs. I did not understand why I had become suddenly curious about drugs, but I did know that I had no intention of travelling down that road. That morning aspects of drug use were explained to me.

Our soul is physically separated from our conscious mind by a natural chemical balance. Drugs adjust our natural chemical balance by providing the body with an over supply of one or another chemical depending on what the specific drug was designed to achieve. The principle of altering our natural chemical balance is correct, but it must occur naturally with our body adjusting our natural chemical balance, as we are ready to take each step towards becoming in touch with our soul.

The increased awareness which drug users are attempting to experience can be achieved naturally and permanently by becoming in touch with our soul. The effect of becoming in touch with our soul will be gradual and balanced. The highs are not so dramatic or so extreme, but neither are the lows experienced when the effect of the drug wears off. By allowing our chemical balance to change naturally, the adjustment in our natural chemical balance will impact all aspects of consciousness evenly level, whereas taking drugs only impacts one area of consciousness at a time. Extensive and prolonged drug use causes an imbalance which is nearly impossible to correct.


Drug taking is artificial, temporary and dangerous. What the drug takers are seeking can be obtained naturally, so taking drugs does not make sense.

As the people to whom I had spoken described the levels of consciousness they had achieved through drugs, I thought that they had not described anything that I did not know could be achieved without drugs. I now understood why.

Another of my problems was that I was not consciously in control of my life, which I had a major difficulty accepting. I did not like it at all. I knew that it was not a bad thing, and I knew that I needed to get used to allowing myself to be used by fate, or God, or whatever, as was required.

I had been chosen as a teacher, and it was apparent that I was going to follow the path that had been placed before me one way or another. It would be a lot easier on me if I cooperated and went with the flow.


I was being taught so that I could teach. I did not always like the lessons that I was given, but this was mostly my own doing. I was beginning to see clearly what I was in England to learn, and what I was in England to teach. Learning and teaching was to be my life's work, how difficult my life's work was, would be up to me.

I struggled with the same question I'd had since my journey began. The 'why me?' question.

I spent a lot of time listening to Dorothy talking about people she had known with various levels of psychic ability, and about various philosophies. There were many times when I wanted to talk about my experiences and turn the conversation around to what I was experiencing, but for the most part I managed to keep my mouth shut. It was a time for me to listen, not talk. I agreed with some of what she said I disagreed with other things, but it was not the time for discussion.

I started to worry about what would happen when I returned home. However, I knew that I had nothing to worry about. I only needed to maintain my faith. It seemed obvious that everything was starting to come together, although everything was not coming together in the way that I had envisioned.


I needed to believe in my soul that my instinct, and my spirit guides would look after me and allow me to do the work that I was being asked to do. I needed to believe, and I needed to keep believing until my last remaining doubts were dispelled.

The next day, began as a repeat of the day before. I listened to Dorothy and I forced myself to keep my mouth shut. Dorothy was good for me, and I knew that she had a message to deliver. I needed to shut up and listen so that I could receive the message.

I began to see the message which Dorothy had been giving me since I had arrived, 'relax and go with the flow.' I knew this, but I was not living what I knew. Dorothy had repeated her message in many different ways, until she finally got through to me.

I knew that I would always be directed by my spirit guides, or higher forces, or whatever was directing my course. I needed to learn how to allow myself to be directed, and to stop fighting the direction that I was given. I needed to stop alternating between wanting to fight what I was experiencing, and wanting to force the pace of what I was experiencing. I needed to allow myself to be directed by higher forces or whatever was directing my course, 100% of the time.


The following day, I drove to Horley to see my brother who had been living in England for a few years. I spent a relaxing few hours with my brother and his family before an easy drive home.

I knew without the slightest doubt that I would return to England in the first half of the following year. I was feeling strong and positive about the future.

The next day, I would return to London for two days prior to heading home. I had all but done what I had been sent to England to do. I could not see how everything was going to come together, but I knew that it would and I did not worry. I felt strong and confident, but certainly not over confident.

God does not want to be worshipped. All that is required is love, respect and belief. Worshipping had been developed for us not God, and worshipping is neither wanted nor required by God.


My journey to London was not good, but it was not too bad. I returned the rental car and I caught a taxi to the Bed and Breakfast where I would be spending my last few days in England. The taxi fare left me without money until I could cash some travellers cheques the next day. I scaped together enough change for some crisps which would have to serve as my dinner.

The following day, for the first time since I had seen the Gypsy, Marie was on my mind. I did not understand why and I did not like it. It was a bad day. I felt myself becoming depressed. I did not know what was happening.

I went into London and drifted around for a while before returning to the Bed and Breakfast. I was again short of money. I had been extorted by criminals mainly because I had not listened to my instinct. I also knew without doubt the extortion was in my best interest because it had prevented me from following a more harmful course of action. I was depressed. I felt sorry for myself. I felt lonely. I could not understand the turnaround in my emotions.

