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Searching for My Soul
Book Three Understanding My Destiny

A Little More Reflection.

  I sat quietly. I realised that when I had told Sally I was getting married, was the reality which I had seen in the vision that I had been given when I was in despair, in London.

I reflected upon all of the times when I had been placed in a position to attend an artificial environment, which I did not wish to attend. Whether I attended the artificial environment or not, I usually did so quietly, and with little fuss. I would only voice my opinion if pushed into voicing my opinion, mostly I went about my business quietly, and allowed people to think I was strange. All of the times that I had criticised myself for avoiding such artificial environments, had been unwarranted and based on the standards of others.

As I reviewed my notes and reflected on all that had occurred, I could see that I had known much more than I had realised. I had also understood much less that I had believed. There remained some concepts which I could not quite grasp, even on reflection.

God said, "Relax, allow the concepts to develop. Each time that you allow a concept to develop, you also develop your understanding. You achieve understanding through awareness. You are viewing the concepts which you are struggling with, from the earth plane perspective, which is effectively taking a one dimensional view of that which is three dimensional.

"You wonder how it is possible to experience all things in but one lifetime as very few have done. It is difficult to experience all things in but one lifetime, but it is possible to experience all things in but one lifetime. You are considering half a soul only. Remember, each soul has two parts, which is what makes it possible to experience all things in but one lifetime, albeit unlikely. You are correct that if a soul had one part, it would be impossible to experience all things in but one lifetime.

"Remember also that time is only important on the linear plane. It matters not to the higher self how many years are taken to experience all things, whether it is 65 as has been done, or 12,452 as you have taken."


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I went about my business, allowing everything to be as everything was, and unconcerned about that which I knew would occur. My apprehension remained, but was diminishing. I allowed my experiences to occur, and I allowed my awareness to increase.

There were times when nothing seemed to be happening, but I did what I was told to do, when I was told to do it. I had been warned not to be concerned about delays, and I did not allow any delay to concern me. However, I did experience the apprehension which the delays caused. I was entering new territory. I was gaining new experience, and I was able to draw on the experience of my existence.

God said, "Remember that you have already created your new world, but you have not realised your new world. Events are occurring around you, but knowledge of the events which are occurring has been withheld from you, because until you fully experience allowing things to happen, you would still attempt to make things happen. Your experience is to make things happen. Your character chosen for this lifetime is to make things happen. How else would you fully experience allowing things to happen?

"Sometimes, everything seems so clear and sometimes everything seems so very difficult to understand.

"There are three reasons for this contradiction, which have been explained previously. Firstly, your ability to understand is subject to whether you are in phase or out of phase, in respect of your vibrational rate. Secondly, you have chosen the experience as a part of the example which you have chosen to be. Thirdly, you have not reached this point of awareness previously, and you need to experience being both 'in' and 'out' of phase."


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"Okay, can we explore the concept of time. I understand that time is unimportant, but time is important to those on the earth plane. How do I deal with the importance of time on the earth plane? For example, I know that time is unimportant, but then why did Katerina suggest that date to me? A specific date to meet is practical particularly because of where Katerina lives. Why did that date coincide with the date which I was 'given' several months ago, in context with my soulmate? Whether the specific date is that date that we meet or not, does not matter to me, because I know what will happen. However, the specific date does matter to me for Katerina's sake, or maybe am I just kidding myself, and the specific date does matter to me for my sake."

"That is a lot of questions. I will answer step by step. Time has meaning only on the earth plane, but even on the earth plane time is but an illusion. Time does not matter. If you are meant to be in touch with someone for a reason, albeit your reason or their reason, you will be in touch with that someone, precisely when you need to be in touch with that someone. All of the arrangements and all of the appointments in the world will not change this reality.

"To those on the earth plane time has been made important, and because time has been made important, it is necessary to work within the illusion of time. If it is important that you meet with someone, the appointment or meeting will take place at whatever time the meeting needs to take place, for whatever experience each, or the other is seeking.

