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Searching for My Soul
Book Two Seeking the Knowledge Within

The Degree of Difficulty.

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Each of us has to complete our own journey along our own path. Each of us has a degree of difficulty to contend with. Each of us has a different degree of difficulty, because each of us imposes our own degree of difficulty on our path.

If we desire to reduce the degree of difficulty that we are facing, we must reduce the degree of difficulty ourselves because we and only we are in control of our degree of difficulty.

As had happened each time that I learned something new, I was immediately shown the degrees of difficulty which I, myself, had created and I was immediately tested to establish if I had in fact learned.

It was another day when memories were flashing in and out of my mind. I did not know why I was pulling the memories into my mind, but I knew that I was pulling the memories into my mind for a reason. I knew that I would know what that reason was in time. I could only allow the process to happen, and I tried not to allow the memories to worry me.

As I continued to meditate on all that I had experienced during the previous year, I knew that there was some point which I continued to overlook. I saw clearly, in hindsight, how I had been kept on track, and that the times when my instinct had driven me to leave somewhere, and there had been many such times, it had been because something would have happened to alter the path that I was following. I did not know what all or any of these events that I had avoided would have done if they had occurred, if anything, but I did know that the events that I had avoided related to my old world. I was not going to be allowed to stray from my path. I was kept on my path regardless of how much pain I caused myself attempting to stray from my path. I knew that the pain, which had felt real at the time, was only an illusion.

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I continued to meditate and reflect. I had no difficulty learning, it was 'unlearning' that was difficult. Letting go of my old world was more difficult than embracing my new world.

The degree of difficulty is created not by what we have to learn, but by what we fail to unlearn. It is the things that we hang on to, the things that we refuse to let go of, which increase the difficulty of our journey, and hold us back. Letting go is not that easy, except letting go really is easy.

I continued meditating. Meditation was easy for me at this point. I found that I could meditate almost anywhere, and I found that I could meditate whilst I was doing something else, as long as I was able to remain still. I was able to exist on more than one plane at the same time.

Memories continued to be placed in my thoughts by my subconscious. I was not worried about any of the memories that were placed in my mind, but I was worried about why the memories had been placed in my mind. I knew that I needed to stop worrying and allow myself to see the reason why the memories had been placed in my mind. Despite what I knew, I did not quite understand what was occurring or why.

I found myself drawn to help Steve, a business associate, which was an interesting development because I did not particularly like Steve, although I did not dislike him either. It was an interesting example and I allowed my instinct to take over. I allowed myself to provide Steve with the guidance that he needed.

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The bonds which connect us to our bonded souls cannot be effectively blocked. It does not matter how hard we try to clamp the bonds with our bonded souls, contact trickles through.

I did learn that pushing the memories which were being placed in my thoughts out, was not the answer. The memory would only be placed in my mind again. I needed to leave the memories in my mind, and allow the memories to flow as they developed if I was to receive the message that I was being given. Often, I found that the memories were used to demonstrate a point. Mostly, when I finally 'got the point' of the memory, something would happen around me to confirm the point, whatever the point may have been.

I continued to remember flashes from my lifetimes prior to my lifetime as a Native American.

I was a sculptor. I could feel myself cutting stone. I could remember the satisfaction I would gain from every statue that I completed.

I felt that I could sculpt now, even though sculpting was something which I had never done in this lifetime.

I had finally understood a message which I had been given repeatedly during the previous few weeks. I was being reminded to 'remain humble and not lose sight of my purpose, even after everything fell into place'. If I lost sight of my purpose, I would also lose sight of God.

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It was apparent that I was an earth guide to three people at that time, Rose, Nancy and Joe. Each was at a different level of awareness, but each was starting to look for answers.

I was doing my best to guide Rose, Nancy and Joe, but I knew that I did not have answers for any of them. I knew that their answers were within. It was as though my future role was being demonstrated to me in a controlled environment, to allow me to develop a greater understanding of what my role was to be.

What I did not understand at this time, was that I would continue to create controlled environments as I took each step towards my final role. I was to learn how to recognize not only the controlled environment, but also the purpose for each controlled environment that I would create.

