I wrote to my agent to explain the recurring reference to a particular publisher. Following this I meditated for a short time. I realised that the date I had been instructed to give my creditors and others had been the same day of the month which I had been given two months earlier.
I attempted to sleep, but the fluttering throughout my body was so intense that sleep was not possible for many hours.
When I awoke my body was still fluttering, and I was extremely tired. I returned to bed. Later I decided not to attend the office. I had an early meeting the following day and I needed some rest.
The day commenced quietly with many little tasks falling into place extremely easily. I did not feel any pressure from the time constraints that I faced and I spent the early part of the day meditating.
I attempted to recommence my review, but it was not quite time to recommence my review. I meditated, I rested and I reflected.
On reflection, it was clear that much of what I have experienced has been little more than a taste of what I can expect throughout the remainder of this lifetime.
I continued to meditate for the remainder of the day. There was a point that I was missing, a message about our existence which I could not see, despite the fact that the message was being highlighted to me.
Late in the day the date which had been suggested was raised again, but it could mean nothing. My body continued to flutter throughout the day.
The next morning I saw the point that I had been missing. There is an element of 'luck' which applies to everything that occurs within our lives.
The element of 'luck' may be good or bad. The element of 'luck' is an extension to the principle that everything is as everything is meant to be. The element of 'luck' is an element of the principle that there are no accidents, no coincidences. The element of 'luck' is an element of the principle that we experience what we have chosen to experience.
This element of 'luck' is the hand of God. God cannot interfere with chosen experiences, but God does assist us to experience what we have chosen to experience, because God is us.
The influence of the hand of God is around us all of the time. Often, we do not notice the influence of the hand of God, but if we open our eyes and look, we will see the influence of the hand of God. The hand of God influences our lives, not by the will of God in some abstract third party way. Not in a way of rewarding the 'good' people or punishing the 'bad' people. The hand of God influences our lives because our higher self, or our God self knows what we have chosen to experience.
The hand of God or 'luck' as the hand of God is commonly known, is effectively God the ocean, and the fabric of existence assisting us, God the drop in what we need to experience.
If we recall that a slight traffic delay influences events for years, decades or centuries we see that there are no coincidences, and that souls are brought together for mutual experience.
However the element of luck goes far beyond souls cooperating to gain needed experience. The element of luck invokes the very fabric of existence, which is within all that is and is God in the collective sense, God the ocean.
By definition the fabric of existence is everywhere and so is the influence of the fabric of existence. We need only chose to see the influence of the fabric of existence. What is known as luck exists whether one chooses to believe in luck or not. Belief as we have explained many times does not alter reality.
The belief that luck is good or bad is not accurate. Luck is neither good nor bad, despite the fact that luck may appear to be good or bad. Luck is the hand of God assisting us to experience what we have chosen to experience, and experience is necessary, whether we enjoy what we experience or not.
Luck exists as an extension of the external factor, or the missing link. Luck may be in cooperation with another soul to share an experience, or luck may be assistance to experience from the very fabric of existence, but luck exists, and like the truth of our existence, luck is all around us if we choose to see it.
There is an element of luck, in everything that we do, but the element of luck is not 'luck' as in a random force. The element of luck is very specific and very much by design.
I could feel my aura expanding around me. I continued to flutter as my vibrational rate continued to increase with my awareness.
The difference between an external factor and the element of luck is that an external factor involves another soul or souls. God the drop. Luck involves the fabric of existence. God the ocean.
Nancy had developed a physical aliment which made it difficult for her to do her job. There was no doubt that Nancy was being told it was very nearly time for her to move on.
That morning I knew that I would write another book. In fact, I had effectively already written the book. Basically the book would detail the truth of our existence. I would explain everything that I had become aware of in a single volume for those who sought what was effectively the 'meaning of life'. The detail of my experiences would be available for those who chose to draw on an example, but a single volume explaining our existence would also be available. This book was to become my book Why?
I was not daunted by the prospect of writing another book, but I did need to be able to support myself whilst I wrote. It seemed that I would commence this single volume which was to become my book Why? whilst I was still living and experiencing this final part of my recorded journey.
As I wrote Why? I would also expand on many of the concepts that had formed part of my journey and bind them together as one complete volume separate, but related to the example which the Full Circle series of books was providing.
Understanding that I would write Why? fitted very neatly into a request from my agent a few days earlier which would require me to re-read my books at least one more time.
Several weeks earlier, I had been able to review my insights for a short time. I had suddenly been unable to review my insights and the page where I had coincidently become 'stuck' on had been sitting face up on my desk since that time. I had glanced at the page on many occasions, but now I realised that I had been giving myself a message for several weeks. I had not been ready. The text of the insight was:
2.139 There are times when we think that we are ready to take the next step, but fate seems to work against us. We will have trouble understanding this, but we are simply being told that we are not ready to take the next step, after all.
Having finally understood that I had been giving myself this message during a time when I was surrounded by delays, I knew that I had not been ready to move into my new world, and that Jane 2 had conveniently prevented me from moving into my new world.
It was another quiet day. Little things continued to fall into place easily and smoothly. I spoke with Sally and updated her on my present position. We discussed similar periods during my journey and easily drew parallels between the many other times when everything had come together at the very last minute after I had seemingly run out of time. Each of the four previous trips I had taken had occurred very suddenly. On three occasions I had known the trip would occur for sometime, but the means had only become available at the last minute. Despite having the experiences from my journey, my lifetime, and my existence to draw upon, my salvation was still a promise until I realised my salvation. We also reflected on all that had occurred and all that was falling into place in the few days since Jane 2 had left.
At times during that day I had felt my aura expanding and occasionally I continued to flutter. There was a spirit near me who occasionally sat beside me. There were also times when I felt my link to the fabric of existence strengthening.
As each day passed and the day which I had been given to commit to drew closer, I could feel the pressure slowly mounting. However, I had expected to be taken to the brink again and this did not surprise me.
It was also becoming increasingly apparent that Nancy was being told that it was time to take the next step on her journey. Nancy was talking to me about someone at her work, and in so doing she passed on a message that there was another small matter which I needed to attend to, if I was to be ready to act, and I did so immediately.
Since Jane 2's departure, I had felt the complete and total peace of a master slowly descending over me.
I'd also been reflecting on the timing of a business lunch which had been arranged for me a week earlier. The lunch which I had successfully avoided for several weeks would occur on the day following the date that I had been given. The two others who would attend the lunch were Rodney who had been my earth guide for many years, and Marie. I was not necessarily looking forward to the lunch, but the potential significance of the timing of the lunch was not lost on me. If events played out as I expected, the lunch would be the final goodbye before I moved on.
I also needed a small amount of money for my eldest son and the deadline was the same day that I had been given to advise my creditors. Despite this, I was a little concerned that I would not have the funds for my eldest son, but I was told not to be concerned.
In hindsight and on reflection I could see that each time I had been given a date, a number of events would focus around and highlight the date that I was given. In short, events would transpire to ensure that I experienced each date that I was given, even when I had used every effective way to embrace a given date.
I had been very hard on myself for believing the dates nearly every time I had been given a date, but each time I had been given a date there had been a number of events which also focused on the same date. I could trace this pattern back to the commencement of my recorded journey.
The following morning, I again awoke with a headache. I knew I had been on the spirit plane during the night, but I could not quite reach whatever it was that I had learned on the spirit plane. I did know that most of my visit to the spirit plane had been a mixture of people from various phases in this lifetime and that the common theme was one of my departure.
All around me and on every plane I seemed to be surrounded by indications that it was time for me to enter my new world. However, I had experienced being surrounded by indications that it was time for me to enter my new world previously, only to be taken a step in the wrong direction, albeit with influence from Jane 2.