"For example you may be drawn to meet with someone or someone may be drawn to meet with you, and the meeting will be for a reason. You may attempt to set the meeting for tomorrow, but if it is important that the meeting take place next Tuesday fortnight to coincide with other events, try as you might, something will prevent that meeting occurring, until next Tuesday fortnight. Try as you might to do otherwise, you will meet with whomever, when you are meant to meet with them. Do you think that I am not able to use the illusion of time in the best interest of all?


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"Your problem is that you are attempting to make time unimportant, instead of allowing time to be unimportant. You know that time is unimportant, so what does it matter if the appointment is for next Tuesday fortnight or not?

"Now we come to the specific example which you coincidentally have. You were given the date several months ago, because the events which you were to experience were foreseen. You were given a date both in context, and out of context, to enable you to experience an example of the incorrect assumptions which you make, which was why the date had the time difference twist, and why Rose was able to see through that twist. The date assisted you to create an environment which provided you with a subtle reminder, not to make assumptions.

"The date was foreseen, because it was known when your meeting with Katerina was allegedly going to occur. If you did not know the date, how would you experience the date drawing ever nearer, with nothing apparently happening. How will the experience of everything 'coming together' really be felt, without first experiencing everything not coming together.

"You are really not concerned about the date for yourself, and it was known that you would not be concerned about the date for yourself at this point. So the date was made the only date which seemed possible for Katerina, to create concern for you in respect of the 'timing'. If you did not have this concern, if you knew precisely how everything would happen, or if you were not allowed to see the date in advance, how would you fully experience what you are now experiencing? How would you experience if I promised you that something will happen, and I do make you this promise that it will happen."

I did not know it at the time, but that particular date would again become a key date one year later.


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"How would those who follow know, if we did not create this example. Consider all of the things which led you to Katerina. Consider all that I have told you. You would have not conceived that your soulmate could live on the opposite side of the world. You would not have conceived that you would have communication difficulties, language difficulties and delays to overcome. If your soulmate had moved in next door, how would others know that no matter how difficult, or how unlikely the circumstances, they will be drawn together with their soulmate?

"Understand this. I have led you to your soulmate in unlikely circumstances. I have confirmed her identity when asked. I have told you when, and I have now promised you that your meeting with your soulmate will occur. There can be nothing else for you to concern yourself about. Your meeting with your soulmate will occur, because you have requested to connect with your soulmate. It is time for this meeting with your soulmate to occur, and you have created the environment for your meeting with your soulmate to occur. All that is left is the realisation of meeting your soulmate, and for you to experience the realisation of meeting your soulmate.

"You have experienced all, from experiencing the genuine need to find your soulmate, to the identification of your soulmate, to the creation of the environment in which to meet your soulmate, and you will soon experience the realisation of the environment which you have created, you will meet your soulmate and so much more.

"You may think that you have experienced joy on occasion, but I tell you that you have experienced nothing in comparison to the joy which you will experience with your soulmate. What you will experience with your soulmate is beyond love, beyond friendship, beyond compatibility. Your soulmate is not made for you, your soulmate is you. Your soulmate is the reason why you have always sought a partner, which is the reason why all seek a partner. Your soulmate is who you knew that you would find in this lifetime. Your soulmate is the ideal, the absolute fulfilment and completion for you.


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"Do you think that you have both been seen as 'idealistic' in respect of relationships by accident? Your soulmate is your balance, your soulmate is the water to your earth. Soulmates have identified each other, and are in the process of realising their rejoining. The completion of a search which commenced 12,452 years ago. The physical experience of pure love in its most powerful form is about to be realised, and nothing, no power could prevent this realisation from occurring. Pure love is the most powerful energy in the universe, because pure love is the only reality. Once set in motion pure love cannot be stopped. Have not one doubt about this. Pure love is the very fabric of existence.

"Every attempt at a relationship whether successful or unsuccessful, whether lasting or fleeting has led you to this moment. A moment for which you have jointly searched, for nearly 25,000 years. A search which you could not abandon.

