An Easier Path.

I knew that I was not meant to embrace my spiritual path and my new world blindly, and I knew that the hard work, and the choice to learn were mine. God is always with us, God always loves us, but God cannot do for us, what we must do for ourselves. I knew that I needed to do the hard work myself, and I longed to know what it was that I was required to do next.

God said, not for the first time and certainly not for the last time, "Do nothing."

Once again I had the answer that I had sought, but it was not the answer that I wanted. Once again I was told to do nothing, when my whole being was screaming at me to do something.

I did not know if I was supposed to sleep, or if I was not supposed to sleep. I was lost and confused. I wondered if the easy path that I was searching for was a myth.

God said, "The easy path is not a myth, unless you choose to make the easy path a myth.

"Every request is heard and every prayer is answered if the request is genuine, and the motive is good. That every prayer is answered is something that you know, and that every prayer is answered is something that you must learn. Do not despair, your prayer is being answered as we speak. Do nothing, and do not forget what you have learned."

The timing of the experience did not escape me. The experience was a repeat of what I had experienced during the previous week, when I was in Melbourne, but this time I did not attempt to embrace the business.

I did not know why I needed to endure the conflicting pressure in respect of the business, or how much longer I would need to endure these conflicts. I felt that I was living a 'damned if I do and damned if I don't' scenario. I did not know how I could be expected to be receiving knowledge and talking with God at 3:00 am, and then work a full day in the office. I did not know why enduring the conflicting pressure was expected of me, and I did not know how much more of these conflicting pressures I could endure. I felt that I had travelled back to where I was a few months earlier, and I did not know how to handle what I was experiencing.

I did not know that I would be repeatedly placed in a situation, where I was required to somehow balance conflicting pressures, throughout my journey. I knew that each time that I experienced this particular scenario, there was a point which I had missed, or something that I had not been aware of, but it was not always easy for me to understand the point.

I was having ongoing problems with my bank, and through the bank's incompetence, they continually froze my account. Mostly I took my frozen bank account in my stride, but not that day. That day I could not understand how I could be expected to endure so much.

I had done all that had been asked of me, and I still received no relief from the constant pressure of balancing two worlds. I could not understand why I was being asked to endure, and all that I wanted to do, was run away. This time I did not believe that I should deal with my difficulties alone. Every other time that the pressure had overwhelmed me previously, I had dealt with the overwhelming pressure alone. This time I allowed myself to seek help.

I telephoned Nancy and arranged to see her. This time I would accept Nancy's help instead of rejecting Nancy's help, as I had done on previous occasions.

I was given a message. It was apparent that whenever I blocked communication from within, or when I chose not to listen to those with advice to give, I would be given a message from what was once the only way that I could receive a message, a book, or a movie, or something. I had my message. 'I was looking in the wrong direction, and I was missing the point'. I knew what the message meant, but I certainly did not get the point.

I called in to see Nancy. I explained much of what I was experiencing. My difficult period was a lot easier for me this time, because I had sought and been given the support of Anne and Nancy. However, I was destined to endure the difficult period again, and I was destined to endure the difficult period alone.

Many are finding pieces of the truth, some small and some large, which is causing difficulties. Instead of accepting what they know within themselves, many are trying to find a physical explanation of why and how things work.

Neither the spirit plane nor the higher plane is bound by the limitations of the earth plane. Therefore, it is not possible to explain the mechanics of how the laws of the spirit plane, and the higher plane apply from the perspective of the earth plane. Simply put, the mechanics are different.

I reflected on the previous day's events. I knew that it was severe and sudden stress which had engulfed me. I knew exactly what being engulfed by stress felt like, and I knew that the severe and sudden stress had been caused by something to do with the business. I was narrowing down the point which I was missing. I had forgotten something, and by forgetting whatever it was that I had forgotten, I had missed something. I had been looking in the wrong direction, and I had missed whatever it was, that I should have seen. I knew that what I was missing was related to what was occurring within my environment. I knew that when I finally got the point which I was missing, my difficulties would end, at least temporarily.

I knew that I had brought my difficulties upon myself to teach myself something, or to remind myself of something, but I did not know what. I was focussing on my frustrations in respect of the earth plane, but I knew that focussing on my frustrations in itself was not the cause of my difficulty, focussing on my frustrations was the symptom of my difficulty. I knew that I was trying to provide a surface solution to a problem which had depth.