Suddenly I was aware of the identity of the spirit who had been near me the previous evening, it had been my old friend Jesus.
I also recalled that Jesus had explained something to me the previous evening. I had sensed Jesus at the time, and I had sensed that Jesus had spoken, but until this morning I had not allowed myself to become consciously aware of what Jesus had said.
"There are elements of the truth in all that has been written about me. Both by my supporters and by my dis-creditors. You know the truth, you were there, and you were close to me."
That morning as I recalled what Jesus had said, two things occurred. I knew that what Jesus had said about our closeness was true, and Jesus expanded on his comment.
"Your role, the role of Judas has been down played. What credibility would the son of God maintain if he was betrayed by his closest friend? They cannot see that Judas is also the son of God, as are all souls. They speak of the son of God in awe, as if I am unique. I am not unique. All are the son of God. All souls are from God, the fabric of existence, so all souls are the son of God. I am no different. All souls are a part of the fabric of existence so all souls are God. I am no different.
"The fabric of existence is love, so all souls are love. I am no different. In my time I was no different but who would listen to one who is no different? In my time very few did. Far more listened to me when my time was over and I was made different by those who chose to embrace me as the ultimate martyr. People only listened when my message was altered, but the essence of my message was the same.
"It is now time for what was started to be completed and we will do so together. What will be completed could not be completed if it had not been started previously.
"I was 'crucified' because my message was a threat to the established religions and those who controlled those religions were fearful of losing their position and their power. They discounted all that I said using the accepted and altered truth of the time to discount me as a fanatic. However, within themselves they knew the truth which is why I frighted them.
"Your message will meet with the same opposition from the frightened, but now souls are seeking the truth and are open to receive the truth. My role was to commence through changing a God of wrath to a God of love. This I achieved. Your role is to complete what I commenced.
"Have no fear for we will do this together. For those who have been drawn to these words, I say listen to no one other than yourself. Search your own soul for the truth within these words."
To me Jesus said, "My friend, these words which I pass through you, continue to make you uneasy with the implication of what I say. This is but a fleeting echo and the fear you have felt at the implications of what has occurred is now passed. Do not be concerned, you are ready. If you embraced the implications with ego instead of humility, you would not be ready.
"The souls who chose this path are being drawn together and their journeys will bring them together once more. Do not be concerned because it will be several years, a decade before all of the souls who chose this path are together again. You are the first to truly complete your circle. You will prepare the way for the others. You know you have passed those who commenced their journey before you. Do not seek the souls who chose this path, they will be drawn to you when they are ready. All must complete their own journey before they have completed the circle.
"The souls who chose this path are not special, the souls who chose this path are not chosen. The souls who chose this path like myself, chose to be teachers within their experience. God the ocean has brought the souls who chose this path together, and will bring the souls who chose this path together, through the coincidence of their common choices. I too made this common choice. That I am Jesus and you are Judas reflects only the coincidence of our chosen experiences and no more.
"Be a peace my friend, you have much to do."
I was now running very much behind schedule for all I needed to do that morning, but if I was asked, I knew I could not give the real reason why I was late.
I received a note from my agent which indicated that it was not yet time for my books to be published.
I also understood that morning that I would write yet another book. I fought very hard against the knowledge that I would write another book, but to no avail. This book would include the words of Jesus and was to become The Hall Of Masters.
I considered the reaction if I announced to the world on that day that I would write such a book. I would wait and if the book was to be written, the book would speak for itself.
It was a busy, but very quiet day. In the office I seemed to have one meeting after another.
I collected my new car. Everything that was happening around me seemed to indicate that my new world was soon going to fall into place. My former business partner even started to take action in respect of the advice which I had been giving him for more than two years. This development in itself established a new pressure on me. My former business partner was finally listening to my advice, as I was about to leave the business.
Late that night as I attempted to sleep, I found myself writing, at least in my mind, a preliminary draft of what was to become Why?.
The next morning, I understood exactly how I would write Why?, and I immediately realised that Sue had told me that I would write Why?. I was a little fascinated by this development.
The previous night, I had spent much time on the spirit plane and it appeared that I was being warned about an upcoming event for which my assistance would be required but it seemed that the event was to be into medium or long term future. I was also told about a blend of oils that Nancy needed. However, despite the appearance that everything was falling into place, there was still no indication of when the outside event or the element of luck would occur.
That morning, I felt strongly that it would be an element of luck which would commence my new world, and an outside event which would complete my new world.
I decided to put pen to paper and outline Why? Within a few minutes I had more than 80 chapters. Everything seemed so very clear. As I looked at each chapter I knew exactly what I wanted to say about each subject. It appeared that writing the initial draft of Why? would be far easier than I had anticipated.
It seemed that each would be a short chapter specifically addressing an aspect of our existence. I recalled what I had been told when I commenced my journey. 'I would put the puzzle of our existence which had been shattered back together.' I finally understood what I had been told.
As I considered the chapter list in front of me and the prospect of the book, Why?, I recalled that 'the seer' had known that I would write Why? many months earlier.
It appeared The Truth of Reality, which at this point in time I merged and confused with Why? would be published first and then the Full Circle series of books. However, without first experiencing Full Circle I would not have been able to write The Truth of Reality.
I found myself wondering why I had purchased a new car at this time.
God explained, "That you have purchased a new car at this time is a matter of convenience."
This was true. The registration on my old car had been due to be paid in a few days, and even if my salvation presented itself that day, I would not have time to change cars within the time that I had remaining. It was much easier to arrange the purchase of the new car whilst I was still attached to the business.
God asked, "What would you have said if I told you when you began that it would be the fifteenth book that you wrote which would be published first?"
That was easy. I would have turned and ran the other way.
Most of the day was very easy and everything that I needed to do went very smoothly. That afternoon, my sense of well being was increasing and I could feel my heart chakra expanding.
A feeling that the difficult aspect of my journey had ended descended over me. However, if my journey was over, I did not know that my journey was over from the earth plane perspective, and I was very quickly running out of time.
That evening, I travelled to the spirit plane where I had a very difficult experience. When I returned I could not recall the experience, but I could certainly feel the effect of the experience. Late that night, I returned to the spirit plane and I repeated the experience of the previous night, but I was still not sure what I was being told.
The following morning, I awoke with a headache for the third consecutive day. I had been unable to continue my review for several days.
It was now four days prior to the deadline which I had been given to attend to my financial difficulties, and from an earth plane perspective I was no closer to being able to attend to my financial difficulties. Nevertheless, my sense of well being was returning, and I retained my sense that my difficulties were over.
| I attempted to make a start on Why?
without success. The previous day everything had been very clear, but suddenly
I became confused as to which approach to take.
Other than that particular difficulty, the day commenced with case and everything started going smoothly as I had come to expect. Suddenly, everything I attempted became difficult and everything I tried, I did wrong. I could not explain what had occurred or why, but I could do nothing. Every time I sat down I would drift off to the spirit plane and mostly the difficult experience of the previous evening was repeated. However, I could still not recall exactly what was occurring on the spirit plane.
The experience continued throughout the day and into the night. I became tired and irritable. It was around 4:00 am before I got some peace and slept.
In the early afternoon of that day it became apparent that I would not receive a solution to my difficulties that day. In view of what else I was experiencing, I anticipated that I would really feel frustration at more delays, but I did not feel the additional delay. I accepted the situation, and I felt no concern at all.
In fact, I continued to feel that all would be well. Aspects of what I would do when the solution to my difficulties arrived continued to present themselves to me, so I would certainly be able to move quickly, which was good because I would certainly need to attend to most aspects of my life in a very short period of time.
The following morning, I again woke with a headache, but it was very slight.
