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Searching for My Soul
Book Three Understanding My Destiny

Q & A IV.

  "If I could have achieved awareness in one lifetime or say two, why didn't I just choose to gain awareness in one or two lifetimes?"

"Choice must be conscious choice, or choice is not choice. Choice can only be made by the conscious self. Before the conscious self can make a choice, the conscious self must be aware that the choice must be made."

"All that we do throughout our existence is based on choice, but we are unaware that we have the ability to choose."

"Correct. You choose whether to become aware of any given experience or not. If you become aware of the experience and understand the experience, you choose a new experience. The process is not learning, because you know at your higher self level, but the process is learning at your conscious self level."

"What you are saying seems to contradict itself."

"Yes and no. The perspective is contradictory. You will recall that I explained, when we first started talking, that it is not learning that you are doing, but relearning. I then proceeded to use the terminology of learning, even though I had explained that the terminology of learning was incorrect."

"Yes, your explanation made sense at the time."

"The perspective changes based on how the process is viewed. If the process is viewed from the higher plane, you are relearning what is known. If the process is viewed from the spirit plane, you are gaining experience. If the process is viewed from the earth plane, you are learning. All three explanations are correct, from the perspective of the plane from which the process is viewed."


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"If we combined these planes we are gaining awareness, correct?"

"Yes. Experience applied to knowledge provides awareness."

"If I understand correctly, it does not matter to God, either as the individual drop, or God as the ocean, how long the awareness process takes?"

"Of course not, time has no meaning."

"So why is it important, that I complete my task now?"

"You are doing what you have chosen to do, at a time when many are asking for guidance."

"But you are God, why do you need me to provide this guidance?"

"I do not. Those on the physical plane who have asked for guidance need guidance, and you are a convenient way of providing guidance."

"So why don't you just go to anyone who seeks guidance, and tell them what is what?"

"I cannot. All must find the truth. All must rediscover the truth. All must become aware of the truth, for themselves. Becoming aware is and must be a conscious decision, or becoming aware is no decision, no choice."

"If anyone has made the choice to rediscover the truth, have they not opened the door for you?"

"What you are suggesting is that if someone asks, and there is asking and asking, and their question is not a rhetorical question, 'What is the point? Why is this so?' that I should go to them and tell them the answer. They could not understand the answer. They have to draw on their own experiences, and apply their experiences to their knowledge to become aware. You have asked such a question, and we have established that you could not have accepted the answer. Am I correct?"


"Even now, even after drawing on all your experience, and applying those experiences which you have drawn on, to your knowledge you still struggle to understand the truth at times."


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"Yes, but I understood that you answer every question, every prayer, or whatever."

"I do, every one. Whether the answer is received, or the answer is not received is up to the individual. Not only does a question have to be asked, but the choice to receive the answer must also be made."

"Why would someone ask a question, and choose not to receive an answer?"

"Because they are unaware that they can receive an answer. That all questions are answered must be learned, experienced, relearned. Review your own experience, your questions were answered in many different ways. Our communication became easier as you became aware, until we reached the point where we can communicate directly."

"So if someone asks for guidance, and they are unaware that they can receive the answer directly they will happen to hear a song, see a movie or read a book or someone else will give them the answer in conversation?"

"Yes, that is correct. Draw on your own experience. How many times have you been drawn or led to a book, and after reading just enough of that book to answer your question, you lost interest in that book? How many times have you suddenly chosen to watch a movie that you had previously shown no interest in watching, and within that movie there is a line which answers your question, and which is often out of context with the movie? How many times have you had a conversation, and something is said out of context with the conversation, that answers your question? I provide answers in the way that the answer is most likely to be received, but I cannot force someone to receive the answers which I provide. All is choice."

"Okay, but all answers are within."

"Absolutely correct. The problem is that when seeking answers, 'within' is the last place that people choose to look."


"Because people are told so often that they are unworthy of even existing on the earth plane, that they believe that they are unworthy. The most difficult aspect of learning, is to unlearn what has been learned incorrectly."