I knew that each of us create our own learning environment. I was becoming aware of my own environment. I needed to remember that each of us create our own learning environment, and I needed to remember that those around me had created their own learning environments as well. Those around me could change their own environments by learning, but I could not change anybody else's learning environment, nobody could.

I was experiencing a period of clarity and understanding, wherein I was beginning to know and clarify my future role.

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I continued to question my experiences, and the seeds of my conscious mind were attempting to re-establish themselves. All that I could do, was keep questioning and flow with whatever was happening. I needed to learn to stop fighting my own experiences. I even needed to stop fighting what I believed was negative. I did not need to fight any more. I needed to flow with everything, and learn from everything.

It is unusual to have as many bonded souls together in one lifetime, as I did in this lifetime. However, bringing many bonded souls together had been necessary to provide a demonstration of how the concept of bonded souls worked, which was also why I had left so many unresolved matters on the bridge to my soul.

I did not know at that time that I had two groups of bonded souls around me. Those from the previous three hundred years that I had identified, and another group of bonded souls from a much earlier time. Some souls were in both soul groups. I was to encounter more souls from the earlier group of bonded souls once I had identified one significant lifetime. I was also to encounter souls from previous lifetimes who were not a part of either group.

I spoke with Anne. I had the feeling that Anne was getting closer to reaching the point in her life when she would need me. I knew that I only needed to remain in Anne's life, and be available if and when Anne sought my guidance.

The wounds from the removal of my conscious mind had not fully healed. The wounds from the removal of my conscious mind had stopped being 'tender' weeks earlier, but I knew that the wounds from the removal of my conscious mind were not quite healed.

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I continued on my journey, I continued guiding those whom I was meant to guide and I continued to allow myself to be drawn to those whom I was meant to help. I knew that I had much to learn. I had a few remaining lessons to learn from the earth plane, and I had so much more to learn about the spirit plane, the higher plane and about our very existence. I was flowing with everything that occurred, and I was allowing situations to occur so that I would learn. I sometimes struggled with how I was meant to handle a given situation, but I trusted my instinct, which allowed me to handle each situation as I was meant to. Trusting my instinct also allowed me to learn whatever it was that I needed to learn.

I could see the pattern that my journey had followed from the start. I would overcome a major hurdle, learn about a process, complete the process and then rest and review before the next process began. It had been during the periods of rest that I had looked for my journey to be over, and when I had to continue my journey, I had despaired. Having finally recognized this pattern, I felt that my journey would be easier, but I knew that my journey would only be easier if I remembered the pattern. I knew that forgetting what I was aware of had caused many of my problems throughout my journey. Unfortunately, I was destined to forget the pattern a few more times before I finally retained my awareness of this pattern.

I had not embraced my experiences. I had not taken the Scotsman's message and made my experiences happen. In fact, I had not understood the Scotsman's message and I would not have accepted the truth of the Scotsman's message if I had understand the Scotsman's message. I had fought the process every step of the way.

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God reminded me, "You desire to complete your journey without travelling to the end of your path. Do you not recall that this is not possible for you? Your desire is natural, you want to come home, but accept that you cannot come home until you find your own way. Your journey will be easier if you accept this. Trust your instinct, your instinct will guide you. I am with you always. I will communicate when necessary, but your journey is a journey that you must travel yourself.

"Your confusion will remain until you remove your confusion through increased awareness. Your awareness is two-edged, as you recall. Your desire to return home increases, but for you there is only one way to return home. Remember this and follow your path, step by step, it is the only way.

"You become concerned when I do not communicate, but you also know that I only communicate when necessary, so why do you become concerned? You are on your correct path, you are following your correct path and you yourself know that you are on your correct path. You are seeking knowledge and you are acquiring knowledge, but you can only take one step at a time.

"Take heart because you have learned much. Are not things as I told you they would be? Then why do you concern yourself? Accept and progress. You understand more than you realize, but do not attempt to do that which you are not destined to do. Each day you progress, albeit slowly. Speed is unimportant, progress is important. You know this and you must live what you know. Trust your instinct, your instinct is wise.

"Have you not learned that you cannot interpret and you cannot anticipate? All that you can do is live with your soul and follow your instinct. To live with your soul and follow your instinct is all that is required of you, and to live with one's soul and follow one's instinct is all that is required of anybody."