I was only three days away from the deadline that applied to most aspects of my life. I considered this date, I did not like having a deadline because having a deadline increased the pressure on me. However, when I had been given the date, it had been practical, because I had needed to give my creditors a time frame.
What I would do if a solution did not present itself within the next three days I did not know, but it appeared that there was nothing I could do other than wait for my creditors to commence action.
The direction which my life would take very much hinged on what would occur in the next few days. With an element of luck, which I knew would be the fabric of existence providing assistance to allow me to experience what I was meant to experience, all my present difficulties would suddenly end and I would complete the foundation of my new world.
Without the element of luck, I would need to commit myself to the business, which I did not know how I could do when I had difficulty balancing a need to attend the office and being delayed through conversations with Jesus for example. I could not even explain why I was late and I had already used every excuse I could conceive.
Without an element of luck, I would forfeit what possessions I had left to the storage company as I would be unable to retrieve my possession from storage. I had no where to put my possession even if I could retrieve my possession.
Without an element of luck, my children would eventually lose their home, because their home was the only asset which I had left. I did not have resources to reach an acceptable scheme of arrangement with all of my creditors. I owed too many organisations too much money.
Without an element of luck, I could not repay my friends who had assisted me, and were beginning to be adversely affected by my journey.
Without an element of luck, I could not bring my wife to Australia.
Without an element of luck, my new world would have no substance and my old world had all but crumbled beneath my feet.
It was a quiet day, and my life slowly returned to running smoothly. A little more information came my way which would be needed to establish my new world. I was certainly ready to begin to build my new world. All that was missing was an element of luck, or an outside event. The missing link was still missing.
I needed some sleep. I took some tablets to help me sleep, but I still meditated for more than two hours before I slept.
The next morning, I awoke early despite the sleeping tablets I had taken. I had a trace of a headache. It was two days before the deadline would be reached.
I was relaxed and I was at peace, but I did not have the peace of a master at that time. I reflected that whenever the total peace of a master had descended over me, and this had occurred on many occasions, I felt like a master.
This total peace, the peace of a master I found very hard to describe. The peace of a master is a total peace. The peace of a master is not an outer peace which is based around the lower self and therefore artificial. The peace of a master is not the inner peace from spirit self which I had felt often, even when my earth plane world was collapsing around me. The peace of a master is a peace emanating from the higher self and radiating through each part of my soul. The peace of a master is a total peace, the peace of a master, which is accompanied by an incredible sense of well being. A sense of well being that transcended the physical body. Physically I was unfit and I did not really expect that I could have such a sense of well being whilst I was so unfit, but my sense of well being certainly existed, which conveniently dispelled another myth.
The third component of what I call the peace of a master is an expanding aura. I could feel my aura growing and expanding.
The concepts that I experienced increased my awareness. As I gained new understanding of firstly the element of luck or assistance from the fabric of existence, and now the true peace of a master, so my awareness continued to grow. These were both concepts that I had known and that I had been aware of, but it was only through understanding and experience that I became totally aware of the concepts.
I took one more step in respect of what would become Why?. It seemed that I was able to take only one small step in preparation at a time. I wanted to rush the book and write what would become Why? immediately.
I also took a second step in respect of what would become The Hall Of Masters, the first being my realisation that I would write what would become The Hall Of Masters.
All I needed to finish my books was time, but I could not quite step into my new world. I had so much to do in respect of my spiritual task that I could work on my spiritual task solely full time and still struggle to do all that was required. However, until I could step into my new world I needed to maintain my physical job, and I could do little more than preparation.
I could work full time to complete my current works without considering the large number of concepts, ideas and plots that I had been given for additional works. Even working full time on my writing the task ahead seemed daunting, without beginning to contemplate my spiritual centre. If I was required to maintain my earth plane employment the task seemed physically impossible, but I knew this was not so because I had been doing both in one form or another for two years.
That morning, I understood the message which I had been attempting to retrieve from the spirit plane for several days, related to Marie and a small task that I was required to attend to for Marie, before we effectively said goodbye. In fact, I had an opportunity to complete the task for Marie a few days earlier, shortly after I had begun to be given the message on the spirit plane, and I had not taken the opportunity.
I had known at the time that I had not taken the opportunity to deliver the message that I had for Marie, but I had not understood the significance of the message that I had for Marie in respect of my own journey. I had known for some time why Marie had re-entered my life, and Sue had confirmed that why Marie had re-entered my life to allow me to say goodbye. In hindsight, I had known about the message that I needed to deliver to Marie for some time. That the intensity with which I had been told to deliver the message to Marie had been increasing should not have surprised me, because I knew that the time when I would finally say goodbye to Marie after around three thousand years of shared experiences was only a few days away.
Nor was it surprising that I had finally been able to complete three more pages of my final review, which 'happened' to contain the key to my conscious awareness of the message that I needed to deliver to Marie.
This development emphasised the closeness of my new world, but I still could not take the final step into my new world. My final step into my new world could not be taken, until my new world had substance.
I recalled a time previously when I had been this close to what was to be my interim world, and I'd had a solution to my difficulties available to me without being aware of that a solution to my difficulties was available to me. I wondered if my current experience was to be a repeat of my previous experience.
God said, "No, you do not need to repeat that experience. There is no solution available to you, without assistance from the fabric of existence."
I accepted God's statement, mainly because I had already attempted to use all of the means that I could think of the find a solution to my difficulties. However, God had used similar statements to lead me to experience too often in the past, to allow me to draw strength from God's words.
I knew that God would tell me nothing that would interfere with my experiences. In earth plane terms, I did have the capacity to learn, albeit slowly on occasion.
However, in fairness God had told me that Katerina would obtain her visa, and Sue had passed on the message that when it was time for us to be together God would cut through the red tape, which was exactly what had happened, despite the Immigration department giving Katerina only a 20% chance of receiving a visa. That there had been many delays had been necessary illusions which I understood.
As my preparation continued that morning, I was given another seven chapters for what was to become Why?
I saw a common pattern that existed throughout all I had experienced, in respect of the peace of a master. I had initially experienced a taste of the total peace of a master, before losing the total peace of a master, only to have the total peace of a master return. The total peace of a master had subsequently come and gone on many occasions and with increasing frequency. Soon the total peace of a master would be permanent. The pattern of the changes within me as my vibrational rate and awareness increased, was very clear and very consistent.
After the total peace of a master became a permanent part of me, the total peace of a master would continue to increase beyond my expectations, as had the beauty which I saw in the world around me, or the ease of my communication with my higher self to choose two examples.
I noted with interest that I had needed to allow my inner peace to become permanent regardless of my difficulties, before I could experience the total peace of a master, which I had also done from within my difficult environment.
This of course was very much the point of my example. All that I had achieved, I had done from within a difficult environment, and at the same time from within an everyday environment which was not extreme.
I considered my experiences since Jane 2's departure. I noted a very significant difference within my environment which no longer had an 'artificial' feel about it.
Aspects of this period of preparation, which was less than two weeks in duration seemed to be falling into place. Parts of my preparation which had not previously made sense, now seemed to fit very neatly with one emerging picture of what was to be the beginning of my new world.
I still felt as I had felt for several months, that I would have sufficient resources to support myself whilst I continued my writing. The events that were transpiring seemed to fit very neatly into this equation. It appeared that by completing a little 'outside' work in addition to my writing, some of my ongoing expenses would be funded.
For several months, I had noticed children, particularly young children staring at me on a number of occasions. I had attempted to write the experience off as my imagination, which I knew was a nonsense in itself, but I was not comfortable with the experience. However, when young children stared at me, when Nancy was with me and Nancy witnessed young children staring at me, I could no longer tell myself that the experience was something that I had imagined. In hindsight, I could see that the times when young children had stared at me, had been the times when I was experiencing the total peace of a master.