In hindsight, I can see that I had nearly climbed out of the chasm, but just as I reached the top, I lost my footing and I slipped a little.


I spent most of the night fighting to pick myself up and become positive again. I was looking forward to going home, but at the same time I was not looking forward to going home. I did not know what to expect when I returned home, and I would not allow myself to build false hope.

I spent most of the next day, my last day in England, walking. Marie was on my mind constantly and I could not shift her. I could not believe what I was experiencing, but I did not know what to do to put an end to it.

I had lost sight of what my experiences were about. I needed to live what I had learned 100% of the time, not 80% of the time as I was doing. After I had slipped, I could not see over the edge of the chasm. I would see over the edge of the chasm as soon as I found my way out of the chasm, but I had more hard work to do first.

I walked for hours that day. My mind was wondering all over the place. I understood that I would be all right regardless of whether anything had changed when I returned home or not. I had known from the beginning of my journey not to worry, and most of the time I did not worry.


I found myself thinking about how Marie and I might get back together. Twice I was given a vision of the future, the same vision each time and each time the vision was confirmed by Gordon. It was a vision of me telling Sally that I was going to get married. The timing of the vision maintained my belief that it was Marie I would marry.

I wondered where Amanda was. I could not understand why she had not been with me for some time. I began to wonder if she was elsewhere, looking after my interest. I knew that Amanda would not leave me without a reason.

I felt good when I returned to the Bed and Breakfast that night, because I had pushed myself hard on my walk. I telephoned Dorothy, Bradley and Carlos to say goodbye. Carlos's business had already started to slowly turn the corner. In fact, all aspects of Carlos's life seemed to be starting to head in the right direction. I was going to miss these people. I belonged with them, but I knew I would return before too long.

I had difficulty sleeping that night. I spent most of the night lying awake with my mind wondering far into the past. I was not restless so I allowed my mind to drift. I did not always know what was right and what was wrong any more. I found myself remembering events from my life which were long forgotten. I allowed the events to surface and then I dealt with the events the best I that could.


I reflected on my successes in life. I knew that my life was never as bad as I sometimes liked to paint my life. I felt that my karmic debt had nearly been repaid, and that my difficulties were coming to an end. I knew that despite my difficulties, I had done what I could to help people such as Anne and Carlos, and this in itself gave me a little more confidence.

I had gained a lot of insights that day, which was always a sign that I was on my correct path. I had been tested and I knew that I would continue to be tested, but I also knew that my period of solitude was drawing to a close, at least temporarily.

As I prepared for my journey home, what I was going to have to endure throughout my journey home commenced, I began thinking of Marie. I began remembering our shared experiences, and I felt myself sliding back into the chasm.

My journey to the airport was a horror. The traffic was bad and the short journey took nearly two hours. The whole time I seemed to be thinking about Marie. The airport was also a nightmare, it was extremely crowded and it took the entire two hours between check-in and flight time to pass through security and customs.


It seemed that every time I returned to my correct path, I would find myself sliding backwards. I did not seem to be able to prevent or control the slide. I certainly did not like it.

I was in a very poor frame of mind when I boarded the aircraft. I took some sleeping tablets on the first leg of my flight home and I managed to sleep through most of it. However, even though I checked and double checked and I was sure I had brought my sleeping tablets with me for the second leg of my flight home, my sleeping tablets had vanished. I could not believe it, but fate has an ability to get its own way.

At Singapore airport between flights, I was despondent and lonely. I was fighting hard to avoid depression, and I was reminded of Marie at every turn.

I spent the second leg of the journey home awake and reliving every experience that Marie and I had shared from the day that we met. I could not believe what I was experiencing. I had intended to leave any remaining emotions that I had for her behind, but fate had conspired to ensure that I hung on to them. Now I was bringing the remaining emotions back with me.


I could not believe what I was experiencing, nor could I control my mind or stop what was occurring. I could only endure the experience.

I remembered the snake's warning on the island. I had totally underestimated the extent of this particular test. I wondered if I was obsessed with Marie. I did not seem to be able to find another explanation for what I experiencing, I may have loved Marie completely, but despite my love I had not been willing to compromise myself for her.

I was not really looking forward to being home. I had absolutely no expectations. I knew that I would accept whatever was waiting for me. I did not know if I would have an income, or if my business had continued paying my salary while I had been away. I was not looking forward to going home, because I did not feel that I had anything to look forward to.

The cologne in the toilet on the plane did not agree with my sinuses, and everybody seemed to be wearing the cologne. The effect of the cologne on my sinuses did nothing to improve either my mood, or my outlook on life. During the last half hour of the flight I managed to quiet my mind. I wondered what the next phase of my life would bring. Nancy met me at the airport. I was home.

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