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I was again given an opportunity to depart from my path and attempt to embrace my old world. When the circumstances arose, I meditated on the problem and the solution was clear. I would do what I was asked to do, but I would not embrace the situation. I had warned my partners of the current situation several months earlier, but they had not heeded my warning. If I again provided a warning, my warning would not be heeded. I allowed my instinct to control my actions. I did not feel drawn to do any more that what I was asked to do. I knew that I would be wasting my time anyway. It was time for my partners to learn or not to learn, and there was nothing that I could do to assist in the process, other than be there and allow fate and my instinct to guide my actions.

I was reaching my time of spiritual rest again. The period in the process when I was able to spend time with people, and to speak with people to whom I had not spoken for a long time. I had dinner with Steve and his wife. I felt that I needed to offer guidance to Steve one more time. I believed that providing guidance would be all that I needed to do, but I was open to the possibility that I may be directed to do more.

I reviewed the problems of the business, which were worse than the problems had first appeared. I established why the problems had occurred and I developed a solution. Once more I provided guidance for my partners to learn. We reach a point where the environment from which we need to learn can be created within us. We create the environment from which we need to learn within us, by allowing ourselves to learn from within. We create a physical environment when we fail to truly learn from within. I suspected that my partners would be given the hard lesson and loose their business. Hopefully, for their sakes, my partners would learn in this lifetime, and not carry what they failed to learn into the next lifetime.

What I did not do was attempt to 'own' the problem. I knew that the problems of the business were not my problems. I had learned that the business was not my path, and it had been an extremely hard lesson at the time.

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I reflected upon all of the occasions throughout my business life when I had been able to see exactly what was happening and what the outcome would be. I recalled how I had warned my business associates of what I could see, and that they had refused to listen. In each case, what I knew would happen, did happen. I recalled that I had at one time reached a point where I desperately wanted my business associates to listen, before the outcome that I had foreseen happened, so that I would not have to fix the problem, but they never did listen. I used to wonder how many times I would have to be right before my business associates would listen.

I understood that my instinct had always been sharp and that I could always see the reality of what would transpire, but I also knew that it did not matter. Previously I had not understood why my business associates had not listened. I now understood why my business associates had not listened. My business associates were not ready to listen. My business associates had been given an opportunity to learn, as I had, mutually creating environments in which to learn. It had taken me a very long time to learn, but I had learned. If my partners did not grab the lifeline which I had thrown to them, I would not jump in after them.

If I did jump in after my partners, my partners would drag me under with them, and that would achieve nothing. It seemed apparent that I had remained involved in the business for the very set of circumstances that were occurring at that time.

I did not know at that time that I would continue to be involved in the business for many months. I did not know that the opportunity to learn would be presented to my partners over and over again during that period. Nor did I understand, until near the end of my journey, that the business would conveniently be used to demonstrate many of the concepts of the spirit plane, and that totally conflicting visions could both be correct.

I knew that the business was not my path. I knew that all I was required to do was to show my business partners the way. I knew that I had to offer my business partners a lifeline, and I knew that I could not jump in after my business partners. I saw that I had no need to feed my ego of being 'right'. That my warning had been correct was irrelevant. I had no malice, no 'I told you so'. I did not blame anybody, I accepted the situation as the situation was. Most importantly, I followed my instinct and as a result I retained my peace.

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During the many months that I was to remain with the business, I came to understand that it was necessary for me to remain with the business for a number of reasons. Not least of which was the necessity that I remained in an average, everyday environment whilst I completed much of my journey. The business also provided me with sufficient financial resources to complete my task. Despite these two very important facts, and despite all of the awareness that the business environment had assisted me to achieve, I still resented having to remain within my business environment throughout my journey.

As I was completing a review, I was again presented with opportunities to attempt to embrace the business and my old world, but I allowed these opportunities to pass me by. If I even began to consider embracing the business or my old world, something would occur to demonstrate that the business and my old world was not my path, and that I should ignore the opportunity.

The feeling that I would 'soon' leave the business remained, but the feeling that I would 'soon' leave the business had been with me throughout my journey. All I could do was allow the feeling to persist and continue to trust my instinct.

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I continued reflecting, and I continued to add clarity to my understanding. It was a quiet time, a time of peace and a time of clarity.