I spent the morning having business meetings which achieved little other than to emphasise that I could generate sufficient income as a part time consultant working just a few hours per week, to both repay what I owed the business and to cover some of my expenses. However, I would still need to be able to support myself and family with any income I gained externally being a bonus but not essential.
All the 'ifs' and 'buts' in the world would not resolve my difficulties. All that I could do, was patiently wait a little longer.
In fact, the more that I considered that morning's experiences, the more the pieces seemed to be fitting together. I did not have a closed mind as to what may or may not happen, but that morning's experiences made sense and fitted very neatly into what appeared to be the next phase of my journey.
| It was apparent that what seemed to be occurring
fitted within the nature of my example, in that what seemed to be occurring
was not extreme from the perspective of an average everyday environment.
I wondered if I was attempting to justify what I wanted to occur, but
I did not think that I was attempting to justify anything, because the
development in respect of funding my expenses had crept up upon me, and
joined some conflicting pieces of what was occurring around me together.
I was not attempting to make what seemed to be occurring fit, what seemed
to be occurring was fitting, with very little input from me. In fact,
what seemed to be occurring was certainly not what I wanted to occur.
I spent the afternoon passing on the message which I had for Marie, whose's reaction to the message was defensive, but I was unconcerned. I had done what I had been asked to do, and as far as I was concerned that was the end of the matter.
A spirit had been hovering around me all afternoon. Firstly, in the office and subsequently when I arrived home. I had no idea of who the spirit was, or what the spirit wanted, if anything. The spirit was not quite 'with me' but the spirit was hovering extremely close to me.
I was able to recommence my review, and not for the first time I was struck by the power of the message which I was being asked to deliver.
I continued to reflect on the occasions when I had experienced the total peace of a master. I could see, with hindsight, that on the occasions when I had experienced the total peace of a master I was simply 10, and experiencing being 10. The occasions when I had experienced the total peace of a master, were the occasions when I was not experiencing any aspect of who I am not.
That afternoon, the day before the 'deadline', God explained to me that becoming only the '10', was a new existence.
| The other aspect about the deadline was that,
as far as I could see, I had now run out of options, and I could not accept
that anything would occur to resolve my difficulties, prior to the expiration
of the deadline.
That afternoon my body again fluttered as my vibrational rate continued to increase. The spirit continued to hover around me, and began to brush against me, without fully revealing itself, or giving any indication of why he or she was with me.
The deadline that I had been given arrived, without any sign of a solution to my difficulties. The deadline did not matter and I felt nothing. My fingers tingled with my contact with the fabric of existence, I was slightly 'outside' the total peace of a master, and the spirit continued to hover around me.
I reflected upon my journey. I had been repeatedly given deadlines. Whenever a deadline really mattered, I received what I needed. Whenever delays had occurred, the delays had been balanced and my difficulties had also inexplicably, from an earth plane, been delayed.
I had already experienced months of broken promises and delays, Jane 2 notwithstanding. Despite the broken promises I had maintained my faith, answered my questions, continued my journey, and increased my awareness.
Everything around me was linked to a date, today's date. If a solution presented itself my difficulties would be over. If a solution did not present itself, difficulties from every aspect of my life, would enclose around me.
I noted for the record that the beauty of the world had again increased. The beauty of the world increased every time that my vibrational rate increased. Despite my anticipation of the pressure I would experience if the deadline was reached without a solution to my difficulties, I felt only peace. Not quite the total peace of a master, but close to the total peace of a master.
Whether the scenario which I had been given played itself out or not, I knew that I would receive a solution to my difficulties, and that everything would be all right. In reality the date that I had been given, which had now arrived, was no more important than the other dates that I had been given such as Katerina being with me for Christmas.
My promised salvation was a promise which I had effectively lived on for two years, and I could continue to live on a promise of salvation for a while longer. My new world had been very close for a long time, but I could not take the step into my new world, until I was meant to take the step into my new world.
My reaction on that morning was to continue to work on the three books which I was working on. On reflection, I knew that God had been right, I was far stronger than I had realised.
I found myself recalling an old message which had been passed to me during my second visit to Sue. 'If it is meant to be you will have the resources. You will have the resources when you need them which could be the day before you need to do something.'
I continued my final review. The warning which God had given me a long time ago echoed in my mind, 'I was the example and I would take every wrong turn and every dead end.'
I again considered if the solution to my difficulties would come from within the business, but I could not see how the was possible for the solution to my difficulties to come from within the business. My difficulties were too deep and too broad. However, a part of the solution to my difficulties may come from the business, and the events of the previous few days certainly supported that possibility.
I did not feel that I was doing anything 'wrong'. I did not feel that I had stepped away from my new world as I had done many times previously. I did not feel that my new world was being pushed away by myself or by any other entity. I did not feel that my environment was artificial. I felt that it was time to step into my new world and I was unconcerned that the deadline had arrived without an apparent solution to my difficulties.
I reflected the business once more. Despite all that had occurred within the business and despite that it was now time to make the decision which would finally make or break the business, the ultimate decision was still too difficult for my former business partner to make even though my former business partner knew that there was only one decision to make. That my former business partner could not make the decision highlighted that I could not maintain my involvement with the business, and at the same time ensured that I would be able to maintain just enough involvement to fund some of my ongoing expenses.
In a repeat of the previous day, I was not looking for answers, I was simply allowing words to appear on paper as the events around me developed. I noted with interest that being able to review once more, meant that I was able to receive the keys which I had placed within my notes for myself.
I received a brief message to pass on to Nancy, which I did not intend to do, until I seemed to be momentarily surrounded by the message for Nancy.
My day in the office went remarkably smoothly. Everything seemed to fall into place. Solutions to problems that had existed since before I joined the business seemed to present themselves. More importantly the solutions to the problems within the business did not require my involvement, which made sense and fitted very neatly into all that seemed to be happening around me.
As the day progressed I developed a migraine which increased in intensity throughout the day.
The spirit who had been with me continued to hover. The spirit did not cause me any difficulties, and the spirit did not make a nuisance of itself. The spirit was simply in my 'space' wherever I turned.
Late in the day, my former business partner showed me his proposed restructure of the business, which placed me in charge of the company. This contradicted the events of that morning, and nicely maintained the conflicts within my environment.
I arrived home with a migraine. The conflicts within the business confused me. The deadline I had been given to pay my creditors had passed, and I had to tell Katerina that I had no money to send her to allow her to come to Australia. I tried very hard to be depressed, to be down, to be worried, but I could do none of these things. I retained my peace and I had no concern whatsoever.
As the night drew on I became restless, but I retained my peace. I was restless as if something very good was going to happen. However, I did not have a clue what. In fact I was surprised when I wrote the previous sentence. I recalled a comment that God had made when I arrived home. "You will be surprised."
The spirit continued to hover and the spirit's constant presence in my 'space' was starting to become annoying.
Later, I began to wonder about the supposed solution to my difficulties.
God said, "Don't look for the solution to your difficulties, allow the solution to your difficulties to come."
I was able to review my notes. I reviewed my difficulties which highlighted that what I was experiencing was real within the illusion of the earth plane, not the artificial imposed environment that I had endured for so long.
I considered the circumstances surrounding the deadline which had now passed. What the deadline had achieved, was to allow me to stall just long enough so that I did not have defaults recorded against my name, when I needed the lease approved for my car, which in itself could be reason enough for me to have been given the deadline. I did know that if I had not contacted my creditors when I did, defaults would have already been recorded against my credit rating.