I was looking for something to do, when I had been told to do nothing, which was a significant part of my problem. My difficulties had stemmed from the business. I could see very clearly what needed to be done in respect of the business. I could see how easy it would be to do what was necessary in respect of the business. I wanted to solve the problems of the business, solving problems was my nature, but I was not meant to solve the problems of the business. I knew that the business was not my destiny.

I had forgotten that the only way, that the easy path can be travelled, is to flow with events. I had learned to flow with events, I did know that I needed to flow with events, and I was aware that I needed to flow with events.

The reality was that each day my business partners were seeing the problems with the business in more depth. However, like me my business partners were only addressing the surface. My business partners would learn in their own time that addressing the surface was not enough. I was doing what I was within the business to do, and how long it would take me to do what I was within the business to do, was not relevant. The business was, after all, supporting me financially whilst I completed my spiritual journey.

I had created all of the difficulties which surrounded me, because I had lost sight of the truth. What concerned me was that I wanted my new world to take hold. I could accept and flow for a time, but existing in two worlds would eventually become too much for me to endure.

In some ways, it would have been easier if I had not known what was to come. Knowing what the future holds is a double-edged sword, the promise of the future kept me going, but I wanted the future now. However, if I did not know what was to come, I would have been looking for something else, or attempting to take an incorrect path.

The circular nature of our existence can be very confusing. As is the nature of our existence, so too was my environment, circular, folding back on itself. I knew that I would do nothing. I would allow whatever was to occur to happen. Everything would become much clearer in time. I was still missing the point, but I hoped I had experienced the final test.

I was again beginning to feel that 'something' was about to happen, although as usual I had no idea what. It was another difficult day. I found that I was in a position where a decision needed to be made in respect of my level of involvement within the business, which was precisely what I did not want to face at this time.

I received some information which I had been waiting for. I had hoped that I would receive news that my need to balance between two worlds was nearly over, but I did not. The news I received was to hang on a while longer, but all was on track. The news did not thrill me, because the news was not what I wanted to hear.

I learned that something else had gone 'wrong', which I again did not want to hear. It seemed that everything was going wrong at once, which was a sure sign that I had failed to learn something.

I realized that I was close to understanding something new, but I could not quite reach the knowledge. I knew from experience that all I could do, was leave whatever the 'something new' was alone, and allow my new understanding to surface, which was precisely what I did.

I sought and received a message from a regular and accurate source. 'I had some special but difficult decisions to make. Things were about to improve, and I would soon feel I was driving my life again, instead of chasing my life.' As usual, the accuracy of the message amazed me.

God said, "I told you that you would have sufficient resources to complete your task, and you have sufficient resources to complete your task. I did not tell you that you would be rich. I told you that you would have more resources than you needed, and that you would give the excess resources to others who needed assistance."

I questioned God about the nature of my writing, wondering whether I should be including my personal difficulties.

"Your example is your task. You must show others that difficulties continue, and that every time one loses sight of the truth, difficulties arise. How could you tell others that difficulties continue to arise, if you never lost sight of the truth, or if you never experienced difficulties? If you were able to embrace the truth, if you were never to let go of the truth, if you never lost sight of the truth, how would those who did lose sight of the truth know, that losing sight of the truth was a part of the process?"

"No, you seek relief and satisfaction, not primarily for yourself but to enable you to continue what you have been asked to do, which is why you will receive that which you seek. You have not said to me, 'God, make me rich', you have sought wisdom, you have sought guidance. You have not asked me to take your task away, even in despair. You have only asked that the things which impede your task be taken away, so that you can complete your task.

"You have sought joy and happiness on the earth plane, but not selfishly. You have sought joy and happiness not only for yourself, but also for others to share with you. You shall receive joy and happiness and so shall others receive joy and happiness. You could have chosen a path that seemed easy to take your loneliness away, you have been offered more than one, but you have endured your loneliness, because you knew that those were not your correct paths.

"You were told that your correct path is one which is contrary to your desires. You were told to keep away from the one that you desired most. You kept away from the one that you desired most, even when you would have given your life for that person. You accepted my guidance, to a strange path which you did not understand. The path which I guided you to was a frustrating path to follow, and the path which I guided you to was contrary to your nature. The path which I asked you to follow could not have been more against all that you held to be true, and yet you listened to me and followed my guidance. This is why you will receive your joy and happiness, and so will those around you.