Whenever we are faced with a problem, we must remember that the environment which we have created contains both the question and the answer. We must open our mind and allow ourselves to receive the answer which we have within us. Mostly we are so focused on the question that we block the answer, but we have created an environment to learn, and therefore we have also supplied the answer within the environment, although the answer must be found within.

We all have the ability to learn what we need to learn, and we all create the environment in which to learn what we need to learn. The difficulty is that we prevent ourselves from learning by looking in the wrong place for what we need to learn. We must all look within, and we must all allow ourselves to learn. We also reach a point where the environment that we need to learn can be created within us. We create the environment that we need to learn within us, by allowing ourselves to learn from within. We only create a physical environment when we fail to truly learn from within. If we do not learn from our acquired knowledge through lifetimes of experience, we must give ourselves more experience to learn from. We need a practical demonstration. It is far easier to learn from within.

With each step that I took, it was apparent that I had really known the truth of any given situation all my life. I could see how all of the pieces of the truth fitted together. I could see that I had been doing, although not learning, all of my life. I knew that it was the same for everyone.

It is not knowledge which changes. It is awareness and understanding. Awareness and understanding are the only things that change, everything else stays the same. However, because awareness and understanding changes, so does everything else.

I had maintained my peace, although there were many issues which I continued to struggle with.

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The true nature of happiness is not happiness associated with emotional highs. True happiness comes from inner peace. True happiness is stable and peaceful, happiness from within. True happiness is not the artificial happiness created and lost by external influences. True happiness has nothing to do with external signs of laughing or smiling broadly. True happiness allows us to smile on the inside, without need for a physical display of happiness. True happiness is within us, and true happiness does not need to be displayed. True happiness is a quiet happiness, a quiet confidence and a quiet peace, which is unaffected by external factors. True happiness comes from within, and true happiness is maintained from within.

As I reflected on true happiness months after I had become aware of true happiness, I thought of all of the times throughout my life when I had read or heard about this principle of true happiness coming from within. Often when I had encountered this simple truth I had viewed the principle of true happiness coming from within, as a mindless 'cop out' sort of statement. Another throwaway cliché that people used.

Even when I had become aware of the meaning of true happiness, I had not fully understood true happiness.

Once the true meaning of what has become a cliché is understood, the truth of the statement is revealed. As is the reality with many of those simple truths, they should not be discounted because we do not understand their true meaning, or because they are repeated by those who do not understand their true meaning.

Often the simple truth that true happiness is found within is thrown at people who are unhappy, by those who have found temporary happiness from external means, but believe they are truly happy within themselves.

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The brightness of the world continued to be with me, and my ability to see the beauty of the world continued to increase with my awareness. The difference was that I accepted the beauty of the world and the beauty of the world did not demand comment.

As I lived, as I observed the world, as I was increasingly aware of all that was around me, it was apparent that all that I had learned was true. I could see the truth clearly in the way in which life unfolded around me.

God said, "Do not discount anything because you are unaware of something, be open. If you question something, look within for the answer. There is much that you do not know, and much of the circle that you are yet to complete.

"Much of reality is discounted and rationalized as fantasy by those who have embraced artificial fulfilment. If those who have embraced artificial fulfilment accepted that much of reality was reality, those who have embraced artificial fulfilment would see the artificial world for what the artificial world is, and those who have embraced artificial fulfilment choose not to see the artificial world for what the artificial world is. Those who choose artificial reality have chosen to live within artificial reality.

"It is the very religions that were established with good heart to bring my people closer to me which are now driving people away from me. Much has been done in my name, whatever label has been placed on me, much persecution and much fanaticism, but much that is done in my name, is not really done in my name. My name is an excuse to convince others to follow.

"It is now that people are turning away from half truths. It is now that people are seeking to rediscover the whole truth. It is now that guides are placed amongst the people to show all the way, if they seek the way. Many have located different parts of the puzzle and see the different parts of the puzzle as alternate truths, unaware that they are only part of the whole truth. It is the whole truth that must be rediscovered.