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"It seems that you go to a lot of trouble to give people answers."

"It is no trouble."

"Why not just allow people to be who they are, without them having to relearn or whatever, who they are?"

"If people understood that they had the answer of creation, but they did not have the experience and awareness, the very existence of all that is would be thrown into chaos."


"Because souls are all part of God, and therefore all souls are God. Souls have the right to choose to do with their powers as they wish. There is only one choice, and that is pure love. That there is only one choice can only be learned by eliminating all other choices. If this process of elimination occurred at the level of the higher plane, there would be chaos. You have begun to conceive the number of souls which exist on the earth plane alone. Imagine if each soul went about becoming aware that pure love was the only choice, and did so by exercising all other choices by using the power of creation at the highest level. This chaos must be avoided, and is avoided by allowing experimentation, experience, and a process of elimination in the controlled environment of the physical planes."

"But could not the physical plane be destroyed as a result?"

"Yes, physical planes have been destroyed, and physical planes will be destroyed again, if that is the choice of those who exist on the physical plane. This is why there are a vast number of physical planes. New physical planes can be created, physical planes can be destroyed, and physical planes can be recreated."


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"There are many worlds that are uninhabitable?"

"Yes, and many that are inhabitable. Some are too hot, some are too cold, some have the wrong atmosphere, some have been destroyed, some have been created. In all things there must be balance."

"Why have we not discovered other inhabited worlds?"

"We are on dangerous ground here, we cannot influence choice. You know this. Other inhabited worlds have discovered your world, so it is known that other inhabited worlds exist. Some among you have chosen to suppress the knowledge of other inhabited worlds, and some among you have chosen to uncover the knowledge of other inhabited worlds, although their choice has not been fully realised as yet. Remember your time on other planes, but keep this awareness to yourself."

"But by making my example available to others, are we not influencing their choices?"

"No, to be given an example has been chosen by many. Those who have chosen be given an example, may be drawn to this example in answer to their question. Those who have not chosen be given an example, will not be drawn to an example."

"What do I do from here?"

"Nothing. Accept what is so. Allow yourself to exist in your 'heaven on earth' as every master has done before you. Allow everything to be, experience 'heaven on earth'. Do not attempt to alter the choices of others. Allow all to experience what they have chosen to experience, even if they have chosen not to accept what you have given, or what they seek. Have you, yourself not experienced non-acceptance? Have you, yourself not experienced disbelief to the point of betrayal? Did that master not allow you to experience what you chose to experience, and not attempt to influence your experience?"


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"Tell me about the 'switching off' that I need to do, why is switching off necessary?"

"If you are to exist on the earth plane, you must be able to observe the earth plane as the illusion, and therefore the reality the earth plane is to those who exist on the earth plane. When you switch off, as you call it, you are observing from a perspective between the spirit and higher planes."

"Between the spirit and higher planes? How does this work?"

"While you are in physical form, you cannot exist within the higher plane, although you are only slightly removed from the higher plane. Switching off is what masters do when they reincarnate for a specific task. Switching off is also what teachers do when they are finalising their experience to become a master."

"Why is switching off necessary?"

"Existence on the earth plane slows the vibrational rate. Even when the vibrational rate is in unison the earth plane has a slowing effect on vibrational rate which prevents souls from fully becoming part of the higher plane. Souls are always part of the higher plane, because that part which is a part of the higher plane is consistent, and at the same time souls are not part of the higher plane.

"Vibrational rate is not measured, but if vibrational rate was measured there may be a scale of 1 - 30 for the physical plane, 31 - 80 for the spirit plane, and 81 - 100 for the higher plane. The lower the earth plane rate, the lower the higher plane rate and so on. You get the picture. Currently you have vibrational rates of 27/73/95. If I were to apply this nonexistent scale, a master in physical carnation would be 30/77/98 and in spiritual carnation, 78/99. When in the higher self existence a master would be 100. A soul with no awareness may be at 5/35/81, to illustrate how vibrational rate works. I do stress that vibrational rate is neither measured or measurable. I have provided a simple illustration for explanation and understanding."