I was not meant to see how the two pieces of the puzzle which I had discarded fitted within the puzzle, until it was time to see the overall picture of my difficulties. The two pieces of the puzzle which I had discarded would have misled me, because the two pieces of the puzzle which I had discarded were contrary to what I knew. I should have put the two pieces of the puzzle which I had discarded aside and waited. This pattern had repeated itself so often, that I must surely learn.

Despite all that I had learned, my 'testing' time continued. A business opportunity arose which I identified instantly. The business opportunity was a huge opportunity which I had foreseen eighteen months earlier. I knew that I could 'do the deal', but I did not believe that I was supposed to embrace the business opportunity which had presented itself. I had another major decision to make, and I was once more confused.

I reflected that when I had first foreseen the business opportunity, I had invented a scenario which was the only way that I could see the business opportunity occurring, but as usual my scenario had been wrong.

The major benefit for me was to see that the detail of the business opportunity which I had added, to what I had foreseen was incorrect, as the experience happened, and not in hindsight. The experience made my understanding of what I foresaw much clearer. I needed to apply my new understanding to what I had foreseen for my own future.

I was fascinated, but I did not know what I was supposed to do. I allowed events to develop on their own. I had foreseen the opportunities and the potential of the business, and I had foreseen the potential of the business being fulfilled, which did not mean that the potential of the business would be fulfilled.

The development of the dual business opportunities confused me. I had foreseen both business opportunities, and it was apparent that both business opportunities could become reality, but I would need to drive events to bring the business opportunities which I had foreseen into being, and I saw my future elsewhere. I did not know what I was supposed to do. I did not see how the alternate paths of developing the business opportunities, and my spiritual task could both be right. I sought guidance, and I felt my soul go away in search of an answer.

Several hours later my soul returned and the answer was suddenly clear. I would present the dual business opportunities, I would outline how the dual business opportunities could be brought together and into being, but then I would step away from the dual business opportunities, and perhaps the business.

As I reviewed the day's events, I saw exactly what I had done, which was what I had been doing for sometime. The difference was, that this time I was in control of the experience, and I knew exactly how to utilize my soul to seek and gain the answers which I needed. I had acted upon my awareness.

If I could maintain what I had learned, my path would indeed become easier.

God said, "You see how you create the environment to regain knowledge, and increase awareness. You have termed this process learning, which it is, but this process is not learning in the strictest sense. The process is regaining knowledge, and through regaining knowledge, gaining awareness, but learning is an accepted and understood process, so learning is an acceptable term. What something is called is unimportant, labels are irrelevant, all that is important is that the message is received."

When my journey became difficult and I was struggling, I would curse and question because my path was so hard. I knew that it was me who was making my own journey difficult, and I was aware of what was happening. The problem was that I was not living what I had learned. I continued to react negatively to events which were not to my liking, even though I knew that the events which I did not like were of my own creation.

I did know that whilst I continued to react negatively, and whilst I continued to think that some external event was the key to obtaining inner peace, I would continue to experience a difficult path. I would continue to create a difficult environment, because creating the environment in which I needed to learn, was the only way that I would ever learn to live what I knew.

I would continue to create, and recreate a difficult environment so that I could experience what I did to myself, when I lost sight of reality and became wrapped up in the illusion. I would continue to experience that the only way to keep on my path, and allow my path to be easy, was to maintain my sight of reality.

God said, "It is difficult to maintain your sight of reality, when you are surrounded by illusions, and your existence has been based on the illusions which surround you for so long. Do not despair, in many ways reality is the hardest awareness to maintain.

One thing that I was continually recreating, and having difficulty learning was in relation to other people's feelings. Whilst I did not think for a minute that other people's feelings should not be considered, I needed to learn that I was not responsible for other people's feelings. I needed to allow others to flow with their own feelings, and to allow others to understand that if they were hurt, they needed to experience the hurt to learn whatever they needed to learn. We cannot prevent other people from being hurt.

Experiencing hurt is more than needing to experience. They themselves had created their own environment, just as I had created my own environment, and our souls had conspired because we both knew that we would each learn, what we each needed to learn from the experience. I needed to learn and understand that all shared environments are mutually created by choice.

I knew that if I was offered help, it was because I was being given resources regardless of the person's motivation for offering help. Nothing occurs by accident and we are all meant to do everything that we do. I was still learning that my old opinions about what I should be doing were changing, and needed to change. I needed to unlearn much, and I found unlearning very difficult.