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  "You are learning well, my son. You are filling in the gaps in your own level of awareness and extending the line of your awareness, but the line of your awareness is still a line. How quickly you lose sight of the illusions which you yourself create. How quickly you choose to stop seeing your illusions for what your illusions are. Whenever you relax and open your eyes to reality, you see reality. You embrace reality, and yet you still struggle at times when you choose not to see reality. Do you not know that you only choose not to see reality so that you will learn? You choose to see reality with much, and yet you know that reality is reality with all.

"You see much clearly, but you look at much with closed eyes. Open your eyes and see all that is unseen. You have seen the artificial, the illusionary nature of the earth plane, and still you hold on to your illusions when you have failed to learn. You will let go of your remaining illusions when you have learned, but it is only through learning that you will let go of your remaining illusions. You have now learned that illusions are not necessary to learn, but you create illusions because you have failed to learn without illusions.

"Remember, when I talk to you, I talk to all, and by relaying what I say to you, you are delivering a message to all who would hear my message.

"Relax and allow your destiny to unfold around you. To allow is the only way that you will retain your peace. Have you not learned that you must allow to retain your peace?

"Remember that I am within all of my children, and that I talk to all of my children. Most do not listen. Others listen, but are unaware that it is I who am talking to them. All can find me, because I am within all. All can listen when they have found me within.

"I talk to my children when I have something to say, not only because they have something to ask. I cannot answer questions unless those who ask are ready to receive the answers, because they would not understand. You know this. You see how the meaning of the insights that I have given you has changed as your awareness has increased. You are only able to understand that which you are aware of.

"The answers to all your remaining questions are within you, and the answer to all questions are within all. The answers to all your remaining questions are within you even if you are unaware of the question at this point.

"Allow yourself to flow with what is occurring at the point on your journey that you are at. Allow yourself to be at peace. All is possible which you know, so you do not need to allow yourself to be surprised by what eventuates.

"You still lack confidence, and you still seek confidence from others, but you will only find confidence within yourself. Do not focus on what you have not learned. Focus on what you have learned, and allow what you have learned to expand, consuming what has not been learned.

"You have learned not to blame others for not learning what they need to learn, and you have understood that the circumstances of others are necessary for them to learn. You have learned that you cannot teach others and that you can only provide guidance when sought. You have learned not to argue truths with others, because their truth is their truth, and you cannot change their truth. Others can change their truth, and only they can change their own truth.

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  "All must learn for themselves, it is the only way. If I cannot teach any, why would you think that you could teach any? A teacher's role is not to teach, a teacher's role is to provide an environment in which to learn. You have learned that a teacher's role is to provide an environment in which to learn, but you still torture yourself. You still focus on what you have failed to learn. Allow the line of your learning to expand, and fill the gaps within itself.

"Follow your instinct and trust in me. You know that following your instinct is the only way, and you know that trust in me is the only way. Never lose sight of this knowledge."

Before my journey was complete, I did lose site of this knowledge, I lost confidence in my instinct, and I lost my Trust In God.

"Do not be concerned, remember the suffering that you have endured prior to this lifetime and learn from the suffering that you have endured prior to this lifetime. You cannot adjust reality to suit your lifestyle, you must adjust your lifestyle to fit with reality. Adjusting your lifestyle to fit with reality will reduce the pressure on you, and allow you to relax."

I meditated, I searched my soul, and I reflected on all that I had been told.

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When the world as we know it outlives its usefulness and comes to an end, those who have not rediscovered the truth will remain. Those who remain will be in purgatory with nowhere to go for many thousands of years. Those who remain will be unable to ascend to become part of the higher plane, and those who remain will be unable to return to the earth plane while the earth plane is reconstructed.

When those who remain are eventually able to return to the earth plane, those who remain will need to start again. This has happened before and this will happen again, as the circle comes to an end which is also a new beginning. Those who do not ascend will not be trapped for eternity as is the real definition of the word, forever. Those who do not ascend will be trapped for, what is to them, an eternity. If any have not ascended, or if any have not learned sufficiently to travel to other physical planes to learn, they are trapped somewhere between the old and new earth planes. They have no where to go and nothing to do other than reflect on their existence, until the circle reaches the point where they can again incarnate.