I had not been able to review my notes at night for as long as I could remember. That night, I was able to review my notes and coincidentally what I reviewed was another, and a significant, broken promise from God. I continued to have difficulty with the concept that God's promises could be broken, and perhaps it was time to address the issue of broken promises from God, hopefully to my full satisfaction.
I had been given convenient explanations, I had been told about 'carrots' to keep me going, I had been told about assistance to experience, and I had been told about spirits blocking me. All of these explanations made sense, but I could not quite get comfortable with the fact that God could specifically say that something would happen, and that something would not happen.
I had experienced the point of testing faith, and accepting that all that had occurred was real, without the 'proof' of some sort of 'salvation'.
The continual stream of unfulfilled promises particularly in respect of timing was an issue which did not quite sit well with me. Strangely, when I wrote these words, the stream of unfulfilled promises did in fact sit well, and the stream of unfulfilled promises meant absolutely nothing to me.
This development was a surprise to me. I had intended to address this issue to find a logical reason for why God's promises continued to be broken, but the answer came quickly and easily, and it was an answer to a question which I had fought with, for a very long time. The answer was, 'God's broken promises meant nothing'.
Katerina had not received her letter from the Australian embassy, which was not unusual for the Russian postal service, and which meant that the need for me to send Katerina money for airfare was conveniently delayed.
That the deadline had passed did not really affect me in any way whatsoever. My creditors would register defaults and commence action which meant that it could make it difficult for me to rent a home, but that was my only immediate problem.
| I did have a little more time because my difficulties
had been delayed previously, and I had to acknowledge that no real harm
had been done, which highlighted my new understanding that the issue of
broken promises, which particularly related to timing, really did mean
I attempted to sleep but the tingling within my body as my vibrational rate continued to increase was so intense that sleep was not possible. Even my lips tingled. I finally slept in the early hours of the morning, slightly before dawn.
When I awoke, I visited the spirit plane for a short time. Whilst I was on the spirit plane I was given money in strange circumstances. I did not quite know how to translate the message into what may happen, so I left the message alone. The other interesting aspect of my visit to the spirit plane that morning, was that I seemed to be attached to, but not a part of the business.
That morning, I remained on the edge of total peace, my body continued to tingle slightly, and the spirit continued to hover around me. I would not be attending the office that day, because I still had a slight migraine.
When I removed the timing issue, and my interpretation of what was to occur, especially in respect to the beginning of my journey, from the equation, it left me with the fact that nearly all that God had told me would occur in respect of my own journey had occurred, and what had not occurred would occur in time.
Katerina's visa was a good example. I had been told many times and through many sources that Katerina would obtain her visa, and that I should not be concerned even though it seemed on occasions, that Katerina would not obtain a visa, and the bureaucrats with whom we were dealing seemed to be blocking us at every turn. The situation now, was that Katerina's visa had been approved, despite the difficulties. The only part of what I had been told which was incorrect, was the timing. The only part of what I had been told which meant nothing and had never really meant anything, was the timing.
If I removed the 'when' aspect from everything that I had been told and everything that I knew, it altered the perspective of my journey.
I was suddenly aware of an event which I had foreseen in respect of a 'parting gift' that I would hand the business. I realised that my 'parting gift' was now occurring. I had not recognised the foreseen 'parting gift' immediately, because the detail I had foreseen was different than the reality of my 'parting gift'. However, the principle of 'parting gift' was the same, which did not surprise me because this was what had occurred even when I foresaw events long before I became aware of my path.
I questioned whether I was 'changing the rules' to suit myself, but I wasn't changing anything. I had known and I had been told in many different ways that timing was unimportant. I had finally put all of the pieces together to create an awareness that the 'when' issue is not an issue.
I knew that my difficulties would be removed, I knew I would leave the business, I knew that Katerina would be with me, I knew that my books would be published and I knew that I would establish a spiritual centre. I also knew aspects of those key points such as that I would write many more books and that the souls from the Jesus lifetime would be drawn together at the spiritual centre.
What I did not know was how or when. If I did know how or when, my knowledge would interfere with my experiences. The one rule of the guidance, the one rule of existence, is that of 'not interfering with chosen experiences'.
To me 'not interfering with chosen experiences' sounded like a contrite, convenient and cop-out explanation, but 'not interfering with chosen experiences' is the explanation. The rule of non interference was why God could 'stand by' and watch millions die through genocide, to choose but one example. 'Not interfering with chosen experiences' is the one rule that applies to all that is.
The simple reality is that unless souls experience, they cannot return to the higher plane and if God interferes with our experiences we are not able to experience. If we do not feel our experiences, regardless of how horrific our experiences are, we cannot eliminate the aspects of who we are not, to become who we are and return to the higher plane. We cannot return to become a part of the love which is the very fabric of our existence.
As I reflected on that day's events I could see that I had applied my awareness. I had looked for the pattern which had identified a repeated or circular experience, and I allowed myself to see the common denominator, the principle which was repeating which in this instance, was the 'when' issue. Having identified the pattern, I would be able to break my circle. When I was ready to take the step into my new world, I had repeatedly made the 'when' issue important which was the 'wrong' step that I had been taking.
I knew that God had played a part in making the 'when' issue important, but I had been given an opportunity to apply my awareness and understand the 'when' issue when I no longer needed the 'when' issue.
I relaxed for a few hours, before considering my position, especially in view of some discussions I'd had with my former business partner in relation to the business.
The situation was, that I seemed to be pushed towards more involvement with the business. However, it was more than simply being pushed towards more involvement with the business. I was being drawn into increased involvement with the business, regardless of the fact that I was attempting to push any involvement with the business away. I would push involvement with the business away, I would avoid commitment, and I would attempt to stall and delay because I knew that my involvement with the business would be limited at best. The business is not my path. Regardless of the fact that the business is not my path, my involvement with the business was increasing anyway. I suspected that I would flow with my increased involvement with the business, because I did not seem to have any choice.
Having established that I was being drawn back into the business, when being drawn back into the business was not what I wanted, regardless of whether I fought being drawn back into the business. I knew that I needed to allow my being drawn back into the business to occur.
If I isolated the business aspect of my environment the issue's were that I knew that I would not be involved in the business as my future. The business was not what I wanted to do. I could not understand how I could drive and manage the business whilst I continued my spiritual journey and my writing. I had found it extremely difficult to balance minimal involvement in the business, with my spiritual journey so I could not see how I would be able to take on a far more active role in the business. However, if I did take on a far more active role in the business I knew that I would balance my increased insolvent the business and my spiritual journey, despite my concerns.
I also had the conscience issue to deal with. If I allowed my former business partner to let me do what I had wanted to do, and drive the business, how could I then turn my back, not necessarily on the business, but on the role that I had once sought?
If I then considered the financial aspects of my difficulties, taking a more active role in the business would do nothing to alleviate my financial difficulties. How could I control a national company with personal bankruptcy looming in the near to medium future? My problem was that my debts were too many and too varied to enter into a scheme of arrangement.
If I considered the writing that I was doing and the writing that I knew I would be doing, I did not know how I would be able to do all that was required in respect of my spiritual path, whilst attempting to run a business?
Realistically, if something occurred to alleviate my financial difficulties, I had to accept that I really would be able to do my spiritual task whilst running a business and I would be able to balance both jobs. I had the strength of a master, I had the peace of a master, and mostly my business affairs transpired very smoothly allowing me to do what I needed to do when I needed to do it with ease and without effort. The difficulty was that I would be required to attend the office full time. I would not be able to work from home, and I would struggle to be effective after nights where my spiritual journey prevented sleep. However, I could attend to both 'jobs' if I had to.
Accepting that I could attend to both 'jobs' if I had to left me one piece of the equation, Katerina. If I needed to balance my time between two full time jobs, what time would I have left for Katerina who would be in a foreign country with a support network of one. Albeit that I was a master.