I could see that everything that I was doing and every aspect of my environment was related, created by me to help me unlearn the earth plane perspective. I had underestimated how difficult unlearning the earth plane perspective would be.

I had a number of photographs of my soulmate around me, and even though I had never met her, the photographs of my soulmate lifted my spirits whenever I looked at them. There was no doubt that I knew this lady whom I had never met, very well.

I did not believe that the events which were occurring in my environment mattered, and I saw through the events which were occurring in my environment, but it was an environment that I had created, and I allowed what was occurring to matter. I knew that the experience was very important, because the environment which I had surrounded myself with, was an average everyday environment of responsibility and pressures of the earth plane.

The environment which I had surrounded myself with, was important because the environment which I had surrounded myself with, was the environment that those who chose to follow my path would need to endure. The environment which I had surrounded myself with was an environment that would appear to make it impossible to follow my path. I needed to follow my spiritual path from within an everyday environment, to show all who chose to see, that following a spiritual path from within an everyday environment could be done.

All that I needed to do, was not worry about anything which was something that anybody could do regardless of their environment, or more accurately regardless of the environment which they had created for themselves. One positive thing was that I no longer questioned my sanity, at least temporarily.

In many ways the aspects of reality which I was now coming to terms with seemed to contradict what I had learned previously. Reality does not really contradict, but sometimes, reality appears to contradict.

Understanding reality is a product of awareness, which is why we relive lifetimes and events. Our lack of awareness is why we continue to suffer. We must learn, we must become aware of the circular nature, of the true nature of all that is.

It is through becoming aware of why our experiences occur that we no longer have to endure difficult experiences. If we did not live our experiences over and over, if we did not carry our experiences with us for thousands of years, we could not find our unresolved experiences, understand our unresolved experiences, and through understanding our unresolved experiences increase our awareness.

The key is that we must complete the process ourselves. Completing the process ourselves, is the only way for us to become truly aware.

I continued to create a frustrating environment around myself, but I was now able to see my way out of some of my difficulties, which helped. I did not believe that I was overly concerned about what was happening within my environment, but I knew that I had not fully 'gotten the point', because my environment continued to exist.

I had been asked some questions, and I knew that I would answer the questions in detail. I suspected that in the process of answering the questions, I would understand something, a point that I was missing.

I needed to stop attempting to determine what was going to happen each day. When I attempted to determine exactly what the day's events would bring, the day's events were often different than I expected, which would concern me because I would have convinced myself that I was supposed to be doing something other than whatever occurred.

I knew most of the things that I needed to do, but whether I did what I needed to do on my schedule, or sometime later did not matter. Making whether I did what I needed to do on my schedule matter, was a part of the environment which I had created.

Whenever I reached a point where I needed to do a particular thing because the timing was important to my journey, I could not avoid doing the particular thing and circumstances unfolded around me, to allow me to do whatever it was that I needed to do.

I realized that I had come to terms with much of what I was re-learning previously, but I had lost sight of what I had learned. Losing sight of what I had learned was a major difficulty which I needed to overcome.

Reality is very different than the illusion which we live lifetime after lifetime. It is almost impossible for us to fully come to terms with reality. The only way for us to fully come to terms with reality, is for us to release our illusions, and unlearn what we have learned, which is itself the most difficult aspect of coming to terms with reality. Coming to terms with reality is not an easy process because we choose to make coming to terms with reality difficult, by clutching our illusions.

God said, "No teacher has an easy path whilst they are learning. Focusing on the benefit of learning is not enough, you must also focus on the difficulties. If you did not endure difficulties, explain difficulties and overcome difficulties, those who follow would be discouraged by difficulties which they will face. They would think that because they have difficulties, and you did not have difficulties, they could not follow your path and that you are different. You are not different. You are not special. All can follow your path, by following their own path."

I understood that all of the challenges which I had faced had been of my own creation. I understood that I would never be ready to take the next step, until I believed that I was ready to take the next step.

I continued to have difficulty coming to terms with the concept of right and wrong, or more accurately that right and wrong did not exist. Everything that we do is for a reason, and it is us who have created the concept of right and wrong because of our need for judgement, black or white. However, the concept of right and wrong is an illusion. Everything that we do is what we are meant to do. We can change what we are meant to do, by changing what we do. If we are meant to do something so that we can learn, then we must learn.