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"Is the purpose of all personal or mate type relationships to find one's soulmate?"

"No, not at all. The motivation for all personal or mate type relationships is the reunion with one's soulmate, which is not the purpose of personal or mate type relationships."

"Oh, so what is the purpose of personal or mate type relationships?"

"There is more than one purpose for personal or mate type relationships. Firstly there is the need to experience relationships which are many faceted, including but not limited to, the experience of feeling love. There is also a need to create an environment where you are not afraid to be yourself, or as much as yourself as you can be. You need to experience being yourself, and feel being yourself. As you acquire the experience of being yourself, your experience is applied to your knowledge, and you start to become aware of yourself. You cannot ultimately be yourself, by becoming one with yourself, unless you are aware of yourself."

"So I have experienced numerous relationships in my existence?"

"Of course, but it depends on which definition of relationships is used. If you apply the most basic definition of a relationship, you experienced 9,352 relationships in your lifetime as a whore."

"That many?"

"By some standards. Compared to some experiences of others you could ask 'that few'."


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"I have some difficulty with the concept of the happiness and joy which are going to come to me, are happiness and joy not unimportant?"

"The happiness and joy which will come to you, and which are coming to you very, very soon, are the result of pure love. Have I not told you that pure love is the only thing that matters, because pure love is all that is real? Your real problem is that you are stuck on this issue that you should have nothing, and want nothing, if you are 'spiritual'. Placing an artificial standard on spirituality is a fallacy perpetuated on the earth plane. The fallacy is based on truth as most spiritual fallacies are, but it is truth without understanding which often creates the reverse of reality. It is correct that you want nothing for example, because you can have everything that you want simply by creating what you desire, and you can be anything you want simply by creating what you desire. You do not have nothing, there is nothing that you cannot have."

"So the path to God is not one of suffering?"

"No. If one needed to suffer to find God who would choose to find God? That people suffer is experience. That suffering feels real is necessary for the experience. What experience would be gained from suffering if those who suffered knew that their suffering was not real? All can choose to know that suffering is not real. That suffering is experience, and that experience must be gained so that experience can be applied to knowledge, it could be said that in this respect, suffering is the way to God."

"Why do souls decide that it is time to find God?"

"Souls choose to find God, because they have exhausted every other option throughout their existence."

"So God is a last resort?"

"Not necessarily. If God is sought and found, the journey, as you have termed it becomes easy, because those who have found God, know that they need experience. Those who have not found God, find God as a last experience which has not been experienced."


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"Okay, I want to revisit the relationship question for a moment. Won't souls, having read these words, set out to find their soulmate?"

"What do you think all have been doing since their creation? A soul will not find their soulmate, unless the soul has become enlightened. Even if the soul has become enlightened, completion may not necessarily occur. It is not a matter of waking up one day and deciding; 'I am going to find my soulmate.' To locate your soulmate, is a choice made at the highest level of your being, and also a choice that is made at the lowest level of your being. If this dual choice is not made, a soulmate cannot be found. A soulmate cannot be found by looking, a soulmate must be drawn. Consider again your own convenient example. You could have looked all of your lifetime, and you would not have found Katerina. You made your choice, and you allowed Katerina to be drawn to you. It did not matter how unlikely the circumstances seemed."

"So the agency was only open a short time, the right time, just for me?"

"No. What occurred was created by those involved, as part of the experience which they sought. By using that agency for you to first identify Katerina, was a convenient way to demonstrate how soulmates are drawn together through a series of coincidences."

"I am struggling with the concept of relationships."

"I know. You are worried about whether you are being selfish, and whether I have set up this whole scenario to give you the experience that souls do not need another soul to be complete."

"That is basically it."

"That is exactly it. Firstly, let us look at the issue of being selfish. The reality is that when you become aware, you are what is termed selfish because you place your own best interest first. You know that you must do what is right for you, before and above all others. When you are aware, what motivates you is pure love, and all that you do is based on generating more pure love on the highest level. Pure love cannot be selfish, but the need to generate pure love is selfish by definition on the earth plane.