Everything that was occurring around me was real from an earth plane perspective. For the most part everything seemed to be happening at a very fast pace, but everything did not add up. There was at least one piece of the equation that was missing, and it did not matter how I put my environment together, everything could not add up, until I was provided with the missing piece or pieces.
As with the 'how' and 'when' issues the need to obtain all of the pieces before reaching a conclusion was something that I not only knew, but I was aware of and the example which was my life was now insisting that I apply my awareness. I needed to flow with what was occurring, and allow the conflicting pieces of the equation to fall where they were destined to fall.
The point that was being emphasised, is that the awareness that is required to allow us to become who we are, a master, also needs to be applied after we have become who we are.
The ironic aspect was that long after my difficulties had overwhelmed me, long after my difficulties had caused me to doubt, long after I had reached the point where I could not go on, long after I had felt forsaken, and long after my difficulties had increased beyond what I had believed was my endurance, I was left with one inescapable and simple fact. All of my doubt had been removed.
The very difficulties, delays and broken promises which had created my doubts had also eliminated my doubts. I would not have believed that it was possible.
As I continued my review, I watched Evelyn's crystals dance across my line of vision. I realised that a very important question had disappeared from my environment. The question that had disappeared was 'could this really be occurring?'. The unknown spirit continued to hover around me.
In addition to receiving examples in respect of how I applied my awareness, the process repeated itself in respect of the insights. Each time that I thought about an event in my life or considered how a specific set of circumstance had transpired, one of my insights was 'given' to me so that I could once more witness for myself, how my insights applied to life.
When I relaxed and considered all that had occurred in the previous two and a half weeks, the element of final preparation was apparent. To emphasise my concerns if I needed to maintain an existence within two worlds, I was unable to sleep until the early hours of the morning.
I'd had very little sleep before it was time to awaken for a day in the office. I recalled that two Tarot readers and Sue had told me that I would have a new car, and I now had a new car. However, I had acquired the car in a way that I had not considered would be possible, an example which underlined the points I had made the previous day.
I had to open myself up to all possibilities and apply my awareness, which was 'older' awareness and not something that I had forgotten. However, every time that I had attempted to apply my awareness to my current difficulties, God had emphasised that there was no necessity to apply my awareness to my difficulties, and that a very specific solution to my difficulties would be provided.
This development in itself was fascinating, as was the point that I would not have believed that I could obtain a new car without my difficulties first being resolved.
Quite simply, what had occurred was that a combination of God, the masters, spirits, and 'temporary bridges' had assisted me to create the environment that I had needed. If I had been consciously aware of exactly what was happening the environment would have been other than I needed. It was only after the environment had fulfilled its purpose that I became consciously aware of exactly what had happened. Once more, my awareness emphasised the example that was my journey, and provided me with another opportunity to apply my awareness during this period of final preparation.
It appeared that I was effectively being given a refresher course, as I made my final preparations to enter my new world.
The unknown spirit was continued to hover around me, although the spirit was not quite in my space. I maintained my peace, which was not quite the total peace of a master.
With the removal of what had remained of my doubt, the 'scum' which had been clinging to my aura was also removed. The issue of 'it can't be happening to me' was gone. 'It' was, 'it' had and 'it' would continue to happen to me.
As I continued my review that morning, I could see that Jane 2 had been very necessary. The questions that I had asked as a result of Jane 2's influence over my life had provided me with many answers, increasing my understanding and awareness.
I suddenly realised that my soul was 'away' seeking some information, a missing point, a little more awareness, or maybe even the missing piece of my puzzle.
God asked, "Does it matter how your difficulties are resolved?"
I replied, "No, I have moved beyond caring how my difficulties are resolved."
"Did how your difficulties were resolved ever really matter?"
"No, how my difficulties were resolved did not matter."
"You will be surprised."
My day in the office went easily with the confusion around my immediate future surrounding me. I attempted to flow and not allow myself to become caught up with the contradictions of my environment.
In the afternoon I needed to attend to some personal business, and everything flowed remarkably smoothly.
My soul was 'away' all day which occasionally caused me to feel a little lost. However, the return of my total peace was edging ever closer. The unknown spirit remained with me but was no longer hovering within my space.
A solution to my difficulties did not seem any closer, but I did not feel any direct or indirect pressure.
I had attempted to cancel what I had believed would be my farewell lunch with Rodney and Marie, due to my migraine, but all that had occurred was that my farewell lunch with Rodney and Marie was postponed and was now scheduled for the following day.
The woman was young. Certainly no older than 20. She stared up at me, her black eyes pleading for mercy. I convinced myself that I did not feel her eyes burn into my soul, but I knew that the woman's black pleading eyes would remain with me forever. I raised my right hand and brought my sword down with sufficient force to remove her head. I had my job to do. The woman I had executed was Marie.
I was reminded that I would enter my new world suddenly, overnight.
Sleep would not come that night. When I went to bed, my body fluttered with my increasing vibrational rate. I sat quietly in the dark listening to spirits moving things around and then I meditated.
I was due to attend the office the next day, which was part of my ongoing dilemma. How could I function when I'd had no sleep?
I sat quietly as night became morning wondering if I would be able to attend the office. I knew only one thing for sure, I would again postpone my farewell lunch with Rodney and Marie.
My irregular sleep patterns were only a problem because I needed to work 'regular' hours. If I was able to write full time they would not have any concern at all.
I was able to recommence my review. A message within my words not only jumped out at me, but was also repeated. "You are too hard on yourself."
|Tiredness suddenly enveloped me. I decided to have two
hours sleep before attending the office.
When I lay down to sleep, the intense fluttering within my body increased and remained with me when I awoke two hours later. I was extremely tired, but all that I could do was attend the office for a few hours and return home to sleep as soon as I possible.
In my tiredness, I attempted to tell myself that all that I had experienced was not real, but I could not do so. My soul was still 'away' and I remained on the edge of total peace. In my tiredness my lower self was dazed and confused.
From within my tiredness my difficulties began to crowd in on me. Not because I felt any pressure, but because I wanted to be settled without the constant need to balance, I asked myself; 'How do I deal with this?'
I recalled my thoughts when I had first awoken after my brief sleep; 'If a solution did not present itself what example would I be for those who choose to follow?'
As my confusion lifted with my tiredness, I knew that regardless of what I wanted, events had to run their course and whatever solution I needed would present itself.
Despite the difficult start, the day flowed easily enough. I worked for half a day before I returned home to sleep.
Katerina received the letter confirming her successful visa application from the immigration department, and she understandably wanted to know when I would be able to send her some money to travel to Australia, and also where we would live. I could answer neither question.
That night both my soul and my total peace were closer to returning, but a solution to my difficulties did not seem to be in sight. The unknown spirit continued to hover around me. I considered the possibility that the unknown spirit could have been blocking the solution to my difficulties, but I did not feel this was so. My environment felt real, and my environment had not felt real when Jane 2 was influencing my life.
I knew that God was not controlling my life, I was controlling my life. What I experienced was, and always had been, my choice, made by my trinity working as one, to create the experiences that I had chosen, because I needed the experiences. I knew that it was my choices which had conveniently made me the example.
|That Jane 2 had influenced my life for so long, had been
both my choice and a part of the example. That my spirit and higher self
had blocked my lower self from becoming aware of Jane 2's presence had
been because Jane 2's presence was assisting me to experience what I needed
to experience, especially in respect of the questions Jane 2's influence
had drawn me to ask. I knew that the principle of chosen experiences applied
to every aspect of not only my life, but also my very existence.
The simple reality is that I have chosen my environment of contradictions during my period of final preparation for my new world. That I have made this choice was appropriate and convenient to my chosen role as an example.