I continued to create an environment to make my experiences difficult, and I was again unsure what to do next. I was presented with options and decisions. I believed that I needed to decide which was right and which was wrong, but in reality, I needed to understand that there is no right or wrong.

I continued to work. I continued to demonstrate to myself that nothing contained within my environment really mattered, and that right and wrong are artificial concepts. For the most part I allowed my soul to take over and handle whatever occurred in the best way for me.

Our instinct only has one duty and one interest, and that is us. we must allow our instinct to protect us, even from ourselves. We must follow our instinct, because our instinct will protect us no matter what we experience. If we follow our instinct, we are doing what is best for ourselves, and we should have no feelings of guilt because we have followed our instinct. Our instinct is always working for us, and our instinct will not allow us to incur karmic debts, but our instinct will allow us to repay karmic debts. If we do not follow our instinct, we are likely to incur karmic debts, which will need to be repaid.

Right and wrong are concepts created by the artificial world which demands us to live up to other's expectations. The only true judge of right or wrong is our instinct, and our instinct is focused on what is right for us, and what will make our path easier, instead of right and wrong in the sense as right and wrong is determined by the artificial world.

Following my instinct was a very basic lesson, and following my instinct was one of the first things that I had learned. I had apparently lost sight of the basics.

I thought that I had found a solution, at least in part, to my financial difficulties but I had not. All that I had done was set myself up for a potential fall, which I did not allow to occur.

Some time later, God said, "It does not matter what people choose to call me. I have been known by many names and as many concepts. If one is genuinely troubled and requests help, I will help.

"I have no religion, no denomination. If asked for help, it does not matter to me what the person asking for help believes. I have no chosen ones. I do not choose. Those who will, choose me and choose my form. It matters not to me how I am called or seen.

"All genuine requests for help are answered, although not necessarily in the way that the one asking for help thinks that they would prefer. I do not bargain, I do not make deals. Do you, yourself remember trying to bargain with me? I do not bargain, but I kept my bargain, despite the fact that you forgot about the event."

"When I heard your request, I was amused because I knew what was to happen. The thing that all should remember is that I listen to the soul, not the conscious mind. If the soul has planned for some tragedy to occur and the conscious mind begs me to remove that tragedy, which should I listen to? Is it not kinder to listen to the soul and allow the person to learn, to experience tragedy and still love? Which would you do?

"As I have said, there are many teachers in this lifetime, each explaining a concept and a part of reality in far greater detail than you will be asked to do. Your role is to bring it all together, to complete the circle and to rebuild the puzzle.

"In many ways you are the link that will rebuild the puzzle.

"First you experienced your role with those you knew as friends, and now you will commence your role with those you have not met, but you will still gain this experience in a controlled environment."

"You begin to see the simplicity of your role. You know whom you should reach out to, and you know that this is all that matters. You cannot and will not be there for all people, but you will be there for a few who need you.

"The next phase has started with you reaching out to those people. You needed to reach this point on your own. I could not tell you. It is the way with all, I will guide when necessary, but I will not interfere.

"Even if one has not found me, by listening to their instinct they are listening to me. I am within all and therefore I listen to all and answer all with guidance, which is all that I can give.

"I am a friend to all, so I guide based on what is in the best interest of all, which is the soul not the conscious existence. Just as you advise your friends based on what you feel is right for them, not based on what they desire, if you feel that what they desire is not best for them. You often risk friendships with truth, and yet truth is the only way to be a true friend. You yourself appreciate your own friends who tell you the truth, even when they know you do not wish to hear the truth."

God said, "You see that my words sometimes repeat, just as your experiences repeat. What is important cannot be experienced once and then forgotten. What is important must be experienced often, until what is important is not forgotten.

"You know that what is important must be remembered. Do not despair at yourself, and do not judge yourself harshly. All is as it is meant to be. You have learned much, you are ready to learn more, and there is so much more for you to learn. Do not think that what you learn will be in the way in which you expect, because what you learn will not be in the way in which you expect.

"Have you not learned that what you learn is never in the way in which you expect? Have you not learned that by having expectations, you will allow yourself to become disheartened, when what you experience happens other than you have expected? You know what will occur, and you know that the 'how' is not relevant, so do not make the 'how' relevant.

"Forget about how things will occur. Take comfort that everything will occur. Accept that everything which occurs is for a reason. If something takes 'too long' and tests your patience, understand that your patience is tested is for a reason. You know this. If the reason is that others will become impatient, but continue their journey because you have continued your journey, isn't this reason enough?