"Where the fault lies is in the concept of selfishness, because the concept of selfishness is an illusion. It is not a matter of being selfish at the cost of all others, it is a matter of being selfish at no cost to all others. Even if someone is hurt because you are following what you have termed 'your path', they are gaining necessary experience. If you choose to avoid their hurt, they would miss the experience which they have chosen, and they would need to relive the circumstances. At the same time, you would experience not being true to yourself.

"Remember that you yourself once said; 'I would do anything, except compromise myself'. You were able to make that promise, because your experience had been added to your knowledge and you were aware, even though you were unaware that you were aware. You were then given an opportunity to apply your awareness, and experience the application of your awareness which you did. You found the application of your awareness a difficult thing to do, because you were not aware of what you were doing, which was experiencing the application of your awareness."


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"Okay, but there is very little which I would not do for those I love."

"We have established that. Your real issue here is whether selfishly following your path is what you are supposed to do. The answer is; 'yes and no'. No, because you are not supposed to do anything. Yes, because you have chosen to follow your path. You have chosen to be who you are. You may not have been consciously aware of what you were saying when you said; 'I promise to be Brian' but you were experiencing application of awareness to be yourself. You even defined Brian, who you are, in that which you promised to do, preceding your promise to be Brian."

"Okay, but in that relationship I was not quite Brian."

"No, you were Brian as you were, Brian the unworthy. You were Brian, but you still believed you were unworthy of the love which you had found. You were stuck on the unworthy issue. That you were unworthy was like a shackle holding you back, anchoring you to the earth plane. That you were unworthy was a shackle by choice, because you had chosen not to release yourself from your self-imposed shackle. You unconsciously chose not to release yourself from your self-imposed shackle when you were the Chinese priest who died in the cave ritual, and you consciously chose not to release yourself from your self-imposed shackle when you were the Native American boy. You needed to revisit both lifetimes, and in both lifetimes release yourself from your self-imposed shackle, before you could chose to release yourself from your self-imposed shackle for once and for all."

"So I have experienced becoming myself within a relationship?"

"Yes, that is what you have done."


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"Now we need to talk about completion."

"Yes, completion is not completion as defined on the earth plane, but completion is completion as defined on the earth plane. Completion is not completion because you are inadequate as you are, which is what is meant when one says; 'you make me complete'. No one can make you complete. You are complete in yourself. Completion is allowing yourself to become complete, to become who you are, which allows you to rejoin with your soulmate, and become a complete whole. The complete whole cannot be complete, unless both halves are in themselves complete."

"If we can move back a step. When I do something for others, donate something to a charity, or give something to others, am I being selfish or generous or what?"

"You are being both selfish and generous. The act of doing something for another in any form is not selfish. The act of doing something for another is not done so that the other will like you, as has been suggested, because you feel love for all, whether they love you or not. The act of doing something for another is selfish in that you feed your pure love, while sharing their joy. However, feeding pure love cannot be selfish."

"I would like to take the issue of being selfish further."

"You already have, you have already written much about the motivations and truths within relationships and interrelationships of the earth plane, by way of the insights. Your insights (which were to become The Truth Of Reality), will be released when it is time. For now we will focus on the completion of what we have called your journey, your reaching of the summit."

"It would seem that I know much more that I am aware of."

"That has been well established."


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"You say that I am to release the old, and to allow the new to occur."

"Releasing the old, and allowing the new to occur is exactly what you are doing."

"It does not always feel like releasing the old, and allowing the new to occur is what I am doing."

"What is releasing the old, and allowing the new to occur supposed to feel like? You do not know because you have not experienced releasing the old, and allowing the new to occur previously. You have become aware of what you must do, by applying your experience to your knowledge. You are now experiencing the application of your awareness which is something that you have not yet experienced. Your apprehension results only from your inexperience."

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