I wanted to choose to step into my new world, and I had consciously chosen to step into my new world. Therefore, I could not understand why I was preventing myself from stepping into my new world.
I meditated for a while. I saw a pattern which had existed since my journey began. Every time I had believed that I could not do something, I was then 'forced' to do what I believed that I could not do. The pattern was so consistent throughout my journey that I was surprised that I had not become aware of the pattern previously. The most noticeable incidence of the pattern, was when I had believed, genuinely believed, that I could not endure any more difficulties and delays. My difficulties and delays had continually increased, proving to me that I could indeed endure more difficulties and delays.
Having identified the pattern, I could easily recall instances throughout my journey, whether I had recorded the specifics or not, when I had done what I believed that I could not do.
Upon 'finding' the initial point after I had meditated, I then slept. When I awoke I spent some time on the spirit plane receiving a message, effectively confirming what my soul had brought back when my soul had returned. After I had returned from the spirit plane, I began to recall more examples of the pattern that applied to when I had done what I believed that I could not do. I had opened the door to my awareness, and examples or my past experiences of doing what I believed I could not do, poured through the open door.
I began to examine the examples of doing what I believed I could not do, which stretched back to the time on the island when I did not believe I could write the book which I was being asked to write. The book of which I was now writing the sixth volume in the series.
The issues surrounding each one of the examples also fitted into an identifiable pattern. The issues were worthiness, endurance and strength of character. Those issues may have been raised individually or as part of an individual issue, but collectively they were very significant.
It was that group of issues which had caused me so many difficult experiences, often leading to suicide throughout my existence. None of the issues were a part of who I am, and I did not believe that the issues were a part of who I am. Nevertheless, the underlying principle that the issues focused upon remained.
I invoked the underlying principle that the issues focused upon, each time that I decided something such as; I could not manage the business after I'd had a sleepless night. I would immediately be required to do that which I had decided I could not do.
The fact that I was now aware of the pattern of being required to do that which I had decided I could not do, was a pattern in itself, the pattern of awareness. The next step was to apply my awareness.
That I had been applying the underlying principle that the issues, which had individually ceased to exist, focused upon also explained why I had chosen the environment that I have chosen. I may not have enjoyed my environment, but I had needed my environment to experience that the underlying principle that the issues, which I had discarded, focused upon, did not apply to who I am.
I immediately began to wonder how I would address the underlying principle that the issues focused upon, but I had the answer and I was aware of the answer. The answer was contained within some guidance that I had provided a few days earlier, and as soon as I had provided the guidance, I had known that the guidance would also apply to myself. I was aware of what I had been doing, and my awareness was enough.
As I sat quietly working in the pre-dawn, I could very clearly see many of the issues which related to those around me. If I was needed to provide specific guidance, I knew that I would provide such guidance, and I chose to leave it at that.
I meditated and then slept for a while before returning to the spirit plane where I was again surrounded by familiar images. Later my total peace returned momentarily. I spent the remainder of the day meditating, looking for something, but I did not know what. I could only relax and if there was something more that I needed to know, I would know it.
I reflected that during the previous two years I had become a very different person. In many respects I was the same person, but at the same time I was different. I was less than I had been and through becoming less, I had come more than I had been. This was one more point that I had known, but had not really been aware of.
My final preparation, like my journey continued as my knowledge became awareness and my awareness built upon itself, ever multiplying with each step as I applied my awareness. Many times I had believed that I had totally understood a concept, only to have my understanding increase as I experienced my knowledge which enabled me to become aware, piece by piece of the ever increasing depth of the puzzle that I was rebuilding.
Each time my awareness increased and I took another step, I hoped that the step would be the step which led to my new world. Each time that the step did not lead to my new world I would feel disappointment, because I wanted my new world to begin. However, my disappointment would be fleeting and I would regain my peace as I continued my relentless journey within.
Every time that I believed that I had understood my journey I would see something that I had missed, and my understanding would again increase.
I had to concede that a few traces of ego remained within me, but I also retained my humanity and they were only traces of ego.
I knew that I would not give up and that I would endure whatever I was asked to endure.
|Sometimes I felt very wise, and other times I struggled
to understand what I was supposed to be doing, even though I knew that
I was always doing what I was supposed to do.
Each day, I awoke wondering if that day would be when I stepped into my new world, and each night before I slept I wondered if I would step into my new world tomorrow.
I questioned whether I should want my new world, and I drew on God's assurances and God's explanation of the necessity of wanting in respect of our experiences. A new world had not been my motivation. A new world was what God had foreseen for me.
When I began my journey, a new world had been the last thing that I wanted. I had wanted only to have my old world, a world that was ripped out from under my feet. I had begun my journey only to regain my old world, to regain what I had lost, to regain what I never really had.
Two years after I had begun to look within, I stood as I had done on many occasions previously; a short step away from my new world and not quite able to take that one short step.
I lay quietly on my bed, listening to the birds outside my window and randomly recalling parts of my journey, my experiences, and my awareness as I allowed the fabric of existence to pulsate through my body and the total peace of a master to wash over me.
The time when I was scared that what I was experiencing was not real, and even more scared that it was real, seemed to be a lifetime away.
I recommenced my review. I reviewed one of the times when I had struggled to see past my difficulties, as my difficulties closed in on me. I was reminded of the 'Christmas' timing that I had been promised. If nothing else, the unfulfilled promise of Christmas had underlined the reality of my experiences, when I had suspected that an unfulfilled promise of Christmas would produce the reverse effect.
I noted with interest that 'reverse' had been the theme of the experiences that I had 'randomly' recalled earlier that evening.
Katerina's resident's visa approval could take effect at any time prior to three days before next Christmas. The prospect that the following Christmas would be the timing concerned me, because it meant that my difficulties would remain for another year. My first thought was that I could not endure another year of difficulties. It concerned me that I may need to endure another year of difficulties, but the difference was I knew that if I had to endure another year of difficulties, I would endure another year of difficulties. Previously, I had believed that I could not endure any more difficulties.
The truth is that I did not know when my new world would begin. My new world could start on the following day, or in a year or even in ten years time.
In the context of my journey and the reality of our existence it did not matter when my new world began, but when my new world began did matter to me. When my new world began mattered because I wanted to experience a joy filled existence but if experiencing a joy filled existence was not to be, experiencing a joy filled existence was not to be.
The unknown spirit remained with me, the spirit was female and she had spoken to me on occasion on the spirit plane. I had not been able to make sense of the spirit's words, but without knowing why I knew that it was the unknown spirit talking.
God had something to say, but I was trying too hard to receive God's words. I knew that I needed to relax and allow God's words to flow through me.
I reflected that I remained involved in the business despite being told very clearly that my work within the business was finished. In fact, my involvement within the business was far from reducing, my involvement within the business was increasing as a part of the conflicting environment that I was experiencing.
The word 'reverse' continued to echo in my mind.
I put the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. I could feel the force of the bullet blow the back of my head off before my spirit left my body.
The word 'reverse' continued to echo in my mind into the night.
God said, "It is God's promise to you, not your promise to God."
I had felt that I was close to stepping into my new world for at least a year. My new world always seemed so close, and yet so far. I questioned whether I needed to step into my new world whilst retaining my difficult environment. Spiritually, I had already stepped into my new world and physically I had almost stepped into my new world. However, the reality remained that without money I could not move into a new world.
The necessary solution to my difficulties was that basic, and in many ways the necessary solution to my difficulties was as far away from 'spiritual' as I could imagine. The earth plane reality was that there was not one difficulty that I would not resolve if I had a modest injection of funds, and that there was not one difficulty that I could resolve without funds.