"You are no different, until you really grasp that you are no different, you are missing the point. You are not a martyr, you are no different and this is the point.

"All fear and all insecurities have been created by man, and by me because I am part of man. Fear and insecurities are very real to those who experience fear and insecurities, but fear and insecurities are illusions to those who see the truth. Have you not experienced fear and insecurities of late to show you that fear and insecurities still exist within you, even though you know that fear and insecurities are illusions?

"You are still searching for that magic moment when you will achieve full understanding, when all fears and doubts are gone, but I have told you that such a magic moment is not your destiny. Still you seek that magic moment when you will achieve full understanding. All can reach that magic moment when they achieve full understanding, but most will not reach that magic moment when they achieve full understanding. Therefore, you will not reach that magic moment when you achieve full understanding. If you were going to reach that magic moment when you achieve full understanding, you would have reached that magic moment when you achieve full understanding, by now.

"It is difficult for most to let go of their fears and all that goes with their fears totally. So it is difficult for you to let go of your fears and all that goes with your fears totally. If you could achieve what they could not, they would think you are special, which you are not. They would stumble and fall and think that they had failed, but you will stumble and fall and not think you have failed. You will pick yourself up and keep going so that others may follow your example.

"If one says 'it is all right for him, but….', then you will not succeed in your task. You must show all that it is possible to achieve the awareness which must be achieved. You must show them that this awareness can be achieved in their life, and within the environment which they have created for themselves.

"Do you not realize that many would have achieved all prior to reaching this point on their journey, but most like you will not. If your journey is discontinued now, how will those who have not achieved the awareness which must be achieved, follow?

"I have explained your path previously. You, like others, need the truth repeated so that you will understand. It is difficult to explain The Truth Of Reality in a way which is easily understood, and you know how difficult it is to grasp anything when it is not easily understood. We repeat what you have not grasped and understood because you need repetition. What you experience to show others, you also experience to show yourself."

I thought about what I had written the previous night, in my letters to strangers.

"Consider what you wrote to others. Where in those letters did you mention anything other than your new world? You did not mention your old world, because for you your old world does not exist. You have already left your old world, and you are within your new world. Do you really think that it is coincidence that the type of work which you are given can be done in your home? Do you really believe that the help which you have at hand was not planned?"

Maybe my old world did not exist for me at this time, and with the benefit of hindsight during my review, I knew that God had been right. I did remain attached to my old world through the convenience of the learning environment which my old world created, and through the necessity of my example and my need to earn an income, but for me my old world did not really exist.

"When it is time for you to read the notes that you have made whilst Seeking The Knowledge Within, you will see how often you had learned and lost sight of what you were experiencing. This is important. Do you think that all will have notes to stay focused? No, they will not.

"Each time that you lose sight of reality and regain sight of reality, you will see reality clearer. You lose sight of reality, because when you regain sight of reality, you will see more. If you did not lose sight of reality, you would discontinue looking, and you would miss much.

"Consider when you first learned of instinct. You knew so little then and saw so shallowly. You needed to lose sight of your instinct and regain sight of your instinct so that you would see your instinct more deeply. Is this not so?

"It is all right for you to look for that magic moment when you achieve full understanding, which you will not find, because others will find their magic moment when they achieve full understanding by following your example. This is why you look for that magic moment when you achieve full understanding. Do you not see that nothing that you do is a waste of time? Do you not see that all that you do has a purpose?

"Your soul knows what that purpose is, but you do not. The purpose of what you do is not relevant to you, and if you knew the true purpose of what you do, you would distort that purpose. Listen to your soul, follow where your soul leads. Listening to your soul is the only way to maintain an easy path."

I could not understand why Marie was again on my mind, or why I was constantly reminded of Marie. I did not feel that there was anything that I had left undone, or that there was anything which I needed to do.

God said, "Now you are starting to see. Do not believe that you know the real reason for anything that you do. Accept where you are led, and the reasons will be revealed when it is time to reveal the answers. That something seems so does not mean that something is so. Sometimes, something is without reason, other than to learn that the reason, is that there is no reason."

Sometimes, I found the circular nature of reality difficult to come to terms with. Was I being told that I was thinking of Marie without reason, or that I was thinking of Marie with reason, or was I being told that the reason why I was thinking of Marie would be revealed, and not to read anything into the fact that I was thinking of Marie?