Some who were trapped in this way before, will be trapped again, the cost of failing to find the truth within themselves. The reconstruction of the earth plane will take but a moment in the terms of the universe, but for those in the limbo of purgatory it will be an eternity. This eternity of nothing will seem like hell to those within purgatory. This eternity of nothing will be a time of solitude, a time of nothingness with no ability to learn, because there will be no learning environment. There will be nothing and those who remain will exist within nothing. The bond with all that is will be temporarily broken and the solitude complete. Souls from the perspective of the earth plane will either exist as part of all things or part of no thing.

In time, when the world is reconstructed, the bond will return to the lost souls, and the lost souls will re-enter the plane of learning. Once again the lost souls can either choose to learn, or the lost souls can choose not to learn.

Levels of technology and artificial advancement were achieved previously, and levels of technology and artificial advancement will be achieved again. However, each time that the circle becomes complete, it is time to begin again. The circle starts with the simplicity of reality and the circle develops in whichever way is chosen, subject to the collective choice. All but a few traces of this world will be eliminated, just as all but a few traces of previous existences were eliminated, and will be eliminated again as the circle which continues to expand, completes and begins time and time again.

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After my dialogue with God I rested, I relaxed and I meditated. I saw my sons and some friends. I spoke with Dorothy in England. I was slowly learning to flow, to really flow with my experiences.

On the pilot's island, life progressed and artificial fulfilment gradually overtook the island. Centuries passed and during this time, travellers occasionally arrived. Each traveller told of wondrous things in other parts of the world, and each traveller confirmed that the island was not the world, but the island was only a part of the world. The travellers never left the island, all of the travellers were murdered after a short time. Those islanders who had met the travellers embraced and repeated the travellers' message, again changing anything which they did not understand. Many islanders could not see that the travellers' messages were the same as the messages which the pilot and his great grandson had delivered, or even the same as messages delivered by other travellers who had stumbled upon the island from time to time. As generation after generation embraced the teachings of the various travellers, fact became legend and many religions were born.

At the time of rediscovery there were many religions, each based on the truth, but each distorted by those who had embraced the words of the various travellers. There were many truths held by many people, each different as each embraced their own truth, but they were not the truth. Each was only part of the truth. Each traveller had become the symbolic leader of a new religion, as the people of the island searched for a truth to believe in. A truth which they knew existed, but a truth which they could not find because they were looking in the wrong place.

The islanders believed in their own truths, but the islanders did not understand that once they found the real truth, they would no longer need a belief. A belief was only a way to hang on to something which they did not understand, something which they had chosen to make true. The islanders only needed to believe because what the islanders believed was not quite true.

When the truth is found, belief will be exposed. Belief will be replaced with knowledge.

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I began to wonder about the reality that I had discovered, and I wondered if I had created a reality in my mind because my own world had caused me such pain.

God said, "Consider all that has happened to you. How could you have invented your experiences? What has occurred is not as you supposed, and therefore what has occurred is not as you would have invented."

I continued to question. I wondered if I had determined that any reality would have been better than my world.

"All that has happened, has happened. How else do you explain the involvement of others with whom you selected to share your experiences, and who have had experiences that you have witnessed?"

I suggested that maybe the others had elected to share my reality, because they also preferred my reality to their own reality.

"They have agreed to be a part of your journey, although they are unaware that they have agreed to be a part of your journey, as are you, but you can remember if you choose. How do you explain the experiences which others have had that are similar in nature to your own experiences, when you have provided others with no detail in respect of your experiences? How do you explain when others know that most of what you have told them is so, and that some of what you told them was not so when you have attempted to explain something, before you understood what you were attempting to explain? Did you not only allow yourself to explain without understanding so that you would have experienced the answer when you came to ask this question?"

As soon as God pointed out that the involvement of others had been with their agreement, I could remember the various soul contacts agreeing to the process. My memories were not clear, but I had discovered the memories within myself.

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I saw that it was through these soul contacts that I had created the degree of difficulty which I had needed to endure, although neither the various other people nor myself were aware of these soul contacts at the time. I wondered if the others would become aware of the soul contacts in this lifetime. Our conscious mind effectively blocks much of what occurs on the earth plane, and nearly everything that occurs on the spirit plane.

I knew that it was time for me to really start flowing with my experiences, not flowing occasionally as I had been doing, but really living all that I had learned.

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