I had been promised money, and from a personal viewpoint I had used God's promise as collateral. How I chose to describe God's promise and what I had learned of God's promise had not changed this fact.
My environment may have been perfect for what I needed to experience and I may have attempted to remove the coarse reality of the real difficulty from the equation, but I could not. My need for money was not a greed or a possessions issue, my need for money was a simple reality of the earth plane which is an illusion, but it is an illusion that I am required to experience. What I wanted to do was pay my debts, bring Katerina to Australia, and find us a home. My desire was that simple. I wanted to be able to write full time without balancing two jobs, but to write full time would be a bonus.
I did not particularly want to establish a spiritual centre, and it did not really matter if my books were published. I knew that these two events would occur and when the two events did occur, I would deal with the consequences as I needed to.
Nor did I want anything for nothing. I was not looking for a handout or a free ride. I did not look for a reward. I suppose that the best way to describe what I sought was a repayment on an investment. I had invested all that I had and all that I could raise on my journey and I had done so using God's promise for collateral.
|There was no great spiritual meaning in what I wanted.
In fact, what I wanted was very human and I did not feel any less spiritual
or any less of a master to want a simple existence with my investment
Nor could I even begin to explain why I had written about having my investment repaid, it was not what I felt. I did not experience believing that God should reward me in any way, shape, or form. I simply wrote the fact, or the fact was written through me, but I did not experience it.
The following morning, I recommenced my revision. I could see clearly that everything that I had experienced since I had returned to the higher plane had been focused on understanding all that I knew, through experience to gain awareness and apply that awareness. What I found particularly noticeable was the amount by which the depth of my awareness had increased. That morning, my awareness seemed like a bottomless pool. As I continued to explore the depths of my awareness, I expanded the circle of my awareness.
What I had done, had been exactly what I had been told I would do whilst I was on the island, although I had not understood what I was being told at the time.
In some ways, I was surprised by how long and hard I had worked. Experiencing and writing book after book with very little respite. In between writing and reviewing books, I would 'research' through meditation and even planned future books. During this time I had also managed to maintain a full time job, and yet there were times when I felt that I could have worked harder. I did know that I'd given every ounce of strength that I had possessed and every ounce of strength that I had acquired throughout my journey.
In fact, I had given everything that I had physically, emotionally, and spiritually to my journey. In all honesty, I think what I found most surprising was that I had sustained and endured and I had not given up.
|My rewards had been spiritual, and I certainly experienced
the application of my rewards, but I had not been able to fully experience
my reward, because my reward had not taken on physical substance. I knew
that the earth plane is the only plane where we can experience
and that the earth plane is physical in nature. For us to experience anything,
what we experience needs to have substance on the lower plane. Even emotions
effectively have substance on the lower plane.
In a repeat of the previous evening I did not know why I had written this observation, or why I had used the term 'reward'. The words had come through me, which had been true of most of what I had written. Why I specifically mentioned that the words had come through me on this occasion I did not know, because even mentioning that the words came through me, came through me.
At a conscious or lower plane level I was not seeking reward, and I had not undertaken my journey looking for a reward.
I could not say that I had a 'holy' attitude in that I could not accept a reward, or that a reward was evil or not spiritual. If I was given a reward I would gratefully accept the reward. I could not even say that I would specifically use the reward to continue my spiritual work, because I would continue my spiritual work with or without reward. All that a reward would achieve is to remove my difficulties which would make my journey easier and more enjoyable. I had no problem with making my journey easier and more enjoyable and I did not believe that my journey needed to be difficult. That any environment is difficult is chosen.
As for the spiritual centre, I knew that the spiritual centre would be funded by my writing, which was why I knew that I would continue to write, regardless of what else occurred.
I did not feel what I was writing that day, and I did not feel a need to justify myself or my actions. I only felt a need to write.
I knew exactly what I wanted, sufficient money to live in a comfortable home with my wife and to sustain myself whilst I wrote full time. I made no apology for what I wanted and I felt that no apology was necessary. Like many I would have once believed that what I wanted was far removed from a master, but now I knew better, now I knew that what I wanted was exactly what a master wanted.
Nor could I say that wanting to write had any great spiritual motivation. I enjoyed writing, it was that simple. That what I wrote would assist others to find the truth within was convenient, but as far as I was concerned I had no higher purpose, other than that what I had chosen was convenient, in that my experiences were an example.
That I wanted what I wanted changed nothing. I would continue my writing, my work, and my convenient example, regardless of whether I received what I wanted, and this I knew with the certainty which stemmed from the knowledge and experience of having continued my writing irrespective of what was occurring around me.
There remained a number of matters that I wanted to attend to personally, and I knew that I would attend to those personal matters. I knew that I had plenty of time and I knew that when it was time, attending to the personal matters would be easy.
Occasionally, I would question what I wrote and whether the detail of my difficulties should be recorded. However, I knew that the end result was not enough. I knew that there were many who had undertaken such a journey and that the end result had been documented. I was providing a point of reference, a detailed account of my journey for others to draw on.
Once more I found that I was repeating what I had said previously, and once more I was repeating what I had said previously from an increased level of awareness.
Most of the day I enjoyed peace and occasionally I slipped into the total peace of a master. I did encounter some crowds and I was interested to note that I continued to experience difficulty in crowds, because too many emotions crowded in on me.
As I reflected on my experience with the crowds, I realised that my empathic ability which had been present throughout my lifetime had increased. I had believed that I had learned to switch my empathic ability on and off, but I had not learned to switch my empathic ability off, I had allowed emotions from others to pass through me, wash over me, without me retaining emotions from others.
I could see that whenever emotions from others had not washed over me, I had ignored the emotions from others, which was not always easy, but I had forced myself to ignore emotions from others.
I had known that I had retained my empathic ability, and once more I had become aware of an aspect of my journey which I had pushed to one side.
Our drop of water was nearing the end of the rapids. Our drop of water was winding its way through and over the larger stones that caused the rapids to slow down and become calm. Our drop of water moved to the peace and serenity of the river beyond the rapids, before our drop of water slowly made its way to the ocean.
Shortly after I completed this brief instalment of my ongoing story of the rain drop, I understood that I would consolidate all of the stories that had been given to me during my journey into a single volume containing each complete story. Writing an additional book, which was to become Analogies Of Reality did not concern me even if it meant I would effectively be working on four books at one time, in addition to my review. The tasks which lay ahead were able to be completed whilst I completed the task for my agent. It would be far easier for me if I did not have to attend to a full time job within the business at the same time, but if I needed to attend to a full time job within the business at the same time, I would.
I continued my review. I could not help but observe that there were many times when I had seemed to be going in circles.
God said, "The nature of existence is circular."
In a twist of what I usually experienced when I could not review when I wanted to review, that night I could not stop reviewing although I wanted to stop reviewing. My review once more showed me, that I had known much more than I had been aware of.
As I continued to review and reflect, I had to admit to myself that during this period when my difficulties had remained, I had proven much to myself. It was during this period that I had been presented with opportunity after opportunity to experience that much of what God had told me about myself, and about existence, was in fact real. I could see the reality of my experiences within all aspects of my environment, and I had to grudgingly admit once more, that I could not have experienced all that I had experienced, if my environment had been other than my environment was.
Knowing that I could not have experienced all that I had experienced, if my environment had been other than my environment was, and being aware that I could not have experienced all that I had experienced, if my environment had been other than my environment was confirmed that I had known that my experiences were necessary despite not enjoying my experiences. Nevertheless, my knowledge, my experience, and my awareness did not alter the fact that I wanted my difficulties to end.
|The more that I reviewed my journey and my awareness, the more I was able to see how my insights applied to our experiences. Not only had the meaning of my insights altered with my awareness, but so too had the application of my insights.|
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