I had discussed the situation with Sally who suggested I was scared of making another mistake, because it was time to commit to my soulmate. I was taking a chance, because I had never met my soulmate. I had also discussed the situation with Anne, who believed that I had no interest in Marie. Anne was correct, which made what I was experiencing even more difficult to understand.

I had let go of Marie completely and I wondered if this was the point. Was the point that I had done what I needed to do, or was I being tested one last time before I committed to my soulmate? I found the possibility of being tested interesting, because even though I had been thinking of Marie often, and I was filled with fond memories, I knew that Marie was not meant to be in my life, and I did not want Marie to be in my life.

I knew that I had been searching for my soulmate, even when I did not understand what a soulmate was. I knew that I had been searching for my soulmate, even when I had made the common mistake of believing that a person was my soulmate because we had shared many lifetimes together.

I had now been led to my soulmate, and I now understood what a soulmate really was. My soulmate's identity had been confirmed by my spirit guides, and by God. I supposed that I was a little unsure from the earth plane perspective, because I had never met my soulmate.

I realized that all that I had been doing, was reviewing my experiences to clarify and confirm that I was on track. I had nothing to worry about, either way.

God said, "You see, flowing with your thoughts leads you to understanding."

Despite all that I had experienced, and all that I was experiencing, I was floundering. I was continually given just enough of everything to keep me going. What I was given, whether I was given resources, assistance, hope, awareness or promises did keep me going, but what I was given was not enough. I wanted more. I was feeling lost, and I began searching for answers which I knew was futile, but I searched for answers anyway.

I continued to have difficulty sleeping, and I continued to create my difficult environment. I knew that I did not need to create a difficult environment, but I did not seem to be able to change my environment. All that I could do was 'hang in there' and wait. Each week I was a step closer to having everything 'fall into place', although I was never close enough. I wanted everything to 'fall into place' immediately, even though I knew that it was not time for everything to 'fall into place'.

It was apparent that everything was on track and that I was exactly where I should be, based on the timing which I understood, but which was not necessarily correct. In my defence, I had been travelling a hard road for a long time. Infinitely longer than I realized at the time, and I remained an ordinary man who struggled to live what I knew to be reality.

If I had been told that I would still be waiting for 'everything to fall into place', or for the pressure to be removed from me, more than a year later I would not have believed it. I would not have believed that after all I had endured throughout my existence, that I could have endured the intense pressure for more than a year. However, as I was to experience many times, what I believed had very little, if any relevance, to reality.

I needed to get myself back on track, and I needed to stop going around in circles. It would have been much easier to remain on track, if I was not constantly reminded of my financial strain. It was my financial pressures which I wanted removed more than any other of my difficulties. My financial position was the area in which I really needed relief. Notwithstanding, that I desperately needed my financial burden to be lightened, and that my financial burden would be relieved temporarily, I would still be seeking relief from the pressure of my financial burden more than a year later.

Ironically, I knew that everything was as everything was meant to be, which meant that I was meant to be experiencing difficulties. At this point in time, I really struggled with the circular nature of our existence.

I wanted the pressure removed. I knew that the pressure which I felt was mostly self imposed, but the pressure existed and the pressure was, or at least the pressure felt, real. I could stop imposing the pressure on myself for a short time, but I would always allow the pressure to return. I could not understand why I was allowing myself to continually impose pressure on myself. I certainly did not want to feel the pressure, and I did not know why I needed to feel the pressure.

I had not endured as much pressure as I believed that I had, but endurance is relative. It continued to be a difficult time for me. I continued to travel in circles. I was repeatedly finding my way, and then losing my way again.

Coincidentally following the previous day's events, and the previous night's telephone call, I encountered Marie. Marie had approached me, and even though Marie was standing next to me, I was not aware of Marie's presence until she spoke. It was the first time since I had known Marie, that I had not sensed her presence.

I reviewed what was to become the first chapter of The Truth Of Reality. As I read the insights which I had written, I saw not one perspective, but I saw how the insights applied from all perspectives simultaneously. As I read the insights which I had written, I continually thought; 'why can't I listen to myself?'

What I did not understand at the time, was that the reason why I could not find any clarity within, was so that I would seek guidance. However, the reason why I could not find any clarity within was more than a simple need to seek guidance, I needed to seek guidance from a particular source. A source whose guidance would make a difference whenever my doubts began to consume me, in the future.