"You will very soon experience the realisation of pure love. The earth plane is where you feel pure love in its most perfect form, before becoming pure love. It is the earth plane experience of pure love which produces 'heaven on earth'. Your very existence has prepared for this moment, and yet nothing could have prepared you for this moment. Fear not, the experience has already happened, and the experience will soon be felt."

I meditated, I allowed the colours to wash over me and consume me. I felt myself travel to the spirit plane and beyond where once again I felt the completion of rejoining with my soulmate. The intensity of the feeling of rejoining with my soulmate was indescribable, as it had been when I had first experienced rejoining with my soulmate on the spirit plane, nearly four months earlier. Even as I experienced the taste of what was to come, I felt my golden aura expand.

"That is how you will live."


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Later, I felt my full stomach, I stretched turned and slithered into my hole. I was a snake, and it was time for hibernation.

I looked at my body. My body was different from anything I knew, and yet my body was strangely familiar. I was on another physical plane.

I had drawn on a brief flash of memory, and I knew that the memory was real. I had recalled an experience, and I had become aware of a past existence on another physical plane.

I rested for awhile and I ate some lunch. After lunch I sat quietly, and I recalled other reality.

I had a hard skin, and six limbs. I was on yet another physical plane.

Another fleeting memory to aid my awareness.

I was in the desert. I was stung by a scorpion. I was with a teacher who placed his hand over the wound, and removed the poison by drawing it out of me.

The teacher was the Native American who had come to me as a spirit, and whom I had recognised from my lifetime as a Native American. I knew the Native American teacher as Sitting Crow, and Sitting Crow was with me again. I recognised Sitting Crow as a master. Sitting Crow had become a master at the end of that particular lifetime, and I had remained with Sitting Crow in spirit form, to observe Sitting Crow experience becoming a master.

The dark warrior, who I knew as Hansa, was with Sitting Crow. Hansa was also a master, and we had been together in our previous lifetime. We were in Mid-Africa from what I could tell. Hansa was a chief, and a spiritual leader, Hansa was also becoming a master.


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God said, "Did I not tell you that you had walked with many masters, but you had failed to understand?"

I asked, "How can this be? Surely I am imagining these memories."

"Search your soul, you know that your memories are true. Your path has always been a spiritual path. Your spiritual path is your destiny, and your choice."

I went for a walk.

"Look at that spider. The spider is perfect for its role. The spider does not worry about being too fat, or too thin, or not having enough to eat. The spider simply is. The spider is self-aware. The spider has a conscious self, but the spider has no need for a conscious mind."

"By experiencing this type of existence, we experience that a conscious mind is superfluous, is this correct?"



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I was standing on a balcony which felt cool. The stone was used to construct houses because it was cool and stayed cool. I looked at the bright red sun in the sky. The sun was red because of some element in the atmosphere. Even when it rained, the planet remained hot and bright. It rained often, and the vegetation was dense. It was a very powerful planet. My appearance was humanoid. The ambient light was so bright that I had a layer of black transparent skin over my eyes, sort of like in-built sunglasses. It was a peaceful existence.

I have experienced lifetimes on at least three other physical planes.

"There are 964 Other Worlds in total."

"Nine hundred and sixty-four Other Worlds? How many Other Worlds have I existed on?"

"All, but I will withhold much from your experiences on Other Worlds. It was necessary that you draw on some experiences, so that you became aware of the existence of such memories."

I began to wonder about remembering lifetimes with masters, and lifetimes on Other Worlds. It was possible that such memories were my imagination.

"Consider all that I have told you. All that I said would come to pass, has come to pass, or is now coming into being. Explain how this could be your imagination."

I could not.


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That evening I went to the movies with Nancy. I had difficulty with the crowds. I was beginning to understand why I needed to 'drive from the back seat'. It was as if I needed to become an observer of my world, instead of a part of my world. By observing my world I saw everything from the perspective of the physical plane, but when I became a part my world I saw everything for what it was, an illusion.

More than seeing the illusion, I saw through the illusion. I felt too much, too much emotion, too many fears, too much worry hitting me at once. I knew now that when I needed to, I could simply switch on and become a part of my world, but mostly I would switch off, and observe my world.


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